Final Fantasy VII: Bloopers
by BlueFoxofWater1569
Summary: Bloopers of FFVII, AC, and CC, here for your viewing pleasure! -COMPLETE-
1. CTASZV Watch

Final Fantasy VII: Bloopers

Sum: It's kinda hard to make bloopers with a video game or a CGI film, ya know? So, with the help of my friends, Armageddon Child and MakruTree, we have thought up bloopers for various scenes of FFVII, AC, and CC! Requests are welcome!

Intro: Oh yes, this will be sweet. I don't think anyone else has done this, so if we're the first, that's awesome.

Armageddon Child: YAY FOR BEING FIRST!!

As stated before, we take requests, for anything, for any scene (provided we know what you're talking about…), and we'll make a blooper out of it. And to make it more fun, the characters from FFVII, AC, and CC will be watching the bloopers. Everyone, collectively cheer!

BlueFox, Armageddon Child, and MakruTree: YAY!!

So, in regards to Crisis Core, we'll only be doing like…the ending scene, AKA Zack's death, because we all have seen it, and it's the only thing we know about. Oh! And we'll do bloopers for the conversation between Cloud and Zack about country boys and Zack's first meeting with Aerith. That's all we've seen. Yep. X-Play doesn't show much, and we've seen other scenes only in Japanese, so…

Without further ado, we bring you…BLOOPERS!

WARNING: EXTREME OOCNESS IN SOME CHARACTERS, AND HORRIBLE TIFA BASHING!! DON'T LIKE, DON'T READ THIS CHAPTER!!

Chapter One

Cloud, Sephiroth, Tifa, Aerith, Vincent and Zack Watch

-Cloud's Villa, Costa del Sol-

Cloud, Sephiroth, Tifa, Aerith, and Vincent were all sitting in Cloud's living room, doing nothing at all.

"I'm bored." (C)

"Me two." (S)

"Me three." (A)

"Me three. Four—whatever." (V)

"Hi bored people! My name's Tifa!"

"Shut up, victim." (S)

"Hey, Aerith's a victim, too!"

Aerith sighed and looked at Tifa. "Really? Oh gosh, I never knew that…"

"Really?" Tifa questioned, brown eyes wide in shock.

"That was sarcasm, Tifa…" Cloud said as he tried to balance a water bottle on his forehead.

Tifa shrugged and started to drink her soda again. Vincent got up and went to the kitchen for no particular reason. Sephiroth knocked over the water bottle on Cloud's forehead out of extreme boredom. Cloud didn't care and pretended he was still balancing the bottle. Aerith was reading a book called "Ending Extreme Boredom for Dummies."

"This book sucks. All it says is to do something. What a piece of shi-"

"We can't _do_ anything since there's nothing we _can _do," Vincent informed the Ancient as he came back and sat on the sofa next to Sephiroth.

DING-DONG

"Saved by the bell!" Tifa said as she ran to the door to answer it.

"I'll get it!" Cloud said as he harshly pushed Tifa to the side. He opened the door. "Oh, it's just the mailman… Wait a minute—ZACK? YOU'RE A…A MAILMAN?"

That caused everyone in the living room to laugh.

"That's right. I'm a mercenary, and I do any job, no matter how little or big, for any amount of gil. Remember?" Zack explained while ruffling Cloud's hair like he used to do in the old days.

"How much stuff do you want him to remember?" Sephiroth said as he unsuccessfully caught a piece of popcorn in his mouth from the air.

"Hey, shut u—SEPH!" Zack yelled and grinned before charging to his best friend.

Vincent sighed. "Just give us the mail…"

"Yeah, I'll read anything but this book…" Aerith said.

Zack smiled at his friends, shrugged, and pulled out a letter and handed it to Aerith.

"Hey, it's from Tetsuya!" Aerith smiled her trademark smile as everyone, including Zack and the injured Tifa, looked at the letter.

"I hope this DVD will bring you guys many laughs and many smiles. We had a great time creating this Pandora's Box of gaming and hope that this DVD will keep those memories in your hearts. Love, Tetsuya," Aerith read.

"When did _he _get so soft? Killing everyone off like that…" Zack mumbled as Sephiroth, Cloud, and Vincent shrugged.

"What's the DVD label read?" Tifa asked.

Aerith took out the covered DVD and everyone looked at the label.

"Final Fantasy Seven," read Cloud.

"Advent Children," read Sephiroth.

"Crisis Core," read Zack.

Aerith, Tifa, and Vincent together read the last part.

The forbidden word…

The eight letters that will bring chaos to Gaia…

"Bloopers," Vincent and Aerith correctly said, whereas Tifa pronounced it "Blopers".

Everyone looked at each other and said, "Oh hell no." Even Aerith!!

****

INTERMISSION

Okay, this is really quick, so before we go to the bloopers, I'm going to explain why Zack and Aerith are going to watch the bloopers, too.

I know Aerith and Zack died in the games (WAHH sob sob), but they are two of my utmost favorite characters (actually, I love Zack the most), and so I'm not leaving them out. Okay? Okay. Done.

And as for the Tifa bashing, she's not my favorite character, but she's pretty cool, especially in the movie. And Seph…he's not crazy here, but I'll totally be picking on him. But just because I'm picking on him doesn't mean I hate him!

Okay-onto bloopers!

END INTERMISSION

Everyone in the living room froze, and Aerith dropped the DVD to the floor.

Vincent shrugged. "Let's watch," he said.

Everyone shot a glare at the gunman, but then he asked, "Do you have anything else better to do?" He raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms, waiting for an answer.

Sephiroth sighed. "He's got a point. Unfortunately…"

Tifa then said, "Let's watch it! Tetsuya never said we'd get mad."

Aerith sighed. "Yet another point—"

"Too late! It's starting," Cloud said as he high-fived Zack.

"NOOOOOOOO!" the others yelled.

-BLOOPERS-

Opening Scene in Final Fantasy VII

Tetsuya: Okay, action!

Aerith blinks as the Lifestream floats upward, and stands. As she walks out, for a mere second, she forgets she is holding a flower basket, and her hands drop fully to her side. The basket falls and the flowers gently float to the ground. The wind picks up and the basket is tossed out to the street.

"Oh! Get back here!" she cries as she runs after it, tripping over her large boots in the process. Flailing her arms, poor Aerith does a face plant in the mud, getting the nasty grimy stuff all over her. As she sits up, a motorcycle goes by, splattering her with more gunk.

Aerith bursts into tears as Tetsuya says, "Cut."

-IN VILLA-

Everyone stared at Aerith as if she was the Creature from the Black Latrine. She bowed her head.

"I always wondered why you stank, even after you took a bath," Cloud remarked, only to smacked in the face with a couch cushion. "OW!"

-BLOOPERS-

Scene With Zack Breaking Out of Containers in FFVII

After knocking their food-bringer person out, Zack went to Cloud's container, which showed no sign of a person in it, and opened it. Instead of a diseased Cloud falling out, something worse came out…

Zack ran screaming bloody murder through the clinic as he ran to get away not from Hojo, but instead, he ran…

From a horribly polygonal Michael Jackson.

Take 2

Again, Zack breaks free and releases Cloud from his container. This time, our beloved Cloud fell out. But…

Zack went wide-eyed and fainted.

"What the hell happened to my uniform and boxers?!" cried Cloud.

Fangirls: O.O

Tetsuya:… CUT…

-IN VILLA-

Everyone stared at Cloud, disgusted.

"That was a pretty big-"

"Okay, Tifa!" Vincent said, covering his ears.

Cloud slowly pulled out his Ultima Weapon, but luckily Sephiroth saw it.

"HOLD HIM BACK HOLD HIM BACK!" the ex-General screamed.

Everyone was holding Cloud back from performing Omnislash on the TV.

"I'LL KILL IT! I'LL KILL IT!" he yelled.

-BLOOPERS-

Scene With Vincent Flipping Out of the Coffin in FFVII

Gracefully, Vincent made his entrance by backflipping out of the coffin and landing on the edge. However, he stepped on his cape as he landed, causing it to painfully tug on his neck and he toppled over onto his back.

"Damn cape!"

Take 2

Vincent once again backflipped out of the coffin and landed on the edge, not stepping on his cape.

But this time, the coffin sprang up and smacked him in the forehead and knocked him out.

Tetsuya: (sigh) Cut. We'll make him a bonus guy if it's this hard…

Scene With Cloud Falling After Kadaj in AC

Cloud's eyes widened and he jumped after Kadaj, who shoved Jenova's body part (or the Black Materia, or whatever the hell that stuff is) into himself. Kadaj gracefully landed and held his hands up.

There was a flash as Cloud's Buster Sword was met with another, longer one. As he looked over, his eyes widened.

"Good to see you," Sephiroth looked up, "Cloud."

"Who are you and what have you done with Kadaj?!" Cloud screamed, getting a you're-an-idiot look from Sephiroth.

Tetsuya: Damn blond! Cut! (shakes fist at Cloud)

Take 2

After Sephiroth came, the music started. Immediately, Cloud dropped to his feet in front of Sephiroth, clapping his hands over his ears as glass shattered and cracks appeared in the walls.

"Make it stop!" Cloud wailed.

A cameraman walked up to Tetsuya. "Uh, sir? You should probably say 'Cut,'."

Tetsuya: Why?

"All of our cameras are broken."

-SPECIAL BLOOPERS-

Aerith's Death Scene

Slowly, Sephiroth fell from the sky, intent on his prize. However, something that stank really bad made it's way to his nose and he woozily swayed in the air before aiming to stab…and missing entirely.

Aerith shrieked and threw herself into Cloud, who sniffed and grimaced.

Take 2

Cloud stared at Aerith lazily as she looked up. His eyes snapped to attention and he looked around. "Oh, we're here," he said.

Aerith looked confused. "Huh?"

Tetsuya begins to beckon to Sephiroth to come down, but Seph's too busy polishing his blade and getting it ready.

"This is the place where you die. Sephiroth stabs you."

Aerith's eyes widen as Tetsuya whistles at Sephiroth, who takes the hint and falls down. However, at the last moment, Aerith grabs the blade, emerald eyes flashing, as her Princess Guard came out and she began to repeatedly bash Sephiroth in the head.

"You were going to kill me?" she demanded. "I'm not going yet! There's still a lot I want to know about Cloud! You won't take me!"

Tetsuya: Aerith! I think you killed him, you can stop now!

-VILLA-

Sephiroth numbly rubbed at his head. "I got a concussion from that."

"That's what you get for trying to kill me!"

"It was in the script!"

"Break it up, break it up!" Zack yelled, but Aerith then rounded on Cloud.

"And you didn't even try to revive me!"

"I'm not made of Phoenix Downs!!"

End Chapter.

Any requests? Each time we write a series of Bloopers, we will end with a special little one. This one was Aerith's death, and who knows what it will be next time? Please R&R, and tell us what you think!

Any requests? Ideas? The next Chapter will be: "Not Paying Attention," in which the characters have one of those Brain Fart moments and end up doing something idiotic and getting it caught on tape. See ya next time, everyone!


	2. Not Paying Attention

Final Fantasy VII: Bloopers

Intro: We're back! Happy to be of service to give you your blooper needs. This one is going to be great, I promise. Okay, let's just get with the story, and thanks for the reviews everyone!

Disclaimer: The closest thing I've got to Final Fantasy VII is the game, movie, strategy guide, and special PSP coming in the mail. I don't own the storyline of the original game, because if I did, Aeris and Zack would still be alive and kicking. All I own that is mine is the idea for this story. No more, no less.

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING CHAPTER INCLUDES A CID BLOOPER!! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Chapter Two  
Not Paying Attention

-BLOOPERS-

Scene of the SOLDIER Battle in Crisis Core

Tetsuya: Action!

With a grin, Zack ran out to take the SOLDIERs head-on. The battle started out fine…but as he dodged multiple bullets from the helicopters, something unexpected happened.

The Great 1st Class SOLDIER, Zack Fair…

…_tripped._

He tripped over his own feet and did a faceplant smack into the ground, sword going wide.

Tetsuya: Oh geez…cut.

Scene With Kadaj, Loz, and Yazoo in Their First Entrance in AC

Yazoo and Loz stopped their motorcycles as Kadaj kicked the Buster Sword down. "Kadaj? Is that where Big Brother lives?" Yazoo asked.

Kadaj grinned, unaware that he was still moving. As he inched off the screen, he said his line. "Yeah."

"Do you think he'll be glad to see us?" Yazoo continued, pretending to examine his nails through his leather, a grin playing about his face.

"Not a chaaaaaaaaaaaa-!!" Kadaj's motorcycle went over the edge as Yazoo started to laugh and Loz's eyes widened.

"Oni-chan!" (Does that mean 'sister'? Because in Card Captor Sakura the manga, Sakura's always calling Toya Oni-chan, and Toya is her brother…)

"Don't cry, Loz," Yazoo reprimanded and Loz turned away with a sniff.

Tetsuya: Man… I hate my job.

Scene With Barret and Dyne

(Idea thought up by Phillip Passmore)

Dyne opens fire at Barret for the second time.

"Stop it!" Barret yells in a pleading voice. "I don't wanna fight you!"

Cloud runs up behind Barret.

Tetsuya: Cloud, NO!

He doesn't pay attention and says his line, "Barret!"

Barret turned as he was told and smacks Cloud in the face with his gun-arm. Cloud staggers back.

"Oh, hey sorry Cloud," Barret apologizes with a shrug, unaware that he shoots until he feels the force and sees Cloud's face drain of color. The blond looks down, as does everyone else.

"That was my FOOT !!" Cloud screams.

Tetsuya: (buries head in hands) …We need a new Cloud.

The Climhazzard Scene

(Also thought up by Phil)

Cloud performs his Climhazzard and skewers his enemy before jumping back… and straight off the bridge on Mt. Nibel.

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU—!!"

Tetsuya: Fell off again… Cut…

-IN VILLA-

Cloud buries his head in his hands as Zack patted him on the shoulder. "I should've known better…"

Sephiroth snorted. "Yeah," he said. "Should've used magic."

Zack rolled his eyes as another blooper came on.

-BLOOPERS-

Battle With a Hungry

Yuffie was shrunk by a Hungry. She ran up to attack it, before looking up at its yellow eyes.

"Dang, you are UGLY up close!"

The Hungry angrily swallowed Yuffie.

"Vinnie? It's dark in here…" Yuffie cried from the Hungry as Vincent shook his head and Cloud scratched his.

Tetsuya: YUFFIE!…

Take 2

This time, Cloud was shrunk. Already choosing to attack, he ran up to the Hungry, and stopped just like Yuffie did. He looked the Hungry up and down before grimacing.

"Man, ever hear of Jenny Craig?" he asked as he got swallowed this time.

"OMG! I THINK I JUST STEPPED ON SOME-"

Tetsuya: Cut.

-IN VILLA-

Cloud ran to the bathroom, and then you hear him puking.

"Poor Cloud," Aerith said.

"Well, a Hungry _is_ ugly," Sephiroth remarked, only to have Zack smack him in the face with a couch cushion. "Ow! (-.-) The truth hurts."

Cloud came back. "Look, the next one's on!"

-BLOOPER-

Scene with the First Motorcycle Fight in AC

Cloud swerved in between the large four-legged beasts, holding his Geostigma arm in his other, using his weight to maneuver the field. However, he did not notice the large spike of rock protruding from the ground until…

SMACK!

Cloud and Motorcycle went flying as Yazoo and Loz closed their eyes and Kadaj hang up on Rufus.

Take 2

This time, Cloud went around the huge spike of rock and grinned to himself as he continued going on. However, when he tried to dodge the next one, he put a little too much weight onto the motorcycle, and he and motorcycle went sliding on the ground.

"Call Aerith! I need a Great Gospel," Cloud moaned before passing out.

Tetsuya: Meh…cut. Man, if I had a dollar for everytime I say 'Cut!' I'd be rich!

WARNING!! THE FOLLOWING IS A CID BLOOPER! THERE WILL BE SWEARING, AND LOTS OF IT!! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Scene With Ultima WEAPON Attacking Mideel

The Ultima WEAPON came down upon Mideel and Cid started jumping around at it. "OMFG! WAT THE FUCK?! THAT BASTARD IS FUCKING HUGE! HIGHWIND, GET ME THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!"

Tetsuya: Calm down Cid. It's fake.

"…Fake? Oh psh I knew that… Yeah… Ha ha, it's fake…yeah…" Cid fainted.

Tetsuya: …Cut.

Take 2

Tetsuya: Action.

Cid stays in place this time as the Ultima WEAPON comes down upon Mideel. "YOU'RE MINE, BITCH!" He jumped onto the Ultima WEAPON and started smashing it with his Partisan, very hard, as the metals jaws fall apart, the wings, the head…and then the whole Ultima WEAPON machine fell, and blew up in front of Cid, causing everything in the studio to burn.

"E- (cough) EVACUATE!" Cid manages to say and starts running.

Everybody in the studio runs to the outside and watches the whole building fall apart.

Tetsuya: Why does no one pay attention to the script?

-IN VILLA-

Everyone shook their heads.

"He's lucky he was given a second chance…" mused Aerith.

"Now I remember what happened to my teddy bear…" Vincent said in a low voice.

"What was that?" Sephiroth raised a silver eyebrow.

"Uh, er-… The-The next blooper is on!" Vincent said with a fake smile.

-SPECIAL BLOOPERS-

Advent Children Opening Lines

"To those who loved this world…

"And knew friendly company therein…

"This Reunion is for you."

"My God that is cheesy!" Zack exclaims from off-screen.

Tetsuya: (grunts) Cut…

Take 2

"To those who loved this world…

"And knew friendly company therein…"

"I can't read Japanese!" Zack calls from off-screen.

"Turn on the subtitles, idiot!" Aerith answered.

Tetsuya: Zack… Now you see why you are dead. (sighs as Zack merely grins at him)

Take 3

"To those who loved this world and knew friendly company therein this Reunion is for you." The words sped by on the screen in a blur.

Tetsuya: (immediately stands up) Who hit the Fast-Forward button during recording time?

Zack fake-coughs and hides the remote control in his pocket. "Er-- I didn't do it. Why are you looking at me like that? I HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE!"

Tetsuya: Uh…I never said anything to you…

"THEY GAVE ME A QUARTER!" the SOLDIER yelled.

-IN VILLA-

Zack buries his face as Aerith tries to soothe him. Some scene, eh? "And…and the worst part is—THEY NEVER GAVE ME THE QUARTER!"

Tifa and Sephiroth smile sheepishly as Aerith glares at them.

"I couldn't give it to him," Tifa said. "It was just so… so shiny."

End Chapter.

Okay, R&R. Ideas? Requests? Got a request for Zack and Aerith, and I delivered with the Zack, but not so much the Aerith. Next chapter will be dedicated to cosplay, all just for Cloud's crossdressing! It will include more Aerith and a Special Blooper concerning Sephiroth's Masamune. Enjoy!


	3. Zack and Aerith Bloopers

Final Fantasy VII: Bloopers

Intro: Okay, ChefSelecta mentioned the Cloud crossdressing scene and making bloopers of that, and I'm sorry to say, I can't think of a thing for that. But I got a request for more Zack and Aerith bloopers, so that's what I'll do! This is all for Zack and Aerith, with some of Cloud being the dumb blonde we all know he is. The next Chapter will be weapon malfunctions, so make sure you read!

WARNING: RENO IS IN A FEW OF THESE BLOOPERS. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Chapter Three  
Zack and Aerith Bloopers…With a Little Cloud, Too

-BLOOPERS-

Scene of Aerith's Death

Aerith slumped forward, off of Sephiroth's sword. As she fell forward, Cloud went to catch her, but then stepped a little to the side, causing her to painfully smack her face on the crystal floor.

"Ow! CLOUD!!" she yelled at him as Sephiroth's hand acquainted itself with his face.

Tetsuya: Ugh. Cut…

-VILLA-

Aerith glared at Cloud while he gave her the "innocent eyes."

"Uh, it was an accident?"

Aerith raised a hand and…

-BLOOPERS-

Scene With Aerith Talking in Cloud's Phone in AC

"Do do do doo du do di diti do!" (Victory Fanfare) Aerith sung. "Do do do do di ditty di do do doo do do di do!"

Tetsuya: (humming along)

Reno: Cut!

Take 2

As the phone floated down in the water, Aerith's voice could be heard.

"Know your stars… Know your stars—I mean, I never blamed you, not once…"

Tetsuya: AHHH! Cut!

Scene With Aerith and Cloud in the Flower Place in AC

"You came," Aerith spoke, and the camera panned out to show the two back to back. "Even though you're about to break. Hm?" She placed her hand comfortingly on Cloud's covered arm. "That's a good sign." She paused. "So, why did you come?"

Tetsuya: It's going good…

"I think…I want to be forgiven. M-more than anything."

Camera shows front of Aerith…err…her chest. "By who?"

Before Cloud could turn, off-screen, Reno is heard.

"CLEAVAGE!!"

Tetsuya: Dangit! Cut!

Scene With Zack On Train in CC

Tetsuya: Action!

As Zack ran, he noticed a low hanging bridge approaching. "You sure we don't need a green screen for this?" he asked.

Tetsuya: Yes, now keep running!

Zack did as he was told, but then actually thought better of it and turned back. The Shinra grunts ready for him lowered their weapons as Tetsuya turned his face skyward. They then hear a horrible crack and a Shinra guard comes flying at them just as Zack jumps off, smug.

"Aha!" he said. "I told you so told you so told you so!"

Tetsuya: (buries his face) …Cut…

WARNING: ONE OF THE TAKES OF THE FOLLOWING BLOOPER WAS AN IDEA FROM SOUTH PARK. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Zack's Death Scene

(Take 1 was an idea from RibbonzandChainzFF7. Take 3 was an idea from MakruTree, as was 4)

Tetsuya: (with a box of tissue beside him) Action!

Cloud slowly walked up to his friend, who looked peaceful, laying in a puddle of his own blood. It got to the part where Zack is about to let go and relinquishes the Buster Sword to Cloud. But, Zack smiled one of his trademark grins and whipped the Buster Sword out at Cloud with the strength of a healthy man.

Cloud was hit on the head with the blunt side of the weapon.

"AHAHAHAHA!" Zack burst out laughing.

Tetsuya: Zack…!

"Sorry… I couldn't help it…" Zack smiled.

Take 2

Tetsuya: Let's try this again… Action!

Zack lifts the sword to give to Cloud and shoves it at him a little too hard and a little too…low.

Cloud's breath catches in his throat. "(O.O) C-Could you give me a minute…?"

Tetsuya: (sighs) Yeah sure…

Take 3

Tetsuya: Action!

Okay, things go smoothly until it comes to Cloud screaming.

His innocent eyes go wide. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" he screams continuously for the amount of time. Then, at the last second: "HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH(gag, hack, cough, choke.)" Cloud falls back, coughing hard as Zack smiles, trying to hold in his laughter.

Tetsuya: How can you screw up such a tear jerking scene so easily? Cut! Get the kid some water!

Take 4

The South Park kids were all watching Zack's Death on YouTube. One of them started to cry, knowing that the strong warrior was about to die.

"Ah, we all know that people don't die, until they crap themselves!" Cartman assured the kid.

On the set…

Just as Cloud starts screaming, everyone hears something that doesn't sound like rain, people crying, or young Cloud screaming.

Proooooooooooooooooooot!

Cloud sniffed the air, then gagged. Zack sits up, moaning. "I knew I shouldn't've eaten that bean burrito for lunch," he whispers.

"OPEN THE WINDOWS! Get some air in here!" Tseng screams as Cloud passes out.

Tetsuya: We'll try again tomorrow.

-VILLA-

Cloud was rolling on the floor laughing, Sephiroth was doubled over, Aerith was giggling, Vincent was choking on the popcorn he had made, and Tifa was trying to perform the Heimlich Maneuver on the gunman, but her laughter causes her to have no progress.

Zack glared at them all.

"Oh, c'mon! Oh-oh crap… I'm feelin' it… Oh man—" Zack closed his eyes as he…

-BLOOPERS-

Scene With Zack and Aerith's First Meeting

"Ugh… Heaven?" Zack asks as he looks up at Aerith.

"No, close. Church in the slums," she says.

"Angel?" he asks.

"No. I'm Aeris."

"Goddess of Discord?"

"What? NO!"

Take 2

"Ugh… Heaven?"

"No, close. Church in the slums."

"Angeal? I-I mean Angel?"

Take 3

"Ugh… Heaven?"

"No, close. Church in the slums."

"Angel?"

"No. I'm Aerith."

"…Do you have a lisp?"

Tetsuya: (sniff, sniff) Cut.

-SPECIAL BLOOPERS-

Kingdom Hearts Bloopers

(Well, it includes some FF characters, and I have to do a blooper for Squall, you know?)

WARNING: SOME OF THESE BLOOPERS WERE TAKEN FROM KH CHRONICLES! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!

Scene With Aerith Meeting Donald and Goofy

"Excuse me," a feminine voice asks, causing Donald to shriek and jump onto Goofy as they both turn. "Did the King send you?" The camera shows Aerith in her pink dress, smiling.

Suddenly, a random Aerith fanboy runs on screen glomping Aerith to the ground.

"YOU'RE ALIVE!!"

Tetsuya: Here, too? God!! Cut!

Scene With Cloud and Leon in Hollow Bastion, Ravine Trail

"Cloud… Could you stop touching me?" Leon asks, looking back at Cloud.

Cloud is confused. "I'm not touching you, Leon. You're touching me."

"No I'm not. Wait, if it's not you touching me, and it's not me touching you it must be a…a…a…a…"

Together, they scream, "SPIDER!!" and launch away from each other, killing Heartless in search of the probing monstrosity.

Tetsuya: Dangit! Cut! Cut, cut cut cut!!

Scene With Sora and Sephiroth

Sephiroth is staring down at Hollow Bastion's castle place. "What is Cloud doing?"

Sora, having already read ahead in the script, summons his Keyblade. "Beats me."

"Hm. By the way, you three…" He unsheathes Masamune and spins, but Sora deflects it and shoves him off the cliff.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH-!"

-VILLA-

Tifa pouted at Sephiroth. "Why'd you skip it?" she asks.

"Gee, I wonder why?" he asks back sarcastically.

-BLOOPERS-

Scene With Leon and Sora in KH1

Leon walks up to Sora from behind. "Hey, is that a Keyblade?" he asks.

Sora cocks his head, then nods.

"Can I…touch it?" Leon asks.

"No."

"Can I…smell it?"

"No, you crazy psycho!"

"Very well then, I shall take it by force!"

During the battle, Sora drops to his knees and begins to color his HP bar back in. He then gets set aflame.

"OhmigodImonfire!" Sora shrieks. "I mean…something…not…stolen…"

Tetsuya: You're as bad as Cloud…

Scene With Cloud and Sephiroth Battle in KH2

"Sorry to keep you…Sephiroth!"

"Cloud… You'll never let go of the darkness."

"Shut up." Cloud gets into his battle pose. Sephiroth notices bloodstains on the bandages, then points his sword at Cloud, pouting.

"You killed my pet spider," he says, sounding like he's about to cry.

Tetsuya: God almighty! Cut!

Sephiroth vs. Sora in KH2

As Sephiroth launched himself into the air, the air got hot…very hot. Meteors began to fall from the sky and the Keyblade clanged to the ground as Sora attempted to protect his head and flee at the same time.

"OH MY GOD!" he screams, trying to run. "ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME!"

"Sora! SORA!" Sephiroth yells, trying to reason with the spikey haired protagonist. "SORA! Calm down! It's fake!"

The Keyblade Wielder stopped against the barricade and said, "Psh, I knew that! I mean, who can't know it's fake!" He immediately runs to the cameraman and says, "Edit out the 'Screaming for my life' part, okay?"

Tetsuya: Meh, cut…

End Chapter.

Okay, I said I'd do "Weapon Malfunctions" next time, but then someone requested more Yuffie, so that's what the next one will be...an episode dedicated only to Yuffie! Sweetness!


	4. Yuffie Bloopers 'Nuff Said

Final Fantasy VII: Bloopers

Intro: Today, we bring you…Yuffie Bloopers! (applause) Goodness, this one made me put my thinking cap on and go play FFVII for longer than my two hour limit (Check my profile to see what I mean) to see what I could do with Yuffie. I then played Kingdom Hearts 1 and 2 for some more details. Sadly, I can't do any Crisis Core or Dirge of Cerberus bloopers for her.

I'm upgrading the format of these bloopers a little bit. For singular character bloopers, like this one, I'm just going to do like a top ten countdown. I admit, this was really hard to do, because Yuffie isn't that big of a character. OH! And if the character is in Kingdom Hearts, I will do KH bloopers of the scenes they're in, plus, it gives me an excuse to bash on Aerith, too! As much as I would love to do FF8 Bloopers, I haven't played the game yet…so I can't. I may do some for FFX, but FF7 is SO much fun to bash on!

Anything else… Oh yes. My goal for this story is 20-25 chapters at most, because I'm sure I'll run out of ideas by then. And as for montages… Those'll be songfics, with 1-3 line bloopers, in which I'll keep the scene secret, and whoever can guess them will get…whatever they want! Yeah!

On a final note, I would appreciate it if you guys read my author's notes. Some people don't, and they end up thinking it's a oneshot, when it's not, and…yeah. Enough with my ranting. On with the Yuffie bloopers chapter!

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING CHAPTER HAS CID WITHIN IT, SO THAT MEANS SWEARING! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

Chapter Four  
Yuffie Bloopers, 'Nuff Said

-VILLA-

Click.

The TV suddenly went black. "What the-?" Tifa began, looking for the remote, before seeing it in Sephiroth's hand. "Why'd you turn it off?"

Sephiroth meaningfully pointed to the clock. "It's 3:27am," he told her. "I think we should save these bloopers for another day."

"Like tomorrow?" Zack sounded hopeful.

"Today is tomorrow."

"I'm confused."

"Of course you are."

Aerith stood up with a jaw popping yawn. "Well, yeah, we should save more of these for another day. Good night, everyone." She headed down the hall to her bedroom, everyone soon following.

--

"Spike."

Cloud mumbled something incoherent and rolled over.

"Spike, wake up."

"Wassamatter?" Cloud asked groggily, opening his azure eyes to look at the digital clock beside him. He had been sleeping soundly for about an hour. He groaned and flipped over, to find a grinning Zack holding a portable DVD player.

"C'mon, I wanna see the end of the first disc of bloopers!" Zack lightly slapped Cloud's cheek to get him to come around.

"Yadonhavtahitme." Cloud sat up, rubbing his eyes with his fists. (Fangirls go: Awwwwww!)

"Scooch over!" Zack shoved Cloud none too gently to the side of the bed and almost halfway off. In fact, the half of Cloud hanging off the bed was his head, and the blood rush managed to wake him up.

"Zack!" he yell-whispered. "What are you doing in my room! In my BED?!"

Zack threw him an incredulous look before pointing at the screen as the menu popped up. "Bloopers."

"Oh."

They were shoulder to shoulder as the bloopers began.

-TOP 10 YUFFIE BLOOPERS-

10. The Da-Chao Mountains Scene

Corneo presses the button and the girls are flipped upside down.

"Makes me so MAD…!" Yuffie cried. "AUGH!"

After struggling a bit, Yuffie's leg restraints somehow broke, and now she's hanging upside down in the "table" position.

"Hohihohihohihohi!" The Don's eyes got huge as he stared at Yuffie's position.

Elena shuddered. "I feel violated…"

9. The Kingdom Hearts 1 Yuffie Entrance Scene

"I think you might've over done it…" She smiled. "Leon," she said smartly.

"That's Squall… Wait…" Squall/Leon said.

Tetsuya: Yuffie!

8. Sora Talking to Yuffie Sometime in Kingdom Hearts 2

Yuffie was boasting about this awesome mega attack, so Sora grinned. "I dare you to use it."

Yuffie's eyes flared. "Aha! Prepare for your mind to be blown!"

Aerith looked and saw Yuffie's Conformer out and her emerald eyes widened. "Yuffie, don't!"

"ALL CREATION!"

Over in the Marketplace, where Leon and Cloud were, they heard an explosion and saw smoke raise in the sky. Leon stared with (gasp) wide eyes as Cloud sighed.

"GODDAMNED GIRL! WHEN I GET MY FUCKING HANDS AROUND YOUR NECK, I'M GOING TO THROTTLE YOU! YUFFIE!!" Cid's voice carried to the two leather clad men.

"What did she do this time?"

Cloud sighed. "I'm guessing an All Creation."

Tetsuya: God I need some Tranquilizers.

7. Other KH1 Scene With Yuffie

"Heartless!"

"Yuffie, get your ass outta here and take Aerith with you!" Leon ordered. "Sora, let's go!" Just as they were about to jump out the window like all good heroes do, Yuffie yawned.

"Ah don't worry, it's just some midgets in tights."

There's a small "Hey!" in the background.

Tetsuya: Cut. Leon, this is a kid's game. Yuffie, don't insult the actors…

6. Yuffie's Entrance in AC

Barret grinned up at his savior as her weapon returned to her. Tifa and Denzel looked up as the Wutai Princess secured her landing and the parachute fell around her.

They waited…and waited…and waited some more, but Yuffie couldn't seem to find the way out.

"ONOZ!" she was screaming. "I can't get out! Help!"

Tetsuya: Cut. That's good for today. (stands up and walks out)

5. Yuffie in Shera Ship Part 1

Yuffie ran forward, her arms FULL of materia. "Cloud!" she called in that high voice of hers. "I brought you materia!" The Shera ship jerked a little, and Yuffie stumbled, dropping a materia onto the ground.

"Hey, watch it!"

As she bent to pick it up, the other materias tumbled from her arms, spreading all through the ship. All around, people were unceremoniously slipping, sliding, falling, and the ship veered straight for Kadaj and Cloud.

The two fighters looked…

…and screamed for their lives.

Tetsuya: O.O God…

4. Yuffie in Shera Ship Part 2

"Oh yeah! We rock!" she cried, jumping up and down, doing her victory dance…with materia in her arms. One of them flew out and whacked Tifa in the head.

"Oww…"

Another went flying and slammed into the window, cracking it.

"NO! Not my Shera! Yuffie, Imma fucking kill you!"

Another smacked Cait Sith in the tummy, causing him to short circuit, zapping Red XIII in the process, who howled in protest.

And finally, one of them activated and a barrage of Comets came flying into the airship.

"ZOMG!" (Tifa)

"ONOZ!" (Barret)

"OMFG!" (Cid)

"…" (Vincent)

"BBQ!" (Yuffie)

"…" (Red)

Everyone was scattering around the airship as more and more materia activated. Meanwhile, down below, Cloud stared up at the airship with wide-eyes.

"WTF is going on up there?"

3. Yuffie on Expresso Chain Effects…

Tetsuya: New set! Finally…

Yuffie skipped over to Vincent, who pushed her away with a groan, causing her to step on Red's tail, which tripped Barret who was walking behind her and making Red fall, only to bite on Sephiroth's hair, causing him to yell causing a Mini-sized Cloud to leap on his face, slashing his flawless skin and clawing his eyes out, too.

Yuffie stood up, unfazed and started bouncing on the walls as Aerith and Zack walked in, then did a double take. Yuffie bounced up to them, and proceeded to bounce up and down, slightly red in the cheeks as she greeted them.

"HIZACKYHIAERIHOWYA'DOIN'WEREN'TYOUGUYSDEADDIDN'TSEPHKILL YOUAERIHUHHUHDIDN'THE!"

"You guys gave her Expresso, didn't you?"

"She stole it!" Cloud squeaked. (AN: That is weird…) "Lookit what she did to me!" Aerith and Zack looked back at the REALLY REALLY overly hyper ninja.

And then, right then, Cid came in with an ice cream cone.

"ICE CREAM!" Yuffie shrieked, barreling Cid down for the ice cream. "YUM…..HYPERHYPERHYPERHYPER!"

Cloud regained normal size as everyone stood and Sephiroth healed himself with a Cure3. "How long will this last?" he asked.

"Seven hours," Vincent stated calmly.

"I wonder…" Cloud looked at the Buster Sword.

"Do it," Sephiroth ordered. "I dare you."

Just as Cloud was about to advance on Yuffie, however, Kadaj popped on, like people always do in anime stuff like this. He was greeted much the same as Aerith and Zack had been.

"HYPERHIKADDYHOWYABEENHUHHUHHUHHUHHUH."

She then noticed that Cloud was raising the Buster to her head, and she screeched, dazing Cloud into lowering the Buster. She then charged at Vincent.

"VINNIE!" her voice rang out.

Vincent, through his silent, raging anger, turned with fearful eyes to look at Yuffie who was rushing towards him. "Oh shit…"

"WILL YOU KISS ME?" Yuffie asked, but Vincent had run away. "NO! COME BACK VINNIE!"

"NO! Yuffie! COME BACK!" Kadaj yelled, running after Yuffie, who was running after Vincent, who was running after a police officer, who was running after a teenager, who was running after a five-year-old, who was running after his dog, who was running after her cat, who was running after the mouse, who was running after a string of cheese and running after his cousin, who was running after a grasshopper, who was running after a baby ant.

Okay, this is a long blooper.

Just as Yuffie came toward Cloud, he raised the Buster and brought it's flat end down on her head, hearing a resounding _TWANG! _ring out throughout the building. She then dropped dead out.

Tetsuya: Good God.

2. Another Chain Effect…AC Version

Grinning, Yuffie ran up the side of the construction place, speeding up it, missing all the holes, until…

Her foot got stuck. She fell onto her back, accidentally letting her shuriken loose as it whacked Vincent in the head, which caused him to shoot at Barret, who swore loudly, his own bullets going haywire, hitting Cait Sith who short circuited and zapped Red, who summoned an Ultima on Cid, causing his spear to go wide and get lodged in Bahamut SIN's ass, who gave a shriek and hit Tifa into Yuffie, who twisted her ankle getting yanked out of the building, slamming into the sign above Rude and falling with Reno on top of him as Cloud once again wasn't hurt.

"Damn man!" Barret yelled, staring at the innocent Cloud, who was trying to not laugh, as it was OOC for him. "Your luck is just fucked up!" Cloud gave one of Zack's trademark shrugs, and then Zack himself walked on screen and smacked him upside the head, knocking him out, (of course).

Tetsuya: Why does this always happen?

Number 1 Blooper: Bahamut SIN Getting Ready to Blast Yuffie to Smithereens in AC

As Bahamut spun to blast at Yuffie, she took a few steps backward, unaware of the small ledge she was on.

Tetsuya: Uh, Yuffie… You might wanna-

Yuffie takes another step backwards and starts falling. "AHHHHHHHHH-"

-CLOUD'S ROOM-

The door burst open to reveal the two sniggering boys. They quickly glanced at the clock, then at the DVD player, at each other, then at Sephiroth, whose acute hearing caused him to know that they were up.

Cloud's eyes widened at the death glare he was being sent, but Zack looked down at the screen and began to laugh out loud, and I mean LOUD. You might hear it all the way in your own house.

Sephiroth stomped over and wrenched the DVD player from the blond's hand. "Would you two please get some SLEEP? God, you are imbeciles."

Sephiroth stomped out of the room and into his, holding the paused DVD player in his hand. As he settled down, he decided to see what had made Zack laugh so hard.

-SPECIAL BLOOPERS-

Scene at the Chocobo Farm

Special Guests: Zell Dincht and Seifer Almasy of FF8!!

"WHY ARE THERE GODDAMNED CHOCOBOS HERE! WHY!" Zell screamed.

"Because the chocobo is what inspired Cloud's hair, duh," Yuffie informed him matter-of-factly.

"You're just prejudiced against chocobos," Tifa sniffed, stalking over to the fence. Everyone else followed her.

"Come on, man, they aren't that bad," Cloud said, shaking his head.

"Wanna bet?" Zell snarled.

"What kind of bet?" Cloud started smirking. Zell smirked, too.

"How about this: You climb inside the fence, walk up to a chocobo, and pat its head. If you come back with all your hair, I'll give you 2000 gil." Zell felt pretty smug. There was no way that Cloud would come back unscathed. They both had chocobo hair.

"You got a bet!" Cloud agreed. _This is such easy money_. He ran past the others and vaulted the fence into the chocobo enclosure.

"CLOUD! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!" Barret yelled.

"WINNING 2000 GIL!" he yelled back. Cloud walked over to one of the giant chocobos. This particular one was big even for a chocobo and had an evil sort of glint in his eye. If Cloud had really been paying attention, he definitely wouldn't have picked that particular chocobo, but he wasn't, so on with the blooper.

Well, Cloud approached the chocobo, his arm extended. "Nice birdie, nice birdie. Please don't eat my hair, or I'll lose 2000 gil." The evil glint grew. Then, quite suddenly, the bird made his move.

"EEEEEKKKKKK! LEAVE ME ALONE YOU STUPID HORSE!" Cloud ran screaming around the corral. The chocobo was right at his heels. Zell was dying of laughter.

"Well, I guess we need to save him, don't we?" Tifa sighed.

"No way!" Zell chuckled. "This is hilarious!"

"I, for once, have to agree the chicken wuss," Seifer said. The others gaped at him.

"You're AGREEING with ZELL!"

"IT'S THE APOCALYPSE!"

"EVERYONE TO THE BUNKER!"

"HHHHHHEEEEEELLLLLPPPPP!" Cloud screamed.

"YOU PEOPLE ARE SO HEARTLESS! GO GET HIM NOW!" All cowered in the face of Aerith's wrath.

"Yes ma'am!" they all said. So when Cloud made his tenth circuit of the corral, Barret and Cid grabbed from right beneath the demon chocobo's grasping beak. Poor Cloud was trembling.

"Evil…birdie…" he stammered, slightly swirly-eyed.

"HAH! I told you chocobos were evil!" Zell said triumphantly.

"Ahhh, poor Cloud…" Yuffie said sympathetically. Then she started giggling. This escalated into full-scale laughter as the victim of the chocobo's initial attack became evident.

"Hey, what's so funny!" Then he turned around to look at his backside. There, where a large piece of pant fabric had been torn by unforgiving equine teeth, were his clearly visible boxers. They were pink with little words on them.

"Hey, what do they say?" Vincent asked.

"Excuse me! It's rude to try to read people's boxers!" Zack yelled desperately. Tifa leaned slightly closer, then sweat-dropped.

"They say 'Super Mario Bros. And they have those mushroom things on them."

"Ew." Zell made a face.

"Maybe it is the apocalypse. I'm agreeing with you twice in a day." They all stared at him.

"Well, I don't blame her for agreeing with that one."

"But you still owe me twenty 2000 gil." Cloud grinned. Just then a chocobo walked up and took a bite out of his hair (Of course).

"HA! Now YOU owe ME 2000 gil," Zell said triumphantly holding out his hand. Reluctantly Cloud put the coins in his hand.

"Come on guys. Let's get past the swamp before this chapter ends." Tifa said. The other seemed confused.

"Chapter? What chapter?" Yuffie asked. Tifa sweat-dropped.

"Uh…Never mind. Let's just go."

-SEPH'S ROOM-

Camera shows his door from the outside.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"

End Chapter.

There's the end of Disc 1. Oh, don't you worry, there's a lot more bloopers on the way. The next one is: Weapon, Materia, and Outfit Malfunctions, with a montage of scenes at the end. I've decided that the song that the montage will be set to Sanctuary Kingdom Hearts 2. Why? Because it's fun to screw songs like that up.

Oh, and idea for the people screaming around with "ZOMG" and "ONOZ" was from an avatar I saw on glitter-graphics somewhere. It's hilarious!

Tune in soon for the next Disc of bloopers! Send in your requests and ideas and I'll do my best!


	5. Weapon and Materia Malfunctions

Final Fantasy VII: Bloopers

Intro: Today, we come to the first montage of this little story. And for all you Clack worshippers out there (that includes me) I believe I am doing my part in this chapter. Anyway, I give you the next chapter! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

And on another note, new disc means new characters watching! This time, it's: still Cloud, Zack, Sephiroth, and Aerith, but with Seifer, Squall, Leon (yes, BOTH of them), Yuffie, and Zell. Yay!

Disclaimer: All I own is the ideas for these bloopers. And even some of those I DON'T own… I'm gonna go sulk now…

WARNING: EXTREME OOCNESS AHEAD, PLUS CID BLOOPERS, SO YOU KNOW THERE'S GONNA BE SWEARING!

Chapter Five

Weapon and Materia Malfunctions Plus Freudian Slips

-VILLA-

Leon sat up in bed on a warm spring morning, banging his head on the bunk above him in the process, having been woken by a loud explosion from the upper floor. Not that that was an uncommon thing when you lived in a giant villa with two all-the-time crazy people and seven other part time crazies, and him of course. Cid and Zell seemed to be working overtime, as the first explosion was quickly followed by another. Then came another quite different sound.

"YOU IDIOTS! HOW COULD YOU DO SUCH A THING! NOW THERE'S CEREAL ALL OVER THE PLACE. YOU'RE CLEANING IT UP THIS TIME!" Aerith's voice filtered through the door. Yep, Cloud buying a big place and inviting everyone to stay here had been a great idea.

"They're awfully early to have blown up something." Squall, in the top bunk, said with a sigh. Apparently, when Aerith had started yelling he had sat up so fast that he had banged his head on the ceiling.

"Yeah, but we're going to watch bloopers today. They must just be excited," Leon replied.

"Well, just as long as Cid doesn't find the sugar we'll be fine."

Leon shuddered. "We'd better get down there, or Aerith'll kill 'em."

Within five minutes they were both identically and heading downstairs. On the stairs they ran into another man with a scar like Squall and Leon, AKA Seifer.

"I wouldn't go down there if I were you." Seifer said. "Zell got into Cid's Lucky Charms, and put them into the stupid microwave. And guess what…Lucky Charms can explode."

"So Aerith's in a bad mood." Leon finished.

"And he's making the chicken wusses scrape up all of it." Seifer concluded all the while glaring at Squall, who was glaring back. Needless to say, they didn't like each other much.

"Well, we've got to, remember, we're going to go to watch those bloopers today." Squall said with another glare.

"I know, I'm going to wake up Cloud and Zack."

With that, Seifer finished climbing the stairs, and Leon and Squall entered the kitchen. They immediately wished they hadn't. Aerith stood in the middle of the small, tiled room, supervising two men, who were scrubbing the floor.

"This doesn't look like a simple microwave explosion." Squall observed.

"Of course it isn't just a microwave explosion." Aerith said scornfully. "Cid over there threw a stupid tantrum because Mr. Tifa-moocher over there blew up his cereal. So he went and set every bit of food in the house on fire using Flare."

"Every bit?" Leon asked sadly.

"Every bit."

"If I can't have my Lucky Charms, no one can have their breakfast." Cid laughed happily.

"Shut up, and keep scrubbing." Aerith said, hitting him hard with Princess Guard.

"Hurry up and finish scrubbing, we're going to watch those bloopers today and we still have to eat before we see you guys make idiots of yourselves."

"Well whose up for Chick-Fil-A chicken biscuits." Leon said.

"I want my Lucky Charms," said Cid gloomily.

"Well if you finish we might get you some more stupid Lucky Charms if Zell doesn't blow them up again." Aerith said glaring at Zell.

"I wouldn't have done it if he hadn't frozen my best GF yesterday." Zell stated in his defense.

"Carbuncle wouldn't stop running around." Cid said innocently.

"We'll get you a new Carbuncle GF so just finish." Aerith sighed.

"Well we've got a bigger problem," said Seifer coming into the kitchen.

"Worse than this?" Aerith said gesturing to the sticky cereal covered kitchen.

"Yeah Cloud and Zack…" Yuffie began to giggle hysterically. "They won't get up."

"Let them sleep," Sephiroth said, yawning as he entered. "After all that noise they made last night…"

"Yeah it's their problem if they miss the bloopers!" Yuffie grinned widely.

"We'll wake them after these two finish," said Aerith. "In the meantime you two get dressed and Sephiroth get rid of those ridiculous pajamas."

"No! These pink bunny pajamas were all the rage last year!" Sephiroth said indignantly

"FOR THE LOVE OF THE PROMISED LAND, SEPH, TAKE THOSE PJS OFF!" shouted Aerith.

"Fine but I keep the underwear," Seph muttered.

"Finished," said Cid throwing the rag she was using in the clothesbasket followed by Zell.

"Well, we'll go wake Cloud and Zack up, then we can go get those biscuits," Leon said happily. So they climbed the stairs together to wake the ex-SOLDIERs up. Upon seeing their position, Zack holding Cloud protectively, both smiling, both shirtless, her left eye began to twitch spasmodically as Yuffie began to giggle behind her hands.

"Cloud, Cloud, CLOUD STRIFE!" Aerith shouted but Cloud wouldn't budge. In fact, all he did was moan and Zack's grip tightened on the blond.

"Let me try." Seph said coming up with a six gallon bucket filled to the brim with water quietly he climbed the ladder, bucket in hand and dumped it all on the two men's faces. It was amazing that every curse word known to man was said by Cloud.

"YOU DAMN MOTHER BEEP! BASTARD! WHERE IS MY BEEP SWORD! HERE IT IS! WHO DID IT! SEPHIROTH YOU'RE IN TROUBLE, YOU BEEP PIECE OF SHIT!" Cloud yelled, chasing Seph around the room sword in hand, swinging it violently around and still cursing as Zack blearily rubbed his eyes.

"Cloud calm down! Calm down or we can't watch the bloopers or get biscuits!" Leon shouted over Cloud's cursing. Cloud stopped, panting slightly, still glaring at Sephiroth.

"We're getting biscuits? Why?" he asked.

"Well after Zell destroyed the microwave, and Cid's Lucky Charms, Cid made a fire and used all the rest of the food as wood." Squall said sadly.

"All of it?" Cloud said in disbelief.

"All of it." Leon sighed. "So we're going to get biscuits from Chick-Fil-A."

"Okay, let's go," Cloud said grinning. So they went across the street to Chick-Fil-A where they ordered a dozen chicken biscuits(even though Cid wanted more).

"Well, everyone happy?" Leon asked.

"Yeah, but you're paying the bill," said Yuffie.

"Why?"

"'Cause it was your idea."

"Fine," Leon grumbled, placing a twenty dollar bill on the counter.

Breakfast passed without any excitement (except for Zack throwing his coffee dipped biscuit at Seph saying it was for the water he had dumped on his and Cloud's heads this morning, and interrupting them in the middle of the night).

Then they returned home and began to watch the bloopers.

"Are you guys ready to see yourselves get humiliated?" Squall asked, leaning against the armrest of the couch.

"Tch," Yuffie scoffed. "You wish."

-BLOOPERS-

Number 1 Blooper: Bahamut SIN Getting Ready to Blast Yuffie to Smithereens in AC

As Bahamut spun to blast at Yuffie, she took a few steps backward, unaware of the small ledge she was on.

Tetsuya: Uh, Yuffie… You might wanna-

Yuffie takes another step backwards and starts falling. "AHHHHHHHHH-"

-VILLA-

"Uh, opps," Sephiroth nervously (gaspeth) said as Yuffie snarled at him. He quickly switched the discs and they were met with a prettyful scene in FF7 with Aerith standing in front of the Highwind, like in her picture in the case.

Sephiroth hit "Play All" and the bloopers began.

-BLOOPERS-

Aerith Casting Cure2 on the Entire Party

Aerith did her normal magic casting thing and something enshrouded her. She and her teammates looked around, too, but they couldn't see anything.

"I think I cast 'Blind,'" the flower girl said sheepishly.

"No duh, ya jac-" Cid was abruptly cut off by the grim reaper dude coming out of virtually Bumhell Nowhere and ripped out their souls. Well, actually… Cloud ran away from him, screaming like a baby.

"AHHH! NO! I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE STILL! STAY AWAY FROM ME YOU STUPID GRIM REAPER!!"

Tetsuya: Note to self: Never connect Restore and Destruct materia in Aerith's staffs…

WARNING: I WOULDN'T EXACTLY SAY THIS IS A MALFUNCTION OF ANYTHING, BUT PLEASE SKIP THIS BLOOPER IF YOU DO NOT LIKE CLACK! (CLOUDxZACK)

Gold Saucer Date Thing Yeah…  
(Idea was from a movie on YouTube)

Cloud watched the pouring rain outside of his room in the Ghost Hotel (or whatever the hell the place was called) when there was a knock on the door and in walked Zack.

"Hey, buddy, you feeling better?" Zack asked.

Cloud turned to his black haired friend. "Yeah, but Zack… I don't see how this is going to help us stay away from Hojo… Why the Gold Saucer anyway?"

"Uh… Cause my sword said so, that's why!" Zack declared. Cloud shot him an incredulous look. "Now come on! You need fresh air, and nothing's fresher than the air outside." He began to push Cloud outside of his room.

Panicking from the human contact, Cloud began to struggle in his friend's grip. ""C-Can't we ask your sword for a second opinion?"

On the Gondola…

Zack turned his violet eyes toward Cloud, who had his arms crossed and a cute pout on his face for being dragged along on this ride, of all things. Zack hesitated for a second, before speaking to Cloud.

"Hey, Cloud, we're friends, right?"

Cloud looked at him, shocked a moment. "Uh…yeah, I guess."

"So, we can share anything, right?"

The way Zack was staring at him was making Cloud blush. He averted his gaze and nodded.

"Okay, then look at me." Cloud did, albeit hesitantly. "I am being absolutely serious when I say this, Cloud…" Zack took a deep breath. "Cloud… Your hair gives me an erection every eleven seconds."

Silence. Camera switches to outside of the Gondola.

"R-really?" Cloud stammers, unable to process this information correctly.

"I'm serious. Haven't you ever noticed?"

There was more silence, before Cloud spoke again.

"C-Can I see?" There was some slight shifting, before Cloud let out a shriek. "NO FAIR!! HOW COME HOJO GAVE YOU BIGGER TESTICLES?!"

-VILLA-

Cloud and Zack hesitantly laughed/coughed as they both tried to hide their embarrassment and smile at each other the same time.

"Hey, Cloud," Aerith leans forward slyly. "Zack, or Leon?"

Cloud: O.O

"Uhm! H-Hey, the next blooper's on!"

Both Leon and Zack felt a little hurt by Cloud's comment, but continued watching, nonetheless.

-BLOOPERS-

Scene With Final Battle

Cloud unsheathed the Ultima Weapon. "Are you prepared to die, Sephiroth?"

Sephiroth smirked. "You wish," he said, putting his hand on Masamune. He pulled, but only got a jerking motion. Cloud raised an eyebrow.

"What the-?"

"It's not coming out." Sephiroth yanked and yanked and yanked, but he only managed to dislocate his shoulder. "AUGH!"

Cloud scratched his head as Sephiroth popped his shoulder back into place before proceeding to rip the sword off his hip. Cloud grabbed one end of the scabbard and pulled as Sephiroth did. Sephiroth stepped on the scabbard and yanked.

Nothing.

After a few loops of "Those Chosen By the Planet," there was a crack, and then a _shing_ as Masamune finally decided to come out. Sephiroth got into position.

"Okay. Are you prepared, Cloud?"

"Dude, you just KILLED that scene."

Random Scene of Cloud Summoning

After the summoning ended, Cloud reached back to pull out his sword, only to instead pull out…

…a banana?

Everyone stared at the thing, before Cloud shrugged and stuffed it into his mouth.

Yuffie Summons Odin

"Steel Bladed Sword!" she cried. The scene began, and as Cloud and Vincent looked up, their eyes widened.

"Uh…Yuffie?" Cloud begins.

"Wha?"

Odin came charging after them as Cloud ran screaming bloody murder again.

"You just killed us," said Vincent as both halves of his body became acquainted with the ground, Yuffie's following suit, and Cloud still running around, crying like a baby.

"I DON'T WANNA DIE!!"

Freudian Slip  
(Idea from a oneshot like this)

"Ow! Damn, man!" Barret yelled, standing up.

"Everyone's here?" questioned Cloud as everyone managed to stand. And then, there was a flash, and the One-Winged Angel opposed them. Cloud knew it wasn't the time to say it, but as Sephiroth relentlessly pounded away at them, reopening their wounds again and again, he screamed, "SEPHIROTH!"

There was an awkward, and VERY pregnant pause.

Then, Yuffie started to laugh, doubled over.

"SEXIROTH?" she cried at the same time Sephiroth screamed the same name, only his was in shock.

"Oh sweet Jesus!" Cid bellowed, laughing. "I can't believe it! Cloud's gay!"

"What a fine time to lay this one on us, Cloud," added Red.

"Cloud, tell me this isn't true!" Tifa begged, but Cloud didn't open his mouth, lest he say something ELSE wrong.

Vincent's Gun

Vincent reached into his holster to pull out his Death Penalty. Except, what he encountered was something squishy and smelled horrible. Tifa and Cloud looked at him as he pulled out his gloved hand and stared at it.

"I HATE BANANAS!" he roared, before spontaneously turning into Hellmasker. Unable to control himself, he locked onto the next yellow thing he saw: Cloud's hair.

"PERISH!" He started up the chainsaw and chased after Cloud.

"MOMMY!!"

Cloud Summons KOTR

Cloud took a step forward. And then, spontaneously, he yelled, "I SUMMON KNIGHTS OF THE ROUND!! FEAR THE TWENTY-MINUTE CINEMA!! MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"

Everyone stared, including Arthur and his Knights.

Cloud scratched his head. "Opps… Got caught in a crazy moment…"

-VILLA-

Seifer and Sephiroth stared at Cloud, who just turned a deep crimson and hid his face in his hands.

"And I thought Sephiroth had problems…"

-BLOOPERS-

Aerith's Legendary Weapon?

Cloud ran down the long hallway of room number IIII, where Aerith's Legendary Weapon would be. He opened the treasure box, reached in…

…and pulled out a grape flavored Pixi Stick.

"What the hell?"

Scene With Cloud and Aerith in the White Flower Place in AC

Cloud looked up, and his pupils began to rapidly shrink and grow.

"Augh! Oh my God! I'm blind! It's too bright!"

Tetsuya: (wearing sunglasses) I don't know what you're talking about.

-SPECIAL BLOOPERS-

FFVII Blooper Montage 1

(There's been a change of plans. Instead of using Sanctuary, we're gonna use Simple and Clean. Enjoy! Remember, if you can guess a few of the scenes right, I'll give you something special!!)

__

Simple and Clean  
PlanitB Remix  
By Utada Hikaru

"I'm not made of Phoenix Downs!" In the background, a certain silver haired General ran off, grinning at his sword covered in blood.

__

You're giving me too many things  
Lately you're all I need  
You smiled at me and said,

"…Sephiroth said to me…………head past the OH! WHO WANTS A BANANA!"__

Don't get me wrong I love you  
But does that mean I have to meet your father?  
When we are older you'll understand  
What I meant when I said "No,  
I don't think life is quite that simple"

The enemy exploded and he was thrown into the air. Next thing he knew, he hit the floor head first before falling down to the Slums below.

__

When you walk away  
You don't hear me say please  
Oh baby, don't go  
Simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight  
It's hard to let it go

"Augh!" Reno screamed. "It's Sephiroth! Rufus! Skip this part!"

"Can't skip…can…only…cringe at…corny…dialogue…"

__

The daily things that keep us all busy  
Are confusing me  
That's when you came to me and said,

"Ether, NOW!"

"I'm not made of Ethers! … Well, then again, I am, cause of the Lifestream and all… hey, Vincent! Guess what? I AM made out of Ethers!! … Vincent?" Vincent's claw was all you could see out of the huge snake's jaws. "Oh…"

__

Wish I could prove I love you  
But does that mean I have to walk on water?  
When we are older you'll understand  
It's enough when I say so  
And maybe some things are that simple

Bubbles floated up from the serene water outside the city. The party turned, looked, smelled, and splashed into the waters, out dead cold.

__

Hold me  
Whatever lies beyond this morning  
Is a little later on  
Regardless of warnings the future doesn't scare me at all  
Nothing's like before

He was pulled onto his chest as his heart beat its last. And then, he said, "Kiss me, Cloud. Kiss me."

Everyone: O.O

__

Hold me  
Whatever lies beyond this morning  
Is a little later on  
Regardless of warnings the future doesn't scare me at all  
Nothing's like before

"OH MY GAWD THAT THING IS HUGE!!"

Suddenly, an even larger shark came out of nowhere, and killed the hulking monster.

AVALANCHE: O.O

Tetsuya: O.O I'm scared… Uh I-I mean Cut.

End chapter.

Hrm…not as funny as before… As you can tell… I had a taste for bananas today… Plus I just wanted Cloud to run around, screaming like a baby. Well, anyway, try to guess some (or all) of the montage scenes. The answers will be up next chapter.

Requests? ideas? Let me know by review, please! Next Chapter: Caught! In which Reno goes around backstage with a video camera to catch the cast of FFVII in…embarrassing situations. That's where the Genesis blooper will come in! Ideas for embarrassing moments?


	6. Caught! A Documentary by Reno

Final Fantasy VII: Bloopers

Intro: Yay! More yummy reviews to keep me full. I lurve you all!! I also wanted to say…that this one took a little thinking. I thank my mom for making chicken, because otherwise, I would've never been able to think up Genesis' Caught! moment. YAY FOR CHICKEN!

This is a pretty long chapter, 'cause I'm trying to get as many people of the cast Caught! as I can. One can only imagine how many video tapes it took Reno to do this…

Also, I hope I delivered enough Clack goodness last chapter. Actually, except for the out of place blooper, it was implied, and Sephiroth interrupting them the night before was when they were watching the Yuffie bloopers. Yup-Yup.

To LastTrojanNight, I am sorry, so I rewrote this chapter for you. And the cake/pie thing was from my friend Zeno in Los Angeles. I had to call him and ask if I could use it. Okay...so I'm sorry for any misinterpretations. Most of these are mine and my friends' ideas, and I will credit anyone who makes an idea/request as best as I can from now on.

Chapter Six  
Caught! A Behind The Scenes Documentary By Reno Whateverhislastnameis

-VILLA-

Everyone stared at the screen, hard.

"I don't wanna see this," Yuffie declared.

"Me either."

Everyone in the FF7 cast sans Zack began to bicker that they didn't want to see it, as Sephiroth, who was interested in what it had in store for them, held the remote high above his head, far out of everyone's reach.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Zack yelled, calming everyone. "C'mon, we've watched everything else and laughed at each other. What's so different now?"

Silence.

"Play the thing, then."

Sephiroth unpaused it.

-DOCUMENTARY THING-

Victim One: Reno Himself

Reno turns the camera to himself, grinning. Behind him you see the grimy, nasty wall of the Shinra public bathroom, with pictures of stick figures going at it. (Viewers grimace)

"Heya, I'm Reno of the Turks. You know what goes on in front of the screen, but what's it like in the backstage section, yo? Well, I'm here to show you guys just what your fav-"

Suddenly, the door slams open and Reno looks up over the camera, a confused look on his face. Off-screen, Elena speaks.

"You videotaping yourself masturbating again, Reno?"

Reno's face goes scarlet as he stands, the camera getting a good view of the decrepit, green, moldy, and so-stinky-you-can-see-the-fumes toilet he was sitting on. One only imagines what his ass looked like…

"NO!" he yells, and Elena chuckles.

"Right, whatever you say. Only you come into this bathroom anyway."

"Do NOT!"

Victims Two, Three, and Four: Kadaj, Yazoo, and Loz

Reno walked down the hall, his strides were long and far. "I wonder who my first victim will be, yo?" he questions the camera, then grimaces, and sneezes all over the lenses. Wiping it off, he is in front of his room. Sticking the camera in, he found it unoccupied. His bed still wasn't made, and clothes were strewn all over the floor. Here and there are a few empty beer bottles.

"I'll make the maids clean it up later." Grinning evilly at the camera like some red haired Sephiroth wannabe, he continued onward. He didn't stop in front of the closet, knowing that no one could fit into such a tiny space.

He stopped by the bathroom, the door was closed. He tried the handle and found it unlocked.

Poking the camera in, he found no one. Closing the door Reno approached the last door in the corridor. The door to his co-stars' room was closed, and locked.

There were loud noises coming from behind the door. Putting his ear and the camera against the door, getting a good view of wood, Reno listened in to his co-stars' conversations.

"Yazoo, it's tight here."

"I know that Loz, now if you could just scoot over a bit."

"Ow! You two are hurting me!"

"Stop whining Kadaj."

"There's not enough room for both of us Loz, you'll have to wait."

"Huh? No way! I wanna go first!"

"One at a time Loz!"

"Ow ow ow! Will you two please stop pushing?! And watch where you poke that thing!!"

"Almost done Kadaj, just a few more minutes." There was a groan.

Reno couldn't help it, but his face began to feel hot. 'What the hell are they doing?' he mouths to the camera.

"The ground is hard Yazoo, can we move on to the bed?" Kadaj's breath was staggered as he whined.

"Fine, fine it's more comfortable over there too." You could hear rustling and a few groans.

"There it is!"

"What where?"

"Look Loz it's standing up, you see it?"

"WHOA! How did it do that?"

"I dunno… I guess it's natural…."

"Maybe Reno-kun would like to-"

At the mention of his name Reno jerked his head and the camera away from the door, he tried the doorknob again.

It wasn't much success. Face hot, he kicked at the door, the first time it didn't budge. Again Reno kicked at it. Nope.

Moving back Reno decided to run the door down. He ran down the corridor as fast as he could, camera images going by in a blur. At the last minute he closed his eyes, expecting the impact of the wooden door on his shoulders.

There was no impact. Not with the door anyway. There was an impact with the floor though. Reno sailed through the now opened door, and landed smack on the hard wooden floor. The camera went wide, banged on the wall, rolled, and caught sight of the three silver haired men and one redheaded idiot we all know and love.

"Oomph," he grunted as the wind was knocked out of his chest. Dazed, he looked up. Three heads were looking down at him, eyes full of curiosity.

Quickly getting up, Reno yelled as loud as his knocked out lungs could allow him.

"WHAT IN SHINRA'S NAME ARE YOU THREE PERVERTS DOING IN A LOCKED ROOM??"

Taking in a much needed breath of air after the loud yell Reno looked around sternly at the three boys.

Reno first noticed their scared looks—anyone would be scared after getting yelled at by a flustered looking Turk—Loz looked ready to bawl (AN: Dunno why, but that sentence always makes me crack up XD), even the normally unfazed Yazoo was stunned by the sudden outburst.

Then Reno and the camera both noticed that they all had their clothes on. Reno's eyelids started twitching, and he could feel a major headache coming on.

"R-Reno-k-kun….. w-we…." Kadaj stammered nervously, he had never seen his co-star act this way in real life.

"Y-you…what were you guys doing?" Reno asked again, this time a bit more quiet.

"We were watching this worm Reno-kun." Kadaj timidly held up his hand. A long and fat earthworm sat in his palm actually standing up straight, and if the worm had eyes and could talk Reno was pretty sure that the worm would be laughing at him—hard. If anyone was watching this, they would be too (and they were).

Reno felt his face redden up, getting hotter by the moment, matching his color of hair easily. He had mistaken what they were talking about behind the door for something completely different. Very different. And it was all caught on tape.

"We tried to squeeze under that desk to watch it, but it was a tight squeeze so we decided to move onto the bed. The worm was standing up and so we thought about getting you so you can see it….but we heard a loud thump on the door…" Yazoo explained. "And I opened the door and here you are."

"Why is your face so red Reno-kun?" Loz asked. Reno's hand leapt to his face, covering it.

"N-nothing, I mean it's not red. What are you talking about? Stupid idiots…go clean my room. I'm going to go…do stuff. And then probably get smashed to forget this entire thing." Reno grabbed the still recording camera and left quickly.

WARNING: EXTREME OOCNESS NEXT, ESPECIALLY IN ANGEAL, I'M GUESSING. IF SWEARING IS LIKE TABOO TO YOU, SKIP THIS SECTION OR SUFFER!!

Victims Five, Six, and Seven: Angeal, Sephiroth, and Aerith

"Okay…we just mistook the SHM for perverted gay men and I was caught in the bathroom starting this. Wonder what catch we'll get this time…"

Suddenly, off screen, you hear violent shouts.

"Hoo boy. Looks like we've found it." We get a nice view of the bouncing floor as Reno jogs over to where Angeal and Sephiroth were having a very loud argument, about World of Warcraft, and Angeal was reciting quite long monologue. Reno held up the camera and started to record.

"Look Sephiroth, I think we can all confirm that ALL of those online RPG's are just out to plain out assrape anyone stupid enough to buy into them. The only way you can fix your problem is to sell what's left of your pathetic excuse for a soul and buy a 60 day game card for a total bleeding rectum price of thirty dollars. Or you could take the smart way out by crucifying the copy of the game you bought and then punish yourself very, very harshly for ever having thought of picking up the god awful habit of actually playing, and dare I say, enjoying that worthless piece of shit of a game. You wanna know what World of Warcraft is about? Here I'll tell you… It's about you creating a stupid looking fantasy style character and running around in a giant BEEP world with no plot or even point to anything that you're doing! You level your person up to level sixty, the max, over the course of a few weeks, kill everything in your area and then piss whine and moan because you get bored with a game that you shelled out a little over fifty dollars just to play. OR! You could join a guild, kind of like club, of other pathetic BEEP losers so that you can explore UNREASONABLY hard dungeons with UNREASONABLY hard and strong monsters that take an UNREASONABLY large amount of people and an UNREASONABLY large amount of time to kill only to give you a bunch of items that are UNREASONABLY useless except to sell for more cyber money while your bank account goes to shit, your wife leaves you and files a court claim for full custody of your children after you attack the older one yelling 'DIE ORC!' and try to kill the little one with an axe while screaming 'DIE YOU DWARVISH PIECE OF SHIT!' after which you cuddle your children and cry INCESSANTLY saying that you're sorry and 'Daddy didn't mean to use the kitchen knife on your FACE'…"

'Wow,' Reno mouthed to the camera as Sephiroth smacked Angeal upside the head with the flat end of Masamune.

"THAT'S FOR TOPPING MY LONGEST MONOLOGUE!" He swung again, hitting him in the back of the head. "THAT'S FOR thinking I would ever have KIDS!" Another hit. "That's for thinking I would beat them!!" A final swing. "And THAT'S FOR BEATING ME IN SOUL CALIBER II YESTERDAY!"

"OW OW OW AND BEEP OWWW! I thought you were OVER THAT?!"

"You beat me with LINK! I AM NOT OVER IT!" Another swing.

"OW! PUT THE BLOODY MASAMUNE DOWN ASSHOLE!"

"MAKE ME!"

"WHAT YOU WANNA PEICE OF ME?!"

"BRING IT ASSHOLE!"

"FINE I WILL BUT WHEN I SLAUGHTER YOUR ASS DON'T GO BITCHING TO TETSUYA!"

"OH PLEASE, ALL YOU DO IS TALK!"

"ALL **_I_** DO IS TALK? YOU'RE THE ONE HAVING A BITCH FIT BECAUSE I CAN MONOLOGUE JUST AS GOOD AS YOU!"

"CAN NOT!"

"CAN TOO!"

"NO!"

"YES!"

"SHUT UP!!"

"MAKE ME!"

At that one point, Aerith decided to walk by. Sephiroth grabbed her by the arm. "Aerith, what say you we lock him in here and forget to turn off the coffee maker?"

"I'm for it."

"Not even BEEP funny man. It's not my BEEP fault that coffee makers are built to cause mass destruction, ruin lives and throw countries into BEEP turmoil. I'm telling you, America harbors the biggest BEEP compilation of mass destructive devices, and they're called COFFEE MAKERS. And ovens, oh BEEP, don't even get me started on that shit."

"Angeal, I think you need some counseling."

"Nope."

"And why do you believe that?"

"Because the last one killed herself."

Everyone looked at him.

"What? It was the BEEP coffee maker. I swear." Angeal then shrugged and walked off, whistling.

(AN: Only Cid and Barret can say the 'f' word without being censored.)

Victim Eight, Nine, Ten, and Eleven: Zack, Red, Cid and Barret

"What the hell was that, yo?" Reno mused as he aimlessly swaggered down the hall. "Never thought I'd see that, yo."

And then, there it was. A door left slightly ajar, and the sounds of the four aforementioned's voices filtering out. Grinning evilly into the camera, Reno snuck the lens inside and started recording.

"Could be worse...you could be working at a Burger King," Red was saying.

"Depends on if I get free food...Then again...if I'm going to work in fast food, I at least want to work at McDonald's. I want to be able to viably say that I kill people a little more every day just by doing my job...Of course...I could just work in a tobacco shop or sell Cocaine or Heroin." Cid took a puff of his cig as he said this.

"Or sell Satanic Bibles," Red added.

"That's not lethal." Zack frowned.

"Try sellin' it to Christians. See how lethal it is. Because apparently it's awright to kill in the name of God," Barret announced.

"Oh...then next time I kill someone, I'll just say it was the will of God." Cid chuckled. "And I will probably get away with it too."

"It depends on who you're killing," Red added.

"Martha Stewart and Michael Jackson."

"Oh, okay, then you're totally justified. But if you like, went after Oprah or Mother Teresa, then you're just a jackass."

Zack jumped back and gasped, "Are you MAD! Oprah is a DRAGON man. I'm telling you, she's got more HP than all of us combined and she knows the most super powerful ultra dangerous, instant defeat bombastic spell ever invented! She knows 'Middle Age Woman Wrath'. There is no defeating that. It's like a plot device. Unkillable. Not to mention, she can summon the Pope. Yes, the Pope. Her power is that Supreme. I'm telling you, she's the true Boss battle man. No creator is daring enough to design her into a game. The only opposing power in this universe that can combat with her is Chuck Norris."

"Dude, you need to take a chill pill." Cid put out his cigarette. "While you are correct, you still need to take a chill pill."

"Says who?"

"Says GOD," Cid snorted, as if the answer was that obvious.

"You don't even believe in God!"

"Well today I do for the sake of my argument. But seriously man, beating a plot device would take more time than actually going along with it! Unless it's Dragon Ball Z. Then there's no fucking hope in the world. I'm thinking maybe the whole universe WAS supposed to die in that series...It'd probably be the only way that series would ever end. I mean fuck. After a three year long day goes by you'd think they'd hang up the towel and say fuck it. I'm thinking it would have been more merciful for that ape-shit pink blob of a villain to just fuck up existence. Hell, I think it was pimp that he could turn things into candy and eat them. I bet you'd taste great as a candy," Cid said to Barret.

"Are you hittin' on me?"

At that moment, the camera retreated, because Reno could not hold in his laughter, he was shaking so bad.

(Okay, got a request for Aerith and Zack in an embarrassing moment, so I decided to throw Tseng in there as well. And yes, I have a taste for sugar goodness in the form of bakes goods.)

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING PART CONTAINS EXTREME OVER USAGE OF THE CAPS LOCK BUTTON AND A SOMEWHAT GRAPHIC EXPLANATION OF THE FEMALE MENSTRUATION CYCLE. IF YOU ARE SQUEAMISH TO AERITH BEING EXTREMELY OOC, SKIP DOWN TO GENESIS' CAUGHT! MOMENTS!

Victims Twelve, Thirteen, and Fourteen: Zack, Aerith, and Tseng  
(Idea thought up by Zeno Robinson in Los Angeles)

Suddenly, Reno dodged around the corner just as Zack made to leave. "Well, guys, I've gotta go and help Aerith and Tseng get the food ready for the 21st Final Fantasy birthday celebration thing."

"You have fun," Red parted.

Reno turned the camera to himself. "Little does Tetsuya know that Zack and Tseng both suck at cooking, and Aerith is PMSing badly. Ooh, let's follow Zack and see what mayhem unfolds!" He snickered and followed Zack, who eventually met up with Tseng and Aerith, and they departed for the second floor kitchen.

"Where's that stupid recipe book?" Aerith shouted, banging pots and pans onto the counter. She had suddenly been struck with a rather painful attack of cramps, which had made her bad mood worsen.

"I have it," Tseng sighed, waving it in the air for her to see.

"Well, hand it over then!" she snapped. Tseng did so.

"Now what the heck are we supposed to cook…?" Aerith muttered, thumbing through the pages.

"We should make some pie," Zack said, opening up the bag of flour and sniffing it suspiciously. He was unusually paranoid that day—we personally believe it had something to do with how evil Aerith was being to him. Go figure.

"What?" Tseng asked, his nose scrunching as if he just smelled something bad. "Hell no! Pie sucks! We'll make cake."

"Cake is crap! We're making pie!" snapped Zack.

"Cake!"

"Pie!"

"Cake!"

"Pie!"

"CAKE!"

"PIE!"

"CAKE, DAMMIT!"

Suddenly, both men turned to Aerith. They both smiled, their features pleasant; Aerith gulped.

"Aerith," Zack said, his voice smooth and velvety, causing the brunette to nearly visibly melt into a puddle of hormonal goo, "you're a smart woman—don't you think we should make some delicious pie instead of nasty, fattening cake? You like pie, don't you?"

"Of course she doesn't," Tseng said quickly before Aerith could answer. "Pie is filled with nothing but disgusting preservatives and nasty, crusty bread. It cannot possibly compare to the wonderful moistness of a well-prepared cake. Don't you agree, Aerith?" His voice became dangerously soft at the last bit.

Aerith broke out into sweat. 'Oh, such tough, tough choices,' Reno mouthed to the camera. 'On one hand, she had Zack, who is the sole reason she decides to come to work everyday. But on the other hand, she had Tseng, who was the most powerful of all the Turks (next to me of course). If she angered him by saying that pie was better, she might as well go out and dig her grave. But if she said that cake was better, she might as well kiss any chance of being with Zack again good-bye. Either way, it was a lose-lose situation.' He smirked and turned the camera to the trio.

Without any answer from the young flower girl, the two men turned to each other and began screaming again:

"CAKE!"

"PIE!"

"CAKE, YOU PANSY!"

"PIE, YOU EGOTISTICAL HAIRY APE!"

"CAKE!"

"PIE!"

"CAKE!"

"PIE!"

Over in the corner, Aerith sighed. When she had been asked her opinion, she did the only thing she thought would be possible—she kept her mouth shut. Fortunately, this worked. The two men had quickly lost patience and went back to their screaming match, which Aerith was extremely grateful of. She just hoped that they wouldn't call on her again—

"You know Aerith, you never answered our question."

Aerith let out a high-pitched squeak at the sound of Zack's voice. She stared at the two nobodies with wide, frightened eyes. "W-what?"

"You didn't answer our question," Tseng hissed scarily; his already narrow eyes were narrowed into almost slits. "Which do you think we should make? Wonderful, delicious cake—"

"—Or tasty, delectable pie?" Zack finished for the other man while they exchanged death glares.

Aerith wanted to cry. For the first time in her life, she wanted to just sit down and cry. And she blamed it all on her damn period. But just as suddenly as the feeling came, it vanished—and was immediately replaced with blind rage. 'That's mood swings for ya, yo,' Reno whispered off-screen.

"HOW DARE YOU!"

The two males blinked at the flower girl, stunned. Aerith stood before them, legs spread out sturdily, hands balled into fists on either side of her, and a murderous look on her face. Zack and Tseng did the only thing there was left to do—they cowered.

'And do you know why?' Reno whispered. 'I'll tell you:

**_BECAUSE THIS IS THE PART WHERE AERITH COMPLETELY SNAPS.'_**

"HOW DARE YOU PUT ALL THIS PRESSURE ON ME? DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH? THE LINING OF MY UTERUS IS GUSHING OUT OF MY VAGINA! THERE'S BLOOD EVERYWHERE! MY TITS ARE SORE! I'M RIDING ON AN EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER! AND ALL YOU TWO IDIOTS CARE ABOUT IS

_YOUR STUPID PIE AND CAKE!"_

The two men whimpered in fear.

"I'M CRAMPING AND I ACHE IN PLACES THAT I DIDN'T KNOW EXISTED! MY SKIN IS BREAKING OUT IN PATCHES! I'M TEN TIMES HORNIER THAN USUAL AND I

_WANT SOME CHOCOLATE RIGHT NOW GODDAMMIT!"_

The enraged woman stood over the two men (who were now lying on the floor, huddling together in terror), breathing heavily, flushed an angry red hue. She was also sniffing heavily while desperately trying to stop the tears that were threatening to fall from her eyes. Dammit she didn't cry, not even during her period!

"Um, Aerith?" Zack spoke timidly, terrified that if he said the wrong thing, he would set her off again. "How about… how about we just make both cake _and _pie? And maybe make you some chocolate brownies…? Would you like that?"

Aerith sniffled and looked down at Zack with watery eyes and the anger slowly drained out of her body. "R-really? You mean it? Brownies?" She looked extremely hopeful.

"Of course," Zack said quickly, plastering a soothing smile onto his face. "Double fudge brownies with chocolate chips! And chocolate cake too!" (He didn't notice that Tseng brightened at this—the side-burned man did have a strong passion for chocolate cake.)

Aerith sniffed again and gave the two men a watery smile. "Okay, then—let's go to the other kitchen and see what we can scrounge up!"

In the other Kitchen…

"OH MY GOD! IT MOVED! IT'S STILL ALIVE!"

"KILL IT! KILL IT!"

"EEEEEK! I JUST TOUCHED IT!"

**__**

Thunk

"ARGH! GET IT OFF!

_GETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFF!"_

"HOLD STILL DAMMIT! I CAN'T SMACK IT IF YOU DON'T HOLD STILL!"

"OH DEAR LORD IN HEAVEN IT JUST BIT HER!

_IT'S—IT'S DRINKING HER BLOOD!"_

_SWEET MOTHER OF JESUS, GET IT OFF! IT'S SUCKING MY WILL TO LIVE!"_

_HANG ON AERITH! HANG IN THERE—"_

_DAMMIT, ZACK, THIS IS NO TIME TO GRAB MY ASS—GET THIS ABOMINATION OFF OF ME! IT'S SUCKING MY BLOOD! I CAN SEE MY LIFE FLASHING BEFORE MY EYES!"_

"OKAY HOLD STILL—"

**__**

SMACK!

"OW GODDAMMIT!"

"I TOLD YOU TO HOLD STILL! AT LEAST IT'S OFF NOW—"

"AHHHHHHHHH! IT'S HEADING STRAIGHT TOWARDS ME!"

"I GOT IT—"

"NO YOU DON'T, YOU'LL JUST HIT HIM INSTEAD!"

_SQUISH IT! SQUISHITSQUISHITSQUISHITSQUISHIT—"_

(And here're the ones you've been waiting for: Genesis! Sorry if he's OOC, which he probably is.)

Victim Fifteen and Sixteen: Genesis

(Note: I'm sorry I couldn't think of any good love poems for Winnie the Pooh, like someone suggested, and that virtual reality parody will be saved for another day. But I hope you enjoy the craziness anyway.)

WARNING: TO MAKE UP FOR THE LOSS OF THE POEM TO WINNIE THE POOH, I HAVE GIVEN GENESIS A LOT OF CHOCOLATE. BE WARNED, BECAUSE HE IS SEEING THINGS HE SHOULDN'T, AND WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ MAY NEVER LET YOU LOOK AT GENESIS THE SAME AGAIN!! Hell, I know I won't. I can't even watch AC without cracking up anymore.

Part 1

A black feather decided right then to float in front of Reno's eyesight. He raised a ruby eyebrow, then nodded into the camera. He held the camera out in front of him and proceeded to find the magenta clad awesome dude. It didn't take him long.

"And here…" whispered Reno, filming Genesis, who seemed to be spreading some weird brown lotion onto his wing, "…we have Genesis, the true One-Winged Angel. Many of us wonder how he managed to get only one wing." Genesis shifted, and Reno added further commentary. "And now, we see Genesis…eating… GOOD GOD!" he screamed, and Genesis spun to face him, eyes wide, wiping the brown lotion (which was apparently BBQ sauce) off his mouth. Reno pointed an accusing finger at him.

"Y-You're EATING your WING!" Reno screeched. "Y-You CANNIBAL!"

"Reno, Reno, calm down," Genesis held up his hands, coated slightly in BBQ sauce. "It tastes like chicken. It's not considered cannibalism if it doesn't taste like humans."

"But it's PART of you, yo!" Reno shook his head. "Dude, that is DISGUSTING!!"

Genesis extended his wing to Reno. "Try it. You'll see what I mean."

Reno stared at the magenta clad man, hard, for exactly twelve seconds, before putting the camera down on a stack of boxes nearby, not knowing that it was catching everything on tape. He rubbed the glossy feathers together, feeling them twitch in response, before diving in.

It was heaven. It really did taste like BBQ chicken wings. He thought he heard a moan, but thought nothing of it, until…

"Reno, Genesis, if you two are going to fornicate, could you please not do it in public?" Sephiroth had walked in on them. Reno and Genesis jumped away from each other.

"We were not fornicating!" Reno shrieked.

"Oh, that is a lie. I just heard and saw Genesis moan in pure pleasure when you bit his wing."

"But it tastes like chicken!!" both Reno and Genesis argued weakly.

Off-screen, you hear Zack snort and say, "At least we finally know what happened to the other one…"

Part 2

"Still got a little more tape, yo," Reno whispered as he creeped down the hall. "This time I think I'll use it for good, and videotape my clothes getting washed." After some more silence, he spoke again. "I think Genesis completely snapped back there. Not that I blame him. That wing tasted awesome, yo."

As stated above, Genesis had completely snapped. It's actually quite surprising that it hadn't happened before, all things considered, but whatever. As Reno turned into the laundry room, he stifled a yelp, took a deep breath, and began commentating.

"We now find Genesis in the laundry room, standing in front of the dryer. A disturbing grin was stretched across his face as he giggled to himself. And in his hands… is a leaf blower…" Reno gulped.

'Oh dear lord in heaven…'

Genesis POV

"We meet again," Genesis whispered to the dryer.

"_So it would seem…"_ said the dryer.

"I've waited my whole life for this day," Genesis continued, tightening his hold on the leaf blower, unaware that Reno was getting everything on tape. "I could hardly wait for the day that you and I would meet like this… here! For our final showdown!"

"_I should have gone ahead and killed you all those years ago," _the dryer replied menacingly.

_"Prepare to face my wrath, puny mortal!"_

That's right. In Genesis's unstable, chocolate-induced mind, the dryer was his mortal enemy.

Cackling insanely, Genesis aimed his mighty leaf blower at the dryer and turned it on to full power.

The dryer gave a loud groan as the force of the leaf blower began to crush it against the wall.

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Genesis cackled. He was so busy cackling that he did not hear the door bang open.

"GENESIS! WHAT IN MOTHER'S NAME ARE YOU DOING?"

The magenta-clad awesome dude looked; Sephiroth stood in the doorway (with Zack peering over his shoulder from behind), staring at him in the dryer with a look of bewilderment on his face.

Calmly, Genesis (confident that his attack had significantly weakened his foe) turned the leaf blower off and turned to his friends. "Hello Sephiroth, Zack. How can I help you?"

"W-what are you doing? Why the hell are you destroying my dryer?" Sephiroth all but wailed. This day was turning out to be extremely stressful.

"Because," Genesis replied, "it's been trying to kill us all."

Sephiroth and Zack blinked at him.

"Haven't you noticed? It hisses softly at me whenever I walk by. It tied to lure Cloud into it the other day by hiding one of his socks. It immediately stops whispering to the washer whenever one of us comes into the room—the dryer sheets are laced with cyanide instead of fabric softener!"

The two other SOLDIERs exchanged looks.

"…How do you know the dryer sheets were laced with cyanide?" Zack asked finally.

"The dryer told me."

"…It told you?"

"Yes."

"You mean it actually spoke to you?"

Genesis sighed impatiently, rolling his eyes. "Yes! In fact, it's speaking right now—it just insulted my mother!"

Sephiroth and Zack looked at each other again, then looked at the dryer; it sat in the corner, partially destroyed, emitting nothing but sparks and smoke, completely mute. "Well, technically Genesis," Sephiroth said, trying to choose his words carefully, "you don't have a mother. Err…you do, but we just know who, or where, or if she's alive."

"SHUT UP!" Genesis shrieked, now glaring daggers at the dryer. "It's brain washing you! Can't you see? It's trying to turn you into his mindless little slaves!"

"_Bwahahahahahahaha!" _cackled the dryer.

_"Admit defeat, insignificant mortal—nobody can defeat me! I AM INVINCIBLE!"_

"NEVER!" Genesis shrieked, and proceeded to turn the leaf blower back on to full power. "FACE MY WRATH!

_SUPER MAGENTA CYCLONE ATTACK!"_

"_NO!" _shrieked the dryer.

_"NOT THAT! NOT THE SUPER MAGENTA CYCLONE ATTACK!"_

And then quite suddenly, the dryer exploded, sending dryer lint and fluff everywhere.

_TAKE THIS! SELF-DESTRUCT ATTACK OF DOOOOOOOM!"_

"ARCH!! NOOOOOO! IT'S SUFFOCATING ME! IT'S SQUEEZING THE LIFE OUT OF ME!" Genesis shrieked, falling to his knees as he was buried under tons o' dryer lint.

Sephiroth and Zack, after exchanging one more disbelieving look, made a hasty exit, Reno following not to far behind in his own hall, completely forgetting his clothes that had to be washed.

-VILLA-

"Oh, that was gold…" mumbled Squall, quite pleased that he sat a good distance away from the others, who were laughing really, really, REALLY hard. Squall managed to hit the pause button.

After what seemed like hours of laughing it seemed like it wouldn't stop. More cackling, sweating, and other bodily functions I'd rather not describe took place. Possibly including but not limited to:

Puking, belching, gaseous exhaust, urination (from laughter), Cancer, Nausea, Heartburn, Upset Stomach, Indigestion, Diarrhea, Dyslexia, Cerebral Palsy, Arthritis, Cramping, Menstrual Bloating, Fatigue, Apathy, Insomnia, Crack Addiction, Crying, Uncontrollable bladder, Free-Balling, AIDS, Diabetes, Malaria, Flu, Scurvy, Leprosy, Hepatitis, Gonorrhea, Herpes, Mad Cow Disease, Angry Colon Syndrome (ACS to the elite), and the bubonic plague.

And finally, FINALLY, they all managed to calm down enough to watch the Special Bloopers of this section.

-SPECIAL BLOOPERS-

Past Nibelheim

Zack was losing. There was no question about it. He was nowhere near Sephiroth power wise, and he should have had an advantage but Sephiroth was totally delirious, from his Mother's influence.

_Dammit! Why me?_

"Sephiroth why don't you just knock it off already?" Zack tried to talk to him.

"Hell no! You just want to hurt Mother!"

"Please! I'll leave your mother alone, just please stop the fires! You're burning down Cloud's joint!"

There was a pause.

"Zack you are no gangsta, so don't even talk like that. Cloud—" Sephiroth paused a moment, waiting for Tetsuya to yell 'Cut!' but Tetsuya was out sick today, and the replacement director was a smashed Reno.

Reno: Keep it goin'. Thisssss's's's's awesome, yoooooooooooo.

"Is more gangsta than me _I _know," Zack finished. "If I can't be gangsta then what can I be?"

"Uh…. Punk Rocker? A useless bum? The comedy relief?" Sephiroth tries to think.

Suddenly the Kool-Aid guy bursts through the wall. "Oh Yeah!"

"WTF?" Sephiroth stares at him. "Dude you just busted my flamin' wall!"

A piece of debris falls on Zack's head knocking him out.

"HEY! I was fighting with him!" Sephiroth gets pissed. "I was having fun! And you ruined it!" Sephiroth starts chasing the Kool-Aid guy through the building…

Inside Vincent's Basement Room Place Yeah…

Vincent sat up in his coffin and watched the flames around him come nearer. Just then out of the blue the Kool-Aid guy runs inside with Sephiroth close behind. Sephiroth growls, throws Masamune and finally nails the Kool-Aid guy. The kool-aid starts pouring out of him flushing the floor with its sugary goodness, and putting out the fire.

"Nooo! What a crewel world! Why? Why me!" The Kool-Aid guy cries as the kool-aid finally runs out. And he shatters into a million and one pieces.

"Oh Yeah…." Sephiroth hissed in pride.

__

Well that was… unusual…

Vincent thought as Sephiroth turned around. "Hey Sephiroth how's the last few days been?"

"Tiring. You?" Sephiroth helps him out of his coffin.

"The same old thing. Oh and Sephiroth…"

"Yes?"

"I expect you to clean up your mess."

"What?"

"You heard me. Don't make me have to call your Mother back."

Sephiroth gritted his teeth. "Whatever…Emo."

"_What the BEEP! did you just call me?" _Vincent yelled pulling out his gun. "I'll show you BEEP emo, bitch!"

End chapter.

O.O W00T chapter done. Ooh, lotsa OOCness in this chapter, but what do you expect? That's how people are in bloopers, ya know? Hrm… I hope you enjoyed that little chapter, and I believe the next chapter will be: The Top Ten Tifa Bloopers, as requested by someone. Lotsa Tifa bashing in that chapter. Yay.

Hope ya liked the Angeal and Genesis bloopers, 'cause those are probably the only ones I'll do. I can't think of anything else. Genesis' was a spur of the moment one, and Angeal…well, yeah. And Genesis is never having chocolate again.

Requests? Ideas? Send 'em in by review, please!!

Also, I have nothing against Martha Stewart, but if I ever meet Michael Jackson, I hope he's not surprised if I'm swinging a metal baseball bat at high speeds into his face.


	7. Top Ten Tifa Bloopers

Final Fantasy VII: Bloopers

Intro: Whoa... O.O So much feedback. Man, I think this story could be as monumental in hilarity as This Army Life by Nicolle or something. Granted, I highly doubt I'll get THAT many reviews, but it's nice to know you guys are reading. It warms my heart! And...you know, I think I might need to update the rating by one. But wouldn't that make it M? Oh man...

(sigh) You know what I hate the most? The fact that for some bloopers, I actually have to think about what to do. I must say, the Top Ten Tifa Bloopers were the hardest ones so far to think up. So, so very hard. My brain is thoroughly zapped, and after this, don't expect an update for awhile. Heck, I don't even know what the next chapter will be. Geez… All I know is that next chapter will be the end of Disc 2, so that means Montage 2 comes up… Good grief…

I am soooo tired…all I wanna do is just crawl into bed and get to sleep… But…I must give you these bloopers. Okay, sorry if it's a bit dry. Tifa bashing ensues, of course. And I'm still working on that love poem to Winnie the Pooh for RibbonzandChainzFF7. Sorry it's taken forever. And that virtual reality blooper is in this one.

Hrm… Okay, let's go!

WARNING: THE USUAL. CONTAINS CID IN SOME.

Chapter Seven  
The Top Ten Tifa Bloopers

-STRAIGHT TO THE BLOOPERS-

10. Scene With Cloud in Mideel When they Find Him

(Ohmigod, I think I'll never get through this part the same again.)

Tifa sank to her knees, placing her head in Cloud's lap. "This isn't happening…..!! This is too cruel……… Oh Cloud……! I………"

Right then, Yuffie burst in. She seemed to be doing the "pee pee" dance, but upon seeing Tifa and Cloud, she blanched and a nice little wet spot appeared on her shorts.

"ZOMG! TIFA'S GIVING CLOUD A BJ!!"

Tifa's head shot up from Cloud's lap, a blush forming on her cheeks. "Wha-wha-wha-wha-wha-what are you talking about?!"

Yuffie ran screaming out of the clinic tent as Tifa began shaking in what seemed to be embarrassment.

Tetsuya: O.O …Ew. Cut.

9. Scene With Tifa Searching Xeanhort's Room in KH2

Tifa wandered about the room, looking at various things, taking a large portrait down from the wall, examined some more things, before coming to a vacant wall.

She put her hand to her chin in thought as Sora and co. watched. Suddenly, she kicked the wall with all her might, shaking the room. Just as written in the script, nothing happened, until…

A piece of plaster smacked itself onto Sora's head. They looked up to see the ceiling cracking here and there. Sora and co.'s eyes widened as Tifa went to them. "Sorry for the trouble," she said flashing a smile.

The ceiling came down.

Sora, Donald, and Goofy ran away screaming as Leon burst into the room, looking ready to kill.

Tetsuya: New set…

8. Fight With Tifa and Loz in AC Part 1

"Heh. This'll be fun," Loz declared, readying himself as Tifa charged. Funny thing was, the fight never ensued.

Why?

About halfway through, Tifa stopped, a distant look on her face as she stood just beneath the huge hole.

She smiled. "The view of the sky is pretty, isn't it?"

Loz cocked his head, scratching it, before looking up. "Nope. Not unless clouds interest you."

Off-screen, you hear Reno say, "Oh, the irony…"

7. Fight With Tifa and Loz in AC Part 2

Tetsuya: Trying this again… Action!

"Heh. This'll be fun," Loz declared, readying himself as Tifa charged. But once again, the fight never ensued.

Why?

Tetsuya: (buries his face as Tifa picks up a nickel) I'm getting sick of you idiot actors and actresses.

"Ooh! A nickel! Imma call you Phillip!"

Loz's eyes went wide. "Phillip! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

6. End of Fight With Tifa and Loz in AC

Loz sidled over to Tifa and picked her up by her vest thingie. He readied his tazer arm thingie and prepared to zap her.

Reno, who was leading the FF8 and X people through a guided tour, stepped in front of the screen.

"Tifa getting raped. Skip."

Tifa, Loz, and Tetsuya all glared at Reno as he continued onward. Everyone but Rinoa went onward.

"Rin!" yelled Zell. "C'mon, get over here, or Squall'll go all emotionally constipated!"

Slowly, Rinoa turned and ran after the group.

6. Scene With Fight Against Sephiroth in KH2

"Well then," said Sephiroth (who was over his pet spider murder by now), calmly pointing his sword at Tifa. "Let's see what this 'light' of yours can do."

He slashed at Tifa, who dodged and attacked. He dodged just as swiftly and she spun to face him. There was a flash and Cloud shielded himself with his covered arm.

"NO!"

Tifa lunged for Sephiroth, but was no match. He shoved her away…only he hit her a bit too hard.

Tifa stepped on her cape thingie and tripped, falling backward and rolling straight off the cliff.

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU—"

Tetsuya: God I hate this job.

5. Scene With Tifa in Shera Ship After Cloud's Huge Battle Thing

Drip…

Tifa looked up with a smile at the sparkling water. She opened her mouth to say something, and it dripped inside.

Snap went Tifa's 5 second attention span.

"CID! I THINK YOU'VE GOT A LEAK IN THE ROOF!!" she screamed at the top of her lungs.

Yuffie looked at the materia in her hands and saw that every single one of them had cracked. The windows shattered, causing the rain to pour in from a sudden gust of wind out of nowhere. It began to tarnish the nice wooden floors.

"OH MY FUCKING GOD!" Cid yelled, letting go of the steering wheel. "FIRST THE DAMN NINJA, AND NOW YOU, TIFA? GET YOUR DAMN HEAD ON STRAIGHT, BEFORE I DO IT FOR YOU!"

For once, Vincent's face showed expression as he stared wide-eyed at Cid. "Cid! The wheel!"

CRASH!

Yelp. Squeak. Drip. Crack.

The Shera ship had hit Cloud. His head was the first to pop up from the debris, followed by Barret's. "Damn man!" the gunman swore.

Cid came up next. "FUCKER! MY SHERA!!"

4. Scene With Sephiroth and Cloud in KH2…Again

Tifa ran on…a bit early, seeing Cloud and Sephiroth still locked in battle. Little balls of light erupted from their swords every time they met in a clash.

Then, out of nowhere, just as Cloud and Sephiroth meet in that clash, before Sephiroth can taunt Cloud, you hear a feminine voice screech:

"EUUWW!! SPARKLIES!"

Sora spun to Tifa. "You're using two year-old words!"

"Squak to quak squawk quack needle squawk sqauck quack sqawk okay?" Donald said.

Everyone: …Okay?

"To the hospital!" Goofy declared, translating.

Everyone: OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!

As Tifa was dragged off, you hear her scream, "I'M NOT MENTAL—OOH LOOK! A FLYING COW!!"

3. Scene With Slapping Fight Against Scarlet

"Stuck up bitch!" Scarlet yelled, raising her hand to slap Tifa.

Tifa beat her to it, and slapped Scarlet first. "You wench!" she called. Scarlet got ready to slap her again, but Tifa slapped her first. Then Scarlet, then Scarlet again, and then Tifa. Before the final blow could be laid down, out of nowhere, a comet from the Comet Spell came down and crashed into Tifa.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Tifa squealed, before hitting the water with a satisfying 'sploosh.'

"AHAHAHAHAHA!" Scarlet began to laugh, before an abnormally sized seagull flew out of nowhere and smacked into her.

Scarlet flailed her arms wildly, before she fell backwards, spun, and did a belly-flop in the water.

As Tifa struggled to get up from the depths of the ocean, she accidentally smacked a hidden cameras that had been pointing upward. It fizzled out.

"Aww man!" Reno yelled as he got up to get a Kleenex for his nose.

2. Scene With Tifa Throwing Cloud Up to Bahamut SIN

"Fly!" yelled Vincent, throwing Cloud up at Bahamut.

Cloud soared upwards into the sky, reaching out for Tifa when she jumped. _Please, please, please,_ he thought as she grabbed his arm and looked him in the eye for a moment. _Don't let her screw this up._

But…this wouldn't be a blooper if she didn't screw it up in some way, right?

…No?

Liar.

"No giving up!" Tifa cried as she flipped and let Cloud go. But as she did, her foot…hit somewhere it shouldn't.

O.O went Cloud, dropping his sword to grab himself, unaware that it had impaled itself through Cait Sith. Red XIII had shrugged him off as the sword came rocketing down, so he was safe. Cloud dropped limply to the ledge thing, Tifa landing beside him.

When Cloud managed to catch his breath enough to yell at Tifa, he did. "Ow, JEEZ! What was that for?" He staggered upright, glaring with full-intensity at the fightress.

Tifa shrugged, then said, "It's in my script."

The blond was confused, then turned to Zack off-screen, glaring even more. "You are dead. Again."

Zack smiled and said, "Oh c'mon Spikey. Even you have to agree it was funny."

Number 1 Blooper: Tifa's Stunt Double

Out of nowhere, a reporter appeared on-screen.

"We interrupt this blooper reel to bring you to the Interviewing Station where we have Rinoa in for questioning of the disappearance of Squall." (y'know, into Traverse Town)

Rinoa, with a really freaked out look on her face, drew her legs up onto the seat she was in. "Don't eat me, doggy!" Angelo was staring at her, foaming at the mouth, held away from her by a chain.

The reporter walked to young Rinoa. "Rinoa, did you kill Squall?"

Rinoa blinked. "What? Why would I kill my boyfriend?"

The reporter answered, "Trust me, peoples on Ear-th (as Pleaki says off of Lilo and Stitch) kill their friends."

Dr. Phil: HOW HORRIBLE!

BlueFox: GET THE HELL OUT OF THIS BLOOPER!!

Dr. Phil: But! But! Aw phooey!!

"Well, if I killed him, where is the weapon?" Rinoa asked.

The reporter grabs Rinoa's Shooting Star and puts it in the little stand next to the judge (hello where's this comin from?). "You! Shooting Star! You look pretty suspicious! WHERE WERE YOU OCTOBER 5; 3 AM!!

BlueFox: What?! She was killed on October 5?! I FEEL SO LOVED!!

Fang: Why?

BlueFox: (glares) WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?? October 5 is my birthday you moron!

Fang: Grr! I've been here waiting for YOU to get off your lazy ass and start typing some more bloopers!

BlueFox: Hiss!

Rinoa pushes second screen out of picture. "Okay now, I don't think my Shooting Star can talk and that I couldn't have killed Squall because-"

"YOU STOLE MY LOOK, RINOA!!" Tifa ran onscreen in her AC outfit.

Cloud, who was passing by with his buddy-off-screen Sephiroth and drinking hot black coffee, did a spit take all over Sephiroth (mostly in his hair). He gave Sephiroth a sheepish grin before turning and running upon seeing Seph's fangirl-attracting hand reach for Masamune-which meant he was doing to impale him, too.

Tetsuya: (does a double take) Whoa…they're like…twins.

"You created them that way," Sephiroth remarked before running after Cloud.

Rinoa turns to look at Tifa. "Are you MY clone?" she asked.

Tifa growled. "NO! You're mine!"

Rinoa steals her Shooting Star back. "NO WAY! YOU'RE MY CLONE BECAUSE um…ah…uh…"

"You sound like that 'guy'…" Tifa remarked.

"Who?" Rinoa thought for a second. "OH hey! STOP CHANGING THE SUBJECT!!"

Tifa shrugged. "Oh sorry Copy."

"What did you just call me…-SHAGRUG!" Rinoa screeched.

Everyone: WHAT WAS THAT?!

-VILLA-

"Friggin' awesome," spoke Zack as Aerith and the FF8 cast nodded in agreement. Cloud turned a heavy shade of scarlet and grabbed himself, Yuffie's eyes were wide since the number 10 blooper, and Sephiroth glared at Cloud.

"Let's watch the Special Bloopers!" Zell announced, purposely elbowing Cid in the face as he stood up to grab the remote from a smoldering Sephiroth's hand. "OW! It's hot!" He hit 'Play' before dropping it to the floor.

(AN: This still has Tifa in it, but this is a parody of Seph, Angeal, and Genesis going into virtual space when the 2nd Class SOLDIERs go out. Tch, cheaping out on the job…SO not like you, Seph… And I don't know if in virtual space you get "lives" or not, but for the sake of the blooper, they do.)

-SPECIAL BLOOPERS-

Virtual Reality Screw-Up

Sephiroth placed the apple on his head as Angeal readied his Buster Sword. "I should warn you, Angeal, if you screw up my hair or kill me, or both, I'll have to take the same from you."

Angeal scoffed. "Oh, don't worry. I won't screw you up, I prommise."

"I'll hold you to that."

Angeal readied the Buster Sword, then let it fly.

Somewhere in another place where Genesis is reading his Loveless thing…

The magenta-clad awesome dude cringed upon hearing a blood-curdling, "ANGEAL!"

"Wonder what he did this time…" Genesis mused, turning a page in his favorite book (I think…)

All at once Angeal came flying out of the sky and crashed into the grass right beside Genesis. "Ugh…Genesis…I'll stop bugging you if you elp me!" Angeal said saying 'elp' instead of 'help'.

Genesis looked up and blinked, "What the heck did you do now?"

"DIE!" came Sephiroth's voice. From the sky Sephiroth came soaring down, Masamune aimed right where Angeal's heart was. Angeal dodged just in time as the blade slammed into the ground and sunk deep into it. Angeal kneeled before Genesis, begging him on his knees.

Genesis sighed, marked his place, and growled, "As long as I get to train Zack after this."

"AGREED!"

"Not happin' he's dead!" Zack growled, coming out no where.

"Wait! You want to kill your mentor?" Sephiroth asked suddenly.

"Well…no but this one is the one who tried to kill Aerith!" (dunno if that's true. If not, excuse it and continue reading. If it is…BOOYAH!)

"WHAT? THAT IS MY JOB! I STAB AERITH IN THE BACK IN FINAL FANTASY VII!!" Sephiroth roared, throwing Masamune through Zack's he-

Flicker

Flicker

We are sorry to say but this is too violent for people under the age of 97. Meanwhile you can listen to Tifa ramble on about things you can't-oh wait it's over!

Blood gushed from Zack's head as Masamune stabbed through it but Genesis yanked his sword out of its scabbard and was rushing towards Sephiroth to cut him in half-

Opps! No it's not over yet!

"ANYWAY! As I was saying, please come to my Dooms day show because if you come, you will get the best prize of all! You get to watch Rinoa get her head blown off and free tickets to my spa so you can go jump in the acid and I'll never have to deal with you again!" Tifa rambled on.

NOW IT'S DONE!

Welcome to our wonderful Spa and Die. We are hosted by the not-so-lovely Tifa, who is presently unavailable due to some issues. Have a wonderful and dreadful stay in our acid pits and dooms day breakfast diner. You can contact us at 123-456-7890.

Tifa gasped upon seeing that. "I am too pretty, you immature little insects!"

Back in the virtual reality place…

"Who the hell put in a commercial?" Genesis demanded, looking around.

Suddenly he heard someone counting.

Zack: 1…2…

Angeal: 3! RELEASE THE FAN GIRLS!

Zack: Okay!

Genesis and Sephiroth: Oh shit…

Zack and Angeal: MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

The pair's eyes widened in horror as they saw the mob of rabid virtual fan girls coming their way. "RUN!" Sephiroth yelled at the top of his lungs. It didn't take them two seconds to run half way across the virtual world and hide in a tree. Then, out of virtually (ha) Bumhell Nowhere, Riku stabbed his Dark Keyblade in the men's chests and they all stood there, dumb looks on their faces before suddenly brightening and becoming all flowery like causing Cloud and Zack to come over and beat the crap out of Sephiroth because he reminded them of Aerith, who he had impaled.

-VILLA-

"Wow." Yuffie was the only one who spoke, and it was out of a little shock. Everyone nodded in their agreement, before Sephiroth turned to Zack, fire in his eyes.

"You know something? That scarred me for the rest of my life!"

"That's what you get no-quarter-giver!" Zack retorted, getting in Sephiroth's face.

"Dummy!"

"Loser!"

"Idiot!"

"Stupid!"

"WHITE!"

"BLACK!"

"SHUT UP, BOTH OF YOU!" Aerith screamed loudly. Leon looked to his right and noticed that Cloud's lamp had exploded. "You guys are best friends! NOW FORGIVE EACH OTHER!" she continued.

Zack sighed. "Fine."

"Whatever," added Sephiroth.

The two stood and walked to each other and embraced (and not in THAT kind of way! You mortals and your sick jokes!)

"Dork," Zack whispered in Sephiroth's ear.

"Retard," he whispered back.

End Chapter.

I've been struck with an idea! Next chapter will be: Gold Saucer bloopers! Except…EVERYONE'S going!! Genesis, Angeal, Zack, and much much more! I promise I will redeem myself from this chapter in that one! Plus, we'll be getting Montage 2! So please, if you haven't guessed by now, guess the scenes in Montage 1. Pwease? (uses big Bambi eyes)

Requests? Ideas for the trip to go awry in more than one way? Send 'em in by review!!


	8. The AWOL Chapter

Final Fantasy VII: Bloopers

Intro: O.O over 2500 hits…that's over 1800 more than my Twilight story…and this has been up for a much shorter time… I mean WOW! So, I'm giving you all a gift. Everyone I can cram into the Railway thing are going to the Gold Saucer to celebrate!

Just to warn you, those of you who have read my Crisis Core Bonus chapter may not want to read this, because of all the zany randomness throughout. You see, this was another one of those hidden camera kinds of things, but we'll be seeing it on Disc 2 of the bloopers, you know? Just imagine that this was the day both before and on the 10th Anniversary of Final Fantasy VII. And, we get Montage 2 after this. I guess I'd better give you guys the answers now…

Answers for Montage 1:

Scene One: Aerith's Death (from a cat comic found on Google)

Scene Two: Cloud at the beginning of Disc 2 in the City of the Ancients

Scene Three: Cloud after fight against Air Buster

Scene Four: Sephiroth's monologue in FFVII:AC right before he and Cloud fight (from "Turks Watch Advent Children" on YouTube)

Scene Five: Battle against Midgar Zolom; team containing Cloud and Vincent (from same comic as 1)

Scene Six: Aerith in the water, just as Cloud and co. are leaving the spring

Scene Seven: Zack's death

Scene Eight: Emerald WEAPON approaching the submarine

Idea for Scene 7 in the montage was from RibbonzandChainzFF7! Give credit to her for the review with the idea!! And the song we're going to screw up this time…is One-Winged Angel!! Bwahahahaha! I am SO not nice to Sephy-kuns. Oh, and congrats to Fork in the Road for guessing Scene 4! As a treat, I'm putting you in a blooper (no, not this one) in the future! Tell me what you want for your blooper, and what you want to do, and I'll do it!

And yes, I know that a lot of these attractions aren't in the Gold Saucer, so what? it's not an amusement park without more than one roller coaster and a water park!!

Contains character bashing. Everyone gets theirs.

Anyway, I should give you the blooper now. Enjoy the randomness, and OOCness!

Disclaimer: HAHAHA no.

Chapter Eight  
Special Over 2500 Hits Celebration in the Gold Saucer Blooper

-VILLA-

"Waaaaaaiiiiiiiiit," Yuffie said. "You can't be serious." She spun to face the others. "They video taped us going AWOL for those few days?"

"It appears so," Sephiroth told her.

"You know, I forgot what happened on that day…" Cloud trailed off.

"I don't want to remember," piped up Cid.

"I want to know!" yelled Zell, grinning like an idiot.

"Why not? It'll be fun, won't it?" Aerith agreed.

With a heavy sigh, Sephiroth unpaused the scene to watch the few days that could very well be their undoing…

-BLOOPER THING-

Zack awoke to a loud BOOM! coming from the other side of the Square-Enix hotel he lived in. He sat up, looking around. He grabbed the Buster Sword and then got out of bed and rushed for the door. Upon swinging it open, a maniacal laughter filled his ears.

"Live my giant Lucky Charm live!" Zack groaned loudly. He knew who that was.

"GENESIS!" Zack shouted at the top of his lungs as the roof of the hotel came off. "WHAT ON GAIA DID YOU DO THIS TIME?" he demanded, storming through the hallway of the hotel. Several people poked their heads out, every single one of them shouting, "GENESIS!"

Zack was met by Vincent, Cloud, Sephiroth, Yazoo, Loz, Tifa, and Angeal who were all going to go kill Genesis for waking them up. Just as they approached his room, they saw what had torn off the roof. A giant rainbow Lucky Charm stood there, the roof balancing on its head.

Zack glared at it before raising one of his foot and slamming it into Genesis' door. The door cracked and then came crashing down in a heap. Zack was strong! (Yay!) Zack glared at Genesis who was in a corner. He was wearing a pair of fake glasses that had this little nose attached to it that made Genesis' face look disfigured. It also had a mustache on it! "Oh hey guys! Meet Lucky! My giant Lucky Charm!" Genesis said, grinning like an idiot. (I just love bashing Genesis. Sorry! Trust me, I don't hate him. Far from it.)

Zack stepped up in front of Genesis until he was at least a foot away and growled, "Wanna meet my new friend, Genesis?"

"EUU! YAY! A NEW FRIEND!" Genesis cheered and clapped happily, "So what's his name?"

"His name is 'Fist'. Fist, meet Genesis' face," Zack growled, slamming his fist into Genesis' face. He didn't even look at the damage he caused as he spun around and headed towards the door, cracking his knuckles as he went. "Genesis, you are the dumbest thing on the Planet. I rest my case and good night everybody!"

"My turn!" Angeal growled, unsheathing a Hardedge. He was just about to hit Genesis with it when this red cat appeared in front of Genesis. Angeal blinked and dropped the Hardedge as he looked at Red XIII who sagged under the weight. He fell backwards, shaking with laughter.

On the poor Red XIII, Reno was snoring, wearing pajamas with Hello Kitty as the pants and then on the shirt it was decorated with Dora the Explorer. (THE HORROR!) (that rhymes LOL) Genesis looked up from his bloody nose and broken jaw and died laughing even though he couldn't move his jaw and he was covered in blood.

Cloud, who had the Ultima Weapon out and had been hacking at the evil rainbow, couldn't help but laugh as Reno fell off the fire cat and rolled on the floor and continued snoring like an idiot.

Sephiroth was blinking in utter shock and tentatively poked the thing that he could have sworn was Reno and it twitched. Sephiroth shuddered. He didn't like this thing and it's odd obsession for Hello Kitty (shudders) and Dora the Explorer (shudders some more).

Vincent burned the giant marshmallow that was laughing as well and all the marshmallow's ashes covered Reno from view and everybody sighed with relief. Yazoo, Loz, and Tifa were all glaring at Genesis and it was Tifa who came up to him and snarled, "You woke me up and I NEED my beauty sleep!"

"I beg to differ, you're not very pretty…" Sephiroth had to say which earned him a death glare from Tifa. He rolled his eyes and glared at Cloud, who was glaring at the ashes of the evil rainbow charm thing and growled, "I'll kill you later."

"What was that?" Cloud snapped, holding his sword up in his, er, Zack's battle stance.

"Um…nothing. I just said that I'd eat my breakfast later," Sephiroth lied, not thinking fast enough.

"Oh, okay, well it's midnight anyway, so I'm going back to bed," Cloud said, strolling out the door.

_What a moron! _Sephiroth thought with mockery as he went back to his own room.

Vincent and the rest followed, leaving Genesis with a broken jaw, a bloody nose, and singed hair because Tifa had zapped him with a Bolt3 spell.

--

Meanwhile, Zack was just going back to sleep when he forgot that he had left the door open. He went to go close it and then went back to bed, only to see the stars up above him. He thought for a moment, then remembered that the roof was gone. Then, he heard a loud voice singing country music:

_When I get where I'm goin'_

_On the far side of the sky_

_The first thing that I'm gonna to is_

_Spread my wings and fly_

_Gonna land beside a lion_

_Run my fingers through his mane_

_Where find out what it's like to ride a drop of rain_

_Yeah when I get where I'm goin'_

_They'll be only happy tears_

_I will shed the sins and struggles I have carried all these years_

_And I'll leave my heart wide open_

_I will love and have no fears_

_Yeah when I get where I'm goin'_

_Don't cry for me down here_

_I'm going to walk with my Granddaddy_

_And he'll match me step-for-step_

_And I'll tell him how much I missed every minute since he left._

_Then I'll hug his neck_

_Yeah when I get where I'm goin'_

_They'll be only happy tears_

_I will shed the sin and struggles I have carried all these years_

_And I'll my heart wide open_

_I will love and have no fears_

_Yeah when I get where I'm going'_

_Don't cry for me down here_

_So much pain and so much darkness_

_This world we stumble through_

_All these questions I can't answer_

_So much work to do_

_But when I get where I'm goin'_

_And I see my Maker's face_

_I'll stand forever in the light_

_Of his amazing grace_

Zack couldn't take it any longer. There were two people singing now! TWO! He yelled at the top his lungs at the sky, "SHUT UP YUFFIE!"

"But that's not me!" Yuffie whined back from a distance.

"FINE THEN! SHUT UP AERITH!"

"Okaaay Zack," Aerith called back before dropping silent. There was still a second voice. Zack knew who it was.

"RENO! STOP SINGING IN YOUR SLEEP!" Zack yelled. The singing stopped and for once since the twenty minutes that Zack had just arrived at the Square Enix hotel, there was peace.

--

When morning came, Zack awoke to find that there was a burning smell in the air. He looked up at the sky and then shot up out of bed and rushed towards the door and down towards the breakfast area/lobby. Sephiroth and Reno were standing there, chatting about evil dark things while Tifa, Yuffie, and Aerith were talking about something Zack didn't understand. It sounded like this:

"Why aren't you dead Aerith?"

"I don't know. I got stabbed and blah, blah, blah."

"Blah, blah, blah…"

Zack turned away from them and saw Cloud talking with Vincent and Angeal. Genesis was grabbing a doughnut while Tifa was slapping Loz with a waffle with a puppy imprinted on it, yelling, "I love puppies, you dumb puppy kicker!"

Okay so everything was fine…so what was burning? Suddenly Zack turned to look back at Sephiroth and Reno. They had something in their hands. All at once a blood-chilling scream came from inside the kitchen followed by several others. Zack rushed over to the two of them only to find that Reno had made voodoo dolls out of all the people that worked in the hotel and had gasoline and a light held up to one of them. Sephiroth poured the gasoline on it and Genesis laid it down on the metal cart. Zack could only watch as they ignited it and a man came running out, on fire, screaming like a baby. Zack grinned a wicked grin as he snatched a Genesis voodoo doll from Reno, who tried to take it back, but Zack quickly his plan to the redhead.

Zack then asked for a glass of water at the desk. He added ice to it and then stuck the doll into the cup. Making sure no one was watching, he shoved it into the freezer and turned the freezer onto 'Ice Age Cold'. Zack turned to look at Genesis, who was shaking like mad saying, "I-It's s-s-s-s-s-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o c-c-c-c-c-c-c-cold!" Everyone turned to look at Genesis just in time to see him freeze.

Tifa poked him in the head. Nothing happened. She shocked him with Bolt3. Nothing. A grin danced on her face as she grabbed a Fire materia and activated it. She shoved it under his arm, letting it burn. Genesis remained frozen. Meanwhile Reno, Sephiroth, and Zack had fallen over, laughing like idiots. Only they knew what had really happened to Genesis.

"Well I think it's time for a funeral," Angeal said.

"Funeral? Who would go to a funeral that had Genesis in it?" Tifa spat in disgust.

That only made the three of them laugh even harder.

"Someone who's stupid enough to believe Genesis is dead," Cloud growled. "Zack, get that voodoo doll out of the freezer!"

"Aww! But it's funny!" Zack whined to his ever-so-clever friend, opening the freezer. He was met by a blast of icy wind that seemed to freeze his face and hair in place as he reached in. Zack thought it felt like an ice age in there and after a few seconds, his hand froze as he searched for the glass. So he had to stick his other hand in and it froze too.

Zack grumbled something about stupid Ice Ages and stuck his head in and found the glass and pulled his head out just in time. His head was half frozen. With the glass out, Zack dropped it from his mouth and fell over backwards, letting the warm morning light thaw him out. Meanwhile, Reno and Sephiroth had picked up the glass with soaking wet hands and the glass was stuck.

They tried to pull it off their fingers but were unsuccessful and as everyone watched them, Cloud laughed. "Awww! You're holding hands!"

"You'd better watch your mouth!" Sephiroth growled, knocking Reno out with the glass as his hand came free. He looked at Reno, who had dropped dead and muttered, "Oppsies."

"Ah well, just leave him there. No one really cares for the dunce anyway," Yuffie said as Zack finally thawed out and stood up. Angeal was laughing at Zack because he had gotten frozen.

"Shut up Angeal," Zack growled, grabbing some breakfast and going to his room to eat in peace for once in his life.

Hours later, Angeal, Reno, Genesis, Yazoo, Cloud, Sephiroth, Cid, Yuffie, Tifa, and everyone else came inside Zack's room, yelling, "WE'RE GOING TO THE GOLD SAUCER!"

Zack looked up as Sephiroth picked her up, raised him over his head, and yelled, "Get off your lazy arse and let's go!"

"But I haven't packed yet!" Zack argued. No one replied as Cloud grabbed a bag full of who-knows-what and ran off towards the mini-van. Sephiroth threw Zack in it, who instantly began yelling at Sephiroth for throwing him in a van, but Sephiroth ignored him as everyone climbed in. And it just so happened, to everyone's misfortune, Cloud was driving. Cloud, who was used to driving really, really fast on a motorcycle, stepped on the gas.

"AHHHH!" everyone screamed as they were thrown against the seats and held there, unable to move. Zack was screaming louder than he ever had in his life as Cloud raced down the highway. Everyone was shocked that the police didn't catch them and from all the way in…um…ohhh! Let's put them in Mideel! Anyway… All the way from Mideel to the Gold Saucer, they go there within the timing of five minutes.

Zack opened the van door and threw up at once. Everyone else followed him, including Sephiroth, who happened to throw up all over Vincent's head. Vincent looked at Sephiroth with great anger and rage as he punched him in the face with his claw and went looking for a bathroom so he could wash his hair. Everyone, even though they felt really sick, began to laugh at Vincent.

"Hey Vinnie! Your puke is dripping everywhere!" Yuffie called, showing a face of disgust.

"IT'S VINCENT!"

"OHHHH! So we can call him 'Vinnie'! Awesome!" Sephiroth squealed with delight yelling, "Poor, poor you Vinnie!"

Just as "Vincent" came back from washing his hair, everyone felt better, but Sephiroth had turned to Cloud. He was now threatening Cloud, saying that if Cloud ever drove with her in the car again, Sephiroth would whip his ass. After that, they headed into the Gold Saucer, Angeal looking around yelling, "WOW! ALL THE POPCORN I CAN EAT!"

Every single one of them turned to look at Angeal with confusion. Angeal was picking up pieces of popcorn off the ground and popping them into her mouth. "That's just fucking nasty! And to think I share cigarettes with you!" Cid yelled.

Everyone turned to look at Cid with horror and Cid gnawed on his cigarette nervously. "Awww! Cid and Angeal sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes-OW! VINNIE!"

"Shut up Yuffie, they're not gay!" Vinnie snapped. (although SOME writers would care to disagree)

"It's a sign of affection!" Sephiroth piped up, but a girl came up to him and grabbed his hair, yelling, "SHINY STUFF!"

Sephiroth turned to look at the girl, drawing Masamune. He was about to chop the girl's head off when he was attacked by little chibi people. Everyone stared at poor Sephy before quickly running off towards a roller coaster. Sephiroth threw the chibi people off and quickly scurried after them, yelling, "DON'T LEAVE ME HERE WITH THESE-THESE THINGS!"

Sephiroth got in line with the others and waited…and waited…and waited some more until Vinnie "Vincent", piped up, "Hey Lucrecia!"

Sephiroth blinked and turned to look at Vincent and then a girl. All at once, as if his mind were playing tricks on him, he saw Aerith-um Aerith standing there (and yes, they do look alike! Lucrecia is very pretty). He drew Masamune out and stabbed the girl. Everyone gasped and Vincent stared as Lucrecia died…again. FINALLY! I KILLED SOMEONE! Sephiroth shouted in his mind. Suddenly he found everyone glaring at him. "Umm…what did I do this time?"

"YOU STABBED YOUR MOTHER!" Vincent yelled.

Yuffie: GASPS

Yuffie was about to speak up but then Sephiroth just had to interfere, "BUT I THOUGHT IT WAS AERITH…I MEAN AERITH! THE GIRL I KILLED WAS AERITH-AERITH, UM…RIGHT? Who was she anyw-"

"YOU THOUGHT IT WAS WHO!" Aerith and Cloud yelled at the same time.

Sephiroth blinked, realizing he was in a LOT of trouble. He gulped, "Umm….uh….hey look a monkey!" Sephiroth pointed towards the opposite direction. This only earned him a hit from both Vincent and Cloud and a smack from Aerith. "Ow…"

"Hey! But at least I'm not the one who chopped off your arm! THAT WAS THE IDIOTIC SCIENTIST HOJO!" Suddenly Sephiroth's eyes flashed and she suddenly went CRAZY! "MWHOHAHAHAHAHA! I SHALL TAKE OVER THIS PLANET AND RULE YOU ALL!"

"Um…Angeal, gimme your cell phone," Cloud demanded.

"Huh? Why?" Angeal asked, handing Cloud his cell phone, still staring at Sephiroth.

"Cause I'm calling Dr. Phil."

"Good idea." Everyone said except Sephiroth who was still cackling like a maniac.

"WE SHALL JOIN YOU!" Genesis and Reno yelled, and began laughing.

Suddenly Sephiroth stopped saying, "HEY! There can't be THREE rulers! There can only be two!"

"Then who's the second one, Sephiroth?" Genesis and Reno asked.

"Um…uh…" Sephiroth looked at the two of them and then at a small rock on the ground. He picked it up saying, "THIS ROCK!"

"Whoa! I think he needs mental attention!" Cloud gasped.

"NO! I should have guessed! A rock is much braver than us! It can go places we never could! It can fly through the stupid air! Why was I so blind?" cried Genesis. Sephiroth knocked him out as he boarded the ride. Dr. Phil was standing there, waiting for him to get off.

Meanwhile Sephiroth was at the very top of the roller coaster. It was about to tip…any second now…When it finally rushed downward, Sephiroth's eyes widened. THERE WAS A LOOP IN THE ROLLER COASTER! He yelled as he was flung upside down, clutching the person's arm who sat next to him for dear life. "HOW THAT XIGBAR MAN STANDS THIS I DON'T KNOW!" Sephiroth shouted as the roller coaster came to another loop.

Meanwhile, everyone was watching Sephiroth and none of them could help but laugh at the Great General's terror.

Sephiroth felt the roller coaster slow and quickly lifted his bar, thinking the roller coaster was over until he saw…another hill. "Um…uh-oh!" Sephiroth muttered, not moving the bar down. The man next to her was freaking out yelling, "Hey! Close the bar! We're gonna die if you don't!!"

Sephiroth blinked and looked at the man next to him. He moved the bar down just as the roller coaster went down the hill. "Oh, sorry…um…yeah!" Sephiroth apologized and then continued screaming like an idiot. When the roller coaster HAD finally come to a stop, Sephiroth had made himself a new friend. His name was Zell.

"Sooooo….why the hell are you at this theme park Zell?" Sephiroth asked, climbing out of her seat.

"Oh, everyone, I mean Squall, Selphie, Rinoa, Quistis, Irvine, Cid, and Edea just wanted to take a break. Oh, me and Seifer, too. What do you do for a living? You look like a warrior of some sort!" Zell exclaimed, pointing out that Sephiroth was still wearing his black leather pants and trenchcoat and whatnot.

"I am an evil General who wants to-" Sephiroth was cut off by Vincent who yelled, "YOU KILLED LUCRECIA!"

Sephiroth turned to look at Vincent and then at Zell. "Umm…I kinda killed my "mother" 'cause I thought she was Aerith-um Aerith."

"Oh, I see," Zell replied as Reno and Genesis came up to Sephiroth and dropped on their knees and began bowing down to him, saying, "Teach us what you know, evil Dark One."

Sephiroth blinked and couldn't help but laugh at Reno and Genesis. He liked the attention. "Umm…okay but do that one hundred more times." Sephiroth was going to add more but Genesis and Reno were kicked by Vincent and Aerith and they stood up at once.

Sephiroth glared at Aerith as Genesis and Reno were forced to stand up. "What was that for?" he demanded.

"YOU KILLED LUCRECIA!" Vinnie roared.

"Yeah, yeah, I know that buddy. Now shut up!" Sephiroth snapped at the angry man. Vinnie glared at him, but he actually fell silent. That was only to be expected, seeing as Vinnie wasn't much of a person to talk to. Meanwhile, Sephiroth turned to look at Cloud who was staring at Tifa, drooling.

Sephiroth had to resist from falling over, laughing as he picked up his King Rock and chucked it at Cloud's head. It hit his rock hard torpedo spike, chipping off the end of it. That broke Cloud out of his trance. He whirled around to look at the chipped point, his mako blue eyes wide. "WHO CHIPPED MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR?!" he demanded.

Zell blinked and looked at them and then Cloud, "What is wrong with you? Your hair is brick, I swear!" He numbly fingered his own hair.

Angeal, who had found some coffee, was jumping up and down yelling, "COFFEE! COFFEE! ZACK, HERE'S MY COFFEE!"

Zack sighed and stared at his stupid, ignorant mentor. "I'll take care of this," he told everyone and grabbed Cloud's Ultima Weapon from him. Cloud didn't even notice because he was sobbing over his broken hair, burying the chipping in the dirt as a grave. Then he inserted a popsickle stick to mark the grave.

Zack blinked in bewilderment at his friend, then turned to Angeal. He raised the oversized butter knife and bashed Angeal over the head. Angeal froze from the impact and dropped down on the ground, singing, "Twinkle twinkle little star how I wonder what you are…Zack, Zack, Zack. I love you. I love you sooooo much!" He extended his arms to show just how much. (don't understand? Read Maximum Ride 3!!)

Zack's left eye twitched as he looked down at Angeal. Everyone was now looking at the strange rogue SOLDIER. Zack raised the Ultima Weapon again and continued to beat Angeal senseless, yelling, "YOU ARE NOT ON VALIUM, SO YOU'D BETTER TAKE THAT DAMN COMMENT BACK OR I WILL SERIOUSLY KILL YOU! I SWEAR IT!"

"ZACK SCARES ME!" Sephiroth squealed. (BlueFox bursts out laughing)

"YO!" Reno roared, smacking Sephiroth with his EMR.

Sephiroth spun around and glared at Reno. "The Almighty Evil Dark One commands you to go jump in the cow pasture and die!"

Reno blinked and nodded, then turned to Genesis. "Where are the cows, Genesis?"

Genesis inched slowly away from Reno and then responded, "If you beat Yazoo senseless, he'll tell you where they are."

"OKAY!" (hrm, wonder how that'll turn out…)

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! The hell's going on here?" Barret demanded.

"I'm eating marshmallows!" Tifa responded, eating more marshmallows.

"OH VINNIIIIIE!" Yuffie's voice rang out. (you should recognize this)

Vinnie, through his silent, raging anger, turned with fearful eyes to look at Yuffie who was rushing towards him. "Oh shit…"

"WILL YOU KISS ME?" Yuffie asked, but Vinnie had run away. "NO! COME BACK VINNIE!"

"NO! Yuffie! COME BACK!" Kadaj yelled, running after Yuffie, who was running after Vinnie, who was running after a police officer, who was running after a teenager, who was running after a five-year-old, who was running after his dog, who was running after her cat, who was running after the mouse, who was running after a string of cheese and running after his cousin, who was running after a grasshopper, who was running after a baby ant.

Okay enough of that.

Everyone watched all of those people disappear and then turned to look at Zack who still had the Ultima Weapon. Even though he was out of breath, he still flung curses at the bloody heap that was Angeal. Angeal was in a little ball, praying that his student wouldn't end his life. "Okay, let's go to the next ride!" Zack suggested, bored with using all of the curse words he knew.

"Uh…yeah!"

When everyone had gotten on the next ride, they were missing a few people. Barret, Zell, and all the others from FF8 hadn't come with them. Instead they were all going to the water rides, forcing Barret to follow. Now that Sephiroth sat in his seat on this ride that went way up and then dropped really, really, fast while everything was dark, he wondered what happened to his rock. His mako green eyes flashed as he turned to Genesis beside him.

"Hey Genesis."

"What, Almighty Dark One?"

"Have you seen my King Rock?"

Though he couldn't see Genesis, he heard the magenta-clad awesome guy's quiet laughter. Sephiroth blinked. Wait a minute, he couldn't see? WHY COULDN'T HE SEE, DAMMIT?

"You know, you can take off your sunglasses brother," a voice echoed through the ride right next to Sephiroth.

Oh…

Sephiroth inched away from the person, screaming, "ARE YOU ONE OF THOSE CREEPY HIPPIES?!"

"No… But Rufus is!" the voice responded.

"Then why in Mother's did you call me 'brother'?" Sephiroth shrieked.

"SHUT UP SEPHIROTH!" Zack yelled.

"Because I'm Kadaj, your brother."

"Oh…riiiiiiight!" Sephiroth said. Who was the hell was Kadaj? All at once, Genesis sneezed. Sephiroth removed his sunglasses and looked at Genesis.

"Sephiroth! Move your wing! I'm allergic!"

"Opps…sorry! …Wait, that's YOUR wing! You're allergic to your own wing?"

"I LOVE YOU VINNIE!" Yuffie yelled through the darkness.

"DO YOU DO-" Vinnie's voice cut off. Sephiroth couldn't help but snicker.

"Okay guys, stop, we're almost at the top!" Cloud said. "Hey Aerith, where did you go?"

Suddenly, Sephiroth was aware of someone sitting on his lap. He gulped, hoping with all his shallow heart it wasn't the person he thought it was. "Hello Sephy-kuns." His heart sunk and his mako green eyes widened. It was her! It was Aerith! OH DEAR GOD MOTHER JENOVA FUDGE SICKLES, HELP ME ESCAPE THIS NIGHTMARE! he screamed in his mind.

All at once Cloud shouted, "AERITH! Buckle up! The ride is about to go down!"

Sephiroth gulped. "NO! DON'T BUCKLE UP AERITH!"

"Stop freaking out Sephy. I won't buckle up I'll-"

Okay, this was worse, Sephiroth decided. Aerith was clinging to him. All at once, the ride lunged and Sephiroth felt as if he were being choked from where Aerith was clinging to him so hard.

"GO AWAAAYYYYY YUUUUUUFFFFFFIIIIIIIIE!" Vinnie yelled.

"LET…GOOOOO….OF MEEEEE….AEEEERRRRRRIIISSSSS!" Sephiroth screamed.

"Don't worry brother. I'll kill her if you want!" Kadaj offered. Sephiroth saw the glint of his clone's sword.

"Um… No thank you!" Sephiroth mustered, knowing that Kadaj would stab him if he tried to kill Aerith. Of course that might not have been so bad, but he'd prefer not to be stabbed.

Meanwhile, Zack had chosen a seat far away from Angeal, but to his great displeasure, it was right next to none other than Vinnie and Yuffie. He felt like puking-or grabbing Vinnie's Death Penalty and doing him a favor by blasting Yuffie's head off. "Get off of me!" Vinnie gasped, shoving Yuffie away.

Vinnie shoved Yuffie right onto Zack. He glared at her as she clung to him as the ride rocketed down. "Would youuuuu getttttt offffff meeeeee?" Zack snarled, trying to get Yuffie away, but she was clinging to him, yelling in his ear.

When the ride was over, Zack felt very angry (O.O), Vinnie was quiet and seemingly brainless (-.-), Sephiroth had a look of horror on his face (O.O) as Aerith grabbed his hand. Cloud was steaming and tried to get his Ultima back from his friend, but Zack was using it in defense against Yuffie.

Too bad for him, though. There were fanboys and fangirls all over the park. Zack clung to the Ultima Weapon for dear life as a fangirl came up to him and began to braid Zack's hair. "It's not long enough, stupid! Leave me alone!" Zack snarled.

The fangirl looked hurt. "But Zack!" she whined. "I'm the one who is typing this story!"

Zack blinked, looking at her. "You what?"

"YOU ARE NOT THE AUTHOR OF THIS STORY!" a loud voice roared through the sky.

Everyone looked up and then looked behind them to see Fang and Squall Leonheart standing beside a girl about early teens. "I am the Almighty BlueFox with her bodyguards!"

Squall cast her a glance and then glared at her, growling, "For the last time BlueFox, I AM NOT YOUR BODYGUARD! Just a muse."

Fang looked at her and then responded, "I thought I read over your shoulder all the time while Squall threatened the lawyer because he wouldn't let me type about my rabid squirrel world and-"

"No, Fang, that was in the Bonus chapter thing for Crisis Core!" BlueFox argued back.

"Oh…"

BlueFox turned to look at everyone and turned to Squall. "Squall, will you do me a favor and kill that fangirl while I go and finish this chapter?"

"No problem," Squall disappeared for a second, then reappeared beside her. Zack cringed as the girl exploded. He felt something wet on his face and wiped it off. Blood. Well at least she was dead.

"Alright guys, time to go!" Zack growled, dragging the others off to the car.

Angeal's mind was no longer messed up. And he took back to comment he said to Zack and now was arguing with Cid about getting the shortest cigarette in the pack. Meanwhile Vinnie had picked up Lucrecia's body and was crying while Yuffie glared at Lucrecia's 'remains' and clung onto Vinnie. Sephiroth had gotten rid of Aerith. Cloud was hugging her tightly. "YOU ARE NOT IN LOVE WITH SEPHIROTH!" he yelled at her.

"Yes I am!" Aerith argued.

"You're right Cloud. She's not in love with Sephiroth-or you! She's in love with me!"

Everyone turned to see a man with black spiky hair walk up to them. Aerith' eyes grew wide and he jerked away from Cloud, yelling, "Zax! You're alive!" (AN: XD)

Sephiroth groaned. "Oh no…"

"Hello Sephiroth," Zax greeted.

"Do I know you?"

"Yes! I'm a 1st Class SOLDIER!" Zax snapped.

Sephiroth blinked. "Huh?"

Cloud stared at Aerith with anger as she went back over to Sephiroth yet again as they headed towards the water park. He was almost ready to shout, "Get away from her you silver-haired freakin' General idiot!" But he didn't have too because Zax, who was glaring at Sephiroth with the utmost hate, snarled, "Sephiroth, I suggest you step away from my girlfriend right now before I slit your throat!"

Zack, who was glancing at Angeal to make sure he was still arguing with Cid, heard his twin and turned to look at Aerith, who had, at once, rushed over to Zax and gave him a hug. Okay… Zack shook his head. He swore Aerith had short-term memory loss sometimes…Oh well…

As he boarded the next ride, he saw Genesis and Reno sit beside one another behind him, Yuffie and Vinnie (Vincent) sat in front of him, and beside him sat-oh shit-Angeal. He gulped, suddenly wishing that he had Loz's tazer thingy ma jig. And then there it was, on his hand. Zack blinked. Where had it come from?

"IT'S FOR YOUR PROTECTION AGAINST THE LIAR!" a voice yelled in the crowd. Zack looked over to see BlueFox standing there, holding a laptop, still typing with Fang sitting beside her, reading over her shoulder and Squall looking around warily.

Meanwhile Vincent (Vinnie) glanced nervously at Yuffie, trying to whip out his Death Penalty for protection, but to his shock, it wasn't there… Where in the hell is my Death Penalty? he wondered and then spotted BlueFox in the crowd. "DAMN YOU BLUEFOX!"

Vinnie watched as BlueFox looked up and then raised her hand and pointed at him. Squall followed to where she was pointing and then blasted a barrage of bullets up at Vincent, seeing as he didn't want to actually go up there (he was a lazy guy…). Vinnie looked at the hole the bullets had made in the metal seat of the water ride and gulped…this was not going to end well… Suddenly the ride started. It began off steady, but then it climbed a steep hill. Vinnie felt something clinging to his arm and to his horror-it was YUFFIE! "LUCRECIA WHY DID YOU DIE?" he yelled at the sky. (Hey that rhymes! LOL)

Cloud, who was sulkily sitting beside Sephiroth in the water ride, gazed at a white tulip in his hand. Oh how he missed Aerith so much… He sniffled. Meanwhile Sephiroth looked slyly over at his enemy, a glare on his face. Then he noticed Cloud had a white tulip and he was crying. This was his golden moment!

"Aww! Is da poor wittle blond going' ta cwry? Boo-hoo-hoo!" (He is SO childish!)

Cloud looked up and glared at Sephiroth and threw the tulip at him. It hit him in the head and Sephiroth began screaming like a little girl, "IT BURNS! HELP ME! IT BURNS!"

Sephiroth flung the tulip over the edge, making Cloud try to leap for it, but was stopped by the bar. He burst into tears after that.

Meanwhile Angeal scared the shit out of Zack as the climbing water ride reached the top. Zack was about to poke Angeal again when Angeal grabbed the bar and…gulp…pushed it forward. The ride tipped and Zack screamed bloody murder as he clung to Red XIII who was helping him. Angeal, ever so gladly, flew away like a little birdie.

After Zack had pulled the bar back, he relaxed, glad that Angeal was gone.

Yuffie was clinging to Vincent like a leech as she screamed, her body getting soaked with water. She grinned as she pulled Vincent closer to her. Her plan working as Vincent's hair got messed up by the water. He ducked, but then he noticed Yuffie clinging to his waist and tried to get away from her, but the ninja had a death grip on him. Poor Vincent…and to think-they hadn't even had any fun yet-"YUFFIE! LET GO!" he screamed, accidentally hitting the bar in front of him. It slung open and within seconds, he and Yuffie were flying through the air. He gulped as he smashed into the concrete below, Yuffie landing on top of him.

"Thanks for breaking my fall, Vinnie!" Yuffie said cheerfully, gripping him tightly as she picked him up.

"Ow…" Vincent mumbled, his body aching. "I need to see a doctor…"

Suddenly Jeb (from Maximum Ride ppl) came up out of no where and grabbed Vincent, "I think I can be of assistance."

Yuffie's eyes flared. "You let go of my Vinnie! FANG!"

Fang appeared out of the shadows and went up to Yuffie, spotting Jeb. Jeb gulped, "Um…MOMMY! FANG IS BACK FROM MAXIMUM RIDE AND IS OUT TO KILL ME!"

Elena popped up, "I shall protect you honey!" she yelled, getting ready to use that one fire attack.

"You're Jeb's MOTHER!" everyone in the whole theme park screamed. "EWW! IT BURNS!"

"Oh…no! I'm actually his cousin!"

--

Vinnie blinked. Everything was so bright… He looked at the sun and then, as if on cue, everything turned dark. "WHO TURNED OFF THE LIGHTS? LUCRECIA! WHERE IS THE LIGHTSWITCH?"

All at once Vinnie found himself in a desert. The sky was clouded over. He looked around for any sign of a light switch. Then, the wind picked up just as he spotted Lucrecia. "VINCENT! FIND THE STINKIN' LIGHT SWITCH!" Lucrecia yelled, her hair flying in all directions from the wind.

Vincent blinked and looked around some more, "But Lucrecia! I can't find the…oh…" He spotted the light switch and flipped it on.

A blinding white light filled everything and turned everything white. Vincent looked up, "OOOH! Pretty light!"

Lucrecia from the still dark desert yelled, "DON'T STEP INTO THE LIGHT!"

Suddenly the white light vanished and Vincent saw the light turn on, "I found the light switch Lucrecia!"

As he said that, it grew dark again and suddenly Vincent crumpled to the ground, his eyes closing. "NO! I'm DYING!" the sky screamed-that was Vinnie, his younger version.

He watched as Vincent lay on the dirt ground, not moving. Lucrecia rushed forward, kneeling before him. "I'M DEAD!"

Suddenly Lucrecia started crying. "NO! DO NOT PITY ME!" Vinnie yelled.

Then, Hojo appeared. "I SHALL TAKE OVER THE WORLD!" and then vanished.

Tseng appeared, standing in the grass, scratching his head as he looked at Rude. "Um…uh…hi…"

"MY BOSS IS ALIVE!" Vinnie yelled, jumping up and down on a cloud. "AND SO IS MY OTHER FRIEND!"

And then everything changed and Vinnie stared at the grave of Rude. "NOOOOO! MY BEST FRIEND IS DEAD! WHAAA! NOW I MUST GO GRIEVE WITH CLOUD!"

"VINCENT! WAKE UP!" a familiar voice yelled.

Vincent opened his eyes and saw Lucrecia looking at him. "Lucrecia? You're alive!" he yelled. "Yay!" and then he kissed her, something he wouldn't ever so to the real Lucrecia.

Tifa struggled to get away from Vincent as he kissed her. When she finally got away, she was screaming, "AHHH! The lovey-dovy stuff! IT BURNS!"

Vincent stared at Tifa. "You're not Lucrecia…"

"NO DUH YA JAC-" she was cut short by everyone falling over and laughing at Vincent.

"Okay, now that you woke up-we can go some more rides!" Zack said, clapping his hands together once in an excited manner.

Meanwhile, Yuffie had gone up to Vincent and smacked him in the face. "HOW DARE YOU KISS TIFA FIRST VINCENT!"

"What? OW! OW OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWW! NO! Please! NOT THE HAIR! PLEASE! AHGGG!" Vinnie screamed as Yuffie cut three strands of his hair off with a pair of scissors.

Vincent's eyes were streaming with tears as he held the three pieces of hair. "She's sorry, my beautiful hair, she really is. Now I must give you a proper burial." He buried them in the dirt and weeped.

"I think he's on drugs…" Zack muttered to Sephiroth, who nodded, "Yeah…" What Cloud was doing at that precise moment they began to make a big deal out of.

Cloud was kneeling before Aerith, holding out…the Masamune. "Aerith, will you marry me?"

Both Zax and Sephiroth attacked Cloud. "LEAVE MY WIFE ALONE!" Sephiroth snarled, bashing Cloud's face in.

Zax, who had kicked Cloud, looked at Sephiroth, "YOUR WIFE?! SHE IS MY GIRLFRIEND!" he snarled, wrapping his fingers around Sephiroth's throat.

All at once, a large, wolf thing came out of no where and ate Zax… little did they know that was Disgusting-Yet-So-Fuzzy-And-Cute the Crisis Core special chapter. Otherwise known as Ruru.

Cloud and Zack were running after Ruru, yelling, "NOO! GET BACK HERE SO WE CAN TAKE YOU TO MYRIAD!"

Fang, who was holding his pet rabid squirrel, Myriad, blinked as the cute fuzzy creature scampered after Ruru.

-SPECIAL BLOOPERS-  
Montage 2

_One-Winged Angel/The World's Enemy  
By Nobuo Uematsu/Takeharu Ishimoto_

_Estuans Interius  
Ira Vehementi  
Estuans Interius  
Ira Vehementi  
Sephiroth  
Sephiroth_

"Oh, look, it's a heart!" The water fell through his hands where they were side by side. "I broke it," he sobbed.

_Estuans Interius  
Ira Vehementi  
Estuans Interius  
Ira Vehementi  
Sephiroth  
Sephiroth_

"Tch BEEP this!" The enemy slowed down, causing Cloud's Hardy Daytona to ram the blue and yellow truck off the highway.

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"

"Oh shit oh shit oh shit…"

_Sors immanis  
Et innanis  
Sors immanis  
Et innanis_

The materia hit his head and he straightened, looking over at the girl. But what was worse…was what was behind her. "YOU RUINED MY FLOWERS!!" (O.O)

_Estuans Interius  
Ira Vehementi  
Estuans Interius  
Ira Vehementi  
Sephiroth  
Sephiroth_

Cloud grabbed Masamune and yanked. Nothing happened. "No, not again." Pull, yank, push, groan, whimper, screech. Squeak. CRASH! Sephiroth stared up at the huge slab of the Shinra Building on his long sword, then at the flying enemy some two miles away.

THUD.

He flinched.

_Veni veni venias  
Ne me mori facias  
Veni veni venias  
Ne me mori facias  
Veni veni venias  
Ne me mori facias  
Veni veni venias  
Ne me mori facias  
Veni veni venias  
Ne me mori facias  
Veni veni venias  
Ne me mori facias_

The water from the fountain in the ground shot up. As it sprayed over him and healing his arm, he held out a hand, looking up. Drip.

"OH GOD! MY EYE!"

_Gloriosa  
Generosa  
Gloriosa  
Generosa  
Gloriosa  
Generosa  
Sephiroth  
Sephiroth  
Sephiroth!_

"I will…" he began, "never be a—hey, what the-?!" Feathers flew into the air as the younger SHM fell and did a faceplant, obviously not ready for the early return.

End Chapter.

On that note, Scene 4 will also be in the Top Ten Sephiroth Bloopers, whenever I get around to it. Cloud has to go before Sephiroth, and next episode…is a surprise! I'm only saying that because I have no idea what it's going to be…yet. Well, I guess you'll have to wait and see!

Requests? Ideas? Feedback? Send 'em in by way of review!!


	9. AC Birthday Bash!

Final Fantasy VII: Bloopers

Intro: (sigh) Oh man…this is going to be my last update for awhile. You see…there's this nasty epidemic going around, and I seem to have caught it. It's called "Grounded." Man, and I won't be cured until further notice. But thanks to MakruTree, I'll be able to update today, and then I'll keep a low profile and be exceptionally good so I heal fast.

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY, ARMAGEDDON! This chapter's dedicated to my bestest friend, Armageddon Child (MakruTree's a BFF, too, but it's not her birthday yet, and drakan101's birthday isn't until REALLY later on in the year). As a little treat, the characters are all going to throw her a party and go shopping and stuff. So YAY!

But…since this is a humor/parody fic, there will be OOCness, stupid situations with stoopider results, and we all know this B-Day bash is probably going to be ruined…in more ways than one.

But otherwise…ONWARD INTO THE WILD BLUE YONDER!

Disclaimer: HAHAHA no.

Currently Listening To: Crisis Core Soundtrack Disc One. J

Chapter Nine

Armageddon Child's Birthday Bash!!

The door fell down upon the group of people watching the bloopers. Everyone turned with wide eyes as the character in the doorway blew up the TV with a bazooka and held the cast of FF7 and some of 8 at flamethrower point.

"We're celebrating my friend's birthday today," BlueFox said, narrowing her blue-green eyes at everyone. "So get off your lazy arses and go buy her some presents."

So, in fear of their lives from a potentially homicidal fanfiction writer, the cast went to the mall.

--

The group of friends (not necessarily, but let's go with it) were wandering around the mall. They were doing their shopping for BlueFox's friend. Well, at least the true at heart girls were (and Seph). The rest of the group was sulking. Needless to say, shopping is not a popular hobby among this group…

"HOLY SHIT!" Seph squealed, "THERE'S A SALE ON HELLO KITTY STUFF! EVERYTHING IS 50-75 PERCENT OFF!"

"Shut the fuck up, Seph! You're making people stare at us! If we get thrown out of another mall because of one of you…" Cid trailed off making the threat quite clear.

"Shopping…" Zell shuddered. "Back away slowly…"

"Back away quickly! QUICKLY!" Squall yelled.

"RUN AWAY SCREAMING! WAH!" cried Cloud as he proceeded to do so. Unfortunately for him, he tripped over an elderly lady. Even more unfortunate, it happened to be the same old lady that beat Aerith up for PMS-ing (next chapter you'll understand). And to add to his misfortune he fell into a fountain.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO! NOT WATER! HOW CAN BEEP HYDROGEN AND MY SWEET OXYGEN COMBINE TO MAKE SUCH A SHITTY SUBSTANCE! NOOOOO! I'M MELTING!"

"Well, if you played Kingdom Hearts more often, you'd be more coordinated and that probably wouldn't have happened," Leon said smugly.

"Shut up, Squall," Yuffie said.

"IT'S LEON, DAMMIT!" he screamed. Cloud began climbing out of fountain, but before he made it all the way out, he was accosted by an angry senior citizen. She approached him menacingly, and then…

(We interrupt this story to tell you that you didn't pay your electricity bill last month…

…

…

… Well? Why are you still here?...

…

… Oh, you just paid it? Good! Now we can continue the story!)

Where were we? Oh yes…

…she began to beat him upside the head with her extremely heavy handbag.

"Look, Cloud's getting hurt again," Seifer said.

"You thinking what I'm thinking?" Squall asked.

"Of course," Seifer replied. The two of them disappeared for several seconds, and then reappeared with bags of popcorn. Out of nowhere, Reno and Rude began commentating on the 'match'.

"That was a nasty uppercut there, eh, Rude?" Reno said.

"Oh, yeah! And look at her form! Simply amazing!"

"Looks like this match is just about over."

"Uh-huh! Cloud will be feeling this in the morning!"

"That's not nice!" Aerith said. The old lady finished her "workout" and left with a final whack.

"Ah, man. Well, at least it was a good show. Don't you agree, Zell?" Squall said.

"Yeah! That was totally sweet when- Hey, what am I saying? I'm s'posed to be a good guy! I'm gonna go help Cloud!" Zell said.

"Yo!" said Zack. (Translation: We good guys don't get much excitement I guess. Wasn't it great though, Seifer?)

"Yup. It even lasted long enough for me to finish my popcorn!" Seifer replied. "Wasn't that great, Genesis?" Seifer looked around. "Hey, guys! Where's Genesis?" For, in the midst of the battle, Genesis had slipped away…

With Genesis…

"Finally! I'm away for those shopping freaks! Now I can look at chocolate!" Genesis said. Just then, he saw the most beautiful hunk of semi-sweetness in a shop window. The price tag said: 52.37. Genesis checked his wallet. All that came out were some fingernail clippers and a peppermint covered in fuzz.

"I need money!" he said. Then he raced off to a "money making" neighborhood of the mall. There, he saw the old woman who had beat Aerith up for PMS-ing, and more recently, Cloud.

He started to run.

"Slow down honey, or I'll be forced to lay knuckles upside your head, too," she leered venomously, then smiled innocently. "I need someone to be the new children's General, the other one quit."

All of a sudden, a man dressed like Kefka came walking out into the hall. "I quit!" said the man throwing a blond wig on the ground.

"Definitely not!" Genesis replied.

"Don't speak to your elders that way, young man! Besides, there's money involved."

"Can I have 52.37?"

"Plus tax?" she asked sweetly.

"Hell yes, oldster!"

"Don't push it," said the old lady, throwing the Kefka outfit at him.

5 minutes later Genesis was dressed in the clown's and sat in a throne like in FF6, surrounded by machinery painted on cardboard, hordes of "subordinates" and swarms of small children. One particular subordinate called "Blake" insisted upon skipping around with a horribly-fake-but-still-long-anyway-Masamune. Normally this would simply disturb people, but on this occasion it turned out to be quite painful. You see, Blake would often trip over his own feet and end up whacking people upside the head with the fake plastic blade. After a few minutes, Genesis' patience began to wear a bit thin. On the fourth "accidental" assault, 'Kefka' grabbed Blake by his Masamune and threw him into the wall, knocking him unconscious. The other subordinates in the room cheered, most of them sporting bruises and black eyes.

"Bring on the kiddies! I want to get my 52.37 plus tax so I get that dreeeeamy chocolate."

The subordinates (all except Blake) opened the floodgates and allowed masses, no, battalions, NO, WAIT, HUGE BEEP ARMIES of sweet, innocent little angels (note sarcasm) stampeded toward the innocent- Hmmmm… No, innocent's not the word. Let's just go with Genesis. The 'subordinates' jostled them into a single file line of semi-organized chaos.

The first child made his way up to "Kefka" and climbed into his lap.

Genesis sighed. "What's your name, kid?"

"It's Jackson." The boy said in a mature, James Bond (who we don't own!)-ish voice. "Jack Jackson."

"What do you want the General to get you?" Genesis asked, not bothering to hide his un- enthusiastic uhhh…. ness? Unenthusiasticness? Is that even a word? Oh, well! Now it is!

"I want a sword." Jack said keeping up the deep voice. "And not just any sword. I want a BIG, SHINY sword."

"How old are you, kid?"

The small boy looked up at Gen- um…. Kefka. His eyes seemed to get a whole lot larger and became much more sparkly.

"Fowr."

Genesis sweat-dropped. "You're four and you want a SWORD." Little Jack nodded vigorously. "This is going to be a LONG day."

Back with the others:

"Ugh. I hate shopping," Zell grumbled.

"Come on, chicken wuss! It's not that bad." Seifer replied. He was carrying several shopping bags.

"Yes, it is," Zell shuddered. "Shopping. Back away slowly."

"Back away quickly! QUICKLY!" Sephiroth screamed, following his own advice. Fortunately for him, he did it much more carefully than Cloud had, and he avoided all crotchety senior citizens and water fountains.

Cloud's eyes popped out of his head. "THE SKY IS FALLING!" He picked up a nearby acorn and threw it up in the air. It then obeyed those annoying laws of physics and came crashing down, right onto his head.

"OH NO! THE SKY IS FALLING! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" Cloud screamed. He, Zack and Sephiroth began doing just that.

"Wait a minute...We're inside a mall. Why are there acorns in here?" Yuffie asked, looking rather bewildered.

"Oh, yeah! There's a 'Nuts about Squirrels' Convention here today." Aerith said, then quickly added "Not that I'd know!" As they all stared at her incredulously.

"'Nuts about Squirrels?' Weird..." Reno muttered.

"I hate squirrels. They're evil," Rude stated sourly.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY!" A mob of angry people dressed in shirts that said 'I love squirrels' stampeded over to poor Rude. Then they proceeded to stampede over him.

"Cool! Angry squirrel dudes! Want some popcorn?" Seifer asked Squall.

"Sure!" Squall replied, as the (sort of) friends made themselves comfortable.

Back With Gene-er, Kefka

The girl's blond hair was in obnoxiously cute little pigtails and she wore gaudy pink overalls. Before she had agreed to sit on "Kefka's" lap, she made her body guards inspect her, ran an, erm… interesting bacteria test on the outfit and made him answer horrifying questions about… (gulp) Polly Pockets. (we don't own them! No, seriously we don't) (shudders) Suspiciously, he got them all right. Hmmmmmm…

So, she finally climbed up on his lap and stared up at him with a horrifyingly cute look. "So, uh, what's you're name, kid?" Genesis asked nervously. Those bacteria tests had really traumatized him.

"Angel," the little girl replied sweetly.

"Um, okay, Angel, what do you want the General to get you?"

"Kef-ka, I wan-na po-ny!" she said in a sing-song voice.

"Have you been good?" Genesis grimaced. He really wanted that chocolate.

"Of course I've been a good girl!" Angel said, loud enough for her 'bodyguards' to hear. Then she whispered "I'm not sorry for taking those cookies, and if you even think of giving me nothing I'll rip your eyes out!" she snarled, completely dropping the adorable little girl act.

"Ye-yes ma'am!" Genesis sputtered.

Back with the others…

Squall and Seifer were almost done with their popcorn "Aw, man, I'm almost done with my popcorn!" said Seifer sadly.

"Who cares about the popcorn? This is a great show! Front row seats! Rude getting beat up by an angry squirrelly mob, could life get any better then this?" Squall asked.

"Yes, I could have more popcorn." Seifer grumbled.

"Yay! A brawl!" Sephiroth screamed as he, Cloud and Zack jumped into the fray.

"Good thing Seifer bought these totally nifty foam fingers!" said Aerith. "See, Zell, shopping is really useful!"

Zell muttered under his breath about prissy girly-girls. Aerith then began to distribute foam fingers to the gang that watched the ensuing combat.

"Woo hoo! Go Seph!" cheered Leon.

Reno rolled his eyes. "Those guys are dumbasses, yo."

"Yeah, I know!" Yuffie said. "Who's stupid enough to take on enraged, die-hard squirrel nuts?"

Comedian's drum in background: Ba –da, CH!

"Bad pun!" Zell groaned.

"Thanks for the encouragement pal," the annoyed Yuffie said. "But seriously, who would be dumb enough to go into that angry squirrel mob?"

"Oh look, a brawl!" yelled Tseng. He was in the motion of jumping, when the mob of squirrel junkies quieted. Then ran over to Tseng, took his foam finger, then ran back over and proceeded to beat up Rude, Seph, Zack, and Cloud all over again.

Tseng was still in midair, when he fell flat on his face on the hard floor. He was there for some moments, when he looked up to see the fight still going on.

"What happened?" said a confused Tseng while rubbing his head. "Oh look, a brawl!" and he jumped into the fray as well.

"This is fucking embarrassing!" Cid said shaking his head.

Back with Genesis…

"Last kid," Genesis said wiping his brow.

"Some people say I'm paranoid, but I don't think so," said the small child that clambered on Genesis' lap.

Sigh. "What's your name son?" Genesis said.

"Mike Long," Mike said.

"How old are you?"

"Five years, twelve hours, eighteen minutes, twenty four seconds. Twenty five seconds," he said correcting himself. "Exactly. People hate it when I do that." The boy said to Gen…Kefka.

"I know how they feel," Genesis replied.

After Genesis was finished with the boy, Mike climbed off Genesis, using the many robes Genesis wore for support.

Then Mike had an idea that popped out of nowhere, he ripped off the blond wig from Genesis's head. Genesis clutched his hairline.

Sirens began going off and red lights flashed. Steel bars blocked all the entryways. Subordinates scattered and children began screaming. "FAKE KEFKA ALERT! FAKE KEFKA ALERT! CODE 34085/B! CODE 34085/B!" was blaring over the loudspeakers. Total pandemonium reigned in 'Vector' and Genesis sat rubbing his stinging hairline.

"Yep, that was a third degree wig burn," Genesis said grimacing.

Then a parent said from behind "You're an embarrassment to nature! How dare you traumatize our precious angels! Let's do what we have to do guys!"

"Uhhhh…" said a parent. "We'll be right back."

The angry mob of parents disappeared for a few minutes.

"Hey, if all the entryways are blocked, how'd the parents get out?" Genesis asked the deranged writers.

(Fang: Shhhhhh! You're not supposed to know we exist!

MakruTree: Well, at least there's still Blake the subordinate to keep you company!)

Genesis groaned.

(Edward: Obviously the parents harnessed the power of the aliens from the planet Gimbliku to go through the walls.

BlueFox: Am I the only half-sane one here?

Everyone else: Duh!)

Back to the story…

While waiting for the enraged parents to return, Blake the subordinate became conscious again.

"Ooooooh…" said Blake. "A microscope!"

Blake spent the next few minutes fascinated by looking at an ameba on the microscope Angel had left from the bacteria test. A little while later, the parents returned, followed by a huge mob, complete with pitchforks and torches.

"Cool mob! Where'd you get it?" Genesis asked excitedly, thinking longingly of siccing a mob on Zack.

"E-bay! They had a great deal on lactose-intolerant mobs!" one parent replied. Genesis looked confused.

"Lactose-intolerant? Why lactose-intolerant?"

"So they can't go out and eat nachos when they should be pillaging. The last mob we got left this." The parent gave Genesis a note that said:

"gOn owT 4 NachoooS

-Ur anGiry Mob"

The angry mob of parents and their angry mob from E-Bay (Which we definitely DO NOT own) stalked menacingly toward Genesis.

"Oh look, an ameba!" Genesis yelled pointing to the microscope.

"aYe wan a C!" said a member of the mob.

He shoved his way through the crowd. On the head of the microscope, was a sign

That read "DO NOT TOUCH! Thank you for your cooperation."

"aYe wan a tutch!" The unfortunate mob member yelled. He stretched out his hand and touched it…

BOOM

"PS…Violators may experience excruciating pain." Another mob member read, leaning over the pile of ash formerly known as 'the unfortunate mob member' to look at the rest of the note.

"Nouw U tel mee."

Of course, by that time Genesis had made his grand escape. Looking around, one member of the mob noticed this.

"HAY! Tha fayke Kefkaka iz gon!" he exclaimed.

"Gat 'iim!" They charged after the poor man in clown's robes, pitchforks and torches waving.

"I wonder what's going on over there," Zell said, pointing at the mob that was chasing a figure in multi colored clothes. The squirrelly fray had broken up by now, Seifer and Squall had run out of popcorn, Seph, Cloud, and Zack had made it out relatively unscathed, but Tseng and Rude weren't so lucky.

"Look guys! Another mob!" Seph yelled, pointing.

"YAY! BRAWL!" yelled Tseng, even though he was hurt.

"Don't take another damn limp!" Cid snarled, noticing that Tseng was in crutches.

"Come on you morons! We can't sit here until that mob comes and rips us to shreds; we have to get out of here!" Genesis yelled as he approached his group. "I know a guy; I met him when I was 'working', follow ME!"

"Wait a damn minute! 'Working?' WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN! GENESIS!" Cid screamed after his retreating figure.

"Hey Gackt, can you do a favor?" Genesis asked desperately, completely ignoring Cid.

The next thing they knew, Gackt, the security guard, was telling the angry mob that the group had left the mall.

Just as they were leaving, Gackt said "I believe you have something for me?"

Genesis sighed as he pulled out his wallet and gave Gackt 20.

"You know, we probably should leave the building…Just in case," Yuffie said heading toward the door. "We don't want to be spotted by that mob." But, just as she was walking out of the door a stray torch flew through the door and hit her head. "MY HAIR!" The others managed to put out the fire, but poor Yuffie's hair was singed badly.

"HOW COULD YOU! GENESIS, THIS IS ALL YOUR BEEP FAULT!" Yuffie screamed.

"Why is it my beep fault?" Genesis asked innocently.

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO GET THAT GODFORSAKEN MOB CHASING YOU, BUT I KNOW IT'S YOUR BEEP FAULT!" Yuffie shrieked.

They managed to get the distraught ninja into their van and they drove back to their house. After a brief incident involving the law, they finally trudged into the house.

"Gee, I'm wiped!" Zell said.

"Well, at least we don't have to do THAT again!" Aerith said with a sigh of relief.

Cloud stared at her for a moment before saying: "Shopping."

Aerith gave a small scream.

"NO! ANYTHING BUT THAT!"

"Calm down, flower girl. You are way too dramatic!" Leon said with disgust.

"I AM NOT!"

One Day Later at AC's Party

"Out of the goodness of my heart, I have bought you the most presents!" Genesis dabbed at his eyes with a hankie. The others sweat dropped.

"No you didn't! You didn't get her anything. You just bought yourself chocolate!"

"Oh, yeah…well…well…well…That's not true! I did to get Armageddon Child something!" Genesis stuttered in his own defense.

"Really?" Leon asked.

"Yeah SHE never insults me! Well, if she does, at least I'm not around!" Genesis said.

"…MUAHAHAHA!" (Translation: That magenta dude got a present for me! HA!) AC said.

"Here you go!" He handed her a book labeled The Idiots Guide to Ruling the World. Then he thought about what he had just done. Opps. Then he grinned.

"Oh, I'm sorry Armageddon! That's not your book," said Genesis as he turned around and gave an evil chuckle. He then pulled out another book entitled The Adventures of the Adorably Cute Bunnies in Happy Happy Land. "This is your book."

There was an odd sizzling noise and AC's hands began to smoke.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" she screamed. (Translation: Why do these more-than-slightly psychotic friends insist on tormenting me! On my BIRTHDAY! The horrible, cute fluffiness! It BU-U-U-URNSSSSS! End the translation here you jackass! I said end here! Ugh, I can't work in these conditions! I'm going to my damn trailer.)

Tetsuya: CUT!

5 Minutes later they were all back in their living room getting ready to open the rest of the presents. Cloud and Zack's were first.

"Yay! She gets to open our presents first! Hope that this time you'll get a real one, eh, Armageddon?" Cloud asked his friend.

"W00T!" AC agreed (we think).

"Here you go! It's from both of us!" Zack said, handing her a bulky package. She ripped off the wrapping paper to reveal a leather collar with weird electrical thing-a-ma-jiggers on it.

"Whoa!" She put it on. "Leather dog collar!"

"Not quite. It's an electrical tracking collar! And it has a special attachment on it that makes it shock you if you get to close to anything that makes you laugh maniacally!"

"Aw, shit."

"The next present is from ME!" yelled Seph. He picked up a present that said: For AC. From Sephiroth. AC proceeded to rip the paper off enthusiastically.

"OMIGOSH!" she screamed. "THE LIMITED EDITION HELLO KITTY WAFFLE IRON VERSION 3.2 ONLY AVAILABLE IN JAPAN FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY! Hello, what's this? A Genesis voodoo doll?" AC grinned evilly. "Thanks, Sephiroth!"

"Something gives me the feeling that this won't end well…" Zell said.

Seifer and Squall's presents were next. Both sets of eyes widened in horror as she opened their presents.

"White…leather…trench coat..." AC said, her eye twitching. "THERE IS NO BEEP WAY I'M GOING TO WEAR THAT DAMN PIECE OF TRASH!" she yelled.

"But wait, there's more! Open the other package!" Sephiroth said happily. And so she did. And the eye-twitch escalated into a full-fledged face-fault on AC's part, and a happy grin on Seifer's.

"HULA SKIRT!" Seifer yelled. For there was a blue grass hula skirt in the box, just like the one Riku wore in Dark mode. Seifer yanked it away from her and slipped it one. "Sweet!"

"You gave me a trench coat and a HULA SKIRT! GODDAMN YOU!" AC was furious. Seifer was pulling on her trench coat.

Then came Aerith's present.

"Here ya go!" she said, handing it to AC.

AC opened the package to find a pair of pants.

"Oh, um…Thanks, Aerith," she said.

"You're always wearing capris, so I figured you might like a pair of pants."

"Um…thanks again Aerith, but these pants are too big."

"Man, I thought they were just the right size. I got size eighteen."

"What the BEEP?! I do not have a BIG BUTT! You sick BITCH!" AC yelled.

Due to the violent, profane and ridiculously one-sided combat that ensued, this paragraph has been deleted from this story. They say you learn something new every day, and if nothing else besides wasting time you can't get back by reading this story, you have learned to NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, EVER insult a teenage girl. Thank you for your cooperation. THAT'LL BE 500 BUCKS YOU ASSHOLES! MUAHAHAHA! FEAR THE INSANE EDITOR!

(BlueFox: Uhhh…Guys, we don't have an editor.

Fang: Oh, yeah…

MakruTree: Nice going!

Edward: Why is that astronaut eating a cucumber?

BlueFox: Enough. Lets get back to the story!)

Next it was everyone's gift (where they all collaborated to get her something).

"Here is an exciting gift from all of us to you!" Zell leaned in close and whispered "But mostly from me, so please don't use it on me!"

"What was that?" Leon snarled.

"Nothing!" Zell replied.

Suddenly they heard a ripping noise. They all looked over from Zell's impending doom to see AC, surrounded by wrapping paper, holding a huge, shiny mallet. Her eyes were very big and shiny and she had a huge, very un-AC like grin on her face.

"IT'S THE SUPER DOOM MALLET 5000! WITH ELECTRO SHOCKING ATTACHMENTS! JUST WHAT I ALWAYS WANTED!"

"Uh oh." Cloud muttered and began to slowly wheel his wheelchair away from the now hyper blonde.

"MUST TEST IT OUT!" She ran over to Cloud and Zack and proceeded to slam and shock the living shit out of them.

"NO! WE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING! Yet…" they screamed. Suddenly, there was a (relatively) small explosion. (ZAP) "ACK! (twitch, twitch)" she screamed as her collar zapped her.

"What's going on?" Zell asked.

"It seems that the zapping power in her collar reacted to the zapping in her mallet! It's short-circuited!" Leon said. "…Oh well."

Squall sweat-dropped. "That's it? 'Oh well'?" Leon shrugged.

"Come on, Reno, Rude, Tseng, your presents are next!"

"Come on! They're upstairs!" They all went upstairs to the two spare rooms.

"Go on in!" Zell said.

"WOW! MY OWN PERSONAL GYM!" AC squealed like an OOC girl.

"OH MY GOSH! IT'S AN ARCADE! WITH A PLUSHIE MACHINE!" she yelled even louder than before.

"Zell, your turn! Here you go! Your old shoes are so hideous and 'out.' I hope you like these!" Squall said, thrusting a package at AC that was from Zell. She unwrapped it to reveal a pair of red shoes that actually look like they'd fit her.

"Cool! But, I like my old shoes…" AC said staring at them.

"But they're BIGGER!" Squall explained.

"And you're one to talk! You're shoes are bigger than mine!"

"Alright children…Break it up," said a bald and grumpy Yuffie.

"Oh, that's right. You're next Yuffie!" Tseng said, walking out of the arcade.

Reno went over to the pile and brought back a square package wrapped in blue paper. AC began to savagely tear the paper off. When it was off, there were several holes made from claw marks.

"Uh, Armageddon?"

AC hissed and growled. "You ruined my birthday enough, and none of you will ruin it more or ELSE!" ZAP. Twitch, twitch.

Everyone inched away. AC proceeded to rip the box to shreds. Once she had done so, her scowl disappeared.

"YUFFIE! YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE BALD ANYMORE!" she screamed. For inside the dismembered box lay a perfect black wig that looked exactly like Yuffie's ex-hair.

Yuffie was in a relatively good mood the rest of the day.

"Man, I have to go to the bathroom," Genesis said.

"Well then, GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE!" Leon yelled.

"Don't open presents without me!" he called over his shoulder as he ran down the hall.

No one noticed when AC disappeared into the kitchen…

"You know, I can't believe Seph didn't think I'd do this when he gave it to me…" AC muttered to herself. She took her Hello Kitty Waffle iron, inserted the head of her Genesis voodoo doll, pressed down and turned it on. "Hehe…"

Five minutes later:

Genesis (finally) emerged from the bathroom, and said, "I hope Armageddon didn't open any presents without me…" Then he noticed everyone was staring at him. "What?"

"Your…head…HAHAHAHAHA!" For his head was now in a clear 'Hello Kitty' shape.

"ACK! BEEEEEEEEEP!" he screamed, feeling his head.

"Whoa…These things actually work!" AC exclaimed, staring at her voodoo doll.

"YO!" Zack said. (translation: Duh!)

"Okay," Tseng said, trying to calm everyone down. "Two more left. Leon, your present is next!" Leon grinned and handed AC a small package. She ripped off the paper. "You got her that DN Angel she's been wanting, right?" Tseng whispered.

"Yep! And a bargain too! All I had to pay was 6 dollars and 49 cents for the two boxes of cereal!" Tseng gaped at him.

"You gave her a rip off manga!" Leon nodded happily.

"Oh my gosh! Leon, this is sooo neat! How much did it cost?" Leon opened his mouth to reply, but Tseng slammed his elbow into his side.

"10.99!" the older teen replied.

"Thank you SO MUCH!" AC yelled. Tseng sighed. That was a close one.

"Alright! Last present! BlueFox, yours is up!" Aerith said, handing AC her gift.

"It'd better be good if you made me open it last…" she mumbled.

"Don't worry! You'll love it!" She began ripping off the paper. Then her eyes got VERY big.

"DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION EXTREME TWO! SWEET!"

"Let's try it out!"

"OK!" But as she ripped open the packaging, she discovered something very wrong. "Th-this isn't DDR! It's Karaoke Revolution!"

"What? Stupid store people…" BlueFox grumbled.

"Well, we can try it out anyway…"

AC popped the game in and started singing. Everyone screamed "AHHH!" and clapped they're hands over their ears. All the windows in the house broke.

"What a piece of shit."

"Yo. Yo yo-yo yoooo yoi yaoi yo," Zack said. (Translation: I want to sing. And this game isn't horrible you're just a horrible singer.) Then he started singing. It sounded so good, all the windows repaired themselves!

"Well, that doesn't defy all the laws of physics," Zell said disbelievingly.

"I will survive! I will sur-vive!" Zack sang, for once not in "yo" speech. A giant disco ball appeared, then fell down on top of Leon.

"I AM NOT OKAY!" Leon yelled, slightly muffled. Then AC's shock collar started going wild…Oh well!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ARMAGEDDON CHILD!!

Okay, that was fun to do. Hopefully I didn't screw it up too badly. Neh heh heh heh heh. Oh…and you guys…the next chapter won't be out until further notice…and it's one that you've all been requesting a lot. You're all going to hate me, I swear. But the wait will be worth it!

Sorry you're REALLY OOC AC.

Requests? Ideas? Feedback? Send it in by way of review, please!


	10. The One You've All Been Waiting For

Final Fantasy VII: Bloopers

Intro: Bwahahahahaha! It be a new Disc of bloopers, and being a new disc means a new cast of characters! Plus…as a treat for all of you lovely, lovely readers, I've decided to give you what you've been requesting… THE TOP TEN VINCENT BLOOPERS!! (Readers: YAY!!) Everyone's been asking and requesting and giving me puppy dog eyes, so I relented. All right…is everyone ready?

Disclaimer: HAHAHA no.

Currently Listening to: Crisis Core Soundtrack Disc One. Cloud's theme, Sky-Blue Eyes, is so pretty…never would've thought he would get something like that…

WARNING: THE FIRST THREE PARTS OF THIS CHAPTER CONTAIN AN IRATE KADAJ, A HUGE SWORDFIGHT BETWEEN CLOUD AND SEPHIROTH, ANOTHER PMS-ING AERITH, GENESIS ON ANOTHER CHOCOLATE HIGH, EXPLOSIONS, CLOUD DRIVING A RENTAL CAR, AND A SEPHIROTH TWIN FROM KINGDOM HEARTS NAMED SEPHY-KUNS.

Chapter Ten  
The Top Ten Vincent Bloopers

Part 1

"Thank Gaia we're off that plane," Genesis sighed as the bus drove towards the hotel. (AN: They were invited to watch the bloopers in a different town, and only a select few were allowed to come.)

"Yeah, but…I still can't help but think we forget something…" Zack trailed off.

**Back at the plane:**

"HELLO! YOU GUY'S FORGETTING SOMETHING? I'M STILL HERE!" Aerith yelled. She was still stuck in the bathroom on the plane. (AN: It'll be explained in another blooper, another day.)

"Probably nothing… right Aerith? Hey, where's Aerith?" Sephiroth asked.

"Oh no. We left her back at the plane! She'll never let us live this down!" Riku groaned.

So after fifteen minutes they had rescued Aerith from the plane.

"I will NEVER let you live this down!" she screamed.

"I told you," Riku moaned.

"It couldn't be any worse," Sephiroth said.

"Nope," Genesis said gloomily. He had had to get rid of all his chocolate before anyone would let him on the bus.At the hotel:

"I'm sorry, sir, but you don't have any reservations." The clerk at the desk wasn't letting them have their rooms.

"Gimme my room, shithead," Kadaj said, making Loz yell.

"Yes, Sir!" the clerk said handing a key card to Kadaj.

"See ya tomorrow," Kadaj growled. He walked away muttering something about losers and annoying clerks. Yazoo and Loz ran after him waving goodbye over their shoulders.

"Now give us our key!" Sephy-kuns said.

"I'm afraid I can't do that."

"WHY THE BEEP NOT, YOU BASTARD!" Riku screamed. It seemed the airplane ride had worn on everyone's nerves.

"You don't have reservations."

"MOTHER BEEP HELL!!" Riku screamed.

"Profanity will get you nowhere, censored or not."

"Why you little-!" Sephiroth grabbed Riku's shoulder and whispered something into Cloud's ear. They both started to smirk.

"Uh, guys…Cloud and Sephiroth have that 'I'm going to threaten someone' look," Zack said. Sephiroth and Cloud pulled out their swords.

"Well, Seph, I think we need to teach this guy some manners, don't you think so?" Cloud said, still smirking.

"I do think so, Strife. He just has no respect." The clerk was looking rather pale.

"Sirs…" They jumped at him, waving their swords wildly (nearly taking off poor Sephy-kuns' head in the process). The clerk screamed and ran off.

"I told you that trick works every time!" Sephiroth told Cloud.

"And you guys say I scream like a girl," Sora said. Roxas started rummaging around behind the desk, and Aerith started typing on the computer.

"There. We're entered under reservations," Aerith said, standing up.

"And here're our key cards!" Roxas added.

"Great! Now we need a good night's sleep, and we'll all be back to normal!" Cloud said happily.

"What do you mean back to normal! Are you implying that we aren't NORMAL?" Aerith yelled.

"Uh…goodnight everyone!" Cloud ran as fast as he could towards the room that he and Sephiroth would share.

"He does have a point," said Naminé. "Good night all." She walked into Aerith's and her room. Aerith soon followed. The rest said their good nights and split up, Genesis and Zack, Riku and Sephy-kuns, and Sora and Roxas all shared rooms.Sometime around midnight:

CRASH! BANG! BLAM!

Everyone jumped out of their beds and ran toward the hallway. The noises, which hadn't stopped, seemed to be coming from Cloud and Sephiroth's room.

"What could they be doing in there?" Sephy-kuns yelled over the noise.

"No clue! How do we get in?" Zack answered.

"Lucky for all of us I swiped a master key card!" Aerith smirked. She inserted the card but before she could open it, the door burst open and they were all knocked back. Cloud and Sephiroth came through the door, swords out and fighting.

"Why are you two doing that at this time of night!" Sephy-kuns yelled. Cloud and Sephiroth didn't answer, but over the clashing of their swords everyone heard a funny, grating noise. They all sweat-dropped.

"They're…fighting…in…their…sleep," Zack said.

"WE WOKE UP BECAUSE THEY WERE BEEP FIGHTING IN THEIR GODFORSAKEN _SLEEP_!" Aerith screamed. The rest tried to quiet her (it was the middle of the night, after all).

"SHUT THE BEEP UP!" Kadaj yelled down the hall. Of course during this whole escapade, no one noticed that Genesis was nowhere to be seen. He was sneaking up the hall, the front of his night-shirt stuffed full of something.

"Genesis? What are you doing?" Zack had noticed him.

"Heheh…What are you guys doing out here?" He looked very nervous.

"Cloud 'n' Seph were having a fight in their sleep! And now Aerith's yelling at them." And she was, as Riku and Sephy-kuns wrestled the swords away, and Roxas and Sora pushed them back to their beds (neither one had woken up).

"Oh, okay."

"Alright, everyone," Roxas said, panting and closing the door. "Let's go back to bed."

"Come on, Aerith. You can rant at them in the morning," Naminé said, yawning. Aerith stalked back to her room, still fuming, and slammed the door.

"Well, that was exciting, right Genesis?" Zack said closing their door.

"Yeah…" Genesis waited until he was sure Zack was asleep before emptying out the front of his shirt. Inside was all the white, milk, and dark chocolate in the kitchen. He tucked it all under his bed before lying down and closing his eyes.

AN: I was bored, so I threw in more than one KH character. So sue me.

Part 2

**The Next Morning:**

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! The alarm clock in room 7 rang at 8 o'clock in the morning. Genesis' eyes fluttered open, and he glanced around to see Zack yawning.

"Morning, Genesis," Zack said to him, grinning.

Then Genesis seized Zack, opened the door, and flung him out into the hall. Zack hit his spiky head on the door in front of him, which swung open to reveal a very grumpy Kadaj. Behind him was Loz on the couch with his thumb in his mouth and Yazoo tiredly rubbing at his eyes.

"You little asshole! Why the BEEP did you just RAM into MY DOOR!" he screeched at him, as Genesis slammed the other door.

"What the hell is going on out there?" Cloud called from next door.

"Genesis just locked me out of my room and I think he might have chocolate!" Zack yelled.

"Shit!" Cloud cried.

"Let's get the others up and then we'll take care of Genesis," Sephiroth said, coming out of the room he and Cloud shared.

Five minutes later everyone had assembled in the hall.

"Genesis! Let us in!" Sora yelled.

"NO! YOU'LL NEVER GET MY PRECIOUS CHOCOLATE!" Genesis yelled, giggling madly.

"My master key isn't working!" Aerith said. "I wonder why?"

"So what'll we do!" Sora exclaimed.

"Use your head," Sephiroth said sarcastically. Roxas and Riku looked at each other and broke into smirks. Then they grabbed Sora around the middle and slammed his head into the door.

"THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT, DUMBASSES!" Sephiroth yelled. Sora had lost consciousness.

"Well, it worked, didn't it?" Sephy-kuns asked. They walked cautiously into the room. A familiar magenta-clad figure was huddled in the corner.

"Hehe, hi, guys! You're still not getting my chocolate! MWAHAHA!" Genesis yelled, trying to make a run for it.

"Oh, no you don't!" Cloud said. Sephiroth, Yazoo, Sephy-kuns, Roxas, and Zack all dog piled on top of the fleeing chocolate addict. It took about five minutes to subdue Genesis and confiscate his stash. Luckily, he hadn't gotten to eat much and the shock from five not-exactly-feather-light people jumping on him had knocked most of the chocolate-high out. Then they all headed down to breakfast.

**At Breakfast****:**

They lined up along the buffet table, Sephy-kuns in the front and Zack and Genesis in the back.

"Oooh! Look, Sora, they have doughnuts!" Sephy-kuns said.

"Do they have chocolate? With sprinkles?" Sora asked, grinning.

"You know, if you eat too many of those you'll get fat," Roxas said obliviously. The two boys proceeded to wallop him into oblivion.

"ARE YOU SAYING WE'RE FAT?" Sephy-kuns yelled.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'D MAKE A STUPID COMMENT LIKE THAT, ROXAS!" Sora added. The rest of them just kept moving. An insulted warrior was one of the scariest things on earth, but two insulted warriors (who wielded big weapons) were definitely detrimental to your health. Things went pretty quietly until Aerith got to the waffle iron. She dumped on her batter, turned it on, but when she went to take it out…

"OW! THAT BEEP PIECE OF SHIT IS BEEP BURNING ME! GODDAMN IT, IT BEEP HURTS LIKE HELL! THIS BEEP PIECE OF ELEPHANT SHIT!" A lady walking by covered her daughter's ears. A young boy by the bacon was watching with awe. But when Aerith's steady stream of profanity reached the ears of one grandmotherly lady…

"YOUNG LADY! THERE ARE CHIDREN HERE! YOU NEED YOUR MOUTH WASHED OUT!" She proceeded to hit the poor, unsuspecting, PMS-ing and burnt-fingered flower girl upside the head several times with her purse. Pretty soon, Aerith joined Roxas in dreamland. Everyone else walked over to a table, sat down, and ate.Five minutes later:

"I'm bored!" Genesis complained. He and Zack had devoured their food so fast that the others had only just started.

"Yo!" Zack said.

"Don't start that again!" Genesis said grumpily.

"Will you two be quiet!" Kadaj was still grumpy.

"Come on, Zack. Let's go look at the food again." The Troublesome Two stalked off towards the buffet. They stepped over their unconscious companions and walked along the tables. They stopped by the cereal.

"Hey, Genesis."

"Yeah?"

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" With identical, evil grins, they grabbed a small, one-serving-size box of Fruit Loops and rushed over to the microwave. Tossing the box in, they looked at the buttons.

"Hey Zack! This has a handy 'self-destruct' button!" Genesis said happily. No longer bored, he pressed the button and…

"Guys, they're by the microwave," Riku said, looking over his shoulder. They all looked at each other and chorused…

"Three…two…one…" BOOM. They sighed.

"COOL!"

"YO!"

Sephiroth and Sephy-kuns grabbed Aerith and Roxas, and Kadaj and Riku grabbed Genesis and Zack, and they all dashed madly out the door, just as someone started yelling "WHO DID THIS!"

"Phew! That was close!" Cloud gasped. "Let's get to that rental car place before anything else happens."Rental Car Place:

"Do you have a car that can hold…(head count) fourteen people?" Sephiroth asked the clerk.

"And goes over 100 mph," Kadaj piped up.

"Shut up, dumbass," Yazoo muttered pounding his younger brother on the head.

"Yes ma'am we do. It's 750 dollars for ten days," the clerk told Sephiroth ignoring Kadaj's comment.

"One moment please," Sephiroth said turning around.

"Okay, cough up," he told the group holding out his hand.

"Fine," everyone said, paying their share.

"Here you go," Sephiroth said to the clerk holding out the cash. They all climbed in and were off to the next destination: Luca Sphere Theater, Spira.

Part 3

…Unfortunately for them, Cloud ended up in the driver's seat. This will not end well…

"Now let's see what this bucket of bolts can do!" Cloud yelled.

"This will not end well," Sephiroth muttered. (See, I told you!) Cloud floored it.

"AHHHHHHHH!" they all screamed as the van hurtled around a corner.

"CLOUD! IF WE SURVIVE, I SWEAR I WILL BEEP _KILL_ YOU!" Aerith screamed.

"This is fun!" Sora yelled.

"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!" Roxas yelled, starting to scream like a girl.

"GET THE BEEP OFF OF ME!" Sephiroth yelled as Sephy-kuns slid into him.

"YO!" Guess who…

WEEEE-OOOO! WEEEEE-OOOOO! Came the police sirens behind them.

"ACK! Not the cops!" Cloud yelped. Then, he somehow managed to switch places with poor Riku, who was sitting in the passenger seat and happened to only have his learner's permit. When the cop peered into the van/bus he saw Cloud sitting innocently in the other side of the car, half of the people in the back seat had passed out, and poor, poor Riku was clutching the wheel.

"Sir, I need to see your license," he told the boy. Riku stared at him, then at the wheel, then at Cloud, then back at the officer. And then he passed out.15 minutes later:

When they finally got away from the officer and made it to the park, Sephy-kuns was driving, Riku had lost his learners permit, and Sephiroth, Yazoo, Zack, Loz, and Kadaj were the only ones still conscious (Aerith had actually been knocked out by her own staff. That was the only reason Cloud was still alive). Unfortunately for Cloud, they where waking up.

"Ugh. My head!" Aerith muttered. Cloud paled visibly and ran for the theater entrance. Soon there was a rather angry mob chasing after him.

"I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!" he yelled over his shoulder.

"YEAH, RIGHT!" they yelled back at him. Then they all ran through the lobby, throwing their Gil in the air. The coins were caught and cashed in by a rather disgruntled lady. Poor Cloud couldn't stay ahead very long, and was soon caught and throttled.

Inserting a "Disc Sphere" into the holder thing, the bloopers came on…on the big screen.

-FINALLY TO THE BLOOPERS-

10. Random Scene in Dirge of Cerberus When Vincent Is Basically Forgotten

"Blah blah blah," said one of the cardboard cut-outs.

"Blahh blah blah blah blu blah," answered another.

Back and forth, back and forth went this pointless conversation as Vincent stood off to the side, waiting for one of his lines to come in. Five minutes later, he hid his pout in his red cloak thing and sniffled.

"I'm a special boy," he murmured.

9. Scene in Which Vincent is on Top of a House in Kalm as Meteor Hits

Watching the lightning strike from afar and Yuffie helping the people evacuate, Vincent blinked and looked straight down. He gulped.

"I don't like heights," he whispered, looking straight up."If not himself, then he has naught, to say things he truly feels-"

Chaos broke in, sounded incredibly delirious. " - and not the words of one who kneels, the record shows I took the blows, I did it MY WAAAY!" Chaos finished the song off with a burst of energy and noise from Hellmasker's chainsaw in the background.

Vincent let out a choked gasp as he grabbed his head and pitched forward before doing a faceplant in the mud below.

8. Scene With Lucrecia in the Crystal

Opening her eyes, Lucrecia saw Vincent before her. She opened her mouth to say something, but instead she…farted. She paused, sniffed, and then grabbed her neck, choking. "OH GOD! VINCENT! GET ME OUT OF HERE! PLEASE!" She started to bang on the crystal.

All Vincent heard was: BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEEEP!

7. Scene With Marlene Hiding in his Cape

"Why don't you ever pay any attention to us?" the little girl demanded, before running to Vincent and he wrapped his cloak protectively around her.

Cloud opened his mouth to say something, but then paused and glanced over at another bulge in Vincent's cape. This one was adorned with big brown boots.

"Vincent? Who is that?"

Vincent's brow furrowed and he looked over, lifting up his cape, only to see Aerith poke her head out.

"Hiya."

Cloud fainted.

6. Scene With Vincent Explaining Geostigma to Cloud

He reached out and grabbed Cloud's covered arm and Cloud winced. Just as Vincent opened his mouth…

CRACK!

O.O went Cloud as he hissed in pain and Vincent grimaced.

"THAT WAS MY ARM, VINCENT!" Cloud screamed.

5. Scene With Yuffie

Yuffie was faced with a tough decision. She put her hand to her chin in thought. "Hmm…" she hummed, looking back and forth between the two men in front of her. "Vinnie, or Squall?"

Squall ground his teeth. "IT'S LEON DAMMIT!"

"Don't call me 'Vinnie'," was all Vincent said.

4. How to REALLY Kill Sephiroth

"Sephiroth…" Vincent began, "Now it is time that you learned the truth!"

Everyone looked at him. "Huh?" Yuffie asked, scratching her head.

"Sephiroth, _I_ am your father!"

Suddenly, Sephiroth cringed down onto the bottom of the red step things. "No! It's not true! It's impossible!"

"Believe it, Sephiroth."

"Doesn't this seem kinda…familiar?" Yuffie whispered to Cloud.

"Yeah. Star Wars thing."

"We are so screwed."

3. How Vincent REALLY got into the Coffin

Hojo snatched baby Sephiroth away from Lucrecia and stepped up to Vincent, grinning. "Hey there, cutie."

Suddenly, Vincent screamed, ran down to the basement, slammed the door closed, and proceeded to sleep in a coffin for thirty years.

2. Aerith's Death…Again

Cloud shook Aerith's limp body. "Aerith." He shook her again. "Aerith! This can't be real!" he cried.

Before Sephiroth could say his lines, Vincent appeared onscreen, and he said the longest thing ANYONE has ever heard him say:

"Oh, but Cloud, it's true. Aerith is dead, deceased, croaked, departed, shuffled off her mortal coil, bought the farm, slain, fallen, bit the big one, dead as a doornail, gone, out of business, late, lifeless, taking a dirt nap, kaput, worm food, cashed in her chips, finished, lapsed, pushing up daisies, terminated, inanimate, kicked the bucket, past her expiration date, nonliving, checked out, left the building, bitten the dust, passed away, passed on, isn't-coming-back-for-the-sequel dead."

Sephiroth sighed and shook his head as Cloud stared open mouthed and Aerith's "dead" body was holding in silent laughter.

Number 1 Vincent Blooper: Reunion FFVII

_Man, this is a weird place, _Vincent thought, walking around Hollow Bastion/Radiant Garden's marketplace. _I never should've come here. I should've just gone to Traverse Town and gotten a chocolate bar from those cheap-looking kids…_

Suddenly, Vincent heard the most familiar valley girl voice ever. "Oh my gosh I'm like sooooo excited!" it said.

Wanting to discover if it really was who he thought it was, Vincent hurried over to the Borough to see…

"Yuffie!"

"Vincent!"

"Aeris!"

"Vincent…"

"Aerith!"

"Yuffie."

"Vincent!"

"Aerith?"

"Vincent."

"Yuffie?"

"Leon," Leon said, peering outside of Merlin's house.

"Aerith! You're alive!"

"No kidding. God, when did she die?" Leon said, walking away.

Vincent began poking Aerith's arm. "Are you sure you aren't a ghost? 'Cause then I'd have to kill you… although you're already dead…"

"Yes Vincent. I'm alive. And what're you doing here at Hollow Bastion on this glorious day?"

"It's raining across the town," Leon said from the doorway.

"Exactly! Glorious, man!" Cid said from inside the house.

Aerith quickly looked to see if anyone else was listening. Fortunately, it seemed like no one else was. She turned back to Vincent. "So?" she said.

"Uh… well I just came to get some chocolate. Man, you're alive! Gosh. I feel like I've been beating myself up about everything… well, not beating myself up, considering I don't have a scratch on me, but you know what I mean – ouch." Vincent saw a huge bandaged blade on his shoulder, then turned to see Cloud behind him, sword out.

"Cloud."

"Vincent. Aeris."

"Aerith!"

"Not again." Leon shook his head.

"Vinnie! I'm so glad you're here!"

"Um…"

"Oh my GAWD I missed you!! Oh, Vincent!" Yuffie lunged and squeezed Vincent-hard.

Vincent looked down at Yuffie. "Um… I… missed you… too…"

Aerith rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. "So you came here to buy some chocolate?"

"Yeah. I really need some. I need gummi ship fuel, too, but you can't really buy that in some alternate-universe place-only from Cid."

"Hmm…" Cloud put hand to his chin in thought and Vincent looked at him.

"What's up, Cloud?"

"Huh? Oh, I was just… pondering."

"Um. Okay. Well, I have to leave soon, I have a lot to do today-"

"NOOO!" Tifa screeched, suddenly running onto the scene.

"…Why?"

Tifa stared with big, creepy yet adorable eyes. "Because, Vincie, we'd miss you so much!!"

"Right. Um. Okay."

Then Tifa's eyes finally became normal, but also became sad. "Fine," she said softly. "You can leave us. We poor, innocent people, whom you know you love, can be left behind in this somewhat deserted city, so you can be alone with your so-called luscious chocolate bar. You know you don't want to leave us but yet you choose to do so-"

"Shut up Tifa."

"Fine. But you know w-"

"Shut UP Tifa." That was Cloud.

"Fine. Be that way." Tifa turned away and huffed.

Vincent stared. "Um. Yeah. Well, I have to go." He slowly walked away. "See you around."

"Byeeee," Kira said, skipping forward. Then she looked at Aerith. "So."

Aerith stared.

"You… wanna…"

"No." Tifa and Cloud both went their separate ways.

"Okay." There were a few moments of silence. Then Yuffie began laughing. "That was soooo weird! I swear! It was like… weird!"

-SPECIAL BLOOPER-

Genesis and Pooh

(Still couldn't think of a Winnie the Pooh poem, so I did the next best thing. This is for you, RibbonzandChainzFF7!)

"It's okay, Genesis, just push!" Pooh happily said.

Genesis asked, "Are you sure? I'm awesome, you know, and it could hurt…"

drakan101: W00T! SEXY!

Pooh ignored her and said, "Go ahead and push Genesis. I'll be okay."

Genesis reluctantly stepped back, and then he ran forward and pushed Pooh…really, really, reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllly high and far.

"DAMMIT! POOH! POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!" Genesis said as he started to run after Pooh, drakan101 following him.

-SPHERE THEATER-

Genesis looked at the big screen with really big eyes. "It wasn't my fault…"

"Yes out was! Poor Pooh…" Aerith said.

"Tsk tsk tsk, Genesis hurt an innocent little bear."

"MY AWESOMENESS MADE ME DO IT!" Genesis yelled.

End.

Well, I hope that'll sate you over for awhile, because I'm kinda shorted out on ideas myself. Send in ideas, please, and I'll see what I can make of them!!

Requests? Ideas? Feedback? Send 'em in by way of review!


	11. Interviews!

Final Fantasy VII: Bloopers

Intro: W00T! I'm among the living! Guess what, my lovely, lovely readers/friends/reviewers! SCHOOL'S FRIGGIN' OUT!! I'm so excited. Though I'm sad that my friend, MakruTree has…GRADUATED! But I'm also so very happy for her! As I gift, I wrote her a Toshiro oneshot in Bleach. If you have time, go read it! And congratulate Makru!

And I dedicate this here chapter to the person who gave me the idea…Warrayfinson!! Interviews…awesome. Just wait until you see Seph's! (snicker, snicker) Enjoy, my friends, enjoy!

Chapter Eleven  
Interviews!

Everyone was all sitting in the sphere theater, their station, in various seats. Aerith was on the floor looking at the Table of Contents of their new Disc, Disc 3.

"Hey! Look at this! It's got the Interviews for some of the characters from our game!" she suddenly cried, gathering everyone's attention.

Sephiroth's eye twitched upon remembering a certain question. "Oh God no…"

Sephy-kuns smirked. "I can't wait to see this…"

-INTERVIEWING STATION-

Number 1: Crisis Core Interviews

Tetsuya: What is your name?

"Zack!"

Tetsuya: Who are you trying out for?

"Uh, me?"

Tetsuya: How old are you?

"18!"

Tetsuya: Do you have a girlfriend?

"Uh…" Quickly, Zack took a glance over at Aerith. "I think so. Scratch that, I HOPE so."

Tetsuya: What is your favorite food?

"Uh…I like pie!"

Tetsuya: What was your most embarrassing moment?

"Uh…" Zack scratched his head, before turning slightly red and answering. "The time when I was eating burritos with Aerith in the Lifestream! And then, I farted so loud that Mideel imploded! Aerith passed out and smacked her head on her staff."

THUMP THUMP THUMP. KER-SLAM! Everyone looks up to see a fuming Aerith at the door.

"ZACK FAIR!" she bellowed. "You ate the rest of my BROWNIES!"

Zack laughed nervously. "Aerith, I'm kinda in a interview thing for a bigger part," he told her as Tetsuya made 'tsking' noises and wrote thing down on his clipboard. "As in main character of the prequel to FFVII?"

"So? Those were my favorite brownies! Do you know how hard it is to get pork chops in them?"

Zack suddenly goes green. "Is THAT what that white stuff was?"

"Yeah. Why?"

Zack looked at Tetsuya. "Can we hurry before I hurl?" Aerith pouts, but leaves.

Tetsuya: What is your biggest fear?

"Oompa Loompas!" He shivered and started rocking back and forth, eyes wide, finger almost going into his mouth, but not.

Tetsuya: Do you have a best friend?

Zack grinned. "Yeah! Sephiroth! Well, there was that one time when he went psycho in Nibelheim and tried to kill me…"

Sephiroth, who was walking by at the time, grinned. "Oh Yeah," he hissed, remembering the Kool-Aid guy.

Tetsuya: What is the funniest thing you've ever seen?

Zack smiled wide. "When everyone ganged up on Cloud to get him to sneak into Junon via the electric pole thing. Then what did he do? He went and swam right into it! What a dipshit!"

Cloud, who was in the backroom where he ate and slept because Nibelheim was no more, screamed out, "HEY!"

Tetsuya: Who is your favorite Final Fantasy VII character other than yourself, and why?

Zack blinked. "Uh… I kinda liked Kadaj because of his awesome jumpsuit. I so want one!"

"No you don't. Especially when summer comes around and Mother Aerith won't let you go to the pool in fear of you 'losing your virtue because of your cuteness', as she puts it," Kadaj said, then started to pout like Loz. "You get overheated fast."

Tetsuya: What is your favorite TV station? Like Nick, Cartoon network, Disney Channel, etc…

"Oh, I like…Wait! Disney channel? There's a Disney Channel? I KNEW THAT THE MOLE PEOPLE WERE WATCHING ME! AHHHHH!" Zack took off. Moments later, he returned, and they took him out for a test run.

Scene on the Train in CC

Grinning, Zack took off, speeding down the train. Everything was going great (mainly because they used a green screen this time) until BlueFox suddenly runs after him, hearts in her eyes.

After a few moments off screen, Zack walked up to Cloud, and tossed her at him. "Does this belong to you?"

Tetsuya: Aw man… Cut!

Scene With Genesis

Genesis shot a glare in Sephiroth's general direction. "Could you stop…acting so calm?!"

Before anyone else could say anything, Zack spoke (or if it was his line or something, yeah…) "Genesis, your fly is down."

Tetsuya: CUT!

Battle With Sephiroth

Sephiroth unsheathed his long sword and charged at Zack. "AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Zack screamed, before running away like a little girl.

Tetsuya: Oh God…

Take 2

Sephiroth unsheathed his long sword and charged at Zack. But then he tripped (most people think it was his trenchcoat. I think it was his hair…) and fell the rest of the way down, doing a faceplant in front of Zack.

Doing his victory dance, Zack cheered. "AHA! I WIN! I mean…you're not the Sephiroth I once knew!"

He snatched Sephiroth's wallet and took off running. "HEY!" Sephiroth yelled, before taking off after Zack. As they did so, they knocked down every backdrop they ran into.

Tetsuya: CUT! Cut I say! CUT! (gets trampled)

Next Person…

Tetsuya: What is your name?

"Sephiroth."

Tetsuya: Who are you trying out for?

"The General."

Tetsuya: How old are you?

Sephiroth's brow furrowed. "Let's see…if I was 32 in Final Fantasy VII, so you subtract 5 years…27?"

Tetsuya: Do you have a girlfriend?

Sephiroth glanced over quickly at Aerith. "Kinda sorta maybe?" He looked back at Tetsuya, who was giving him the 'arched brow'. "What?"

Tetsuya: Only in a million other fics… Moving on…What is your favorite food?

"Anything but Bleu Cheese filled Spaghetti noodles." He shuddered and turned slightly green.

"WHAT?" Jenova's voice boomed out around them. "YOU SAID YOU LOVED THAT, SON!"

"You aren't my mother, Mother!" Sephiroth argued. Everyone cowered in fear. After the argument, they continued.

Tetsuya: What was your most embarrassing moment?

Sephiroth was quiet for a moment before he spoke. "I don't have embarrassing moment because I'm Sephiroth!" All around them, everyone coughed.

Tetsuya: What is your biggest fear?

Sephiroth's eyes went wide. "FIRE! I-I mean, uh…"

Suddenly, there is a flash of blue and yellow as Cloud tackled him. "You're afraid of fire?" he demanded, blue eyes flashing angrily. "FIRE?! If you're so afraid of it, WHY pray tell, did you BURN DOWN my HOME?!"

"I didn't set fire to it! That was Axel! Then I was forced to walk in it!"

"You lie! And why didn't your hair ever get burnt?"

"I DON'T KNOW!"

Tetsuya: (growling as he turns in his seat) For the last time, Axel, NO YOU CANNOT BE SEPHIROTH!

Axel runs off to the KH set, crying as Sephiroth manages to get Cloud off him.

Tetsuya: Do you have a best friend?

Sephiroth sat back in his chair, dusting himself off. "Yeah. Zack, I guess…"

Tetsuya: What is the funniest thing you've ever seen?

"When Cloud started mumbling like a retard!" Sephiroth starts to crack up. "Hey, it was funny for me!"

Tetsuya: Who is your favorite Final Fantasy VII character other than you and why?

"Huh…I really don't have one…"

Tetsuya: What is your favorite TV station? Like Nick, Cartoon Network, Disney Channel, etc…

"I like the Sephiroth channel! ALL SEPH ALL THE TIME! Disney Channel? Is that how the fan girls track me?" Then they take him out for a little test run.

Scene With Him and Jenova

"I am here. I am here now, Mother. OW!" Sephiroth rubbed his throbbing head as the hanging microphone innocently bounced beside him.

Take 2

"Why? Why did you kill all the townspeople?" Zack demanded.

"THE BRITISH ARE COMING! THE BRITISH ARE COMING!"

"What the—?"

Take 3

"I am OW! Here BEEP now OW GODDAMN MICROPHONE!" Sephiroth reached up and ripped it from the ceiling before chucking at Zack, who hit it like a baseball with the Buster Sword.

HOME RUN!!

Next Person…

Tetsuya: What is your name?

"Aerith."

Tetsuya: How old are you?

"17."

Tetsuya: Do you have a boyfriend?

"I think it's Zack." Quickly, Aerith stole a glance at Zack, who was standing off to the side with Cloud, laughing.

Tetsuya: What is your favorite food?

Aerith beamed. "Easy! Pork-chop brownies!"

"NO!" Everyone turned to see Zack running off, holding his stomach.

Tetsuya: What is your most embarrassing moment?

Aerith pouted. "The time when I was stabbed. My butt was so high in the air, I just know it!"

Reno popped his head in. "Really? Oh, now I've gotta go watch it!" He then ran off as Aerith turned a deep shade of crimson.

Tetsuya: What is your biggest fear?

Bowing her head, she let out a sniffle. "That Sephiroth will burn my flowers…"

Tetsuya: Do you have a best friend?

"Tifa and Yuffie!"

Tetsuya: What is the funniest thing you've ever seen?

Aerith snorted unladylike. " 'THE BRITISH ARE COMING! THE BRITISH ARE COMING!' "

Tetsuya: Who is your favorite Final Fantasy VII character other than you and why?

"I'm torn between Cloud and Zack. Both are so hot…" Mumbles on and on as her eyes turn into hearts.

Tetsuya: What is your favorite TV station? Like Nick, Cartoon Network, Disney Channel, etc…

"I really like MTV!" Aerith smiled, before cocking her head to the side. "Disney Channel? THEY DON'T TELL ME THESE THINGS ANYMORE!" Then came the test run.

Scene in Church w/ Zack

Poor, poor Zack was crying, Aerith sitting behind him. Just as she's about to turn to hug him, Cloud runs on screen.

"Zack! Why are you crying?" Cloud cried, kneeling beside his friend and hugging him.

"HEYY!" Aerith said, putting her hands on her hips. "That's what I'm supposed to do." Feeling cruel and put upon, Aerith shoved Cloud out of the way.

Tetsuya: Uh, guys?

"He's my best friend!" Cloud yelled, pushing back.

"Yeah, well, he likes me!" Aerith grabbed his arms and dug her nails into them.

Wincing slightly, Cloud smirked. "Maybe, but he LOVES me!" he declared, causing Aerith's eyes to flare.

"YOU WISH!"

"No. I know!"

Zack sweatdropped and buried his face.

Tetsuya: Uh, this really isn't…

"Back off Cloud!" Aerith screeched, smacking his face with her braid.

"NO WAY! I WON'T LET YOU STEAL HIM FROM ME!" Cloud answered, kicking her.

After regaining her breath, Aerith answered. "I COULD SAY THE SAME THING ABOUT YOU!"

"Hey, why don't we let him choose?" Cloud questioned. With a nod, they let go of each other.

Aerith was feeling good. "We all know he's going to choose me," she said arrogantly.

"Well?" they asked in unison, turning to Zack, who looked up, violet eyes wide and still wet from his fake tears.

"Uhh… You see, I really don't want to choose…" he answered, laughing nervously. Both grinned and turned triumphant faces to each other.

"SEE!" Cloud declared, puffing out his chest a little. "He chose me! ME!"

"Cloud, I didn't—"

"Are you dreaming again, Cloud?" Aerith questioned. "He just said: I love Aerith and not Cloud! Are you deaf?"

Cloud jumped to his feet, as did Aerith. "Okay, it's onnnnnnnn!" he yelled, pointing his finger at Aerith. "Zack will be mine!"

"MINE!" argued Aerith.

"Mine x infinity!"

"Mine x infinity and beyond!" Aerith smiled smugly. "OHHHH WHAT NOW?"

Tetsuya: STOP! Okay. Cloud, Aerith... STOP FIGHTING AND STICK TO THE SCRIPT! Or I might have to fire you.

Zack sighed, relieved. "Thank you, Tetsuya."

BlueFox: (pops on) Besides, we all know that Zack likes me best.

The three turned to the authoress. "WHAT?!"

Tetsuya: Cut. Just, cut.

Next person…

Tetsuya: What is your name?

"Cloud."

Tetsuya: How old are you?

"16!"

Tetsuya: Do you have a girlfriend?

"I think it's Tifa…? I want it to be Tifa…" Cloud put his head down in slight shame.

Tetsuya: What is your favorite food?

"SUSHI!"

Tetsuya: What was your most embarrassing moment?

"The time when all I could do was talk like a retard…both times, actually. And the time fangirls got my phone number…"

-FLASHBACK-

Opening his cell phone on his motorcycle, Cloud listened to the messages. "You have 1,025,654,534,567 messages." O.O "First message: omg Cloud its you yur hott can you come to mi house itd be gr8t I lurve u ok gotta go by and tell Vincent that hes hott too and kaddy too mmkay all right you rock my sox!" Beep.

"…" Cloud stared over the endlesss desert with Edge in the distance. "Fangirls got my number…" he murmured. "…BEEP."

-END FLASHBACK-

Cloud shuddered.

Tetsuya: What is your biggest fear?

"Porcelain Dolls, Clowns, Dummies, and puppets! I can't trust things with wide eyes and painted on smiles and rosy cheeks!" He shuddered again.

Tetsuya: Do you have a best friend?

Cloud pumped his fist into the air. "Zack! YAY!"

Tetsuya: What is the funniest thing you've ever seen?

"I have this inside joke about salad forks…"

Tetsuya: I don't want to know. Who is your favorite Final Fantasy VII character other than you and why?

Cloud took in a deep breath. "Pew… I like all of the ones who don't intentionally swear."

Tetsuya: What is your favorite TV station? Like Nick, Cartoon Network, Etc…

"Last Order and Advent Children. Whatever channel that shows that stuff is my favorite!"

Test run time…

Scene With Zack About Hometowns

"Where are you from?" Cloud asked.

"Oh me? I'm from Gongaga," Zack declared. There was silence.

"Zack, I am not a baby."

Take 2

"I'm from Gongaga."

"Why?"

"Huh?" _That's not in the script,_ thought Zack. "What do you mean, 'why?' "

"Why?"

"Because pigs can't fly!"

"Why?"

Zack grinned. "Because I am the best FF fighter ever!"

"Why?"

"Because Zack is hott!" Zack nodded. "W00T W00T I am the man!!"

Cloud started to stifle down his laughs, only letting a small grin get by. "Why?"

Zack could feel his anger bubbling at the continuous question. "I don't know why, kid," he answered. "I'm just hott, okay?"

"Why?"

"I know you're jealous of me, but—"

"Why?"

"Can you stop?"

"Why?"

"Ugh, shut UP already!"

"Why?"

"AGHHHHHHHHHH!!" Zack began to swear like a sailor and stomped off to his trailer.

Cloud grinned and pumped his fist in the air. "YES! I win Squall! He lasted wayyyy longer without swearing than Zell did in your game! That's 1000 gil!"

Off-screen, you hear Squall. "Aww man…"

Take 3

"They don't mean anything," they said in unison, then began to laugh. And then Cloud snorted and the whole really hard laughing began, and then Zack snorted milk out of his nose.

Tetsuya: Cut! Zack, I TOLD you not to drink milk before this scene.

Zack shrugged.

Next person…

Tetsuya: What is your name?

"Genesis!" (Oh GOD…)

Tetsuya: How old are you?

Genesis sweatdropped. "Do you have a death wish?" he asked gravely.

Tetsuya: Do you have a girlfriend?

"I don't think so…"

Tetsuya: That's sucks. What's your favorite food?

"CHOCOLATE!! And chicken wings!" Licking his lips, Genesis eyed his wing with ravenous hunger.

Tetsuya: What is your most embarrassing moment?

Genesis rubbed the back of his head nervously. "Probably when my battle with the dryer was caught on tape."

Somewhere off screen, Cloud screamed, "STUPID LAWN GNOMES! You will all perish! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Then, a leaf blower roared to life.

Tetsuya: What is your biggest fear?

Genesis shuddered. "My fangirls! They scare me! Especially that drakan101 one who likes to glomp me!" His eyes went wide.

Tetsuya: Do you have a best friend?

"YES! WINNIE THE POOH! I LOVE YOU!"

Tetsuya: What is the funniest thing you've ever seen?

"THE BRITISH ARE COMING! THE BRITISH ARE COMING!"

Tetsuya: Why do I get the feeling that's going to be a running joke? Who is your favorite Final Fantasy VII character other than you and why?

"Probably Vincent. For no particular reason."

Tetsuya: What is your favorite TV station? Like Nick, Cartoon Network, Disney Channel, etc…

"I don't have time for TV!" Genesis started to get up, then stopped. "Wait, Disney Channel? THEY EVEN HAVE THEIR OWN STATION! THAT'S NOT FAIR! I WANT MY OWN STATION!" Genesis began to stomp his feet and bawl.

Number 2: Final Fantasy VII Interviews

**Name?** Yuffie!

**Have you ever met a platypus named Perry?** Um…I've never been on Phineas and Ferb.

**Where did you get those coconuts? **I didn't steal them if that's what you're thinking! I SWEAR! (looks around nervously)

**Are you suggesting coconuts migrate? **WHAT?

**Are you or have you ever been a fish? **No! Being underwater makes me queasy.

**Can you say Funky Monkey 10 times fast? **YEAH! FUNKYMONKEYFUNKYMONKEYFUNKYMONKEYBEEPMONKEY…CRAP! I SAID BEEP MONKEY!

**What do you do with a brass monkey? **RUN! RUN AWAY!

**Are you color blind? **Do I look like a dog? … DON'T ANSWER THAT!

**Do you like ducks? **WHO TOLD YOU!

**Did your mom pick out your outfit this morning? **NO! I am perfectly capable! (attempts to take off her sock and fails)

**Why is grass green? **Um…because it feels like it?

**Why is crack whack? **Because the commercial said so!

**Are you the greatest? **I am the Greatest Ninja ever, if that's what you mean!

**Are you part squirrel? **No, but my mom's part French and that's just as bad! (Sorry, but the French don't shave their armpits!)

**Peanut Butter and Jelly or Oreos? **OREOS! OREOS!

**Quick! Think of a number! **FIVE!

**Why is Sephiroth's hair gray? **I think he's an old man! HIS SKIN IS PALE AND HE HAS GRAY HAIR!

**What's your middle name? **Um…………….I really don't feel comfortable saying that my middle name is Leslie…CRAP! (slaps hand over mouth)

Next person…

**Name: **Vincent.

**Have you ever met a platypus named Perry? **What the--

**Where did you get those coconuts? **My fan girls.

**Are you suggesting coconuts migrate? **No.

**Are you or have you ever been a fish? **No, at least I don't recall.

**Can you say Funky Monkey 10 times fast? **Yes, but I won't.

**What do you do with a brass monkey? **Scare Yuffie…Ha…she hates them.

**Are you color blind? **No, why do you ask?

**Do you like ducks? **Ducks are gay…

**Did your mom pick out your outfit this morning? **Can my mom make me look this good? (flashes a rare sparkling smile)

**Why is grass green? **Would it look good if it were any other color?

**Why is crack whack? **Because you can't look hot while on crack!

**Are you the greatest? **HELL YEAH!

**Are you part squirrel? **(sweatdrop) O.o

**Peanut Butter and Jelly or Oreos? **Neither.

**Quick! Think of a number! **ONE!

**Why is Sephiroth's hair gray? **It isn't gray! It's silver! SILVER!

**What's your middle name? **Oh, that's easy. (Puts hand over mouth and mumbles)

Next person…

**Name: **Aeris.

**Have you ever met a platypus named Perry? **I've never seen a platypus.

**Where did you get those coconuts? **They fall whenever Cloud runs into a tree.

**Are you suggesting coconuts migrate? **No, why? Are you?

**Are you or have you ever been a fish? **Um…no?

**Can you say Funky Monkey 10 times fast? **I've never really tried.

**What do you do with a brass monkey? **Put it in my room with all of my other, richy girl items that I'll never use.

**Are you color blind? **NO. Then, how could I tell if my clothes match?

**Do you like ducks? **I've never really thought about that.

**Did your mom pick out your outfit this morning? **Why would you think that?

**Why is grass green? **Well… (Insert science fact here)

**Why is crack whack? **Because drugs are bad! (A halo appears above her head)

**Are you the greatest? **No.

**Are you part squirrel? **Is this a trick question?

**Peanut Butter and Jelly or Oreos? **Oreos and peanut butter!

**Quick! Think of a number! **THREE!

**Why is Sephiroth's hair gray? **Why are you asking me?

**What's your middle name? **(Insert some nice, angelic name here)

Next person…

**Name: **Reno.

**Have you ever met a platypus named Perry? **YES! HE WILL HELP ME GET A BETTER PART! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

**Where did you get those coconuts? **What coconuts?

**Are you suggesting coconuts migrate? **Hojo thinks so, yo.

**Are you or have you ever been a fish? **No, why? DO I SMELL! (smells his armpits)

**Can you say Funky Monkey 10 times fast? **Will it help me get a better part?

**What do you do with a brass monkey? **Is it an _evil _brass monkey?

**Are you color blind? **NO!

**Do you like ducks? **NO! Wait…ducks right? Does Elena count?

**Did your mom pick out your outfit this morning? **No. Why are you asking that? (nervous chuckle)

**Why is grass green? **HOW THE HELL SHOULD I KNOW, YO!

**Why is crack whack? **Who said that? (snuffs some)

**Are you the greatest? **I am! But will anyone realize that?

**Are you part squirrel? **No! I wish…Tetsuya likes squirrels! That squirrel could get a part!

**Peanut Butter and Jelly or Oreos? **Both.

**Quick! Think of a number! **10!

**Why is Sephiroth's hair gray? **Because he likes to be all cool and be leader and… (Rambles on about how Sephiroth thinks he's better)

**What's your middle name? **

Um…would you believe me if I told you it was FerdinandMarcusSnoopy?

Next person…

**Name: **Cloud.

**Have you ever met a platypus named Perry? **He lives in my closet.

**Where did you get those coconuts? **(suspiciously) Does it matter? I HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE!

**Are you suggesting coconuts migrate? **YOU FINALLY AGREE!

**Are you or have you ever been a fish? **Nope.

**Can you say Funky Monkey 10 times fast? **YEAH! I'M SKILLED!

**What do you do with a brass monkey? **Add it to my collection…I MEAN UHHHH…

**Are you color blind? **No, I'm not a dog.

**Do you like ducks? **YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

**Did your mom pick out your outfit this morning? **Um…no?

**Why is grass green? **Because I said so!

**Why is crack whack? **SUGAR IS BETTER!

**Are you the greatest? **Nope, Zack is!

**Are you part squirrel? **I WISH!

**Peanut Butter and Jelly or Oreos? **OREOS!

**Quick! Think of a number! **Q!

**Why is Sephiroth's hair gray? **It's silver…and because it looks cool!

**What's your middle name?**

Err…

Number Three: Advent Children Interviews

Tetsuya: Okay, trying out for the part of Kadaj is…Wakka from X?

Everyone else: O.o

"Yeah mon!" Wakka reached up to the sky. "Mother, mon, that you, ya?"

Tetsuya: Next!

Toshiro from Bleach walked in. "Uh…I'm trying out for the part of… Seph…Sephy…that one guy with the long hair."

Tetsuya: Sephiroth?

"Yeah!"

BlueFox: Did you drag him here, MakruTree?

MakruTree: No…

Tetsuya: You're too short. Next!

As Toshiro gets up to leave, MakruTree glomps him.

MakruTree: Stay here with me!!

Tifa ran in. "I want to try out for the part of Tifa!" she said, trying to catch her breath.

Tetsuya: (sarcastically) No!

"Look at you, you think you've got it so damn hard?" Tifa began.

Tetsuya: Um…I don't know…

Right then, a fat guys dressed up as Tifa walked in. Tetsuya looked at Tifa.

Tetsuya: YOU'VE GOT THE PART TIFA!

"COOL!" Tifa skipped away. Right then, Cloud came in.

"What about Tifa?" he asked.

Suddenly, a man in white and purple with long red hair in a ponytail came in.

Tetsuya: Kenshin! FOR THE LAST TIME, NO! YOU CAN'T BE RENO!

Kenshin looked ready to bawl, and he ran away.

-SPECIAL BLOOPERS-

Final Battles from FFVII

Cloud looked around and saw the vortex of green below him. "HOLY BEEP! Huh?"

Tifa whispered to him, "BlueFox censors out anyone who isn't Barret or Cid in this fic, to keep it PG-13."

Cloud laughed nervously. "Oh…right."

Take 2

Yuffie, Vincent, and Cloud, on the highest step, turned to each other and nodded. Before Cloud could continue down, BlueFox walks onstage.

BlueFox: Hey, just wondering, how can you guys understand each other with nods? It's like me wanting to say: 'Cloud, wanna make out?' And then if I just nod to him, if he nods back and I jump him, it's not my fault! So how do you communicate?

O.O was the precious expression on Cloud face as he dove under Vincent's cape for protection.

Take 3

Cloud began the fight with Sephiroth in the black abyss. Instead of using Omnislash, he let Sephiroth hit him. Before he could attack back, he fell to his knees. "MY SPLEEN!"

Tetsuya: Cut! Cloud, where does it hurt?

Cloud pointed to his head.

Tetsuya: Uh, Cloud... that's not your spleen.

--

THE BRITISH ARE COMING, THE BRITISH ARE COMING! Random and strange, huh? Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it, because I REALLY did! See you guys next chapter!

Any requests? Ideas? Feedback? Next chapter is the top ten Sephiroth bloopers, so be ready!


	12. Seph Bloopers!

Final Fantasy VII: Bloopers

Intro: Another idea given to me by Warrayfinson. I'm sorry I haven't updated Blind SOLDIER in like…ever, but school and all…

Zack: BlueFox, you're out of school…

BlueFox: Heh heh, I know that. (whispering) I just need an excuse.

Cloud: She's a big procrastinator.

BlueFox: Hey! (sighs) Well, I've begun my summer ritual of replaying all of the games I own that I've beaten. I just restarted FFX and Pokémon Emerald (yeah, I play Pokémon. So?), so I might think up some bloopers for FFX in the near future. Maybe. For now, I hope the Top Ten Sephiroth Bloopers are enough to sate you over!

Disclaimer: I own this sandwich. (points at turkey sandwich before stuffs it in mouth)

WAIT WAIT WAIT! Before I forget, since we're halfway through this story, I'm letting you all know now that on the last chapter, the characters are going to throw a party for not having to see more humiliation! (Or so they think) You're all invited, if you so wish to be in it! Just Copy & Paste this form below into your Review and fill it out! Make sure you erase the things in parenthesis, because those are just helping you fill it out.

**Name:** (can be your screen name, real name, or even a made up name)

**Brief Description:** (not-too-detailed description of what you want look like, or if you want to resemble someone)

**Age:** (any age you want, but I won't accept anything lower than 10 or higher than 30)

**Fangirl/Fanboy of:** (just to screw the party up a lot, two random people will be chosen to stalk whomever they want during the party)

**Quirks:** (strange things that you want to be part of your character, that haven't been taken. Being blonde at the roots, PMS-ing, chocolate addiction, and ADHD have already been taken)

**Your Entrance:** (how you want to come in during the party. For those of you who have seen Whose Line is it Anyway? can use a few of their ideas)

**How to Destroy Blooper Discs:** (note that only 5 will be chosen, since there are 5 discs. Choose the way in which you want to see the discs destroyed)

**Theme:** (if you want a lyricised theme to play when you make your grand entrance, put it here)

**Questions and Comments:** (put anything you want here, like a key line, i.e. Reno and Zack's 'yo' stuff. Once again, feel free to use something from Whose Line's two line vocabulary. Makes it all the more funny!)

Chapter Twelve  
The Top Ten Sephiroth Bloopers

10. Scene With Zack and Sephiroth in Jenova's chamber

"Why? Why did you kill all those townspeople?" Zack demanded, holding Buster at Sephiroth's neck.

"…BECAUSE PUMPKINS ARE ORANGE!!" Then, Sephiroth began to do a little dance.

"What the—?"

"Hey, it's better than 'THE BRITISH ARE COMING! THE BRITISH ARE COMING!' Wouldn't you say?"

Tetsuya: (smacks forehead) Could you all please stick to the script?

9. Sephiroth's Monologue in AC at the End

"Just like Mother did, long ago." Sephiroth held his hand above him and darkness swirled around them. Now, we all know Cloud's supposed to be quiet in this part, and is supposed to only get into position, but… "Then one day-"

"What's with the eye liner and purple lipstick?"

Tetsuya: CUT! Cloud, you just ruined Sephiroth's speech!

"Sorry!" Cloud apologized. "But come on! It was boring! With a capital B!"

Sephiroth merely glared at him.

Take 2

"Just like Mother blah blah blah. Then one day, blah blah blah. Blah blah blah, new future."

"Blah blah blah!" Cloud answered, glaring.

Tetsuya: Cut! What happened?

"I'm sick of monologues," Sephiroth said. "Yes, I may be known for them, but I'm going on strike. Now."

Cloud looked triumphant. "Like I said! Booooooorrrrinnnnnggggg!"

Take 3

"Just like Mother did, long ago." Sephiroth summoned the tainted Lifestream and Cloud got into position. "Then one day, we'll find a new Planet. And on its soil we'll create a shining future."

"What about this Planet?" Cloud asked.

"I'll leave that up to you, Cloud," Sephiroth answered, smiling.

Too bad Cloud took the smile the wrong way. "ARE YOU HITTING ON ME?!" He dove behind Tetsuya for protection.

Tetsuya: CUT! Cloud... he's _acting_!

"Oh…"

8. Scene With Cloud Giving Black Materia to Sephiroth in Crater

"Sephiroth? Sephiroth? I'm here, I brought you the Black Materia," Cloud said, before wandering around, and finally coming to the crystal place. It dropped down, upon closer examination and blowing of the dust, Cloud let out a shriek.

For inside the crystal was not Sephiroth, but rather Yuffie. Slowly looking down, Cloud saw instead of Yuffie comforting Tifa, Sephiroth.

Cloud passed out.

7. Scene With Zack and Sephiroth at the Junon Airlift thing…I think…

Zack hesitated in saying good-bye to his commander. Sephiroth understood and his face softened slightly. "We'll see each other again," he assured Zack.

In return, Zack grinned and turned, waving. He ran off, but before he was out of earshot, he heard Reno's voice, "I didn't you know you cared about him, yo."

"I'M SUPPOSED TO, DUMBASS! DOESN'T MEAN I DO!"

As Zack bowed his head in sadness and went for his trailer, Tetsuya sighed and went to get a bagel.

6. Scene Where Kadaj Turns into Sephiroth

"Good to see you, Cloud," Sephiroth said looking up. Cloud's eyes widened, but not at Sephiroth. It was at what he was wearing. A maid's outfit.

"WTF?"

Take 2

This time, Sephiroth appears in a pink bunny costume. "This better?"

Take 3

Instead of saying his normal lines, Sephiroth leaned up and whispered to Cloud. "I have to confess, Cloud…" Cloud's brows furrowed as Sephiroth leaned back and screamed, "I ENJOY BEING NUDE AT WEDDINGS!"

O.O Cloud just stared at him, and then, a whole bunch of random fangirls ran up and threw Cloud off Sephiroth, lining up in front of silver-haired Adonis General, cash in their hands, "Oh SEPHYYYYYY!"

5. Scene With Kadaj Briefly Turning into Sephiroth in Front of Rufus in AC

Rufus stared down as Kadaj flickered in and out of existence. A new being was taking form, shape, and then, when he recognized it, it jumped up, pretending to hold something.

"Hey Ruffy!" Sephiroth whispered, cheeks red, smiling and swaying. "Guess what?"

"Uh…What?"

Sephiroth leaned in close, breathing all over Rufus' face, before screaming in his ear, "I'VE GOT A JAR OF DIRT! I'VE GOT A JAR OF DIRT! I'VE GOT A JAR OF DIRT! AND GUESS WHAT'S INSIDE IT!"

4. Fight Against Cloud and Sephiroth in KH2

"No matter what," Sephiroth said, adding pressure to Masamune as Cloud struggled, "your darkness keeps calling me back!"

Cloud gave him the arched brow. "Is that why you sleep with a night light?" he asked.

Sephiroth scurried backward. "SHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Tetsuya: O.o Cut?

Take 2

"No matter what," Sephiroth said, adding pressure to Masamune as Cloud struggled, "your darkness keeps calling me back!"

"Wrong!" yelled Tifa, running on…and tripping over the huge orange wire that was in plain sight (only Tifa…), causing the lights in the entire studio to go out.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Sephiroth squealed. Tifa managed to plug the plug back in, looking sheepish.

"S-Sorry…?" Everyone gave Sephiroth the arched eyebrow as he rocked back and forth on the ground, sucking his thumb and whimpering.

Tetsuya: Wow.

Take 3

"You're darkness keeps calling me back!" 'Sephiroth' said, voice sounding incredibly wrong.

"Huh?" Cloud asked, before Sephiroth fell out of a random closet, gagged and tied up. "AHA!" He ripped off the wig to reveal a red haired man.

Tetsuya: (sighs) For the last time Axel, NO! You can't be Sephiroth! (He runs off crying)

3. Bothering Seph (from Potter Puppet Pals 1, which I don't own, but wish I did)

Zack: Hi, I'm Zack Fair.

Cloud: And I'm Cloud!

Zack: Let's go bother Sephiroth!

Cloud: Right-o!

Sephiroth: (off to the side) I am Sephiroth, the Great General.

Zack: (comes on) Ready? Let's go bother him!

Zack & Cloud: (tackling and pushing Sephiroth everywhere) BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER! (they run off. When they're alone…)

Cloud: That was fun!

Zack: I like the part when he stopped moving.

Cloud: Let's go bother him again!

Zack: Yeah! (go back to Sephiroth)

Sephiroth: Oh no…

Zack & Cloud: (tackling and pushing Sephiroth everywhere) BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTH-

Sephiroth: LV. 5 DEATH!

Zack & Cloud: (fall over, dead)

Tetsuya: (walks on) Hello, Sephiroth.

Sephiroth: Uh, Tetsuya, sir, I can explain…

Tetsuya: (walks to Zack & Cloud's bodies) Oh, it seems Cloud and Zack are taking an afternoon nap. (Sephiroth goes off-screen slowly) Let's see what they've got in their pockets… (rifles around in their pockets) Alas! Seven thousand gil, and a half rotten sandwich. It's my lucky day! (looks around) Now, where did Sephiroth go? …Better yet, where the hell am I?

2. Scene in Crater When Sephiroth Attacks from Above

"Hahahaha…" he laughed. He then swooped down toward Cloud, but suddenly fell flat on his face. "OW!"

Take 2

Sephiroth is crying on the ground and BlueFox is patting him on the back. Cloud walks up with an eyebrow raised.

"What in the Lifestream?" he began as he approached Sephiroth. "Hey, what's goi—"

BlueFox: Shush Cloud! He's about to talk!

Finally, Sephiroth did, through many, many sobs. "It gave me nightmares for a long time. I wished it was all just a bad dream. They're all so racist towards him. It showed me how cruel mankind could be. I can still hear them taunting him… 'Silly Rabbit, Trix are for kids!' " He buried his head in his hands, sobs shaking his entire body. "WHY COULDN'T THEY JUST GIVE HIM A BOWL OF CEREAL? WHY!"

Number 1 Blooper: Sephiroth Announcing Who He is at the Villain's Convention

(AKA, another Caught! moment!)

"Uh, who the hell's this?" Vader asked, double taking the General.

"I'm Sephiroth, gifted with a horrible name, a slight case of ADHD and a really bad emo disposition. I'm the eldest brother of five siblings, not to mention the only half way normal one, seeing as how Kadaj is a spaz and Cloud is the worst creation ever created. I'm the unfortunate victim of Square-Enix selling out and now a target for yaoi obsessed fan boys who don't want to leave me alone even though I get MAYBE a total of five lines in that whole BEEP movie, in which I actually BEEP STAB Cloud in the shoulder and beat him to an inch of his life, but he STILL doesn't BEEP die, but saves the world like those stupid BEEP heroes always do. The same BEEP hero who killed ME TWICE BEFORE in under five BEEP minutes each time, didn't get a scratch then watched Zack die like a jackass and then went off to be an emo little bitch like usual while I wandered around the BEEP Lifestream in spirit even though it wasn't my BEEP fault I was being controlled by a BEEP alien from space because that stupid prequel, which I wasn't even evil in, sucked like complete ass and the only reason people even read it is because it has Aerith alive and Genesis in it, and for BEEP sake, I look more human in the prequel than in the actual game! So why the hell didn't I get more appearances! You know what Square-Enix, BEEP YOU! You made me a stereotypical clone, you bastards! I'm going on strike! Right now! And you can tell Hojo to kiss my ass! I'll never submit! NEVER!" Sephiroth randomly stomped away.

"…What. The. BEEP.?"

"Oh don't mind him, he's a little sore about his role in life, yo."

"…I couldn't tell…"

"Anyway," Sephiroth came back after a moment, only slightly coated in blood. "This new villain, is like absolute trash. Actually trash would compliment her. But if I ever saw a bad villain I would call them this." He pointed to the picture of Ultimecia. "I mean this bit-"

"Hell, Seph! Don't you even say it! We've already been censored enough! Don't even start with that one, yo!" Reno interrupted before any more could be said.

"What? There's nothing wrong with that. We've said it before."

-SPECIAL BLOOPERS-  
Why Aerith REALLY Died

_How did I get into this mess? _Sephiroth thought, mouth hanging open as he looked around the tiny space, the pink-clad Flower Girl across from him, looking out the window.

"Hey! It's Tifa and Cloud!" Aerith squealed, causing Sephiroth to raise an eyebrow and look out himself. Aerith's face darkened. "HEY!" she yelled. "GET YOUR SLUMMY HANDS OFF HIM YOU BITCH!" she screeched at Tifa, but over the music, Tifa couldn't hear anything.

Aerith flashed her emerald gaze over to Sephiroth, whose eyes widened considerably at the look he was being given.

Showing the outside of the Gondola…

"Quick, Seph, sit over here by me!"

"Why?"

There was a thud as Aerith yanked him beside her on the seat. "OH CLOUDY!" she squealed outside the window, and Cloud looked up to see her waving. "LOOK WHO I'VE GOT WITH ME!"

She attempted to show Cloud who was sitting beside her, but Sephiroth was doing a very good job of staying out of sight. Cloud raised an eyebrow at Aerith's antics, and turned his attention back to Tifa doing the mallet game (you know, where you use a mallet to hit this button and if you hit it hard enough, you hear a DING!).

"Seph!" Aerith whispered harshly to the silver-haired man. "What are you doing?"

"Trying not to get killed too early on!"

"Get up!" Using strength she wasn't supposed to harness, she drew Sephiroth back onto the seat and called for Cloud again. Cloud looked up again, a bored look on his face as he mouthed a 'What?' to Aerith.

"Quick, Seph, put your arm around me!"

"What the-? NO!"

Aerith's voice drew down to a whisper. "Do it, or I'll tell everyone it's a wig."

Sephiroth's eyes widened. "Wh-What? H-How did you know?"

"Don't think I won't do it, Sephiroth."

After putting his arm around Aerith, they both looked outside, only to see Cloud and Tifa completely gone.

"DAMN IT!" Aerith screeched, beginning to pout.

Two days later, Aerith was at the receiving end of Masamune. And we all know why.

--

So yeah. I got the Special Bloopers idea from two sources. One was from Lepa2793 (I think that's your name) and from a movie on YouTube. To see the whole thing, just type in Aeris Sephiroth Date and you'll get the whole date.

Ideas? Requests? Feedback? The next chapter, my friends, is back to the old routine of just random bloopers. Title: Randomness Isn't All That Bad. Verrry random, I promise. Like orange pumpkins and Paul Revere random.


	13. Randomness isn't all that Bad

Final Fantasy VII: Bloopers

Intro: Oh! I'm so happy some people actually filled out the form! That means people actually read my author's notes! Yay! I feel all warm and fuzzy! This is gonna be a huge SLAMMA-JAMMA! In fact, I've written out most of it, and I can't tell you how many spit takes of Mountain Dew Code Red I almost did on my computer. As for my bedroom floor...

No more people! I've run out of places to put them! There is enough! Thank you for all of those who sent stuff in!

Disclaimer: I own this sandwich. (points at turkey sandwich before stuffing it in face)

Chapter Thirteen  
Randomness Isn't All That Bad

-STRAIGHT TO BLOOPERS-

Random Zack and Cloud Caught! Moment  
(Idea from a mirror Zack and Cloud pic on TokyoPop)

He was bored, frustrated. He needed to vent out his energies. He thought about going out to play B-Ball with his friends on the beach but he really didn't want to face anyone…well at least not like this.

Defeated, he slumped onto the sofa and switched on the TV, flicking 'til he found what he was looking for-

Heroes; a brilliant show, which he had recently become addicted to. It was fast-paced, action-based with a great plotline and one particular character that he could really relate to: Nikki Saunders or her dead sister Jessica. Zack felt a profound connection to this character because like Nikki/Jessica, he was one part of a whole with Cloud, yes the two-time hero, as the dominant half like Nikki.

But the episode that Zack was watching today filled him with hope. Jessica had finally taken over and Nikki was now the reflection in the mirror.

_Maybe the same can happen for me,_ Zack thought as he approached the mirror room where he would have his encounter with Cloud. And sure enough , there stood Cloud, his gaze boring into Zack's.

"I'm gonna kick your ass," Cloud yelled at Zack.

"Bring it, blondie!" Zack yelled back.

The two of them clashed in the middle of the room exchanging blows, each trying to do as much damage to the other as possible. But they were evenly matched and no matter how hard one tried the other still stood….

From outside the room, two very familiar individuals watched this duel with obvious amusement. To them, it looked like Cloud was beating himself up. After a few minutes of this, Cloud finally passed out, all bloodied and bruised.

"Did you get all that?" Aerith asked.

"Yeah, his life is so over, yo." Reno smiled as he said this and held up his camcorder.

"I can't wait to post this on youtube!"

Scene of Kadaj Turning into Sephiroth

Cloud attacks Kadaj, lands on his sword, Kadaj becomes Sephiroth. "Good to see you," Sephiroth looked up, "Cloud."

Cloud's eyes widened. "ZOMG! Kadaj has a twin!"

Take 2

This time, Cloud makes it all the way to being hit up to the building. "Sephiroth," he began, glaring up at him, "you snore loud! I mean GEEZ! I could hear you the whole time we were in Nibelheim, and we had SEPARATE ROOMS!"

Take 3

"Sephiroth," he began, glaring up at him, "you're lucky. I wish I could wear bondage gear too…"

Tetsuya: CUTTTTTTTT!

Scene of Cloud and Mr. Dolphin

As Cloud began to swim, the water got deep and deeper until he couldn't touch the bottom anymore. "I'm drowning! I'm drowning!"

Take 2

Cloud got to an appropriate spot for Mr. Dolphin to toss him up. He blew the whistle, and the dolphin came towards him. But then, Cloud's blond side of the brain kicked in.

"OMG! IT'S JAWS! SWIM AWAY SWIM AWAAAAAYYYYYYY!"

Scene of Aerith Running off Into Sleeping Forest

"Well, then I'll be going. I'll come back when it's all over." Aerith turned and ran toward that green portal thing, but then she tripped, bringing the whole backdrop down with her. "Oops…"

Take 2

Sephiroth drifted down from above once Aerith was out of sight. "She's thinking of interfering? That girl could be a problem," he mused to Cloud. "We will have to stop her."

"No!" Cloud answered, crossing his arms. "She's UGLY!" (AN: Actually, I think she's really pretty, but still…)

"U-G-L-Y You ain't got no-"

Tetsuya: Ugh. Cut…

Scene in Crisis Core With the Arm Touching Thing w/ Cloud and Zack

Zack held his arm out.

Cloud dug in his pocket, then shook his hand. "Sorry, Zack, but I don't have any money."

"…Damn."

BlueFox: (whispering to camera) I mugged him.

MakruTree: And I spent the gil. Hehehehehehe…

Both:Hehehehehe... MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA

Tetsuya, Cloud, and Zack: O.o

Scene With Cloud Falling into Church  
(Note: I love Clerith pairings, but I love Zerith more)

The Air Buster exploded, and Cloud was flung up and then grabbed the edge of the building. After the pointless conversation, a giant bird comes out from nowhere and flies away with Cloud.

Tifa began to chase after the bird. "Cloud! Cloud! WAIIIT!"

BlueFox: MUAHAHAHA! That's how it SHOULD have gone. Because now Zack and Aerith can live happily ever after, and Cloud can burn in hell.

MakruTree: You sure are evil today.

Script Malfunction  
(right before fight against Bizarro)

Cloud raised an eyebrow at the script, shrugged, then got ready to do the scene. When it came time to shout the enemy's name, he did.

"SEXY SEPHY!"

"What?!" Sephiroth screeched at him.

BlueFox and Armageddon Child: (fangirl giggles)

Cloud sighed and shook his head. "That's what the script says."

Sephiroth sighed, crossing his arms. "The script must be wrong, then."

BlueFox: Nope, it's correct. Please go on.

Cloud sighed. "SEXY SEPHY!"

"Ugh... Is this... the true power of …Sexy Sephy?" Barret swore loudly after his statement.

"My... my body... I can't control my body... Uuugh!?" Cid was relieved his was a normal line.

Anyway, everyone said their lines, till they got to Tifa. She said hers with FEELING.

"Sexy Cloud… Sexy Cloud…" Cloud gave her a scared look as her eyes turned to hearts.

"WTF?"

BlueFox: Hahaha, this is awesome. XD

Then Toshiro timidly poked his head in. "Is it safe to watch?"

MakruTree: TOSHYYYYYYYYYYYYY!! (glomps Toshiro)

"Can we start over?" Sephiroth asked.

BlueFox: Sure thing, Sexy Sephy! We'll try again another time.

Scene in Crisis Core w/ Genesis Unfurling his Wing

Genesis' wing shot out, a few feathers coming loose and floating down, making it look all cool-like. He glanced back at Zack and grinned.

But then Cloud walked on screen. "Zack, Aerith says you forgot your Buster in her…" He trailed off, staring at Genesis. "Holy Mother of God, what kinda guy wears pink? It's so girly!"

"Yeah it is!" Zack agreed. "LOL!"

"LOL!" Cloud answered, and they high-fived like retarded teenagers…which they kinda were at the time.

Scene Right Before Shinra SOLDIERs Arrive on Cliff

Cloud lifted his head from Zack's shoulder. Noticing the barren wasteland around them, he raised an eyebrow. "End of the road?"

Zack nodded. "Yep." He sat Cloud down and sat beside him. Seems the enemy SOLDIERs had either gone on break or were hopelessly lost.

"Soooo…" Cloud finally broke the silence, looking up from his interesting twiddling of the thumbs. "Wanna make out?"

Zack grinned. "Sure!"

MakruTree: (interrupts) IS TOSHY WITH YOU GUYS? He disappeared! Hey Toshyyyyyyyyy... I'm gonna find youuuuuuu... (goes off to find Toshiro)

BlueFox: Hehehehehe (gets camera) Clack! One of my anti-drugs!!

Zack grinned malevolently at her. "Too bad. We were kidding," he told her.

BlueFox: NOOOOO! My life was a lie! T-T

Scene With Cloud and Sephiroth on Bridge in Nibelheim Reactor

"Sephiroth!" Cloud ran out after him.

"HAHA!" Sephiroth declared, spinning and smacking Cloud's face with his hair.

Cloud stumbled back, coughing. "HEY! You aren't supposed to do that!" He then coughed up a silver hairball.

"FINE! You can't kill me then!"

Tetsuya: CUT! Let's try that again…

Take 2

"HAAAAAAAA!" Cloud grabs the Masamune and attempts to throw Sephiroth over the edge, but Sephiroth just stands there. "What the heck? DIEDIEDIEDIE!" He repeatedly swung Sephiroth's sword around like a stick, but Sephiroth wouldn't budge.

"HAHA! YOU PATHETIC MORTAL!" Sephiroth laughed.

Tetsuya: Cut! (Looks at the Sephiroth) Why? Why can't you get this right Sexy Sephy?

Sephiroth moaned. "Not you too!"

Scene With Aerith and Zack in the Church

"Ugh, heaven?" Zack asked, looking at Aerith.

"Sorry, but my mom said not to talk to strangers."

Tetsuya: CUT!

Take 2

"Ugh, heaven?"

"Why would you think that?" Aerith questioned.

"Um…well…I don't know!" Zack grabbed her hand to hoist himself up.

"SEXUAL HARASSMENT! SEXUAL HARASSMENT!"

Tetsuya: STOP! STOP IT NOW!

Take 3

"Ugh, heaven?"

"Yes."

"Huh? That can't be right."

"Oh, but it is."

"Why?"

"Ummm…because?"

"Well, that's a sucky answer!"

"I CAN'T WORK LIKE THIS!" Aerith ran for her trailer.

Tetsuya: (Slaps forehead)

Scene With Sephiroth Throwing Destruct Materia

"...Reunion? Calamity from the skies?" Cloud questioned, then Sephiroth threw the materia at him. As he flew away, Cloud stood and picked it up. "…A jawbreaker?"

Take 2

"...Reunion? Calamity from the skies?" Cloud questioned, then Sephiroth threw the materia at him. "MY NOSE!"

Tetsuya: CUTCUTCUT!

Scene With Phone Sinking

As the phone gently touched bottom, Zack, not Aerith, spoke. "Monkey, monkey, monkey."

"Zack! What the heck are you doing?" Aerith was heard distantly.

"I want more lines!"

Take 2

So, they decided to see how Zack did in this scene. This time, he began to say the (edited) lines. "We never blamed you, not once… You—ooh! It's echoy in here! Echo! Echo!"

Tetsuya: Moron…

Take 3

This time, neither Aerith nor Zack spoke. It was instead…a special guest.

"Look at what I've got here!" Suddenly, a huge crash could be heard and a little silence. Then, "I got it." There were a few footsteps. "Can you guess what this is? I gotta jar of dirt! I gotta jar of dirt! I gotta jar of dirt! And guess what's inside it!"

"I love Jack Sparrow," Aerith said, before sipping her green tea.

"Man. I'm all out of pocky." Zack sounded dejected.

-SPECIAL BLOOPERS-  
Aerith and Cloud's Date

EDK was defeated. "No! Not the power……of love!"

Cloud's eyes widened. "B-B-B-B-B-B-B-But!" he protested.

Tetsuya: Is something wrong, Cloud?

Aerith started to blush and rubbed the back of her head. "Uh…"

"BUT WE USED A CONDEM!" Cloud cried, going into hysterics.

BlueFox: I DID NOT NEED TO KNOW THAT!

Take 2

"What? You don't like being with me?" Aerith asked, putting her hands behind her back.

Cloud shook his head vehemently. "No! No! I like being IN you more!"

Tetsuya: CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT!

BlueFox: AHHAHA! (Rubs head and stomps feet) BAD IMAGES! BAD IMAGES!

Take 3

"I am the wizard," said the wizard. "What do you wish to know?"

Cloud scratched his head, then came up with something. "Who is my dad?"

"Who indeed!"

"Where's Aerith?"

"This way, that way, wow, the authoress is gay!"

BlueFox: What the-? (torches wizard with a flamethrower) NO! I just like yaoi…especially Clack and Cleon. (sighs)

Take 4

"Who indeed!"

"Where's Alicia? Er…Annalise? Wait, April? Auburn?" Cloud looked ready to have an aneurysm.

Tetsuya: Cloud, did you read the script last night?

Cloud chuckled nervously. "Yes?"

BlueFox and Tetsuya: LIAR!

Take 5

"Who is my dad?"

There was a dramatic pause, before a drunken Angeal swaggered on stage. "Cloud! I AM YOUR FATHER!" He threw his hands out gallantly.

Cloud began to hyperventilate. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he screamed, grabbing his head and falling to the floor.

Tetsuya: (bangs head on the wall continuously)

Take 6

The 'Interrupted by Fireworks' theme began, and Aerith closed her eyes and swung the Gondola back and forth.

"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" she cried, before swinging it a bit too hard. Poor Cloud flew out of the Gondola and onto the Chocobo Racing track, where he promptly got trampled.

Tetsuya: NOT AGAIN!

"Aerith! I need a Great Gospel!" Cloud cried before passing out.

(Later on) Take 567

The 'Interrupted by Fireworks' theme starts AGAIN. It's like midnight, and everyone just wants to go home.

"W00T!" Aerith cried, doing the Funky Chicken.

Sephiroth roared in pure frustration (it was past his bedtime) and stabbed Aerith.

Tetsuya: YOU'RE TOO EARLY! CUT!

(Around 2 in the morning) Take 1,864

Theme starts.

"WOOYEAH!" Aerith cried, doing the Egyptian, Lawn Sprinkler, and Cabbage Patch.

Reno pointed. "I CAN DO THAT, YO!"

Tetsuya: WILL YOU GET OUT OF HERE!

--

Whoo…pretty random, huh? Sorry, but I just had to do one of those Take (insert big number here) bloopers, so I did. And Angeal being Cloud's dad…that would be so awkward… O.o Does it ever mention who Cloud's dad is?

Sorry for you yaoi/Zerith/Clerith haters. Yaoi or Zerith or Clerith equal happy squealing and giggling on my part. MakruTree doesn't like yaoi, but Armageddon has nothing against it, so I used her for the 'Sexy Sephy' scene.

Ideas? Requests? Feedback? Send 'em in by review! The next chapter: Karaoke! The characters have to sing to a song that is SO not their style, like Vincent singing 'Suteki Da Ne' or '1000 Words' or something. If you have ideas, make sure that whatever character you suggest sings a song that is their polar opposite, por favor!


	14. Shopping for MakruTree's B Day!

Final Fantasy VII: Bloopers

Intro: So sorry you guys, but you won't be getting Karaoke today, mainly because I owe MakruTree a birthday bash, because it's not fair if Armageddon Child gets one and she doesn't! Besides, Makru's a legal adult now, so she can actually sue me if I'm not fair.

So, this time, instead of going to the mall, everyone's going…to Wal-Mart! Oh the joy!

So, sorry for the wait, but here you go Makru! Everyone's shopping for you!

Disclaimer: I own this sandwich. (points to turkey sandwich before stuffing it in mouth)

Currently Listening to: Within Temptation

Chapter Fourteen  
Shopping for MakruTree's B-Day!

(Cloud, Sephiroth, and Tifa Enter)

"Wal-Mart? Don't they, like, sell walls there?" said Tifa, staring up at the giant Wal-Mart sign.

"No, Tifa, they don't sell walls…" Sephiroth started.

"They sell MORE than walls!" Cloud finished. They all were standing in the Wal-Mart parking lot, staring up at the Wal-Mart sign with huge grins on their faces. Everyone around them sometimes stopped and stared at them as though they were aliens. I mean, who stares at Wal-Mart?

Apparently, FF7 characters do.

"Well, are we going inside or what?" Sephiroth asked, finally taking a step forward. Cloud and Tifa both nodded as though they were alienated. They all walked in slowly, absorbing each step. Others around them stopped and stared. Some laughed, others just whispered and pointed. After about fifteen perfectly absorbed steps, they were through the automatic doors and in the store. They were gaping at the giant store. It was HUGE! Cloud smiled and walked all the way in, leaving Tifa and Sephiroth staring still.

He grabbed a cart and turned to Tifa and Sephiroth. "So… how about it? Are we buying something or what?"

Tifa gasped and then pointed. "Oh my GOSH they ACTUALLY have Barbie Uno! C'mon, Sephiroth! You lost my last pack; you're buying me another one!"

Sephiroth groaned and reluctantly followed Tifa into the game aisle. That left Cloud with his Wal-Mart cart. That was when he noticed… the CD aisle. Cloud grinned and slowly pushed the cart to the music aisle.

"Oh my… the first Sheryl Crow CD… but I thought… I thought… oh thank God this is a shopping spree with Sephiroth's money!" Cloud grabbed the CD, threw it in the cart, and walked down the aisle. And then he got to the soundtrack section, which was where she, Cloud, had found the limited edition…

"You bought her the Grease soundtrack?" Sephiroth asked, picking it up from the cart.

Cloud grinned. "Yeah! Duh! That's like, my favorite musical!"

"Eh… _your_ favorite musical?"

"Yeah!"

Sephiroth rolled his eyes and set it back into the cart. Tifa tossed in Barbie Uno. "So what next?" he asked, examining the three things in the Wal-Mart cart. Cloud shrugged.

"Well, we aren't getting anything expensive, because it's _my_ money, but…" Sephiroth started to say…

"DVD aisle!" Tifa called.

"I call dibs on being first in the aisle!" Cloud answered, pushing the cart and racing Tifa. Sephiroth rolled his eyes again. This _had_ been his idea, and not BlueFox's. So he couldn't blame his crazy friends now. But later… oh yes later…

"Oh my God Tifa, look!" Cloud was pointing at a DVD in the aisle. Tifa turned around and gasped.

"No…" Tifa was gaping at the DVD. "It can't be… and it's half the price…"

"What are you two doing?" Sephiroth asked, finally walking down the DVD aisle. "Found Veggie Tales?"

"That was only that one time!" Cloud said hotly. "And that wasn't Wal-Mart. It's BETTER than Veggie Tales anyway! It's… it's…"

Tifa pointed at the DVD aisle. Sephiroth gasped. "Oh my god…"

"And it's half price too!" Cloud announced proudly.

Sephiroth smiled. He walked up and picked up the "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone" DVD. He slowly placed it into the cart with the Sheryl Crow CD, Grease soundtrack and Barbie Uno. The trio walked away from the DVD aisle slowly. Very slowly, as though they didn't want to leave. Because, of course, they didn't want to leave.

****

About 6.5 minutes later…

"Aw, Tifa! Why not the make up aisle?"

"Because Cloud, I'm not going in there so you can try every stick of lipstick there is."

"But… but I won't put them all on at the same time this time!"

"I don't care… I don't need any make up anyway."

"Sephiroth needs toner!"

Sephiroth glared at Cloud. "And how do you know?"

Cloud blushed. "I… I was looking through your make up bag. By the way, you might want to get a new eye shadow palette… black? Not unless you wanna look like you're on crack…"

Tifa whacked Cloud in the back of the head. "Shut it Cloud! Nobody cares how good you are with colors! We need to spend more money… and get the presents for Makru we came for in the first place!"

Cloud rubbed the back of his head. "Well you didn't have to hit so hard!" Sephiroth groaned.

Tifa pointed. "Hey look, it's the plant aisle!"

"Uh… Tifa, you go ahead. We'll meet you in the freezer aisle. C'mon Cloud," said Sephiroth, slowly backing away from the plant aisle. He had had bad experiences with plants (i.e. the plant aisle…) and promised himself he would never go down there again. And so far, it's been a kept promise.

"Come ON Cloud!" yelled Sephiroth, speed walking away from the plant aisle.

"Coming!" Cloud called back. He hopped onto the cart and rode it all the way down to where Sephiroth was. Every Wal-Mart shopper in the history of Wal-Mart has done this once, correct?

****

About 2 minutes later…

"Cloud! Hey Cloud! Let's go down here!" Sephiroth pointed at an aisle that wasn't really close to where the two friends were.

Cloud was uncomfortable with Sephiroth's decision. "Uh… Seph? Why'd you choose that aisle?"

Sephiroth looked strangely at Cloud, as if he were going crazy. "…because it's one of the top three aisles in Wal-Mart, beating the freezer aisle but under the candy aisle."

Cloud gulped. "Er… okay then… your decision…" Sephiroth continued to stare at Cloud. He finally shook his head and together they walked to the second best aisle in Wal-Mart. They walked down the soda aisle, through the meat aisle, and past the produce section until they got to the aisle (aisles…?) that Sephiroth was pointing at. Cloud's grip on the cart tightened.

"Cloud? Cloud… CLOUD? What ARE you waiting for? Turn into the aisle!"

Cloud took a deep breath. He closed his eyes, and slowly turned the cart, the wheels moving inch by inch into the…

…feminine supplies aisle.

Sephiroth yelped. "Cloud, NO! Not th-that place! I was NOT pointing there you idiot! I was pointing to the video game aisle! Not… not there!"

Cloud quickly pulled the cart out of the aisle, pushed it into the aisle next to it and sighed with relief. "Thank heavens you weren't pointing there!" He sighed again. "But you know," he began, "I've always wondered what was in those plastic-"

"Cloud, don't finish that question because I'm not answering it and when you do get an answer you'll have MANY MANY insecure nightmares about yourself and others so do me a favor and don't finish that."

"All righty then, I won't. I've had enough nightmares… anyways! Look it's the video game aisle!"

Sephiroth and Cloud smiled. Video games, for them, and most of the population of the world, made the world go 'round. So, obviously, it made it the second best aisle. Cloud ran over to the PSP section. That was when he automatically picked up a game with a familiar city in the background, and feather falling down around a familiar looking person… a game that looked oddly familiar.

"Sephiroth!" Cloud called Sephiroth over. "Hey Sephiroth, does this look any familiar to you?"

"Crisis… Core…? Hm. I don't know. I wonder who all those people are on the back."

"They look… like I know them. Except, who's that female-looking guy with the pointy blonde spikes? I'm glad I don't look like him…"

"Ahem."

"Huh...? Oh. Oh God…"

"Well first of all just be glad I wasn't about to answer that question of yours."

Cloud gulped and laughed nervously. "Eh… okay. Well, how much is the game anyway?"

Sephiroth looked at the price tag. "Let's see… 50 bucks! But Cloud…"

"Please Sephiroth! Please? For Makru?" Cloud put on his best puppy dog face.

Sephiroth groaned. "Fine! But she owes me big time Cloud."

"Deal!" Cloud grinned and tossed CC into the cart.

****

About 1.15 Minutes Later…

Sephiroth and Cloud walked out of the video game department, Cloud pushing the cart. Both of them cringed as they walked past the… well, you know what aisle… and quickly got the cart to the freezer aisle. Tifa was waiting for them. She waved. "Sephiroth! Cloud!" She smiled. Cloud and Sephiroth ran over to see her.

Tifa peered into the cart. "Hey, what's that game you've got in there? Crisis Core?" She picked it up, and looked at the back. "Hey who's that feminine looking guy with the blonde spikes, Cloud?"

Sephiroth coughed. "It's (cough) a Cloud (cough) look-alike (cough)."

"Huh? Oh! Sorry… okay let's go do something else."

Cloud smiled. "Well… let's go!"

The three walked away to the soap aisle. Meanwhile…

"Hey Sephiroth?"

"Yes Cloud?"

"What are in those pla-"

"Cloud! You finish that I'll whack you in the head with your Ultima Weapon!"

"Oh… Opps. Sorry Sephiroth."

(MakruTree, Yuffie, Armageddon Child, and Aerith Enter)

"Yuffie, why Wal-Mart?" MakruTree asked, jumping about five feet when the automatic doors opened.

"Because, Nat-"

"MakruTree!"

"Right, MakruTree, whatever… it's the only reliable store that we can get to without the using the Portal Highway…"

"And it's a nice place," Aerith chimed in. "Maybe I should work here…"

"Aerith, don't even think about it," Armageddon Child said, her eyes darting around, watching the people in blue coats. The Wal-Mart workers were staring back at them. It wasn't normal to have people like them walk into Wal-Mart… the workers were used to the normal sweater-and-jeans people (speaking of which, you can find those sweaters AND jeans in aisle…)

"Hey look!" Yuffie jumped up and down and pointed. "It's Cloud!"

"And Sephiroth and Tifa!" Aerith finished.

"Umm… guys, no offense, but we came here to get-"

"Aw, Makru!"

MakruTree groaned. "Fine, but be back at the front door in about ten minutes."

"You aren't our mother, Makru," Yuffie said ignorantly.

"You think? I'm only as old as you Yuffie. Now are you guys going to say something to those three or what?"

"Yup!" Yuffie ran over to see them. Aerith walked over with a smile on her face. Armageddon Child and MakruTree shrugged and walked away.

"So Makru?"

"Yeah?"

"What are you and Yuffie gonna do Saturday?"

"I'm not inviting you over to the Studio again, AC, if that's what you're thinking."

Armageddon Child was quiet. There was an awkward moment of silence. Finally MakruTree shattered it like glass. "So, what are we doing exactly?" she asked.

"Not sure, but in the mean time…"

"AC NO!"

"I have to."

"Why?"

"We don't know what else to do. And it's stuck in my head and I can't get it out… you know what that means!"

"Please don't…"

"Well we're here and well…"

MakruTree groaned and rubbed her fingers on her temples. "Okay then, go right ahead, don't mind me, I'll just be mourning the fact that…"

But Armageddon Child had already started.

__

"All right, here we go…

__

Cause it's all in my head

I think about it over and over again

And I cant keep picturing you with him

And it hurts so bad

Cause it's all in my head

I think about it over and over again

I replay it over and over again

And I can't take it, I can't shake it no

I can't wait to see you

Wanna see if you still got that look in your eye

That one you had for me before we said our goodbyes

And it's a shame that we gotta spend our time being mad about the same things

About the same things…"

****

Meanwhile…

"What the heck is that?" Cloud grabbed his ears in pain.

Aerith started laughing. Yuffie followed. "It's AC," Yuffie said in between laughs, "she's singing."

"It's a little joke we have," Aerith followed. "We probably shouldn't have left them…"

"Yeah… well we have to go, hope we get to see you guys soon!" Yuffie waved and they both ran to the pharmacy area where MakruTree and Armageddon Child were.

__

"Oohhh but I think she's leaving

Oohhh man she's leaving

I don't know what else to do

Cause it's all in my head

I think about it over and over again

And I can't keep picturing you with him

And it hurts so bad

Cause it's all in my head

I think about it over and over again

I replay it over and over again

And I can't take it, I can't shake it no more

Now that I realize that I'm goin' down from all this pain you've put me through…"

Yuffie and Aerith weren't surprised to find a large crowd around Armageddon Child and MakruTree standing at the side near the medicine aisle, her right hand over her forehead, her left touching a bottle of aspirin. Yuffie fought her way through the crowd to find Armageddon Child singing loudly with about fifty dollars at her feet. Yuffie grabbed the money and pulled Armageddon Child out of the crowd. Armageddon Child immediately stopped singing. "What the heck, Yuffie?" she asked.

"I had to get you out of there, I know you were bored," she answered.

"All right, fine."

"Okay, so, you had some soda before we got here then. Deal with it."

"It wasn't just soda…"

"Okay, you had more than soda. Just cool off AC! Come on, Makru's about to commit suicide."

****

After the crowd is gone…

"Better Nat?"

"It's Makru. And I'm perfectly fine. Thanks. AC…"

"Yeah Makru?"

"You are one lucky person."

"Yeah I know."

The four stood there for a little while. "I think I'll buy some aspirin for the way home though," MakruTree said.

Aerith smiled. "All right, well, Yuffie and I are going to get some stuff…"

"Yes I'm getting saltines," said Yuffie before either of the other two could speak up.

"…so you two can just, well, walk around the store, I guess," Aerith said with a nod. "We'll meet back here in about an hour…"

"In the pharmacy? No way! How about the… um… magazine aisle?" MakruTree said.

"Perfume department. Take it or leave it." Aerith crossed her arms and tapped her foot.

"Ugh, fine! Perfume department it is."

MakruTree and Armageddon Child groaned. Neither of them wanted to be caught dead in the Wal-Mart perfume department.

"All right, come on Yuffie!" Aerith said, and they both walked away talking.

"You know Makru," Armageddon Child said, watching them walk away, "I'll never be able to understand fictional girls."

"And ditto for me," said MakruTree. "So… now what…?"

"Depends…"

Suddenly one of the women in a blue coat walked over to them. She had a cheery smile on her face, but in a way, it looked like she'd rather be dead then work here. "Hello!" she said in a happy yet strained voice. "Are you two looking for something?"

"Well, one, we're people and we're your age, two we aren't looking for anything currently, and three, why are you talking to us, um…" Armageddon Child scanned her uniform for a name… "…Terra?"

"Because I work here, and it's my job… to… be kind and… generous," she said through gritted teeth that were sort of smiling. Terra pointed her finger at a guy in a long coat, not as long as Sephiroth's, but about knee length. She made sure only MakruTree and Armageddon Child could see her pointing. She was pointing at the manager.

Terra said something through gritted teeth that neither girl could make out. They glanced at each other, curiouslu, then back at the green haired Magitek Elite in front of them. Terra smiled again, and nodded, still strained. "Well, if you insist. How about you two go into the yarn section?" She enunciated the yarn. She pointed down the long (hallway?). "Aisle 6," she said. "And have a great day from us at Wal-Mart!"

"Right… you too," Armageddon Child said. "C'mon Makru, she said aisle 6, and we've got nothing else left to do…"

"Fine," MakruTree said, and they both walked to the sewing aisle.

****

In the sewing aisle…

"Hey, hey AC!" MakruTree said, trying to keep her voice low. "Um… so that's yarn?"

"Yeah, basically." Armageddon Child picked up a ball of black and white yarn and tossed it into the air. "I'm not sure what it's for, but it's really… it's really… well… um…"

"Fluffy?"

"Yeah. Um… fluffy."

"You've never said that have you?"

"Well… no. I haven't."

"You've never said the word fluffy."

"No."

"Okay never mind. Umm… wow. They have a wide selection of colors."

"Yeah. They do."

"And they're really nice color."

"Yeah. They are."

"Can you say something more… well more words in the sentence please?"

"We need to buy some of this yarn."

"Yeah. We do."

"Makru!"

"Sorry. What colors?"

Armageddon Child shrugged. "Whatever looks good. But Makru… what are we going to use the yarn for?"

"Well… that's for us to figure out. Later." MakruTree picked up a blue ball of yarn. Armageddon Child picked up a black ball of yarn. That's when Armageddon Child noticed… "Nat…"

"MakruTree."

"Makru… I think we're going to need a cart."

(Zack, Angeal, Roxas, and BlueFox Come In)

"Sweet. Wal-Mart." Zack said as they walked through the automatic doors.

"Yeah and it has a smiley face for a trademark-logo!" BlueFox said sarcastically. "Come ON Angeal, why Wal-Mart? Why did we come here? Why do you need this camera and tape so bad?"

"We have GOT to get back at Genesis! This time, blackmail!"

"We blackmailed her last time, Angeal," said Zack. "There has to be something else. They have everything at Wal-Mart!"

"Sure they do," Roxas said, rolling his eyes. "Rock on."

"Stop that! You aren't Demyx!" BlueFox said in frustration, clenching her fists and gritting his teeth. "It is seriously getting on my nerves!"

Roxas groaned. Angeal had to pick her. Roxas usually was annoyed by all of the higher ups, but BlueFox was sometimes the worst. Sometimes as in Angeal was the worst. And Zack wasn't far behind.

"Angeal, Tetsuya will kill us, and Genesis will… well he will…" Zack thought this over for a moment. "Well he'll do the same!"

"He can't kill us. Most of us are already dead, remember?"

"And yet you are so encouraging Angeal!"

"Just stating the facts!"

Zack shrugged and the four walked over to a Wal-Mart worker. He was short but fairly young, and all four, including Zack towered over him. He cringed.

"H-hey Wal-Mart shoppers…" he stuttered, "...can I help you?"

"Yes, could you please lead us to where cameras and video tapes are?" Angeal asked.

"Oh… sure." The worker led them to aisle 9, the electronic aisle.

"Thank you… um… Zeno!" Angeal said. Zeno nodded and quickly got away.

"Um… Angeal… since when did you say 'please' and 'thank you'?" asked BlueFox.

"Um… I don't know, did I?"

"Yeah."

"Weird," Angeal said. He shrugged. "So Roxas… Roxas?"

Roxas was over talking to a worker named Rachel. She pointed over to a different aisle. The Keyblade aisle. (Wal-Mart has EVERYTHING!!)

"Oh… snap…" BlueFox slapped her palm onto her forehead.

"Well, knew it was going to happen… right? Am I right?" Zack asked, shrugging and looking at a digital camera that he could use if he ever was going to get back at Reno for that Caught! stuff.

"Well I didn't! And anyway, this _was_ Angeal's idea."

"Yeah, I guess you're right." Zack picked up the digital camera and examined it.

****

Roxas and Rachel…

"Hey could you show me where the Keyblades are?" Roxas asked.

"Why should I?" said Rachel, stacking shampoo and conditioner bottles.

"Because… I am the… I mean I've never been to Wal-Mart before, my friends made me come and so I want to know."

"That wasn't really an answer."

"Just show me already!"

"Fine. Aisle 12. Past the CDs and DVDs. Happy now?"

"Yeah."

"By the way, Tic Tacs are in aisle 1."

"Thanks for telling me."

"Anytime."

Roxas walked away in some frustration. Tic Tacs? What did she mean, Tic Tacs? That's just rude. But, if people did really think that, maybe he should get a container… and maybe an extra 12 for the rest of his close buddies.

Roxas slowly walked into aisle 1 and grabbed 13 containers of freshmint flavored Tic Tacs. Then he scurried off to aisle 12. That was when he found the best Keyblade ever! Yeah, I know what you're thinking, who knew? Roxas _actually_ found a good Keyblade! A-mazing! Insert sarcasm here! Well, too bad.

Roxas dropped the Tic Tacs and ran over to the Keyblade. "Oh my God!" he shouted. About everyone in that aisle turned around and stared. A random little kid picked up one of the Tic Tacs. "Look Mommy! I found some breath mints!"

"Honey don't touch them that psycho over there is going to buy those."

Roxas picked up the Keyblade. He could afford it too! Hopefully MakruTree wasn't going to break it like she did her other one… Roxas hated those memories. But it didn't matter. New Keyblade for Makru! That was all that mattered currently. And the fact that he had to pick up all 13 packs of Tic Tacs… while holding a Keyblade, by the name of Fenrir. Oh well!

****

Meanwhile…

"Hey guys! Guys! I got Makru a new Keyblade… rock on!"

"And you also got 13 packs of Tic Tacs… nice." Zack rolled his eyes and grabbed one of the packs of Tic Tacs from Roxas.

"Hey! How do you know those are your Tic Tacs?"

"Because you're the only Organization member here. Where are the rest gonna go?"

"Well maybe it's just for BlueFox and Fang to share!"

BlueFox gasped. "Roxas! You take that back!"

"Fine. They're yours Zack. But next time…"

"Hey guys I got a new camera!" Angeal walked over with a camcorder in one hand and a tape in the other. "This is SUCH a sweet camera! You should check it out… oh sorry did I just ruin the Tic Tac moment?"

"Yes and I don't think I've ever heard you say sorry either… until now." BlueFox took her container of Tic Tacs and walked over to see Angeal's new camera. "Whoa that is a sweet camera! Roxas… you're paying for these Tic Tacs right?"

"Yeah why?"

BlueFox clicked open the Tic Tacs and ate one.

"Hey! BlueFox! I'm paying for those! What the… you're evil! You know that!"

"Yeah. That's the point."

"What that I'm paying for them or that you're evil?"

"Both."

Roxas groaned. "You know actually I think you are going to pay for those Tic Tacs BlueFox. I have to pay for 12 others… so…"

"What! Roxas! I thought…"

"I hope you have money on you!"

"But I don't!"

Zack groaned and pulled out a wad of cash. He handed a dollar to BlueFox.

"Um… thank you?"

Angeal gasped. "Omigod BlueFox has MANNERS!"

"Hey Zack," Roxas said, eyes wide at the wad of cash. "How'd you get all that money? I thought that Aerith-"

"Stop! Stop right now!"

"I was gonna say Aerith didn't give you that much."

"Oh… I thought you about to say… ahem something else."

There was an awkward moment of silence. Then suddenly, "Zack you demented sicko! You're crazy!"

"That's nasty Zack!"

"You pervert!"

"Don't call me that!"

"Why?"

"Because you're talking about yourself!"

"Oh! Burn!"

"Shut up Angeal!"

The group continued to argue.

****

INTERMISSION

Cloud sighed. "So Africa has made me an idiot."

BlueFox: Hey! I'm a fangirl, what do you expect Cloud?

"A little kindness would be nice!" he demanded.

BlueFox: I'm being kind! I didn't let you finish that question did I?

"Well, no…" he trailed off. "But I'll find out soon enough!"

BlueFox: Shoot he's right. Okay well off to part 4, Ice Cream and Chibis- Cloud, Sephiroth, Tifa! BTW I picked these flavors at random. Actually they are my fave flavors.

Sephiroth crossed his arms and glared at her. "But I wanted strawberry!"

BlueFox: Shut up Sephiroth. Yes, you are hot but I'm not a fan of strawberry ice cream. And I hate butter pecan.

Tifa scratched the back of her calf with her other leg and looked downcast. "Darn."

BlueFox: And don't ask where the chibi thing came from I admit it was random. My lovely muse Squall chose Chibis…

Squall snickered at the victims from some place far far away…

****

END INTERMISSION

(Ice Cream and Chibis CST)

"Why are we in the soap aisle?"

"Because we rock like that, Sephiroth."

"Cloud, yeah we rock and all but soap?"

"Well Sephiroth you should be thankful! At least AC stopped singing… and Cloud is right. We rock."

"Thank you Tifa!" Cloud said. He picked up a box of Irish Spring soap and tossed it in the cart. Tifa picked up a box of Dove. Sephiroth picked up some Zest. If you are wondering what could possibly make them pick those brands… don't ask the author. She ponders the question as well.

"Hey Sephiroth!"

"Yes?"

"Cloud wants me to get Makru some other stuff in the plant aisle, wanna come along?"

"No!"

"Okay then. Meet us back here."

"In the soap aisle?"

"Well… yeah, why not?"

Sephiroth shrugged. "Okay. Get your plant stuff-" he shuddered saying the word "plant" "-and meet back here… in the soap aisle… in like about 15 minutes. Deal?"

"Yup. C'mon Cloud!"

"See ya Seph."

"Bye."

Cloud and Tifa walked away (well, Tifa was more skipping than walking) leaving Sephiroth with all of the bars of soap. She shrugged again and went to the toys aisle.

****

Aisle 15- The Toy Aisle…

"Okay… this is awkward…" Sephiroth said, finding himself in the chibi plushie area. There were way too many chibi plushies for Sephiroth to bear, but he reminded himself, _it's better than plants, it's better than plants…_

They were cute Chibis (okay my own opinion… but they're Chibis, sue me…) but they were all kind of strange. And they were ALL staring at Sephiroth. Sephiroth was really uncomfortable. Especially the fact that the one chibi plushie that stuck out of all the other chibi plushies was a Toshiro chibi plushie. Sephiroth panicked.

"Okay, um, what do I do when I'm freaking… um… where did I put that handbook again?"

A rabid Sephiroth fangirl walked up. She was wearing a blue Wal-Mart smock with a smile on her face. She handed Sephiroth her "Guide to Controlling Your Emotions and What to Do about a Chibi Attack: Made Just for You!" handbook and stood there.

"Um… thank you?"

"You're welcome Sephiroth."

"You can go now."

"No I can't Sephiroth."

"Why?"

"I love you too much Sephiroth."

"Stop saying my name!"

"Sorry Sephiroth…"

"Shut UP and go away!"

"Yes Sephiroth."

The fangirl ran away and out of sight. Sephiroth took a deep breath and looked at "Guide to Controlling Your Emotions and What to Do about a Chibi Attack: Made Just for You!" Zack had gotten it for Sephiroth one Christmas. Sephiroth had been offended by it, but then he used it and it was pretty useful. Not that he had emotion problems or anything though!

"Chibi attack… chibi attack… here we go. 'If all chibis are staring at you, Sephiroth, then you probably should be with your bestest friend ever, Zack. But he's probably somewhere you don't like, like maybe the Keyblade aisle. In that case, get out of that area with the chibis immediately. But buy MakruTree the Toshiro plushie.'"

Sephiroth slipped the tiny handmade booklet into his pocket, grabbed the Toshiro plushie and ran. Where to run though? Freezer aisle? Eh, why not. It's not like any of that frozen stuff was going to ruin his body, so…

"Oh my gosh… yum strawberry ice cream!" (There you go Sephiroth.) Sephiroth picked up the box of strawberry ice cream, and wondered, _Now what? I could have sworn I've done everything and I'm not going to wait with bars of soap for ten minutes. Um… vegetables. No. Fruit. Yes. Fruit. Maybe some strawberries for the strawberry ice cream. Ooh and maybe some chocolate! The fangirls love el chocolate… oh crap now I'm speaking Spanish. Oh well. Off to the strawberries! Yay strawberries!_****

Meanwhile…

"Okay, so, we have the seeds for Aerith's garden… what should we get Makru, Cloud? Oh, I know! What about a paopu fruit tree, Cloud?"

"How about we go get some ice cream?"

"How about _you_ go get some ice cream? I've got to get Sephiroth some toner. And eye shadow."

"Purple!"

"Purple? Why purple?"

"Because it's the only color that matches with his lips in the movie."

"Maybe I should get him a wig then."

"No! Don't do it! Just take my advice, please Tifa?"

"Fine. I hate you right now."

"No you don't."

"Yes I do."

"No you don't."

"Yes I do."

"No you don't."

"Yes I… omigod fine! I'll be getting that purple eye shadow."

"I thought so," Cloud said. He entered the freezer aisle.

"Geez it's FREEZING in here!" Cloud said, crossing his arms for warmth. "Why does the temperature always have to be like 10 degrees Fahrenheit? It's so cold!"

"It's the freezer aisle you idiot," said the same mother who had told her kid not to pick up Roxas's Tic Tacs.

"Oh. Well." Cloud uncrossed his arms and went over to the ice cream, giving the mom a snobby look. "Okay, ice cream. Omigosh… Sephiroth was here. Nobody ever touches the strawberry ice cream, except for Sephiroth." Cloud gasped. "He really actually took Zack's advice! Yay! He does love him! I… I mean… as a friend. Yeah. Um. Well, anyways, looky there! My two favorite flavors of ice cream! Chocolate chip cookie dough and mint chocolate chip. Hurrah. Um… let's get mint!"

Suddenly a mini-Vincent looking thing popped up on the mint chocolate chip ice cream box. "Cloud? Why do you wan to get this flavor?"

"Well… because… I like it…"

"Well why not get chocolate chip cookie dough?"

"Because that's what I had last week…"

"You mean an hour ago?"

"Yeah."

Then a mini Reno like thing popped up on the box of chocolate chip cookie dough box of ice cream. "Well why not get mint chocolate chip ice cream, yo? It tastes awesome and you haven't had it for a week!"

"You mean like two hours ago?"

"What's your point, yo?"

"Never mind. And shouldn't you both be on the opposite boxes? You each want me to get the other's flavor, so you should by on that flavor box."

"Sorry, we aren't good at physics."

"Huh?"

"Exactly. So you should get mint chocolate chip."

"No, how about cookie dough?"

"Mint chocolate chip!"

"Chocolate chip cookie dough!"

"Mint chocolate chip!"

"Chocolate chip cookie dough!"

"Mint chocolate chip!"

"Chocolate chip cookie dough!"

"Mint chocolate chip!"

"GUY'S STOP PRESSURING ME!" Cloud yelled. Everyone in the freezer aisle turned around and stared at Cloud. What the HECK was he screaming at? He's crazy, isn't he?

"Um…" Cloud had to think fast. Finally, he pretended to fall on his knees and grabbed her ears screaming, "NO! It's those voices again! Make them stop, make them stop! Noooooooooooooo!"

Everyone took a step or two backward and went back to their own business. Cloud opened his eyes took make sure no one was actually paying attention to him, got back up, and saw that the mini Vincent and mini Reno were still there. Despite their small sizes, Cloud could tell they were smirking. "Okay, here's the deal," Reno said, swinging his mini EMR around for no reason.

"You can get both of us, but for a price," said Vincent.

"Sure, all right, what do I have to do? Fight my FF6 alter-ego? SOLDIER ambush? Kadaj magically appears again and I get to squash him again? What?"

"No. Better. You have to ask Tifa your… girl question." Cloud could tell Reno still had a smirk on his face.

"Uh… okay. Wait a sec… how'd you two know about that? Stalkers!"

"No… it's just that we know a lot of stuff. We know all."

"How many fingers am I holding up?"

"Um… that's off topic! Get the ice cream and ask him that stupid question that I can NOT believe you are going to ask and don't know the answer to!"

"Well sorry!" Cloud picked up both of the boxes of ice cream. The mini Reno and Vincent disappeared. Cloud ran off to find Tifa.

****

Meanwhile…

"These are really ripe strawberries! They are probably the BEST on strawberry ice cream! Mmmmm!" Sephiroth was walking to the soap aisle practically talking _to_ the strawberries. Strange, yes. But psycho? Never. Was it? No.

Sephiroth finally got to the soap aisle, still "talking" to the strawberries. He counted them. There were about 13 in all. By the time he got to the thirteenth strawberry, he saw Tifa pushing the cart and Cloud clutching his stomach with a sick look on his face.

"Cloud, what's wrong?"

"Sephiroth! The… the pink… and the red… and the… the white… and the kids and… omigod SEPHIROTH make it STOP!"

"Tifa!"

"Sorry, he wouldn't stop asking."

"Cloud I told you not to!"

"The mini Reno and Vincent told me to! And that's why I have two boxes of ice cream! THE VOICES TOLD ME TO!"

"Breathe… Cloud, take a deep breath… Earth to Cloud? Breathe!"

Cloud took a deep breath. He looked pale. "Never mind. I've got ice cream."

"And I've got chocolate!"

"And I have Sephiroth's toner!"

"Well, are we going to get the present that we really came for?"

"Yes… not yet though."

"But…"

"Tifa, the voices are telling me, not yet."

****

INTERMISSION

BlueFox: Just a warning for fangirls/boys of Locke Cole from FF6, like everyone else, he has a quirk. His is anger management. So yeah. He's really irritable.

"Nooooooooooo!" Celes moaned in the distance. "Locke isn't the same anymore!"

You hear a THUD and Squall comes on, running a hand through his hair. "She wasn't as hard as she was hyped up to be."

****

END INTERMISSION

(Locke!)

Every thief-er, TREASURE HUNTER-needs bandannas. And some Extra Watermelon-flavored gum. And… well… whatever Locke needs. Typical.

"God, I HATE coming to the store!" Locke his grip on his Atma Weapon really tight. "Especially this one… it's so hectic. I need a freaking cart. Excuse me, get out of my way! Hello!"

Apparently, off screen… Locke's in a bad mood. Must just be the smiley faces that knock down the prices.

Locke grabbed a cart and jammed it intentionally into someone else's. "Excuse me!" the mother who told her kid not to get the Tic Tacs said. "Billy… don't become a thief when you're older."

"I won't."

Locke rolled his eyes and went back to his own business. "So… shopping list… shopping list… shopping list… ah ha! Here we go." Scribbled on the shopping list was:

__

Bandannas

Gum

What's Left of Me- Nick Lachey the CD

Navy blue-ish thread to sew up bed spread

Latest issue of Teen People

He crossed the last one out. Celes had ordered Teen People for Locke; he didn't need another copy.

"So… bandannas. Or maybe we should start at the bottom of the list. Or the middle? Ugh. What the heck. CD here I come."

****

In the CD aisle…

"Here… Nick Lachey. Yay." Locke tossed the CD into the cart (ahem HIS POCKET!) and was on his way. "Wow. I'm good at making rhymes. I should write a children's book. You know I'm very creative," he said to no one in particular since nobody was really listening. "I could write a story about a boy with pointy brown hair who disappears from his island and falls into the darkness and finds a duck and deformed dog to help him find his silver haired buddy who looks strangely like Ansem. I mean Xehanort… I mean Xemnas… errgh… more like Sephiroth… and his other friend that's a girl… his girlfriend! Whoa! I am good!" Locke got a memo pad out of his inside pocket (whoa! Cool! Where'd that come from?) and scribbled all of his thoughts down. He slipped his memo pad back into his inside pocket and went on.

Locke also picked up a bag of tortilla chips and salsa for a party he was holding next week. He invited all of her closest friends! But never mind that…

The Wal-Mart radio was playing Simple and Clean. Not Locke's favorite song, but he liked it.

"_You're giving me too many things lately_

You're all I need

You smiled at me and said

Don't get me wrong I love you

But does that mean I have to meet your father

When we are older you will understand

What I meant when I said no

__

I don't think life's quite that simple…

Okay, so he knew all the words to the song. It's not like he was obsessed with the song. He just knew the words. And it was on the Wal-Mart radio. What's your point?

"_When you walk away_

You don't here me say

Oh, baby, don't go

Simple and clean is the way that you're making

Me feel tonight

It's hard to let it go…"

Okay, he's obsessed.

Locke pushed the cart over to the hair accessory aisle. He had a favorite brand of bandannas… but they were sold out! So now he had to get (gulp) a hat.

"See, they have nothing here! It's crazy! I hate coming here!"

Locke was angry. Why a hat? Locke didn't _wear_ hats. It wasn't his style. His style was… what was his style again? Well, anyways, hats weren't really his thing. So hats instead of bandannas… not him. He wondered how Irvine was able to not have hat hair. Or Vivi for that matter?

Locke groaned and put an LA Lakers hat into his cart. He looked down at his list. Well, he didn't need thread urgently… but he did need the gum. Badly. Nail biting prevention. He got that from Setzer.

Simple and Clean was over. Now for some Photograph- Nickelback. Locke hated this song. He needed to get out of the store. Quickly.

Locke pushed her cart into the checkout line. He picked up the gum and began to set his stuff on the conveyer belt (?).

"Hello and welcome to Wal-Mart!" the cashier in a blue uniform said. Locke just mumbled to himself. The cashier began to put all of his stuff into a bag when he said, "You know? You really seem like you would be good working at working here in Wal-Mart."

Locke's head shot straight up and looked at the guy. "Hey…" the cashier said. He handed Locke his bag of stuff. "Okay, that'll be 569,243,000.01 please."

Locke handed him 2 gil.

"?"

"It's something we use in our world."

"…"

"Yes. Those two are worth a LOT."

The cashier got excited. "Hey I am so recommending you!"

Locke slapped his palm onto his forehead. This was really ticking him off. Badly.

"Here come on!" The cashier turned off the light for the checkout line and pulled Locke to see the manager.

Next thing Locke knew… he was stacking bars of soap in the soap aisle wearing a blue Wal-Mart vest and a "Welcome to Wal-Mart! I'm Locky!" nametag. He knew he shouldn't have gone to Wal-Mart…

"Why couldn't they just make Mog and his friends do this?" he wondered aloud. The few in the soap aisle turned to look at him.

One asked their friend, "Dude, you know who Mog is?"

"No idea."

"Okay, well this is psycho. Dude, let's get out of here."

"Ditto."

(Armageddon Child and MakruTree, 'nuff said)

After a little while, Armageddon Child and MakruTree had about 2 and a half Wal-Mart carts filled with yarn. All the yarn had made them so dazed, it took MakruTree forever to realize-

"AC! AC, we can't pay for all of this yarn! And Yuffie and Aerith certainly aren't going to!"

"Huh? Oh. Oh yeah! Yeah, I know. I mean, Yuffie took my fifty."

"Fifty? From what?"

"My singing."

"…Huh?"

Suddenly Armageddon Child had an idea. This was her best idea under little yet some pressure yet! She rubbed the back of her neck while she planned out the most totally awesome idea. "Okay, Makru, can you sing?"

"Erm… yeah?"

"Dance?"

"All the way…"

"Did you watch Grease when Yuffie forced you to that one time?"

MakruTree sighed. "Dang it I knew this was going somewhere…"

****

Meanwhile…

"You can't make me do this."

"You have to! Look, I'll sing the girl parts."

"We'll look like we're crazy!"

"Yes, but we know we aren't…"

"You mean I'm not."

"Shut up. Anyways, I know you think I'll probably think I'm going to be wearing that outfit that Sandy wore, I'm eliminating that… does that make it any better?"

"No."

"Look, do you want the yarn or not?"

"FINE! I hate you right now… but, the only reason I'm not going to kill you which I would like to do so badly: for the yarn!"

****

Just a little bit later…

"No you are NOT making me wear that jacket AC…"

"Aw, come on, it gives it an effect."

"But it's so not my color! I mean, ask Cloud. And, oh look sweat; I guess I shouldn't put it on… oh well…"

"Makru... ew sweat? Never mind. Put the freakin' hat on."

"No! No no no no no no no no!"

****

Then in the pharmacy…

"I can't believe you got me to wear that dang jacket..."

"Quit whining Makru, now do you have the CD?"

"…Got it."

"Okay, put it in the CD player."

"Armageddon, do we really have to do this? I mean, is yarn _really_ this important?"

"Yes."

"I hate you so much."

"I know."

"So very much."

"Hit play already!"

MakruTree reluctantly pushed the play button on the CD player and ran over to the opposite side of the pharmacy. After a small amount of waiting and an awesomely awesome instrumental, MakruTree jumped out and…

"_I got chills they're multiplying___

And I'm losing control

'_cause the power you're supplyin'_

It's electrifyin'!"

MakruTree was about to bang her head on the cabinet-thing the medicine was on. She quickly dug the aspirin out of her pocket and took two, drinking water from a lone glass on the pharmacist's counter.

"_You better shape up, cause I need a man,  
_

and my heart is set on you

You better shape up, you better understand,

to my heart I must be true

Nothing left, nothing left for me to do…"

"_You're the one that I want_

(You are the one I want) ooh ooh ooh honey

The one that I want

(You are the one I want) ooh ooh ooh honey

The one that I want

(You are the one I want) ooh ooh ooh honey

The one I need

Oh yes indeed…"

MakruTree's face was red. Armageddon Child was too interested in the dancing to realize. So far they had gotten 6.01 and 5 gil. Wait a second… gil? I thought they were getting non-FF related American money. Hmmmmm. Oh well.

"_If you're filled with affection,  
_

You're too shy to convey

__

Meditate my direction, feel your way…"

"_I better shape up,  
_

cause you need a man…"

"_I need a man_

Who can keep me satisfied

I better shape up, if I'm gonna prove

You better prove, that my fate is justified

Are you sure?

Yes I'm sure down deep inside…"

"_You're the one that I want,_

(You are the one I want) ooh ooh ooh honey,

MakruTree suddenly stopped. "Uh… Armageddon…"

"_The one that I want_

(You are the one I want) ooh ooh ooh honey…"

"Armageddon?"

__

The one that I want

(You are the one I want) ooh ooh ooh honey…

whaddya want, Makru?"

"This isn't working… and someone's watching us…"

"That's the _point_ Makru…"

"No I mean someone that shouldn't be watching…"

The music continued to play. Armageddon Child herself paused, then smiled mischievously.

"You're right," she said, looking at the back of an extremely suspicious Wal-Mart worker.

"Let me get on your shoulders, Makru." Armageddon Child turned to the other. "We Go Together" was playing on the CD Player.

"You're joking."

"No. Seriously. I have an idea."

****

About two minutes later…

"This time I'm seriously considering hurting you."

"Back off, pompom girl! You're lucky! You aren't even wearing the whole outfit!"

MakruTree groaned. Her face was red. She was wearing a sweater that had the letter "N" on it. Her hair was in a ponytail and she was holding pompoms.

"Look, do you want this yarn or not Makru?" Armageddon Child was wearing an identical sweater, but the rest of her costume was actually just basic pair of jeans and tennis shoes. She stared at the suspicious Wal-Mart worker. "Let me get on your shoulders, Makru, it's payback time."

"Payback time? That doesn't make any sense. This is going to be payback time for _him_…again."

"Your point being…?"

"Ugh. Never mind." MakruTree reluctantly held onto Armageddon Child's legs. "You know what we gotta do, Makru?"

"Er… I think so…"

"Maybe I should say it. You just do the '5, 6, 7, 8' thing…"

"No."

"We've got to Makru! Come on, what do you say?"

"Gr. Fine." MakruTree began to shout. "5, 6, 7, 8!"

Armageddon Child then began chanting, "Hey Locky, he's so fine, he's so fine he blows my mind! Hey, Locky, he's so fine, he's so fine he blows my mind!"

Locke looked up from his stacking boxes of popcorn. Then he slammed his forehead. "Sonofa… you've gotta be kidding me…"

"Hey Locky, he's so fine, he's so fine he blows my mind! Hey, Locky! Hey, hey, hey Locky!"

Locke made a face and stood up. He walked over to Armageddon Child and MakruTree. Armageddon Child hopped down from MakruTree's shoulders. "So, what do you think Locke?"

Locke stared into Armageddon Child's cheerful eyes with utter distaste. "You want to know what I think? You really want to know what I think?" he asked, grabbing her again extremely long sword.

"Not really…" MakruTree started, but Armageddon Child elbowed her in the ribs.

"Of course we do, Locky. I mean, we put on costumes just for you."

"What makes you two idiots think that I would want to see you, much less in a cheerleading costume?"

"We thought you'd give us some money."

"Told you he wouldn't, AC," MakruTree whispered, nudging the blonde in the back.

"No, I actually think he's considering giving us money, Nat," Armageddon Child whispered back, still watching Locke.

"What is it you need the money for?"

"Yarn."

"You've got to be kidding me. Who asks for money? For yarn? This is what I get interrupted from my job for? Money for yarn?"

"Umm… yeah."

"……………………………………" Locke's face looked blotchy from all of the anger.

"Somebody got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning," Armageddon Child said, motioning for MakruTree to put her fists up. "Come on, I think we've got something nasty coming up here…"

MakruTree took her hair out of a ponytail and put her fists up in Tifa's pose. Suddenly the entire crowd in Wal-Mart began chanting, "Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!"

"Time to do this the right way," Locke shouted, pointing Atma at MakruTree. MakruTree got ready.

"Let's go," she said. Then she turned to Armageddon Child. "Hey, why aren't you doing this? This is my birthday."

"Good point. But, since I'm too lazy, I'll just watch from the sidelines. Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!"

MakruTree rolled her eyes and turned around back to Locke. One of the kids in the audience turned the lights down, with a spotlight pointing only to Locke and MakruTree. Locke lunged and MakruTree prepared to block when suddenly…

"What are you doing?" the manager asked, walking up to Locke.

"Fighting the birthday girl."

"Isn't that against the unwritten law of birthdays?"

"There's an unwritten law for birthdays?"

"Yes. Hey wait a second! You're wearing a Wal-Mart vest."

"Yeah? So?"

"So you work here. You've got work to do!"

"I'm kind of busy!"

"No."

"Aw!" The crowd walked away, mumbling. The lights turned back to normal. Armageddon Child walked over to MakruTree.

"What is it these two nice people want, um…" The manager looked at the nametag "…Loki?"

"Locky. I mean Locke. My name's Locke."

"Right."

"Well, they want ME to pay them so they can buy yarn for themselves."

"What's your point?"

Locke looked surprised. "My point? They want a WORKER to pay them so they can buy something that they should buy with their own money. That's a crime. At least where I'm from."

"And where are you from, hon?"

"… FF6, why?"

"Where's that?"

"I don't see how this is fixing the problem, sir."

"Are they from this 'FF6' place as well?"

"They're from Earth."

"You should pay 'em."

"What!"

"Pay them. They're your friends. Plus you get the money back in your salary."

"That's true… hey! They aren't my friends though! They're fangirls!"

"Pay them or you're fired."

Locke sighed. "How much is the yarn?" he said, getting out his wallet.

"Um, well, we have six dollars, so that would be…" Armageddon Child counted on her fingers. "I think we need 800 more dollars to go. Oh and plus tax."

Locke groaned and pulled a wad of money out of his wallet. "Here." He turned away from Armageddon Child and MakruTree. Armageddon Child clasped her arms around Locke. MakruTree slowly backed away, taking the aspirin out of her pocket.

"Yeah whatever," Locke said, trying to get out of Armageddon Child's grip.

(Zack's Lists-Angeal and Zack)

After about an hour of arguing, the other group… well, they stopped.

"Um… now… what were we doing here again?" Angeal asked as he began to look at the camera again.

"Well, BlueFox called me a perv, and…" Zack thought for a second. Then he said, "Okay, here's the deal. Let's split. Angeal and I will go get what else we came for, then BlueFox and Roxas… well, BlueFox and Roxas can do whatever."

Roxas pumped his fist into the air and began to slash Fenrir around, suddenly wishing that he had gotten MakruTree Oathkeeper instead. BlueFox paused for a second. Then she walked away.

"Okay, now that we've got that situated…" Zack pulled out his wad of cash again. "We have just enough money to get the groceries."

"Why are you paying for the groceries? You were asleep for like…5 years, and you have more money than Squall does as an A ranked SeeD."

"Yeah, and? Guess I have more fangirls…"

"Never mind, I don't want to know how you got all of that."

Zack shrugged and went to get a cart. Suddenly Angeal noticed a paper that had fallen out of Zack's pocket. A grocery list maybe? Nah, Zack never, ever made grocery lists. Slowly, as if it were going to explode at any given moment…

__

Boom.

…

…

…

…

…

Just kidding.

Anyway, Angeal unfolded it. It was a grocery list! Wait… it wasn't a grocery list… it was a birthday wish list! "'Guide To Controlling Your Emotions and What to do About A Chibi Attack', a wing like the others, Cheez-Its…" Angeal continued to mumble the list to himself.

"Zack!" Angeal shouted. "What's this?"

"A list."

"Of what?"

"Stuff I want for my birthday…"

"Why?"

Zack thought for a second. "Well, no one ever gets me decent presents over the winter holidays-"

Angeal gasped. "I do _too _get you good presents for Christmas!"

"Like what?"

"Remember that one time, I got you a video game! And we played it for hours! Talking about stuff!"

__

Oh crap

, Zack thought. "Hey Angeal?"

"Y-eah?"

"You caused a flashback."

****

Flashback flashback flashback

"Dang it! I have to defeat Demyx AGAIN!!"

Angeal began laughing as he poured more Yogos into his hand. Then he stopped.

"Zack?"

"Don't bug me. I have to defeat these music note-Nobody things."

"But I've got a question for you."

"Is it really important…?"

"…No."

"Then stop."

Angeal sighed and began eating more Yogos.

****

…………….end of flashback.

"That wasn't much of a flashback, Zack."

"I know, but… look, I just have a list of stuff I want."

Angeal shrugged. "Nothing wrong with that, it's just that… you never make lists."

There was a long silence after that. Then finally, Zack sheepishly said, "Well…"

"Oh. My. God. Zack, you make lists!!"

"Shh!" Zack made a "calm down" sign with her hands. "I make them in my spare time, when we aren't trying to change the scripts or something."

"…You list stuff?"

"Why is it such a big deal?"

Angeal covered his face with hs hands and sighed. "Look, Zack," Angeal said, taking his hands off of her face. "Lists… aren't… they aren't cool, man. You can't write it down. You just gotta think it!"

"That makes no sense whatsoever."

"Well, it should! Forget lists! You need to be more alert!"

"Uh…"

Angeal sighed and threw up his hands, surrendering. "Fine. Make lists. I don't care. Not at all."

And with that, Zack walked away with the cart. Angeal groaned and followed his student to wherever he was going. Suddenly, Angeal heard a familiar tune ringing in his pocket.

"Right Where You Want Me" by Jesse McCartney.

Zack let go of the cart and whipped around. "Angeal please tell me that wasn't your…"

Angeal reached into his pocket and grabbed her Razr (cellphone – duh), humming the song. Finally he flipped open the cell and answered… "Angeal speaking, talk me, man."

"Holy-"

"Tetsuya! Hey, wassup? Everything cool at Makru's house?"

Zack grabbed back onto the cart, almost about to pass out. What was wrong with Angeal, talking like that? He was crazy. Absolutely crazy. Chaotic. But mostly crazy.

"Yeah. Uh-huh. Okay, sure. Zack and I were just about to go get some. Uh-huh. Yup. No. Yes. Okay, will do. You too. Buh-bye." Angeal flipped back his cell phone and slipped it back into his pocket. "Well that was fast. Hey, hey Zack, you look like you've seen a ghost! Actually, you look like a ghost, 'cause you're so pale, but whatever."

Zack gulped. "I-I think I h-h-have seen a g-ghost."

Angeal shrugged. "Well, Tetsuya wants us to get some ham and mashed potatoes for dinner from the deli."

"K-kay."

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Uh… yeah… yeah I'm fine."

"Okay, little one."

Zack slowly turned around and began to push the cart to the deli.

****

TO THE DELI!!

"Yeah, I'd like some ham and mashed potatoes please."

A sigh came from behind the counter. "How much, sir?" the bored voice asked.

"Uh… Zack, how much do you think Tetsuya will want?"

"I don't know! I don't eat ham or mashed potatoes, I'm getting McDonald's, remember?"

"Oh. Right." Angeal thought for a second. "Um, how about two pounds of each?"

Zack made a face. "Two pounds of mashed potatoes?"

"You're not eating them anyway."

"Yeah but… never mind."

"Here you go," the bored, unisex voice said from behind the deli counter. Angeal picked up the ham and mashed potatoes and tossed them into the cart.

"So?" Angeal asked as he turned the cart away from the deli. "What… _exactly_ do you make lists of, Zack?"

Zack sighed and thought for a second. "Aw, I don't know. I don't k-keep them exactly."

"You just stuttered."

Over the radio in the Walmart, the song For You, I Will (Confidence) by Teddy Geiger was playing, and the line _Forgive me if I st-st-stutter from all of the clutter in my head _could be heard.

"Yeah, s-so?" Zack said nervously.

"So that means you have more lists!" Angeal said, a smile crossing his face.

Zack's eyes widened and he quickly turned away. "I do not!"

"Do too."

"Do not!"

"Do too."

"Do not!"

"Do too."

"Do not!"

"Do too."

"Do…" Zack sighed, and turned to Angeal, going red in the face. "Okay, fine." Slowly, he slipped a notebook out of the Buster's scabbard. Scribbled on the cover was, obviously, "Zack's List Notebook".

"That's it?" Angeal asked, taking it from Zack. Zack nodded, his eyes turning away fast from the notebook as she bit her lip with hesitance and embarrassment.

Angeal began flipping through the notebook. " 'My Favorite Games', 'Things That Make Me Tick', 'What To Do Today', 'Phone Numbers of Girls I Met Before the Summer I Met Aerith' and… what the…"

Zack turned around quickly, his eyes wide. "What?!"

"Number 3 on 'Things I Know that Cloud Probably Doesn't': why girls have pads and tampons… and why they're so embarrassed about it."

Zack's eyes got wider, his face redder than ever. "That's a private list you idiot!"

"Well, you handed me the notebook, so it's your fault."

Zack winced.

"Omigosh I love this one!" Angeal cleared his throat. "'My Absolute Favorite Pairs AND Why.'"

"Oh God… Angeal please don't-"

"'Number 10 – Marluxia x Larxene. Not my favorite, but it's totally canon. Number 9 – Sora x Ariel. She's too old for him. Number 8 – Hayner x Olette. They weren't together, but hey, Roxas _was_ in a COMPUTERIZED WORLD AFTER ALL.' Zack why is that in caps?"

"I was ticked off at the time."

"Oh. Anyways, 'number 7 – Cloud x Rikku. They're totally for each other, but never hung out. Number 6 – Aerth x Sephiroth. Yeah, I guess she does need to move on, but still. Number 5 – Riku x Naminé. I'm not a fan of Riku, either, but it's still cute. Number 4 – Tifa x Zack. Tifa's hot. But I'm totally out of her league! Mwahahaha!' Zack, you know if Tifa ever read that her feelings would be terribly hurt."

"She's not going to read it, stupid."

"Whatever. 'Number 3 – Cloud x Leon.' Zack?!"

"Well, I like those stories!"

" 'I like the stories. That's the only reason why.' Oh. Makes sense. Number 2 – Cloud x Yuna. Hello. Best fanon out there. And Number 1………" Angeal froze. Zack suddenly became very interested in his shoes.

" 'Yuna x Zack?' Zack, there isn't a reason why."

Zack took a deep breath. And then… "I saw a story that was High School Musical Final Fantasy style and we were paired up. Now I really want to meet her."

"Oh my God. You've got to be kidding me."

"No. I'm not."

Angeal put his hand over her eyes. "Whoa! Thanks for the scary images Zack!"

"Well, you have the notebook. So it's your fault."

"Grrrrr."

"It kind of makes sense though. I mean, gentle summoner x 1st Class SOLDIER. Summoner. SOLDIER. Doesn't it make sense?"

"Well, no, but… never mind. I don't want to think about it."

Zack shrugged. Angeal continued to flip through THE notebook as they walked to the snack aisle.

****

TO THE SNACK AISLE!!

"Makru likes Oreos right?" Zack said, picking up a container. Angeal didn't answer; he was still engrossed in Zack's notebook. "Number 1 on 'Reason's Why I Should Get a Promotion' – Because I am one of the best singers in FF! I mean, seriously, my voice is beautiful. And I have a Beautiful Soul to fit.' Say what?"

Zack sighed. "It's a long, painful story."

Angeal flipped through some more. " 'List of Random Flashbacks That I've Had Recently'. What's that about?"

"I'm not going to tell you!"

"Why?"

"BECAUSE IT'S MY LIST!" Zack yelled with fury. Everyone turned around (well, the people that had yet to see all of this excitement at Walmart today. Wow, things sure happen fast). Angrily, Zack jolted to cart forward and turned to the next aisle.

"Well so-o-rry." Angeal said, rolling her eyes. Zack was so temperamental. Sheesh.

A little bit later, when Zack had finally relaxed and was talking to Angeal again, Zack suddenly thought of a question. "Angeal?"

"Hm?" Angeal looked up from People magazine that had some country singer on the cover.

"You know how you said, 'just think it?'"

"Uh…. Yeah."

"Does that mean you have never truly made a list?"

Angeal shrugged. "Nah. But so what?"

"So… you've never had that kind of fun."

Angeal gasped. "I have too had that kind of fun!"

"You don't even know what I'm talking about."

"Do too."

"Do not."

"Do too."

"Do not."

"Do too…" Angeal sighed. "Okay I don't."

Zack smirked. "Told ya so."

"So… how?"

"How what?"

Angeal sighed. "How do you make… a list?" Angeal asked hesitantly. Zack laughed.

"It's easy. Come here, I'll show you." Zack turned the cart around and to another aisle.

"W-w-where are you taking me!"

Zack said nothing. Reluctantly, Angeal followed.

****

TO THE GARDEN FURNITURE AREA!!

"Why are you taking me here?"

Zack pointed at the lawn chair. "Sit." Angeal obeyed.

Zack smirked… again. "Okay, it's really easy. All you have to do is put down things down in order from favorite to least. That's pretty basic."

Angeal nodded.

"So today in this lesson, you're going to make a list of your biggest ambitions. Okay?"

Angeal thought for a second. "Well, I've always wanted to be a doctor…"

"There you go! Now where would that go on '_the scale_'?"

"Scale?"

"Yeah. It's pretty important. Duh."

Angeal sighed. "What does it do?"

"Level of importance."

"Oh." Angeal thought again. "Well…"

"Well what?"

"Doctor would be number 2."

"And what's number one?"

Angeal took a deep breath. "To swim deep under the sea with Ariel."

Zack froze, staring at his mentor. "W-what?"

"Never mind!"

Zack thought he was going to pass out. "You have… dreams about that, don't you?"

"Maybe…"

__

Oh my God,

Zack thought. Because he did too. But instead of running around screaming "Angeal and I have the same dreams!!" he calmly said, "That's interesting."

After a few moments of silence, Angeal finally said, "Zack?"

"Yeah?"

"Do not tell ANYONE about this, understand?"

Zack paused and slid her cell phone back into her pocket, not finishing his text message to Zell. "Yep. Got it."

(Song Parodies and Chocolate Bars)

"Are you SURE they wanted 15 boxes of saltines?"

"Positive. Absolutely positive."

"Okay." Aerith tossed another box of saltines into the cart. "So now what?"

"You still need to get MakruTree's birthday present."

Aerith sighed. "Yuffie, I told you, I'm going to buy that on the Internet. It's so much easier these days. Plus I could actually figure out who Tron is going out with!"

"Why would you want to know?"

"…I have my reasons."

Yuffie shrugged. "Oh well. Anyway, I already know what I'm getting him. It's gonna be totally totally totally totally totally totally totally totally totally totally totally totally totally…"

"Just get to the point."

"…totally totally awesome."

"It's not your blackmail video again is it?"

Yuffie pouted. "Heck no. I gave her that for her last two birthdays plus Christmas and Hanukkah! It took me three months, but I actually know what I'm going to get her! And I'm not getting her anything!"

Aerith stared. That made no sense.

"I'm making him something!"

Aerith groaned. Usually when Yuffie made something, it didn't turn out right. Like her latest invention: the toaster oven. Looked like an oven, cooked like a toaster. It worked for toast, but not so much for green bean casserole. "What exactly are you making for her? She already has a toaster and an oven, so that's out of the question…"

"I'm making her a CD. Makru is really getting into music. So I thought, since I've got the technology, I shall make A CD!"

"That's nice."

"Yes it is. And guess what?"

Knowing she'd regret it, Aerith asked "What?"

"I already have a demo CD! Do you want to listen? I brought a CD player!!"

Aerith sighed. Why did he have to be stuck with Yuffie in the middle of Wal-Mart when Yuffie hadn't taken her medicine? It was just her kind of luck. First she died, and then she was stuck with Heartless, now this. "I guess."

Smiling, Yuffie dug through her purse for the demo CD. "Ah, here we go," she said. "You ready?"

Aerith waved her hand in the air. "Sure, whatever."

"Okay!"

Quickly, Yuffie put the CD into the player. Overly-excited, she pushed play. The first time she got so excited and pushed play a little too hard so it didn't play. Then she pushed it again. And it began to play.

__

Happy Birthday Nata- I mean Makru!

The announcer guy who sounded alarmingly like Goofy said.

_This present is from Yuffie Kisaragi who wants to wish you a happy birthday Makru… Nata-er… Makru!_

Yuffie began to jump up and down. "Oh, my gosh I'm so excited Aerith!!"

"Mm-hm. Whatever."

__

Are you ready?

We're bringing Makru's dignity back (yeah)

__

All them wielders don't know how to act (yeah)

__

We're bringing Makru's dignity back (let's take it to the chorus)

__

Come here Heartless (don't ask, just go with it)

__

Just show me what I'm working with (don't ask just go with it)

Then there was a really random disc scratching, then…

__

Hit it Yuffie!

__

Yuffie-licious, definition, make those guys go extremely insane

They always think they can beat stuff

__

Like they heartless but they can't

__

I'm the Y to U F F I E

And can't no other person attack those Hearties like me

__

I'm Yuffie-licious…

__

T-t-t-t-t-t tasty tasty

More random disc scratching…

__

I don't wanna do this anymore

I don't wanna be the reason why

Every time he eats my meatloaf

I see him die a little more inside

And I don't want to do this anymore

I don't people to be mad

Just because

I like my toaster oven…

Disc scratching…

__

Let's waste time…

Running through movie screens

Around our heads

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you just go away Yuffie and

Just leave me alone…

A guitar instrumental began to play when Aerith suddenly realized, "…Yuffie, is that AC singing?"

"Yeah I caught her in the shower singing some really random song. I'm so happy I invented that tape recorder."

Then the ever-so-popular disc scratching then…

__

My name is Shay and I like being in the sky!

I have blonde hair, but I don't like to fly!

I love Tidus and Locke! But I also love Vladimir!

__

And I don't know anything that rhymes with Vladimir!

__

My best friend is Blue! She is the Authoress!

__

She's kind of funny like me! And we both can't pronounce Tiidus

Spelled T-I-d-u-s… (song becomes quiet… a shower can be heard in the background…)

(someone is laughing in the background)

__

(no longer singing) Yuffie! Get out of the bathroom! And turn off that freaking tape recorder! THIS IS NOT FUNNY YOU HEAR ME!! (Still laughing in the background… Yuffie says something that can't be heard) YES I made that song up now GO AWAY!!

Aerith stood, staring at the CD player. "What the… was that AC again?"

"Yeah." Yuffie nodded. "Well did you like it Aerith? Did'ja did'ja did'ja?"

"Uh… sure."

"Great!" Yuffie swung her arms around Aerith in a big Yuffie-hug. "Makru is going to love it!"

"Mm-hm. Yeah. Yuffie, get off of me. Please."

--

End: Okay! Stopping the madness now! Sorry Makru didn't get a opening all of the presents thing like AC did, mainly because this was getting really long. Maybe I'll finish it one day.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MAKRU!! WE LOVE YOU!!

The usual: Any requests? Ideas? Feedback? We're getting close to the end here, people, and after Karaoke is Cloud AND Zack's top 10 Bloopers, and after that…well we have to do Aerith's but otherwise I'm stumped! So send the stuff in!

And I'm sorry there are no Special Bloopers, but the next chapter has two of them, to make up for it this time. So yeah.


	15. Karaoke!

Final Fantasy VII: Bloopers

Intro: Okay! I thought up some crazy ideas for Karaoke bloopers today, and to all of you who actually sent in what songs should be sung, and who should sing them, I'm really sorry, but I could only do one, and that was Aerith's. So…maybe I'll have them sing those songs for a finale during the 'Thanks to the Reviewers' thing in the last chapter, AFTER the party.

Okay, and from now on, there will be guest appearances from both FF8 AND FF6!

And a little warning, I've been watching a lot of Disney movies lately, and playing too much Kingdom Hearts…

And you guys remember when they were talking about being on a plane? Well, as promised, here's the explanation!! (Remember that Aerith's still PMS-ing in that one) And following that is the 3rd Montage! So I guess I've gotta give you the answers, huh?

Scene 1: When Cloud is going to pour the water on Denzel's head. (yeah, it really is shaped like a heart)  
Scene 2: Crazy Motorcycle game AKA before fighting Motorball after escaping Shinra HQ  
Scene 3: After Loz and Tifa's fight in AC, when Marlene throws the materia at Loz. Special Guest appearance: Aerith.  
Scene 4: Final fight in AC, the buildings getting stuck on Masamune and Cloud is flung off with them  
Scene 5: Scene when the water erupts from the ground in AC, and Cloud's Geostigma gets healed  
Scene 6: Sephiroth's leave in AC ending early.

Stupid Document Manager wants part of this chapter to be Centered. I tried to change it, but...

Okay, that should be it. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own this sandwich. (points at turkey sandwich before stuffing it in mouth)

Currently Listening to: Random video game music. Mostly FFVII, though.

Chapter Fifteen  
Karaoke!

-Cloud Singing 'Under the Sea'-

"Darlin' it's better, down where it's wetter, take it from meeeeee!" Cloud spread his arms wide open.

"My ears are bleeding!" Celes cried, running around, holding her ears.

"LOOK WHO'S TALKING! YOU SUCK AT SINGING!" Cloud yelled, throwing a banana at Celes. But since it was curved like a boomerang almost, it obeyed those stupid laws of physics (or whatever laws pertain to a boomerang always coming back to you) and smacked Cloud in the face, splattering its fruity insides all over him.

Tetsuya: CUT!

BlueFox: No fighting unless my Cloud plushie can get in on the action!

The Cloud plushie unsheathed a plushie Buster Sword and growled.

"HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, IT TALKS!" Cloud shrieked, sweatdropping.

Tetsuya: Cloud you can't sweatdrop, this isn't Last Order!

"BITE ME!" he yelled, before sweatdropping all over the place.

Take 2

"Darlin' it's better, down where it's wetter, take it from this beeeeeee!" Cloud then let loose a swarm of bees on Celes.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Celes ran away.

Tetsuya: Forget this! NONE OF YOU CAN SING! I'm going to get a bagel...

-Scene at End of AC-

"Mother?" Cloud asked, his eyes closed as Aerith withdrew her hand.

"Again? Why does everyone keep calling me their mother lately?" Aerith questioned.

"You have…PHENOMINAL COSMIC POWERS! Itty bitty living space!"

Tetsuya: CUT!

Take 2

"Mother?" Cloud asked, his eyes closed as Aerith withdrew her hand.

"Again? Why does everyone keep calling me—"

"A WHOLE NEW WORLD! A DAZZLING PLACE I NEVER KNEW! BUT WHEN I'M WAY UP HERE--Sorry…" Zack bowed his head.

Take 3

"Mother?" Cloud asked, his eyes closed as Aerith withdrew her hand.

"Again? Why does everyone keep calling me—"

"A WHOLE NEW WORLD! A DAZZLING PLACE I NEVER KNEW! BUT WHEN I'M WAY UP HERE—"

"More like, but when I'm way off-key…" Aerith mumbled.

Zack looked at her. "What was that?"

"Nothing…"

Take 4

"Mother?" Cloud asked, his eyes closed as Aerith withdrew her hand.

"Again? Why does everyone keep calling me—"

"A WHOLE NEW WORLD! A DAZZLING PLACE I NEVER KNEW! BUT WHEN I'M WAAAAAAY--OW!" Zack rubbed his head where Aerith smacked him with Princess Guard. "HEY!"

-Scene w/ Cloud and Aerith in Church-

"Oh…a jack of all trades." Aerith looked down at her blooming flowers.

"Yeah, I do whatever's needed," Cloud answered, but Aerith began giggling. "What's so funny? What are you laughing at?"

"Sorry……I just… It's a small world after all! It's a small world after all! It's a small world after all! It's a small small world after all!"

Tetsuya: CUT!

BlueFox: Now that song's gonna be stuck in my head all day…

Take 2

"Sorry……I just… Masquerade! Paper faces on parade! Masquerade!"

Tetsuya: Aerith! This isn't a musical! Now, STOP IT!

-Behind the Scenes!-

"It will take them ages to find everyone. And besides, they remain blissfully unaware of our other plan." Genesis smiled.

"Yes," Seifer smiled as well. "The muffins!"

Squall and Cloud glared at BlueFox, who laughed hesitantly.

BlueFox: Sorry guys.

Take 2

"They're still blissfully unaware of our other plan." Genesis smiled.

"Yes," Seifer smiled as well. "The girls!"

Genesis waved offhandedly. "No, not that…" He stepped out of the shadows to reveal a very familiar looking woman in a yellow dress.

"AHHHHHH! IT'S THE ULTIMATE GOOD!" Kefka got up and ran away.

"THAT'S RIGHT!" Genesis called after him. " Because…it's… SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPEALIDOCIOUS! LALALALALALA!"

-Battle Between Cloud and Seph, KH2-

"Stop!" shouted Sephiroth, jumping into the air.

"You can fly!" called Tifa, only _just_ realizing it.

"He can fly! He can fly!" Sora, Donald, and Goofy started to sing.

Tetsuya: Oi vey…

-Kadaj Singing Numb-

"I've become so tired, so much more aware," Kadaj sang as he waited for Cloud to show up on his motorcycle (this is at the end, BTW). "I'm becoming this, all I want to do, is be more like me and be less like-what the hell?" He watched Cloud come in on a chocobo.

"YEEHAW!" Cloud yelled, before crashing into the building below Kadaj. There was a rumbling, before it all collapsed and Kadaj was buried.

Tetsuya: CUT!

BlueFox: KADDY! ARE YOU ALRIGHT?

-Yuffie at the End of AC-

Cloud's speeding along on his motorcycle as he passes by a field of yellow flowers (or weeds, if you prefer). Aerith hears his motorcycle and she turns as he appears in her line of sight.

A few yards away from Aerith, hanging down from a tree, is Yuffie, with a microphone to her lips. "When you walk away you don't hear me say, 'Please, Cloud just jump into the meadow. Stupid and queer is the way that you're making me feel tonight. It's hard to let this go.'

Tetsuya: YUFFIE!…

-A Very Familiar Song-

Yazoo was polishing Cloud's bike, secretly because he wanted his Big Brother to like him more than Kadaj (now we all know why it's so shiny in AC while theirs are not). When he was done, he noticed his reflection on Fenrir.

"I feel pretty, oh so pretty. I feel pretty, and witty, and GAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!"

Take 2

Genesis poked his head out onstage. "Doesn't look like she's here... What're you so afraid of BlueFox for, man?"

Zack shuddered. "She's just scary, beyond any form of reason. And I have heard that I'm her favorite character."

"And that's bad?" Genesis asked.

"SHE TORTURES FAVORITES!" Zack's eyes got really, really big.

"What torture?" Genesis seemed really confused.

"You have no idea! Slapstick situations! Insane slash threats! Bizarre musical frenzies! She'll stop at nothing to get her will!" Zack began to rock back and forth as BlueFox walked in.

BlueFox: Hi, Zacky!

Zack squeaked and unsuccessfully tried to hide behind Genesis.

"You are such a weenie," Genesis told him.

"Just wait until she inflicts some horrible torture on you!" Zack declared. "And she'll do it!"

BlueFox: Zack? You okay?

Zack stepped out from behind Genesis, grinning goofily. "I'm just fine, oh mighty one."

Genesis rolled his eyes, and BlueFox noticed this. She put her hands on her hips.

BlueFox: Genesis, you're my number four favorite. I'll let you have some chocolate if you're good.

Genesis slowly turned his head and looked at her. "…I'm number 4?"

BlueFox: Yep.

"Who's 3, 2, and 1?" Genesis asked, a vein popping out on his forehead.

BlueFox: 3: Squall. 2: Cloud. 1: Zack.

Genesis' anger flared. "SQUALL'S HIGHER UP THAN ME?!" he yelled. "THAT BACKSTABBING BASTARD! YOU CAN JUST TAKE YOUR CHOCOLATE AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!"

BlueFox: Oh, really?

"YEAH!"

Zack sweatdropped. "Genesis, I don't think you should…"

Too late. BlueFox snaps her fingers and Genesis gets a very strange, effeminate look on his face. Zack backs away in horror as Genesis begins to skip around the stage like a ballerina.

"I feel pretty! Oh, so pretty! I feel pretty, and witty, and bright! And I pity any guy who isn't me tonight!"

Zack gets over his horror and starts to chuckle. Squall, Locke, and Cloud come on stage and start laughing as well. (BTW, Locke's my number 5, then Seph comes in at six)

"I feel charming! Oh, so charming! It's alarming how charming I feel! And so pretty that I hardly can believe I'm real! See the pretty boy in the mirror there? Who can that attractive guy be? Such a pretty face, such a pretty dress, such a pretty smile, such a pretty ME!"

"Dress?" Cloud scratched his head.

Locke sidled up to him and whispered, "I think he's played the Wall Market level a bit too much."

"Oh…" Cloud nodded.

Zack's now rolling on the floor in laughter and Squall is taking pictures.

"I feel stunning, and entrancing! Feel like running and dancing for joy! For I'm loved a pretty wonderful b…"

BlueFox: (snaps her fingers) Okay, that's enough for now.

Genesis whirled around and glared at BlueFox. "Why I oughta…!"

BlueFox: (ominously) You oughta _what_?

Just in time, Genesis realized his peril. "I forget. Can I have my chocolate now?" BlueFox smirks as he turned to the others. Squall hides the video camera. "What're you guys laughing about?"

"Nuttin," Locke told him and began to whistle.

"Nothing whatsoever," Cloud agreed.

Zack leaned over toward Squall. "How many did you get?"

Squall smirked. "I got a whole roll."

Zack smiled evilly. "Bwahahahaha… Let's sell them to the New York Times. Make mucha moola!" They both snuck away.

-Heavy Metal-

Lately, he had been really angry and was always complaining about a splitting headache.

"You should take some aspirin, Cloud!" Tifa suggested.

"Go to the doctor, spiky!" Barret said.

"Take a rest!" Marlene told him.

Cloud shook his head wearily. Aspirin would help for a little while but he really didn't want to add an addiction to his already endless list of problems. If he went to a doctor, he would be diagnosed as a mental case!

And sleep, well that just made it worse.

"I need some air!" Cloud said, heading to the door.

"Is it Sephiroth?" Tifa asked, worriedly. At that Cloud froze, his face contorted into a grimace of pain than without warning he bolted for the door leaving Tifa, Barret and Marlene to stare at his dust.

Outside, Cloud dropped to his knees. Inside his head, metal music was roaring away, kicking up quite a riot. Standing, he gripped his head and staggered off eventually coming across Vincent and Yuffie.

"Hi, Cloud!" Yuffie chimed at the sight of him.

Vincent started to grumble something inaudible making Yuffie poke him very hard in his ribs.

"Cloud, you don't look well!" Yuffie said.

"I'm fine!"

Vincent started to laugh.

"You're not fine. You look like you've been subjected to merciless torture."

Cloud merely grimaced at that.

"Maybe I can help…" Vincent continued. "Would you like me to suck your blood?"

Yuffie stared at Vincent in shock as did Cloud.

"But I thought-" Yuffie began.

"Stay away from me, FREAK!!" Cloud yelled and then keeled over onto the floor.

"OH MY GOD!!" Yuffie screamed. "CLOUD'S DEAD!!"

"He's not dead. He's merely unconscious," Vincent stated matter-of-factly, all the while staring intently at Yuffie's neck.

"OH MY GOD! STAY AWAY FROM ME!!" Yuffie yelled, running off with Vincent in hot pursuit.

Cloud gingerly got up. He was sweating profusely and he kept wincing in pain. A drum-kit was currently going mad in his head. Each beat causing him intense pain. Then it was replaced with some rather peaceful (in comparison) music. Cloud breathed a sigh of relief. _Maybe this madness will end!_ he thought.

For a while now, Cloud had been subjected to this racket of metal music in his head, which was pushing ever closer to the edge. And this wasn't just any music. No it was the worse kind.

And to re-iterate his fears, very familiar voices started in his head which filled him with dread (Rhyme +5) and anticipation to what would come next.

__

SEPHIROTH! SEPHIROTH!

And as if on cue, none other than Sephiroth appeared in front of Cloud.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

"Well, it's nice to see you too, Cloud!" Sephiroth greeted. "I hope you're enjoying my little gift!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Cloud cried as he realized that _he _was the one responsible for his last few months of torture.

__

SEPHIROTH! SEPHIROTH!

"Yes, Cloud!" Sephiroth said, nonchalantly. "My heavy metal theme tune. Do you like it?"

Cloud tried to cover his ears and yelled to try and block out that hideous noise. But the Metal Version of One-Winged Angel continued unhindered, bursting billions of Cloud's brain cells in the process.

Sephiroth watched this whole process and was enjoying it immensely.

"And now for the Grand Finale," Sephiroth boomed as he spread his one wing and rose into the air. Inside Cloud's head the music was finally drawing to a close. He suddenly became aware of a hot sensation spreading through his body and upon looking at his hands, noted that he was glowing red.

Then the final _SEPHIROTH!_ came and………………………

BOOM!

Cloud spontaneously combusted.

"MUWAHAHAHA!!" Sephiroth laughed as he disappeared into the night.

(A/N: I know, I know…that last one was random…)

-Aerith and Punk Rock-

The guitar sounded and Aerith took a deep breath before she began. "Don't wanna be an American Idiot/don't want a nation under the new media/and can you hear the sounds of hysteria/the subliminal mind f-- America—"

Suddenly, Marlene gasped, rudely interrupting the song. "OH! THE FLOWER GIRL SAID A BAD WORD! SHE'S GOTTA GO IN THE CORNER!!"

BlueFox: (walking on and grabbing Aerith's braid) Come on, you. That's very bad.

"But wait! That's part of the song!" Aerith wailed, struggling.

BlueFox: You of all people, can't swear, UNLESS you're PMSing, which then it's excused. But you aren't now.

"Bu-Bu-Bu-Bu-But!" the flower girl stuttered as BlueFox pushed her into the corner. "I've never been sent into the corner in my life!"

BlueFox: Consider this a first, then. (walks away)

Aerith burst into tears.

-SPECIAL BLOOPERS-  
-The Plane Blooper-

It was just an ordinary day for the FFVII characters and their friends… except for the fact that they were leaving for the airport in an hour to catch a plane to Spira.

"SQUALL, WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU HAVEN'T BEEP PACKED YET! CLOUD, GET THE HELL OUT OF THE BATHROOM! IT DOESN'T TAKE FIVE BEEP HOURS TO BEEP SPRAY YOUR HAIR! AND LEON, GET OFF THAT DAMN COMPUTER AND PACK YOUR BACKBACK!" screamed an irate Aerith.

"She's in rare form today," Seifer commented. He had, of course, been packed and ready to go the night before.

"She should try out for opera, or something. I mean, with lungs like those…" Zack had also been packed the night before. The others, however had not been quite so prepared.

"Has any one seen my game boy?" called Sora.

"Where's my kunai?" Yuffie wailed.

"I can't find my pink bunny slippers!" Sephiroth yelled.

"Forget your slippers, I can't find my sword!" said Cloud, who was using a snow shovel to move the heaps of trash and dirty clothes that was his room.

"When did you last clean that room of yours?" Aerith asked.

"No idea," Cloud replied, still shoveling.

"Hey guys, want to pitch in and help me buy Dance Dance Revolution?" Leon called from the computer. "I found a guy from Hong Kong on E-Bay who has it for 50 cents!"

"Not the time, Leon."

"YOU'RE STILL ON THE BEEP COMPUTER!"

"There's my slippers!" Sephiroth exclaimed, reaching into one of the piles (at extreme risk to his health) and extracting a pair of fluffy pink slippers. He glanced around at Aerith, who was screaming at Cloud. "Um, I think I'll go eat some breakfast."

"I think I'll come too." All sane people ran out of the room at top speed.

****

10 minutes later:

"Can't believe him…" Aerith was muttering to herself as she stomped down the stairs.

"Hey there, Aerith!" It was Cid, lugging his suitcase behind him.

"What…is…in…your...suitcase…Cid?"

"Uh, nothing," the pilot muttered, trying to stuff what looked suspiciously like a doll's arm back into his suitcase.

"Let me see, NOW."

Cid, grumbling, opened his suitcase. Out tumbled about 50 Voodoo dolls, and no clothes. "But, Aerith, I _need_ them!"

"NO. Go re-pack, and then I'll check. And pack CLOTHES!"

Cid stomped back up the stairs as Aerith stomped down. The spectacle in the kitchen did not help her mood. For one thing, Roxas and Riku were beside the table fighting over the last strip of bacon. Sephiroth was in a pink apron with a Hello Kitty on the front, and (gasp) cooking pancakes, and as she watched he flipped them up, parried an attack by Cloud (who had found his sword) and speared all of the pancakes on Masamune and calmly deposited them on a plate, amid much applause.

"When's the last time you cleaned that thing, just out of curiosity!" Aerith asked, twitching slightly.

"Good point," he took out a dirty rag and wiped it off. "There, it's so clean I can see myself in it." He smirked into blade. The rest of them were looking rather sick. Genesis pushed away his plate of pancakes.

"We need to leave. We have to be at the airport in thirty minutes," Seifer said hastily.

"Alright, let's go!" Sora yelled.

"I'm driving!" Zack yelled before Cloud could.

****

At the airport:

"Okay guys we got everything?" Yuffie asked.

"I think so. Hey, where are the tickets!" Sora asked, checking his bag.

"You idiot! You left the tickets!" Zack said in disbelief.

"No problem, guys. I'll fly back and get them," Genesis said, and with that he flew out a window and away.

****

At the villa:

"Let's see, where would they be?" Genesis said, entering Sora's room and looking around.

"Ah-ha! Here they are!" Genesis said triumphantly picking them up from the dresser.

As he headed back she stepped on one of the floorboards by the door. It squeaked.

"What in the world?" Genesis said, examining the board.

"Hey, it's loose. I wonder…" he trailed off, pulling the board up to reveal a huge stash consisting of bags of dark, white, and milk chocolates.

"So that's were they hid my stash," Genesis said happily grabbing the chocolates and stuffing it into his magenta coat and flying back to the airport.

****

At the Airport:

"Where is he?" Aerith asked.

"Right here," Genesis said appearing behind them.

"How did your coat get so big?" Zack asked him.

"Um…Gas," Genesis replied. Every one stayed well away from him after that.

"Well let's board already," Sora said, taking the tickets from Genesis and getting in line.

****

On the Plane:

"Okay, let's go find the seats," Zack said walking up the aisle towards the back.

"Here we go. Okay, Sora and Roxas you can sit in these seats. Genesis and Zack can sit in front of you. Squall, Cid, Seifer, and Yuffie, you guys can sit in the center row. Sephiroth, Cloud, Leon, and I will sit behind you," Aerith said as every one went to their proper places.

"Please remain seated until we have taken off," the flight attendant said over the intercom.

"Okay, time to play my PSP," Zack said groping in his backpack and pulling out a silver PSP with the Advent Children logo on it.

Making sure Zack was busy with the PSP, Genesis took a five-pound bag of dark chocolate and poured it's contents into his mouth…

BlueFox: Dun dun duuuun…. Our first Cliffie! (with cast on arm)

Fang: Yay! (with black eye)

Aerith stared at them, her eye twitching slightly. "First you start a brawl, then you give him sugar…WHAT KIND OF DUMBASSES ARE YOU TWO!"

Everyone else cowered behind a couch.

"Besides…" she continued. "THIS STORY DOESN'T CALL FOR CLIFFHANGERS! It just doesn't fit! So CONTINUE!"

BlueFox: Meep… O-Okay…

…and gulped down the contents.

"Hey, what are you eating, Genesis?" Sora asked, leaning over the seat to look at him.

"Noffink." Genesis's mouth was crammed full. Roxas looked over, too, and spotted the chocolates.

"Uh, Sora?"

"Yeah?"

"Those tickets were in our room, right?"

"Yeah, why?"

"This is going to be a long trip." Genesis began getting a crazy sort of look in his eyes, and he began bouncing in his seat.

"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to stop…" Armageddon Child, who had somehow gotten a summer job as a flight attendant, said.

"COCOCOCOCO!" he yelled at the top of his lungs. (think like Coco from Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends)

"SIR, please stop…"

"COCOCOCOCOCO!"

"SIR, stop…"

"CCCCCCOOOOOOOOCCCCCCCCCOOOOOOOOOO!"

"SIR SHUT UP."

"CCCCCCCCCCCCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCCCCCCCCCCCCCCOOOOOOOO!"

"SSSSSSIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRR!" Then, with amazing strength, AC lifted Genesis over her shoulder, carried him over to the lavatory, tossed him in and slammed the door.

"Did you know him?" she asked Zack, her once perfect hair falling out of its bun.

Zack's brows furrowed as he didn't look up from his game. "Know who?"

"Never mind." She walked off.

"I guess we'll have to bail him out again," Seifer said, shaking his head.

"We don't need to…" Sephiroth said with a smirk, but he quickly waved his hands and said, "Just kidding, just kidding," when Aerith gave him her "death glare".

"Hey, let me out!" Genesis screamed from the bathroom. Zack still hadn't looked up from his game.

"What are you doing with those, Cid! I told you to leave the BEEP things behind!" Aerith yelled, as she noticed Cid playing with his voodoo dolls.

"I'm not doing anything. Besides there was plenty of room in my suitcase for them."

"Really," Aerith said skeptically.

"Yep. I mean who needs all those clothes, anyway?"

"How many outfits did you bring?" Aerith asked through gritted teeth.

"One." Aerith's eye was twitching spasmodically.

"Which…one …was…that…?"

"The one I'm wearing."

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN THE ONE YOU'RE WEARING?"

"Ma'am. Please be quiet." AC was back.

"Just what I said…I only brought one outfit. It's not like I need to change everyday."

"I CAN'T BEEP BELIEVE YOU!"

"MA'AM! SHUT UP OR I'LL PUT YOU IN THE BATHROOM LIKE I DID YOUR FRIEND!"

"LETMEOUTLETMEOUT!" Genesis yelled.

"I WILL NOT SHUT UP!"

And so, Aerith became the occupant of the lavatory across from Genesis…

"And we will now begin our feature presentation for this flight…The Lizzie McGuire Movie," came the pilot's voice over the speakers.

"The Lizzie McGuire Movie? What the hell that?" Sephiroth asked.

"Dunno," Cloud said gazing up at the screen but soon wishing he hadn't.

****

Five minutes later:

"AHHHH MAKE IT STOPPPPP!" Cloud yelled jumping out of his seat and running towards the TV screen but was stopped by AC.

"Sir please sit down."

"NOOOO I'm gonna destroy that piece of elephant shit!"

"SIR!" With that she picked her up and soon joined Genesis in the bathroom.

"YOU MOTHER BEEP! Attendant, wait till I'm out of here!" he yelled.

"LEMEOUTLEMEOUTLEMEOUT!" Genesis yelled.

After that AC started to serve drinks.

"Hehehe." Cid chuckled as she took a voodoo doll that looked exactly like AC and as she served Sephiroth, he took a needle and poked the doll's butt.

"Ouch, sir!"

"What!" Sephiroth said as AC smacked him on the face and moved on.

"Hehehe," Cid said poking her again.

"OUCH! STOP IT, SIR!" And again she lifted Sephiroth up and (With difficulty) started hauling him off towards another bathroom. However, here AC's incredible strength gave out, as Sephiroth was struggling a lot. It finally took an angry-looking silver haired teen, wielding a two bladed sword, to knock him out and get him into an empty lavatory.

"Thank you very much, Sir," AC gasped, locking the door.

"Just get me a drink," Kadaj said in a disgruntled voice.

"Kadaj, what are you doing here?" Seifer asked.

"SHH!" Yuffie and three other silver-haired teens in the seats next to Kadaj hissed.

"Oh, hey Sephy-kuns, Yazoo, Loz!" Sora called.

"Quiet! We're watching the movie!" Sephy-kuns told him.

"Yeah!" Yuffie agreed.

"How can you watch shit like that?" Leon asked, making a face.

"This is a masterpiece! How can you call it shit?" Yuffie asked, shocked.

"Kadaj! He's calling Lizzie McGuire shit!" Loz wailed.

"So?"

"Stop him, PLEASE!" Grumbling, the youngest SH brother teen banged Leon on the head. Before he knew what was happening, he was shoved into the lavatory with Sephiroth.

"But what are you doing here, Kadaj?" Zack asked, finally looking up from his PSP on pause.

"Well, we got these invitations to go to the Sphere Theatre in Luca to watch something. So we decided to go, since we had nothing else better to do."

"Cool! We got the same invitations!" said Sora.

"Where are you staying at?"

"One of those really fancy looking hotels," Seifer informed him.

"Okay then, I guess we're stuck with each other."

"Guess so…"

"Your plane will be landing shortly. Can everyone, excluding the crazy people in the bathrooms, please return to their seats," came the pilot's voice. In a half an hour, they had rescued Genesis, Cloud, Leon, and Sephiroth from the airport security, picked up their luggage, and piled onto the bus that would take them to the hotel.

BlueFox: (grumbling)

Cloud: (bandaged up)

Fang: (Hiding behind sofa)

-SPECIAL BLOOPERS 2-  
-Montage 3-

__

The Jewel that Cannot be Stolen  
-Radical Dreamers, Chrono Cross

"Why do you have two blue materia linked together?"

"Well, one's an All, and the other's an Added Effect. So it adds the 'All' effect to all of my materia."

"Zack, take them out, that's stupid."

"…I uh, can't."

"Why?"

"I super-glued them in."

__

I've followed this far in search of  
That glimmering light  
Clasped in the hands of a child,  
Wandering the brink of time.

He was pulled down (once again) onto a chest that was beating it's last. But before anything could be said or done, a grumble roared in his ears and he began to crack up, as the "dying" one said, "Man, am I HUNGRY!"

__

I have continued searching for you,  
Though I know not your name,  
Because I wanted to share  
This feeling with you.

"Cloud…say _something_!" Yuffie said.

"…MONKEY BALLS!"

"?"

__

Time envelopes both love and pain,  
Until they fade away.  
But I still remember them  
And always will.

"You see? Everything's…all right." She turned and SLOWLY began to walk away.

BlueFox: WAIT! Hold up! Cloud, if she's walking so slow, why don't you just run after her?

Cloud tries and trips. "D'OH!"

__

Though I cannot remember when,  
A whisper began echoing  
Deep within my heart,  
Fainter than drops of evening dew.

"You came crashing down from the roof," Aerith pointed and turned to the SOLDIER sitting at her feet, "you really startled me."

At the same time, said SOLDIER was eyeing her back with a smirk, thinking, _Insert Masamune here,_ then he looked at her stomach, _out it comes there._

_May this prayer I spin  
__Weave through the darkness of the frozen stars  
__And reach the skies above you, so far away._

"All I want…" he turned, grasping the Buster in his hand, "IS A FLOCK OF MOOSEN!"

Tetsuya: What?

BlueFox: CUT!

--

End: And that's the chapter. I really hope you enjoyed it!

The next chapter is both the 4th disc, and the Top 10 Zack AND Cloud bloopers! Cause that was what this was going to be (Cloud's bloopers) but then I changed it, so… YEAH!

Requests? Ideas? Feedback? Send 'em in by review!


	16. Hey, Zacky, He's So Fine

Final Fantasy VII: Bloopers

Intro: CELEBRATING OVER 100 REVIEWS! (blows noisemaker as confetti falls from the ceiling) Oh my GOD that's never happened to me before! Gah! I knew I'd hit the gold big time when I got 50 reviews! Gah! I love you all! Plushies of your favorite characters for everyone! And ice cream cake!

Won't be able to update again after this chapter. Parents are coming home tomorrow, so I hafta shrink back into obscurity. Yeah…but 11 pages of Zack bloopers should sate you over, no?

Ah, here we are, finally, at the fourth Disc of Bloopers… I get the feeling this is going to be a quick one, because it's only Top Ten Countdowns, pretty much. We've got Zack's Top Ten, Cloud's Top Ten, Aerith's Top Ten…and those are all chapters of their own right! And then, thanks to an idea by Warrayfinson, the final chapter of the Fourth Disc will be none other than Pranks! which is like Caught! but much more different. How so? Well, you'll have to wait and see! Mwahahahahaha…

I have an odd urge to put in a few Star Ocean: Till the End of Time characters in here, like Maria and Fayt and maybe even Cliff. But for now, it's just Maria and Luther. For the heck of it.

So, without further ado, here's an all Square-Enix villain's audience to watch Zack's Top Ten Bloopers!

Disclaimer: I can pray and beg and plead and write to the producers and lawyers all I want to, but I do not, and never will, own Final Fantasy or Star Ocean or Kingdom Hearts or their characters. It's probably for the best, anyway. (sniffles)

Chapter Sixteen  
Zack Top Ten Countdown

**__**

One Month After the Disastrous Karaoking…

It was a peaceful morning as Sephiroth and his co-worker Luther Lansfeld walked through the automatic swishy doors leading into 'Cloud's Store' on Esthar. No one knew why they were so far away from home. Nobody wanted to know.

The pair grumbled as they walked into Cloud's Store, somewhat disappointed that they still had jobs there. Apparently, they were an asset to Maria's amusement. A sick and twisted amusement that is.

"Dude, you're taking phones today," Sephiroth said without hesitation.

"No way Sephiroth, I hate taking phones. 3-D beings piss me off and if I have to talk to them face to face then I can at least cast some high powered and overly dramatic spell to kill their asses dead. Or at least dead as they can get when you have pansies like Cloud and Fayt around to revive them."

"Let me cry for you?"

"You suck, Sephiroth."

"Depends on what form of suck we're talking..."

"Like the bad kind."

"...Wait, there's a good kind? I was just making a cheap come back that really didn't work except to make me sound even more gay than the average fanfiction writer seems to make me."

"Hey girls, time to stock more useless video games!" Kuja called to his fellow workers.

"What the hell Kuja, you look more like a girl than anyone here!" Sephiroth yelled.

"So what must we waste our lives stocking?" Luther asked.

"Oh you know, the usual...Fayt's invented something _else_."

"God, what's it this time?"

"4-D Shuffle Board. I don't see the reason why, either."

Luther looked at the boxes holding the game and cringed, discreetly setting them on fire.

"Dude, can't we PLEASE NOT work here anymore?"

"Oh my God! Hell no you did NOT just use a double negative..."

"You just did too Sephiroth!"

"Sorry the Internet is corrupting me..."

"You should be ashamed..."

Before the two could begin their endless argument about the loserness of the Internet, the phone rang, and Luther begrudgingly picked up the phone.

"What the BEEP do you want?" He growled but coughed when he saw THAT look Maria was giving him. "How may I help you person that keeps us in business therefore forcing me into this job and making me face humiliation everyday of being a washed up super villain that just does not get enough love and has to face the fact that I was pwned by a mere Earthling and spends all of my days telling people that they SUCK because they're Earthlings and facing THAT look Sephiroth keeps giving me because I'm totally indirectly trashing him with this very obnoxious monologue in hopes that not only will you hang up and save me the trouble of continuing this but that Sephiroth will realize how much of a turd he sounds like when he goes all long and dramatic with words and acting all cryptic when no one REALLY knows what the hell he's saying yet he STILL gets massive love because he's part of a mainstream SCAM created by the other half of our company and along with that I'm sincerely hoping to NOT get shot again but I just don't care because I learned a nice new move called WALL, and why the hell that wasn't in MY game I'd like to know but it's apparently working and you STILL have not hung up, which is pissing me off greatly because I'm seriously running out of breath as I am not as practiced with monologuing as Sephiroth, who's currently giving me the eat shit and die right now look, which is kind of funny because I'm not going to stop, because this is actually quite amusing, not that I get to have much amusement, because I'm suppose to be DEAD thanks to a certain obnoxious blue haired boy and his friends, who SHOULD NOT HAVE DEFEATED me, as I was SO SERIOUSLY stronger than they are by like half a million hit points, and I can cast an ultimate destruction attack, yet a few sword slashes beat me EVEN in my demonic scary looking form that for what ever reason made me a stereotypical villain what with the wings and shit, and the uncontrollable urge to laugh like a maniac after every sentence I say, which makes absolutely no sense like every other stupid RPG villain in history, more or less the Final Fantasy villains, which come from a series that will NEVER end as it's already been proven by the countless games made, but then again it COULD be worse, it COULD be kingdom hearts, which doesn't even deserve capital letters at the beginning of its name, and now I'm laughing at Sephiroth because he got PWNED by a kid with a key and a sect of Disney characters, not to mention PWNED by that blonde EMO kid not but like five minutes after he was revived again, which really makes me question why the hell all the GOOD GUYS have a BLONDE hair, granted I'm blonde but how often do you see a BLONDE BAD GUY, the answer is you don't, because apparently blonde isn't cool enough, only silver, well guess what buddy, you damnable Earthling, you can go beep yourself because I could SOOO beat Sephiroth in a fight and I can monologue like a bitch too, Seph's not the only bad ass villain here, so take your damn video game and shove it up your ass, because I don't wanna help you ignorant Earthlings who can't seemed to realize that you cannot stick a beep cartridge in a Play Station 3 and that a PSP does NOT I repeat CANNOT play Game boy games, and that NO you cannot use a X-Box Controller on a stupid Sega Genesis, which I really don't understand how one can be so BEEP stupid, but you've got three seconds to explain why you're calling or I swear to the Executioners I'll just blow this stupid planet into space dust!"

The other line became very quiet.

"WELL?!"

"...Luther are you having a bad day?" The person finally spoke.

"Oh...Fayt...Crap...I just wasted a perfectly usable monologue on YOU!"

"It's not MY fault..."

"Well stupidbluehairedasshole, what do you want?"

"I'm calling in sick."

"YOU CAN'T DO THAT!"

"Actually I'm not an evil washed up has-been, so I can. Tell Maria I'll make up my hours later! Have fun, sonofabitchblondeshithead!" Click.

"The hell?...There is an INJUSTICE IN THIS SOMEWHERE!"

"HEY THAT'S MY LINE!"

Luther looked around, but then realized that it was a disembodied voice that said that.

"WAAAH? Don't I get ANY reprieve!?" The Creator whined before getting smacked over the head with Masamune, held by Sephiroth.

"THAT'S FOR TOPPING MY LONGEST MONOLOGUE!" He swung again, hitting him in the back of the head. "THAT'S FOR thinking you can kick MY ass!" Another hit. "That's for patronizing me!!" A final swing. "And THAT'S FOR BEATING ME IN SOUL CALIBER II YESTERDAY!"

"OW OW OW AND BEEP OWWW! I thought you were OVER THAT?!"

"You beat me with CASANDRA! I AM NOT OVER IT!" Another swing.

"OW! PUT THE BLOODY MASAMUNE DOWN ASSHOLE!"

"MAKE ME!"

"WHAT YOU WANNA PEICE OF ME?!"

"BRING IT ASSHOLE!"

"FINE I WILL BUT WHEN I SLAUGHTER YOUR ASS DON'T GO BITCHING TO MARIA!"

"OH PLEASE, ALL YOU DO IS TALK!"

"ALL **_I_ DO IS TALK? YOU'RE THE ONE HAVING A BITCH FIT BECAUSE I CAN MONOLOGUE JUST AS GOOD AS YOU!"**

"CAN NOT!"

"CAN TOO!"

"NO!"

"YES!"

"SHUT UP!!"

"MAKE ME!"

Two shots sounded and both villains shut up instantly as they watched the two bullets fly only inches from their faces, they turned expecting to see Maria scolding them but instead they found Xigbar.

"If you don't shut up I will fire again. You both know my aim is horrible, so let's just say I aim for that very spot those bullets just hit, chances are I'll miss and hit both of you. So DON'T make me miss again!"

The two looked at each other.

"Uh...how about a rematch?" Sephiroth said.

"Name the game."

"Sonic II, 2 player version."

"You're on."

And they both left for the backroom, a.k.a. the employee 'sit on your ass and play video games' lunch break room.

They flicked on the TV, and immediately found themselves with the Final Fantasy VII logo on the screen, saying, Final Fantasy VII Bloopers Disc Four. There was a shift of cloth behind them, and looking behind them, they saw none other than Genesis looking at the screen.

"You gonna play the damn thing or what?"

Cloud's Store closed early that day for the viewing of the fourth disc of bloopers.

-BLOOPERS!-

10. Scene on Junon Airlift Thing

"We'll see each other again," said Sephiroth, nodding ever so slightly to Zack, who nodded with a grin.

"I'll hold you to that!" he called over his shoulder, as he jogged away. But not before she stepped on his untied boot lace and did a faceplant on the ground.

"I need a Great Gospel!" he called from off screen.

9. Scene Where Zack Falls into Church

Over and over, end over end, he fell, and fell, and fell. He had long since stopped screaming and was just laying in the air as he fell. "How long have I been falling?"

BlueFox: I don't know! I don't wear a watch!

Tetsuya: Mine doesn't tell time! And Cut!

Take 2

This time, he actually hit the roof and some of the planks fell away under him, but he never landed. Looking around, Zack's eyes went wide as his feet began to flail beneath him. He was stuck, half of him hanging below the roof and the other above him.

Aerith stands underneath his feet at the wrong time, as one of Zack's materia comes out of his pocket and hits her in the head. She is promptly knocked out.

Tetsuya: (blinks) Zack, how many jelly donuts did you have before this scene?

Zack turns a right red and shakes his head. "I wouldn't ask that…"

8. Scene When Zack Wakes up in the Church

"Helllloooo? Hurray!" declared Aerith as Zack's eyes opened.

These were the first thoughts running through his head: _Flowers? Blue? Boobs? Wait…boobs? _Then he smiled in a lopsided way and began to stare at Aerith, drool coming from his mouth.

BlueFox: Aww…Zerith's awesome.

Tetsuya: He's a really big pervert…

7. Scene at the end of AC

"Again?" asked Aerith, taking her hand away. "Why does everyone keep calling me their mother lately?"

There was silence. Aerith looked over at Zack, who was just staring at Cloud. "Um, Zack, you're supposed to say something…"

BlueFox: Uh…he kinda can't.

Aerith looks at her. "Why not?"

BlueFox: Erm… (hides peanut butter behind back)

Tetsuya: Why do I get the impression you're screwing this all up?

BlueFox: (smiles sweetly) Oh, I dunno…

6. Scene when one of the Genesis Clones Goes After Zack's Hair

The Genesis clone swooped down and bit Zack's hair, giving a yank to rip it off. Instead what it got was a shocked shriek as Zack was tugged off the motorcycle, leaving the motorcycle and Cloud to both crash.

"God! That hurt!" Zack screaming, punching the Genesis clone in the face as Aerith ran on screen to administer a Great Gospel to poor Cloud.

5. Scene of Escaping the pods in FF7

Instead of saying, "Hey, you doing okay?" Zack instead said, "Uh, Cloud? Are you wearing clean underwear?"

Tetsuya: O.o

BlueFox: (buries face)

4. Scene of SOLDIER Battle in CC

Zack held his sword out in front of him. "Honestly free—" The microphone made that shrieking noise. "Honestly freedo—" The microphone again. "Honestly, freedom sure is—" Microphone shrieks again. "Honest—" Microphone. "AHHHHHHHHH!" Zack threw a fit and ripped the microphone from the ceiling.

Fayt (yeah from Star Ocean) suddenly ran on and gasped at the scene. "I'M A MICROPHONE RIGHTS ACTIVIST AND I'M INSULTED!" He took the microphone from Zack and began to smack him over the head continuously.

Tetsuya: FAYT! Why are you on this side of the building for God's sakes!

BlueFox: …Cut?

3. Scene With Monsters Roaming in Nibelheim and in the Reactor

"HIIIIYYYYYYYAAAAAAA!" Zack screeched, attacking a monster, only to go right through it. "What the hell?!"

BlueFox: (stretches out a hand) Zack…they're holograms.

About two hours later, Zack is laying on the ground, absolutely out of breath. BlueFox sighs.

BlueFox: I told you.

Take 2

One of the monsters fell out of the pods, and suddenly Zack's eyes flared and he smiled evilly. "IT'S ALIVE! IT'S ALIVE! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Sephiroth gave him a freaked out look. "Dude, no!"

Tetsuya: Cut!

2. Behind the Scenes Part 1

Marlene and Denzel plus all those other kids from AC are running around. Zack is leaning against the wall, sipping a soda from the can with his face on it as Cloud runs around, trying to get the kids together into a semi-organized mess.

"YOU SEE WHY I QUIT BABYSITTING!" Cloud yelled at Zack.

Zack laughed. "I LAUGH AT YOUR PAIN!" he yelled as Cloud scooped Marlene up and used Contain on all the other kids.

He glared at Zack. "I'LL SHOW YOU PAIN!"

Number 1 Zack Blooper: Scene With Genesis on Junon Canon

"Your desire, the Goddess's Gift shall foster a life. Your story shall be told, your sacrifice and the world's end. Like the wind that blows over the secret water surface, gently and certainl-AAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Zack had crept up behind him and shoved him down into the water.

drakan101 and BlueFox ran on screen, shoving Zack into the water, both screaming, "NOOOO! GENNY!"

Take 2

"Your desire, the Goddess's Gift shall foster a life. Your story shall be told, your sacrifice and the world's end. Like the wind that blows over the secret water surface, gently and certainly." After a few seconds, he turned to leave, only to come face to face with Zack. "AUGH! Zack, what the hell?"

"Just wondering what you were doing up here, that's all." Then Zack smiled. "What're you afraid of?"

Genesis raised an eyebrow. "Nothing, actually." Zack poked him then pushed down at the water, then at the gagged and tied drakan101 and BlueFox off-screen.

"They can't help you, so you might want to tell me."

So, Genesis did the best thing he could do: he lied. "Uh…your spikey hair?"

Zack's eyes flared. "Well, at least I don't wear pink!"

Genesis gasped. "I'm hurt!"

Tetsuya: CUT!

-SPECIAL BLOOPERS-

-Behind the Scenes Part 2-

MakruTree: ...and there I was, just minding my own business, when SUDDENLY…

Aerith made a dramatic gasp. "What happened?"

MakruTree: TOSHIRO appears out of nowhere, hands me a flower and asks me out! Can you believe it?

Cloud snorted. "That's it? Booorrring!"

Zack shoved him onto his side on the floor (BTW, they're sitting). "That's not boring, you're boring!"

Cloud shook his head as he sat up. "Besides, Toshiro's canon with Momo, so it couldn't have happened."

MakruTree: Did SO, Cloud. And I wasn't dreaming!

"I didn't say that you were…"

Toshiro suddenly appeared out of nowhere, looking around quizzically. "Uh, where am I?"

MakruTree: (squeals) TOSHY I MISSED YOU! (glomps Toshiro…again)

Aerith squealed, too. "Me too!"

MakruTree: (glares at Aerith) Don't even think about it! He's MINE!

Aerith cringed from the death glare.

BlueFox (sighs as she sits down) First Aerith and Cloud over Zack, now this…

Angeal meandered over and sat with the little group. "Aerith, I thought you loved Zack."

Zack gasped, pinching Angeal. "ANGEAL! You're alive!"

Angeal tossed him an incredulous look. "I... was never dead... we were cast members, remember? We didn't really die."

Zack nodded, understanding. "Riiiiight. That's what you want me to think. No worries. We'll keep this meeting a secret."

Angeal pointed at the not-so-hidden camera. "Everyone can see us."

Zack started to wave his hands frantically. "SHHHH! If we can't see them, then they can't see us!"

"I can see them…" Cloud couldn't help but say that.

BlueFox: OH I WISH I WAS A LLAMA IN A BIG OLD LLAMA WORLD...

"BlueFox, do you like llamas?" Aerith asked.

BlueFox: YESH!

"I like llamas if llamas like being frozen! 'Cause then they'd be easier to take care of!" Toshiro chimed in.

O.o went everyone else.

MakruTree: Toshyyyyyyy! MAKE ME AN ICE SCULPTURE MY LOVE!

"Okayyyyyyy..." Toshiro began to use his err, abilities with ice (I forgot the sword's name, okay?) to make an ice sculpture of MakruTree. "Hush little ice, and please don't melt, daddy's gonna buy you a...uh... pot of gold...?"

MakruTree: (gasp) I want a pot of gold! Will you buy me one?

BlueFox: Nonononono ME!

MakruTree: Nononono ME!

BlueFox: Nononononononononono ME!

MakruTree: Nononononononono-

"ALRIGHT!" Toshiro yelled. "Both of you will get a wonderful pot of gold."

BlueFox and MakruTree: YIPPEE!

Cloud leaned over to Angeal. "Angeal, I can read Zack's mind…"

Angeal gave him a raised eyebrow look. "Okay…?"

"He's thinking…that—"

"I BET THAT HE'S THINKING THAT YOU'D MAKE A FREAKY FORTUNE TELLER, CLOUD!" Aerith suddenly blurted out.

MakruTree: (nods) People would be like: AHH! It's the fortune teller Cloud! I'm melting, ahhh...

Angeal stared at her. "Wrong game."

Zack poked Angeal. "It's a movie, idiot."

Angeal suddenly gave a loud, very feminine squeal. "They're coming out with a Crisis Core movie? I CALL PLAYING ANGEAL!"

Everyone looked at him, and then said, "You ARE Angeal!"

"Geez... you don't have to yell at me!" He shook his head, then looked at BlueFox. "I like your sleeves... they're real big..."

BlueFox: (sweatdrops)

Tetsuya: (walks in) Okay, I need Cloud now, for the fight against Sephiroth...

BlueFox: HEY DUDE! Wanna come pet some llamas with me?

Tetsuya: Uh...no... I'm so glad that you're not co-directing anymore...

BlueFox: WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN? (pouts)

Cloud and Zack stood up as Fang and Squall came over, and all four of BlueFox's bodyguards/muses glared at Tetsuya. Fang was the one who spoke. "If she cries, YOU DIE!"

Tetsuya: (sweatdrops) Okay, comeoncomeoncomeon, Cloud!

Cloud, still glaring, follows Tetsuya.

BlueFox: The llamas will get you! They'll come after you, I swear!

Squall sighed and shook his head. "Too dramatic, BlueFox."

BlueFox: I'll be famous, too! YOU'LL SEE!

Toshiro and MakruTree spontaneously burst into song. "FAME! He's gonna live forever! He's gonna learn how to fly..."

"HIGH!" Zack and Angeal added in.

BlueFox: (gasps) You guys sing? LET'S ALL SING TOGETHER! Yayyyyyy togetherness!

Fang and Squall looked at each other. "Uh…we've gotta go." They then turned tail and ran.

-.-.-

End: Random, no? I thought the whole Zack pushing Genesis into the ocean was funny, right? And that last behind the scene thing was random AND strange, huh? Well, yeah. So the next chapter is Cloud's Top Ten Bloopers.

Ideas for him? Requests for the Special Bloopers? Send 'em in by review, pwease!


	17. Fwee! Cloud on a Cloud

Final Fantasy VII: Bloopers

**_DO NOT COPY MY STORIES!!_**

**If anyone wants to post my stories anywhere else, please just ASK and then give me credit for writing it. PM with any requests.**

Intro: I'm baaaaack! After so long, too. :bows as readers cheer and welcome her with confetti: Sorry, but it's just so hard to find a computer to use that had Internet and didn't have my parents hovering over my shoulder to watch what I was doing or where I was going (all I got to do last time I was on was go to Wal-Mart . com to buy FF8, then to find out it wasn't there!) and stuff. Grrr… :shakes fist angrily at door leading to living room:

But I'm at school now, and so since fanfiction is unblocked (for now) I'll be updating as much as I can in the time that I am allowed access to the website!

Okay, since this is the fourth disc of bloopers, AKA the second to last part, I feel the need to be fair to you guys (as if I haven't been fair before…) and let you guys choose who the final audience will be. Here's the catch: No Cid, Barret, Cait Sith, Red XIII, or Shinra personnel, but you CAN choose ONE Turk (and I have a feeling who a few of you will choose…) if you so wish. The audience can consist of anyone from video games, anime, books, just so long as I've played/seen/read them (consult my beta reader profile for a complete list). You can also choose an OC. If the OC belongs to you, then fill out some needed information back on Seph's bloopers, but not the whole thing. I think filling it up to appearance would be appreciated. If the OC does not belong to you, then inform me of the story the OC is from, who the author is, and what category it is in, and when I find the time, I'll go take a peek. If I enjoy the OC very much, I'll ask the author if I can borrow his/her OC for use in a fictitious and parodic manner. The rest is up to them. Other than that, choose to your heart's content!

And last, but not least, we're going to be introduced to a new character today, but he is NOT a Square-Enix character, or a character you've seen anywhere else. He's one of my OCs and this version of him has very many fangirls at my school, and fanboys, too. So, I've decided to throw him in here to see how people react to him. Tell me if you love him, or if you hate him. If you hate him, feel free to destroy him in whatever way is stress-relieving. :winks: If you love him and want to see more of him, I'll send you the full story he made his debut in. You'll laugh your asses off, I promise.

Without further ado, here's Cloud's bloopers! Weeee…

Disclaimer: Hmm…do I own Final Fantasy, Star Ocean, or Kingdom Hearts? :opens wallet and watches moths fly out: Well, that answers THAT question.

WARNING: SEVERE TWILIGHT FANS HIT THE BACK BUTTON NOW.

Chapter Seventeen  
Cloud's Humiliation, er, Countdown

-CLOUD'S STORE, ESTHAR-

"Okay so you're telling me that simply because it's against company policy that I can't hang deceased human bodies from the ceiling?" Luther asked as he and Sephiroth walked into the store to start yet another day working at Cloud's Store in Esthar.

"That's what the manual says…Section 6 on page 66, it says 'All store employees are prohibited from displaying deceased human corpses, during store hours.' So I assume that means no…"

"Well it said DURING store hours…"

"Luther, you seriously need counseling…" The ex-General shook his head, while attaching his name tag, which had obvious blood smears on it.

"So do you asshole." Luther snorted and gave a 'what up' wave to Kuja. "What's new on the agenda today, down syndrome boy?"

"Oh I thought I'd spend the morning destroying all copies of your game and thus your existence…" Kuja replied.

"Ouch man…just ouch."

"You started it, yo."

"Okay RENO," Sephiroth mumbled sarcastically, earning the middle finger from a normally stoic Kuja. Sephiroth blinked at him. "Hey, what's YOUR problem today? You're usually not THIS uptight…"

"They want to cast me in Kingdom Hearts 9.0!"

"…Holy shit man, that's tragic! I mean there couldn't possibly be anything worse! Kill me now Luther! For him to say that means we have to endure 7 more KH games! I can't STAND IT! I lost to a kid with a BEEEEEP KEYYYYYY!" the ex-General screeched all the while yanking at his quite long hair.

"I'm gonna laugh when you pull out that girlish hair of yours." Luther snorted.

"Oh screw you man, you're just as girly as I am! Actually MORE! Because I have one wing and you have TWO!"

"Oh go die…again!"

"LIKE YOU'RE ONE TO TALK! You die as many times as I do!"

"I do NOT! I just get my ass kicked two times! That's IT! Two! I only die ONCE!"

"Yeah that's what YOU say…." Sephiroth rolled his eyes unwilling to admit he MIGHT, possibly COULD be wrong.

"Oh just shut up, you whiny bitch." Luther rolled his eyes.

"Oh? That's all you have to say to me? Coming from the guy who looked like he was about to jump that pretty blonde haired 'girl' named CLOUD, the other day."

"Man, I hate you." The blond villain looked like he was ready to hurl.

"Hey…how did he get out of jail?"

"…That's a damn good question…."

The moment of questioning however was cut short, when two very familiar silver haired boys walked in the store together, looking more and more identical as the days go by.

"Is it just me or are they REALLY morphing into each other?" Kuja asked from behind the counter.

"Hello, Luther…Seph…" Riku grumbled as he walked toward the back to clock in.

"Nice to see you too Ansem," Sephiroth retorted with a snort and looked at Kadaj with this curious "what the hell" expression.

"Hey CLOUD!" Luther called as the owner of the store tried to sneak into the back, snickering to himself as the ex-SOLDIER stopped. "Your dress is WIDE open in the back!"

"WHAT?!" Cloud turned around searching out this invisible tear in his non-existent dress. He paled when he realized the joke.

"Nice job there, girly, you're not wearing a dress! Today that is…"

"Dude that was cruel…" Sephiroth frowned, then broke out into a grin, "High five man!"

After high-fiving Sephiroth like a retarded teenager, Luther turned to Kadaj, who refused to look either villain in the eye. Something seemed off about Kadaj's behavior and trust two unutterably psychotic-washed up villains to find out what the problem is.

"Kadaj, how the hell did you guys get out of jail?"

"They made me do it…THEY MADE ME DO IT!" The remnant shuddered like he was having spasms.

"What did they make you do Kadaj?"

"They said they'd let us go if we participated! They blackmailed us to do it! It's horrible…It hurts so much…The memory! The pain, the the the…" he stammered off and blacked out on the spot.

"What the fuh…? Riku what the hell did they make you do?" Sephiroth looked perturbed by this, but only a little, he sure as hell didn't care that Kadaj was having seizures on the floor.

"…It WAS so horrible Sephiroth…"

"OHMIGOD! JUST SPIT IT OUT!"

"THEY MADE US PLAY SUPERMAN FOR THE N64!!"

Luther and Sephiroth were quiet for a moment as they realized just how horrible the situation really was.

"Holy shit…that's horrible…I'd hug you if that didn't look gay…but oh my god! It would have been better if they'd raped you like I was assuming they did!"

"How inhumane can you possibly be? Oh my god! How does that get worse?"

"Well they could have made him read Twilight too…" Sephiroth suggested.

"They're not trying to KILL their prisoners Sephiroth…"

"YOU don't know that!"

At that moment the chimes for the door went off signaling a customer. He looked around seventeen, pale, red hair, he looked like a GOD.

"Oh…beep…um…this one's yours Luther…" Sephiroth said before he ducked under the counter.

"What the hell man, what are you- Oh hello there Mr. Cullen…"

"Where is he?!"

"Where is who?" Luther played stupid.

"Where is Sephiroth!?"

"Um. I haven't the slightest…May I ask why?" Luther asked and realized how so very tame and gay he sounded. What the hell? I sound like such a weenie!

Edward grinned slightly at Luther's last thought. "He's the son of a bitch posting porn of me on the Internet! NOT only that, but he just trashed my BOOK!" he growled pulling out a gun and aiming it at the blond haired Owner.

"….Um….If you're looking for him…He just went on a break a few minutes ago…Yeah he went over to the Bath and Body Works store…I'm sure you'll find him there…He's allergic to Watermelon Peach Berry, if that helps any…" He looked down the barrel of the gun and exhaled in relief when he realized it was on safety.

"Thanks." He turned and left and Luther glared down at his co-worker.

"What the HELL Seph?! Are you trying to get me killed too?! What kinda MORON posts PORN of Edward Cullen on the Internet!?"

"Hey I got paid good money for that porn! And what kinda villain are you? You're supposed to hang me out to dry like all GOOD villains!" He stood up looking out the window of the front store carefully. "And Watermelon Peach Berry? What the hell does that even smell like?!"

"I don't know…I didn't stop to smell that one…It looked like it would give me a headache and it was in a flowery orange bottl-….." He stopped realizing that he just proverbially hung himself.

"And you were trying to convince me you were straight why?"

"I'M NOT GAY!"

"You go to Bath and Body Works on your break…Tell me you're not gay again…with a straight face this time please."

Both villains paused when they heard a loud crash coming from the backroom. They heard a loud scream and proceeding that sounded like "beep you!" over and over.

"What the hell was that?"

"Reno! For God's sake, quit beating the hell out of Axel! He was dead twenty minutes ago!" Cloud snorted and slinked back into the corner in hopes of living down his humiliation.

"…He was? Oh damn…"

"And you say I have problems?" Sephiroth looked at Luther.

"…Okay you have a point there…"

There was a long pause.

"Hey dude, have you played that Sonic Heroes game? It's complete crap if you ask me." Sephiroth nonchalantly asked.

"Random change of subject but yes I have played the game. And what are you talking about? It's not crap! Crap is Tomb Raider Chronicles, crap is Star Ocean, crap is Tales of Legendia, that Sonic Heroes game is SHIT."

"Nicely said. Hey wait…I thought Star Ocean was shit too?"

"Naw, I had to upgrade it to crap because Lenneth threatened to kill me and eat my remains."

"She can do that?"

"Apparently so."

The door chime echoed through the disaster of a store and all of the workers looked up with this impressionable "go away and die" look.

"Hey, anyone got something that isn't shit?" the guy striding in asked.

"Define 'not shit'." Luther asked, trying to make his "stupid Earthling" senses stop tingling.

"Something that isn't: a.) Kingdom Hearts, b.) Final Fantasy, c.)Harry Potter or d.) Lord of the Rings."

Sephiroth slid Luther over, ecstatic to see a customer that wasn't morbidly obsessed over Kingdom Hearts.

"Okay what KIND of game?"

"Hmmm…You got that one Sonic Heroes game?"

Luther groaned.

"…Yes…"

"Great! My dog needs a new Frisbee."

"Dude…Luther, can we keep him?" Sephiroth looked over pleadingly.

"Would you shut up Seph? Okay one more question. What do you think of the PS3?"

"Dude, what the hell does that matter?" the guy replied, raising an eyebrow.

"Would you just answer the question for God's sake? We're trying to decide whether or not to kidnap you and keep you as a pet! And it's for a gay ass survey I have to do and get turned in by Friday."

"Um…Luther, it's Saturday…" Sephiroth whispered.

"What? Damn!" He frowned, but immediately shook it off, "Anyway, just answer the stupid question!"

"Oh I think it's a great system! A little on the noisy side by comparison to the Xbox though…the Xbox was quieter when the baseball bat hit. For what ever reason the PS3 didn't take so well to being pummeled…Pissed me off man…I didn't even get my beep money's worth out of it…But it WAS beep sweet to watch those dumb beeps shit themselves because I beat hell out of a damn plastic box, with a bunch of over priced shit in it."

"Wonderfully gratuitous use of swearing… Okay Seph, lock down. We're keeping him."

"YES! There are decent mortals in the world!"

"Seph, for God's sake stop flailing around like a moron. And turn on that DVD. We've gotta find SOMETHING to do till lock up time."

-STOP! BLOOPER TIME!-

10. Sometime in the Great Glacier…

Cloud's running around, trying to find his way without collapsing from the cold, and Tifa and Vincent are following him. Finally, they come to that big ol' area with the neverending blizzards.

"Better watch where we step," Cloud told the others.

At that moment, a very bundled up BlueFox walks on.

BlueFox: Hey, Cloud, my mom and dad wanted me to ask you… :starts to crack up as she points at Cloud's huge spike: Is that a horn?

Tifa and Vincent started to laugh as a vein started to pulse in Cloud's forehead.

9. Final Fight in AC Part 1

The energy balls are flying off the swords as they clashed, the ruins of Midgar are being annihilated, Cloud and Sephiroth somehow are dodging everything. And then, it gets to the part when they land on the two pieces of debris and Cloud's in Sora's Valor Form pose, when suddenly, he yells, "CUT!"

Tetsuya: WTH? That's my line, Cloud!

Cloud sheaths both of his swords and give Tetsuya and anxious look. "I know, but seriously. I've gotta go to the little hero's room, man."

In the background, you hear a bunch of Clack fangirls (who misinterpreted what Cloud meant by 'hero's room') start to giggle.

BlueFox: Let him go man. Cloud's had enough torture…down there. :gestures downwards:

Tetsuya: :sighs: All right, go ahead, but don't take so long this time.

Take 2

Sephiroth jumped back, his silver hair billowing out behind him. "I've thought a wonderful present for you," he taunted Cloud, cutting down part of a tall building.

Cloud cut through it. "Don't be so generous!" he yelled.

Tetsuya: CUT! Cloud, that's a deleted scene. This is the main movie, therefore, that's not in the script.

8. Final Battle in AC Part 2

Sephiroth jumped back, his silver hair billowing out behind him. "I've thought a wonderful present for you," he taunted Cloud, cutting down part of a tall building.

Cloud cut through the debris and followed Sephiroth up and they clashed swords. "Shall I give you dis pear?" Sephiroth asked, holding a pear out to Cloud.

Cloud went starry-eyed. "My favorite!"

Tetsuya: :buries face:

BlueFox: :cracking up:

Take 4

Sephiroth jumped back, his silver hair billowing out behind him. "I've thought a wonderful present for you," he taunted Cloud, cutting down part of a tall building.

Cloud cut through the debris and followed Sephiroth up and they clashed swords. "Shall I give you despair?" Sephiroth threw Cloud down and Cloud went to stab his sword in the building. But then, the unthinkable happened.

Cloud's sword…

…split in half.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" he screamed, falling toward the fiery abyss below.

Tetsuya: Oh, damn.

BlueFox: CLOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUD! :sobs:

7. Cloud's Victory Pose

Cloud pumped his fist up and down in the air, then spun his blade. Unfortunately, this was just one of those days. The sword stopped spinning and Cloud doubled over in pain, holding onto his foot and jumping around in that hilarious kind of way before screaming the highest scream he has every screamed in. In fact, a few of the windows cracked and even some shattered.

"MY FFFFFFOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTTTT!"

Tetsuya: Gah! Cuttttt! :pulls out a pocketknife and places it at his throat, before sighing and pocketing it: It's not worth it.

6. Scene Where Cloud Gives His Name

Biggs looked at Cloud, who was coolly staring up at the Reactor. "WOW! You used to be in SOLDIER all right. What's your name? It's not ex-SeeD, is it?"

O.o went Cloud. "Uh, it's ex-SOLDIER."

Homer Simpson: D'oh! Cut!

Tetsuya and BlueFox: HEY! :BlueFox throws a Butterfinger at Homer: That's our line!

Take 2

"WOW! You used to be in SOLDIER all right. What's your name? It's not ex-SOLDIER, is it?"

"No, it's not ex-SOLDIER. It's…Clou-"

Homer Simpson: D'oh!

BlueFox :pulls out flamethrower and chases Homer around backstage: GET LOST YOU PATHETIC YELLOW EXCUSE FOR A CARTOON!

Take 3

"WOW! You used to be in SOLIDER all right. What's your name? It's not ex-SOLIDER, is it?"

"No, it's not ex-SOLID, wait, what? SOLIDER? WHO WROTE THIS?!"

BlueFox: :giggles nervously:

"Who can't spell the word SOLDIER? I mean GEEZ!

BlueFox: HEY! In Chrno Crusade, it's pronounced the same why in the end credits' song! So THERE! (Actually, it was a typo way early on, but…)

Tetsuya: …Cut.

5. For the Love of Cleon…

Sora was standing guard at the gate to the Bailey in Radiant Garden. Well, standing was too strong a word. He was actually guarding the tent with his eyes closed, leaning against the wall. The noise further in woke him up.

Cloud groaned. "I know you're a cold fish, but I like it a little hot."

"I'd be insulted if I didn't know you loved me just the way I am, Cloud."

"Well thank the Gods for that." Cloud groaned again. "Could you move your hand? It's in the way."

"And here I thought you liked it like that."

"I like it rough. That doesn't mean I enjoy the palm of your hand pressing on my back."

"You didn't complain last time."

"Last time I was in too much pain to notice."

Leon snorted. "Is that a not-so-subtle hint that I should use more oil?"

"Yes." Cloud groaned. "Oh yeah. That's much better. Now harder." He moaned loudly.

Sora blinked several times, his brain no longer registering what he was hearing. The sound of a hand smacking oiled flesh echoed in the Bailey. Sora's knees went weak and collapsed under him.

"My turn," the ex-SeeD said.

"But I'm not finished yet!"

"You can finish yourself later. You promised me that it would be my turn in five minutes. Now switch me places."

Sora, driven by the morbid need to look, peeked inside of the Bailey. Leon was massaging Cloud's back and shoulders. Gray eyes looked up.

"Did you need something, Sora?"

Sora let out a breath he was holding. "Nope. Nothing at all." He pushed away from the wall and went to dunk his head in a bucket of cold water.

4. Scene at the end of AC

"You see? Everything's…all right," Aerith said, smiling, then turned and SLOWLY walked away.

BlueFox: Cloud! Just go run after her, you big dumb blond!

Leon: (from RE4) I resent that!

Cloud attempts to run after her and lunges for her retreating back, catching her and bringing the whole white backdrop down. Zack attempts to help out, but he trips over the backdrop after getting Cloud to his feet and they gracelessly fall onto the floor, gravity smacking their lips together.

Clack Fangirls: YYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY! They're kissing!!

Cloud withdraws from Zack, and both men's faces are turning a startling new shade of crimson.

BlueFox: :fangirl giggles: Aww, how precious! X3

Cloud looks up and glares at BlueFox. "YOU PLANNED THAT, DIDN'T YOU?!"

BlueFox: :innocently: I don't know what you're talking about.

Cloud screams like a banshee and chases BlueFox around with Ultima backstage, attempting to Omnislash her.

3. Scene in Entrance to Nibelheim

"What? I don't get it?" Yuffie said as she placed her hands on her hips.

"I'm not lying!" Cloud yelled at her.

Tetsuya: WHOA! Cloud, no one said you were.

Cloud looked at him. "Huh? Oh. Sorry Yuffie."

Yuffie whimpered and nodded.

2. Scene When Zack Ruffles Cloud's Hair in CC

Zack grinned and reached up, then put his hand on Cloud's head, before letting out a pained shriek and jumping back.

BlueFox: :runs onscreen to see that there is a not-so-small puncture wound in the middle of his palm: Zack, that looks painful.

Zack shook his hand around, making those hissing noises and stamping his foot. "Hell yeah! Damn, those spikes are SHARP!"

Tetsuya: :shakes his head as BlueFox begins to crack up: Cut.

Number One Cloud Blooper: Bad Hair Day, a Lost Caught! Segment

It was mid-morning and he was already hungry. He craved a peanut butter and jelly sandwich but what he wanted more than that was…

DING DING DING! Yep, SUSHI!

Oh, you guess cake? BZZT! Nope, WRONG!

But no, he had to exercise self-control; he was CLOUD after all.

To take his mind off his incessant food cravings he made his way to the Crisis Core stage. On his way, he noticed that several people were staring at him, and then laughing when he turned away.

Okay! he thought. I didn't comb my hair today, but it can't look THAT bad!

Undeterred, he finally reached the stage and made his way towards his friends Zack, Tidus, and Yuffie.

"SPIKEY!" Zack greeted as he saw his best friend approaching. Cloud smiled and quickened his pace.

"Hey guys. What's up?" Cloud greeted his friends.

"N-nothing!" Tidus stammered, not quite meeting Cloud eyes.

"Y-yeah, n-nothing….ha!" Yuffie barely stifled her giggle. Cloud raised an eyebrow at her, and that made Rikku and Yuna off to the side burst into spontaneous giggles. This caused Tidus and Yuffie to start laughing too.

"What the hell is going on?" Cloud asked, finally having enough.

"What? Is there something wrong?" Selphie bounced up and didn't seem to notice what was going on. She seemed completely clueless, which she generally was, to what had made Tidus, Yuffie, Yuna, and Rikku lose their cool.

Suddenly from behind them came a very familiar giggle. All of them, or rather Selphie, Zack, and Cloud, as Yuna, Yuffie, Rikku, and Tidus were otherwise occupied, to see who it was.

BlueFox: :with Lenne, Shuyin, and Aerith behind her: Oh my God! That's hilarious! :breaks into hysterics with Aerith and Lenne following suit:

Shuyin, on the other hand, just stared at Cloud in shock, making Cloud ask again:

"What the hell is going on!!"

"You don't know?" was all that Shuyin said in disbelief, his gaze shifting between the enraged Cloud and the oblivious Selphie and Zack's sighing/shaking head before turning away to shake his head as well.

In the end it was Reno who broke the silence on what was going on, holding a video camera up.

"Oh geez, Cloud!" Reno, standing next to Rude, chuckled as he recorded everyone's reactions. "I always knew you were strange but I didn't know you were gay!!"

"WHAT!!" Cloud yelled, causing everyone who had been laughing to stop.

"But your hair?" Reno continued.

"What about MY HAIR?"

"It's PINK! Bright, Bubblegum Pink!"

-SPECIAL BLOOPERS-  
-For the Love of Clack-

BlueFox: :sighs: All right. I'll let you take them on the tour, Reno. But give me the reviewer first. I want her safe and unharmed.

Reno waved his hand and motioned to the multitudes of Clack fangirls behind him, and they all threw at BlueFox a reviewer whom they had kidnapped. BlueFox noticed the reviewer was unconscious, and remembered that her name was Kitsune or something along those lines, then opened a portal (whoa COOL! How'd I do that?) and tossed Kitsune in, hoping it was close to her home. She then gave Reno the thumbs up sign and went to her director's seat beside Tetsuya's.

Tetsuya: Please! We need to get Zack's death right by the end of today! It's the deadline! We have five minutes left! Okay. Action!

They got as far as Zack pulling Cloud down onto his chest before Reno crashed the scene. He came on with the huge group of Clack fangirls and spread a hand. "Cloud giving Zack a BJ," he announced happily. Immediately, Zack and Cloud both sat up and turned that really dark red again as all of the fangirls 'ooh'ed and 'ahh'ed and took pictures and giggled. Tetsuya gave BlueFox the evil eye out of the corner of his eye and she had the grace to sink down in her seat and look really guilty.

BlueFox: Hey! The life of a reviewer was on the line! They were gonna kill her if I didn't do this! Blame it on her!

Grumbling, Tetsuya goes to his trailer and proceeds to Trigger Happy a picture of BlueFox on his wall.

-BACK IN CLOUD'S STORE, ESTHAR-

The three men were having fun laughing as all hell broke loose on screen, and when closing time came and Cloud walked out, it only sent them into more hysterics. Cloud, unable to understand what had happened, decided to run home to mommy and opted to not come back the next day.

The Next Day…

"I just got fired from the video store for selling some interspecies erotica, and hermaphroditic porn to a preschool church group."

Luther and Sephiroth immediately stopped all bodily motion and just stared at the newbie. They didn't even breathe man… DIDN'T BREATHE I TELLS YA!

"What's Interspecies Erotica?" Cloud said as he walked to the front of the store to fix the PS3 for the 87th time that day. Seeing as he was the owner of said store (and he had been held at gunpoint via Maria) he had been forced to return.

"Animal sex," N00b said nonchalantly, turning a page in the Final Fantasy XIII strategy guide, just as Cloud knelt down in front of the PS3, immediately puking all over the very very (if not overly) expensive piece of equipment.

"So…" Luther broke the silence at last. "You… lost your job because you… sold interspecies erotic and…. Hermaphrodite porn to little church children…?"

"Yeah well… I managed the place anyway, so I didn't really get fired. But because of that I now know what 'God-Fearing' means. Few days later, all two hundred church members show up at the fuckin' store asking for my blood. But luckily I just threw my subordinate at them and he begged them to forgive me. He's into all that hard core Christian shit. The deal was, that they wouldn't kill me as long as I stopped working at the video store." He turned another page in his strategy guide, getting slightly wide-eyed. "Man, look at this shit." He held up the magazine and showed off the beauteous Lightning (with Cloud's face, BTW) in full close up.

Cloud looked up from the now green and –insert other nasty colors here— PS3, only to see the pink-haired version of him and blow chunks all over the Xbox360. The newbie then returned to reading the strategy guide like normal.

"So you're basically on the run from a bunch of homicidal wack jobs?" Sephiroth asked, amazed.

"Yup, really sucks. Huh?" Luther walked up to the n00b and embraced him.

"Dude, I think I seriously love you man. In a brotherly way of course."

"What the fu-?"

"You. Rock. You pissed of a few hundred uptight nut jobs, you sell bestiality and other really disgusting ungodly stuff, and you read black market stuff with no shame in front of any and everyone. What is your name?!"

"Um… Ion. Now could you please get the hell off of me?"

-.-.-

End: So, yeah, there's my character Ion. He's got a lot of fans here, for one reason or another, and I felt compelled to toss him in here for the fun of it. Love him? Hate him? Want to destroy him? Let me know.

As for the whole horn blooper, my mom and dad really DID ask me that as I was running around in the Great Glacier. I don't think I stopped laughing for five or more minutes.

Apologies to SunflowerWielder for not using your blooper, mainly because this chapter was completely written out before I read your idea, but I PROMISE it will be in a future chapter! Also, a big huge thanks to Warrayfinson about soulcaliburprincess who had stolen two of my fics (Say I Won't and Memories) without asking for permission and posting them on deviantart without even giving me credit! And she takes the WHOLE thing, author's notes and all! Doesn't that like send off warning bells that this isn't her stuff? God, the nerve of some people… So yeah, if you've written a Zerith fic recently, I'd go to deviantart and search for soulcaliburprincess and check her gallery to see if she's taken any of your stories without permission. Thanks again, Warray!

And the next chapter is the dreaded…Aerith Top Ten Bloopers! OH NOZ! Angry rabid Aerith fans are gonna kill me! Actually, Twilight fangirls might already do that. Heh heh… So yeah, R&R. And give me ideas! I need IDEAS!


	18. Aerith

Final Fantasy VII: Bloopers

**_DO NOT COPY MY STORIES!!_**

_If anyone wants to post my stories anywhere else, please just ASK and then give me credit for writing it. PM with any requests._

Intro: HO-LY _CRAP_. This was the absolute TOUGHEST chapter out of them all to crank out. The Top Ten Aerith bloopers… In all honesty, I didn't think of any, One-Winged-Chaos sent in like 4 ideas, but none of my friends or I could come up with the other six. You see, I wanted to do absolutely NO Aerith-death bloopers, since I've done so many of those throughout this entire fic. Once I took that out of the equation, my brain officially farted. It doesn't help that school's back on and stuff…

But then, an idea occurred to me, a funny one at that, I think. You see, I thought, 'What if everyone but Seph and Aerith got the flu, and certain other characters had to fill in for lovable AVALANCHE?' (insert maniacal laughter here) So, for Aerith's chapter, dedicated to her, I give you my FINAL parody of her death…FF9 style.

WARNING: EXTREME OOCNESS. We're talking x-games, here, people. Also, no penguins were harmed in this parody-like thing.

Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING! Keep your lawyers leashed. (Happy reading!)

Chapter Eighteen  
Aerith's Death…FF9 Style

(Please note, that those from FF9 have NOT played FF7 or seen it, or even looked at the script. Makes it all the more funny, eh?)

Tetsuya eyed the FF7 wing of the HQ of Square-Enix, and the pathetic creatures in it, moaning and groaning at the light. Either they were sick, or they were hungover.

Or both.

Man, and today they were going to take another whack at the whole 'most heartbreaking FF scene in MOST of FF history' AKA Aerith's death.

The producer of FF7 walked by then, and Tetsuya grabbed his arm. "Yoshi, look at these guys," Tetsuya brandished a hand at the huge cast of the original FF7 sans Aerith and Sephiroth. Yoshinori Kitase, the producer, peered inside. "What are they?"

"Sick. With the flu."

"Can they still work?"

Yoshinori gave him a look. "Did you just ask me what I think you asked me?"

"Can they work?"

"Hell no."

Tetsuya swore. "Well, Squall and the others are sick, too. Damn, we have to get Aerith's death done today."

"Well, we could always use…them."

Tetsuya looked alarmed. "No. Absolutely not, we are not putting that tail into FF7."

"Red has a tail."

"That's different!"

"Well, it's that or FF7 remake is postponed another year."

Tetsuya swore softly again. "All right, all right. Get them in here in five minutes, or we are not doing it."

**Five Minutes Later…**

Tetsuya (with a very pleased looking BlueFox beside him) rubbed his temples. "All right, guys, let's get this done. If we get this right, we can make it look like the others did it with visuals. Not many will notice the difference due to tears, but either way…"

BlueFox: JUST GET ON WITH IT!

Tetsuya: Action!

**This is Where it All Goes WRONG**

The flower girl was so into praying that she did not notice the penguin that came and stood beside her, its little eyes trained on her face. Tetsuya: Oh, for the love of…

BlueFox: SHHH!

It waddled a little closer, and then stayed still, and closed its eyes, as if it where praying too.

Silence filled the air, except the gentle sound of the Lifestream trickling over odd rocks and other protrusions.

Aerith's face broke into a small smile as she knelt there on the ground, hands clasped before her in the pose of someone who wanted peace.

* * *

The group was making good time, and had gotten to the 'outer circle' in just a few hours.

They where all running, and calling out Aerith's name, trying to see if they could find her.

They were going very quickly, and managed to hit the Capital within the next hour, and there, they found Aerith.

Everyone stared at her at first, and no one dared to speak, for fear of scaring off the penguin.

"Wow... It's so cute!" whispered Dagger as she observed the big flightless bird.

Everyone was gawking at the bird, and didn't notice the long shadow that had appeared on the floor briefly, in the space of a breath, and then disappeared.

Zidane made a strange gagging sound in the back of his throat, and his eyes rolled so that the pupils faced the back of his head.

His hands went over to his Orichalcon's handles, and he unsheathed them.

The others stared at him, and didn't know what to do.

The daggers flashed as he walked toward Aerith and the penguin, his mind racing with one thought: to kill.

His stately march toward the pair was slow, but methodical.

He got to the center of the Capital, and there he paused.

_What the (censored) am I doing?_ he asked himself.

_No! Don't stop!_ shouted a deathly silent voice in his head.

The daggers fell from his hands, and he dropped to his knees, tail flicking in discomfort.

_Hey, this isn't funny! What the (censored) am I doing?_ He lifted his head to the skies, and saw a black shadow descend from the heavens like a black angel.

His eyes widened, and he stared out in fear; he couldn't make his body move.

His eyes caught a glint of metal, as a long thin blade flashed into existence in the falling shadow's hands.

A few seconds later, there was the sound of metal hitting stone, a red substance running down the sword's length, pooling on the floor.

There, standing next to the impaled subject, was a smiling silver-haired man, a look of satisfaction in his blazing aquamarine eyes.

The group stared in horror, as he pulled the sword out of the dead body and flicked it off like in the movie.

"HEY! You bastard! You killed that cute penguin!" shouted Zidane, anger flaring in his turquoise eyes.

"I what?" Sephiroth looked pissed.

He looked over at the body, and saw a young woman in pink, lying in a pool of blood, and next to the body, a penguin.

"You must be retarded," Sephiroth hissed.

"No! You killed the PENGUIN!" Zidane shouted, and flew at Sephiroth, the Orichalcon daggers in his hands.

Sephiroth became frightened, and disappeared, crying as he did, and leaving behind a hideous looking tentacle.

Zidane stared at the tentacle, and watched in utter horror as it transformed into a large bulbous like creature, that had tentacles and was purple.

Steiner screamed like a banshee and ran away from it, flailing his sword, and almost cutting Aerith's head off.

But Aerith noticed nothing of what was going on around her, her mind so immersed in prayer to the exclusion of every thing else.

The beast charged the group, and Vivi pulled out his staff, and shot out a Comet spell.

The comet blew a tentacle off of its body, and it gave a strange cry, like that of a woman in pain.

But it kept charging, and Vivi fired a second Comet, and another tentacle flew off, in an explosion of dark green liquid.

Then something strange happened, and a bolt of lightning crashed down, and hit the monster right where its head would have been, had it had one.

The creature screamed, and tumbled back, and landed with a thud onto the ground.

Vivi took that opportunity to do the honor of finishing it off.

He walked up to the flailing creature, and cast a Death spell.

The 'head' flew off the body while Vivi and the floor were both covered in a dark green liquid.

As the echoes died, the remaining tentacles fell to the floor, and twitched for a few seconds.

He slipped the Cypress Pile back under his cloak, and walked back to the group.

"Shall we retrieve Aerith?" Steiner asked, over his 'girl moment'.

"There is no need to," came a soft voice from behind him.

"What do you mean?" he asked, turning around to see who had said that.

He was startled to find Aerith standing there.

"We shall return. I have been told that Meteor shall be gone in a few days. Then the world will return to what it was before Meteor had been summoned," Aerith said, her eyes staring straight out into the nothingness, glazed over and unseeing.

"Okay! Let's go," Zidane said, walking away, and going to return to the Invincible, thinking his job was over.

Then Aerith turned to face the monkey boy, and smiled.

"So you ingrates came to see me? I figured you'd be harder to get rid of than that!" She looked at the group in an evil way.

"I guess I will have to kill you my self!" she said, pulling her staff out and looking around.

"I thought I could make Meteor go away, but you insist on being stupid, and following the plot. Well, (censored) the plot, I am taking over this game!" She smiled an evil smile, and proceeded to try and kill every one.

It all ended quickly, with Aerith being knocked out, and Eiko getting a nasty lump on her head.

Zidane had been hit several times in the unfortunate places, and Freya got away with a slash on her left arm.

The others sustained minimal damage, not worth reporting.

They made their way back to the ship, Amarant carrying both Eiko and Zidane, while Quina carried Aerith.

"My... Balls..." Zidane wheezed, and then fell unconscious from the pain.

Amarant actually felt bad for Zidane, because those hits had been hard.

-SPECIAL BLOOPERS-  
-Scene When Cloud Fights Bahamut SIN-  
(Credit to SunflowerWielder)

Cloud readied his swords and then launched himself at Bahamut SIN, with the awesome Divinity II playing in the background.

But then, of course, something happened and Cloud missed Bahamut SIN entirely.

Instead, he crashed headlong into Vincent and Tifa, and they all flew off the construction beam, with Cid staring down at them in shock. When they landed, one of Cloud's swords had flown away and Vincent was trying to feebly push Cloud off him, to no avail.

"Cloud…you're surprisingly heavy…" Vincent mumbled, still trying to push Cloud off him before he stopped, panting heavily.

Cloud managed to push himself into a sitting position, puffing. "It's the sword, I SWEAR!" he told Vincent, who only rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, sure it is…"

"I NEED A GREAT GOSPEL!" Tifa wailed.

* * *

End: Short and sweet, APOLOGIES! Ooh, poor Ziddy, but he's only gotten a taste of what Cloud's been going through this entire time! There you go, SunflowerWielder, your blooper twas used! YAY!

Okay, and about that whole audience thingie…yeah, nevermind. With a heavy heart, I must say that this fic is drawing to a close…only two more chapters left…well, three if you count the "Awards" chapter at the very end. You see, the next chapter is Pranks!, which I had promised Warrayfinson that I would do, and then after that is the final chapter, the blooper party.

As for all the ideas that haven't been used yet, I will somehow incorporate them into pranks that will be pulled. Of course, FF7 won't be the only victim in the "Three Z's" fun… So please, NO MORE ideas or requests, because it AIN'T happenin!

Review you worm babies, you! :D

PS: I apologize to all of the Twilight fans whom I obviously really hurt. Trust, I have nothing against Twilight, I absolutely love the series, and that whole porn of Edward thing was an inside joke among me and my friends. I can see it didn't go over so well last chapter… And am I the only one who has noticed the fact that I've turned the Great Gospel Limit Break into a running joke? I won't be surprised if I see it in some other FF parody fic/movie out there somewhere… Heh heh…


	19. Pranks! Fun With The Three Z's

Final Fantasy VII: Bloopers

_**DO NOT COPY MY STORIES!!**_

_If anyone wants to post my stories anywhere else, please just ASK and then give me credit for writing it. PM with any requests._

Intro: As Blank from FF9 would say, "Sheez." Not much longer till the end. I'll have to give it a few more once overs, just to make sure I'm happy with it. I'm so proud of this story! I've decided at the very end of this fic, I'm going to give you guys the full stats of this fic, so you can see how so very much successful this was!

Anyhoo…

Disclaimer: (silence) Happy reading!

Chapter Nineteen  
Pranks! Fun With the 'Three Z's'

The "Three Z's" were bored. They had nothing to do. Aerith was out shopping, Balamb was out of hot dogs, and…well the other one was just bored, his tail drooping sadly behind him. They all sat in various positions in the room, the youngest one sat in a chair backward, tapping his foot to the rhythm of 'Black Mage's Village' that just so happened to be stuck in his head. The middle one, older than the youngest but younger than the oldest, had a random Timber Magazine over his face as an audible snore came from beneath it, bored to sleep. And the oldest one was quite literally bored to tears, sobbing slightly in the corner of the room.

"IS THE DAY OFF OVER YET?!" demanded the youngest one all of a sudden, jolting the other two out of their activites.

"I doon't knooowww!" wailed the oldest one from his corner.

The other fell asleep again.

About an hour passed, before the sleeping one suddenly shot awake, the Timber Magazine falling away from his tattooed face. "Guys, I have an idea!" The other two looked at him. "Let's play some pranks!"

The oldest one's violet eyes lit up as he bounced to his feet. "Let's steal Reno's camera and get it on tape. REVENGE!" The two older Z's looked down at the youngest and usually the most energetic one. His tail flicked slightly in excitement as he smiled.

"Yeah, sounds like fun."

The other two wondered what was wrong with him.

Victim One: Wakka, Final Fantasy X

Wakka stood on the beach in Besaid when the Three Z's found him. They looked at each other, grinning like mad. The oldest one held his hand out to the youngest, who put Reno's camcorder into it. After putting in a new tape, he flicked it on and turned it to himself. "Hellllooooo out therrrreeee! This is the oldest of the trio we like to call, the Three Z's, ZACK FAIR!" The other two rolled their eyes and applauded for him. The camera swiveled around to the middle one, who grinned big and punched his fists together.

"The name's ZELL DINCHT! And I like hot dogs!" He got a slightly dreamy look on his face while the youngest clapped. The camera turned to him.

"To all the ladies out there…" he jumped back a few paces and gallantly bowed, his tail swinging in absolute merriment, "my name is ZIDANE TRIBAL and I am happy to be of service to you." He stood straight and gave the camera a cheesy grin.

Zack swiveled the camera back to himself. "Today, out of perpetual boredom, the Three Z's are proud to show you…"

Cue dramatic pause, before all three crammed their faces in front of the camera.

"PRANKS!"

"Our first victim…" Zell got an evil look on his face. "Is none other than the ever-lovable" he did the quotation marks gesture with his hands "Wakka from X. Zidane, your game's the closest, how about you take the camera and show us what you can do?"

Zidane grabbed the camera from Zack and waved to his friends before taking off for Besaid as Zack and Zell went to 'persuade' Wakka to return to Besaid.

**Wakka POV**

Wakka was a bit confused as to why Zack and Zell, people from the two greatest Final Fantasies, would be talking to him, much less WARNING him about a possible intruder from a rival game lurking in Besaid, coming to steal Lulu's doll.

Lulu, Yuna, Rikku, Tidus, Auron and Kimahri had taken a trip to one of the neighboring isles for their day off, and wouldn't be back 'til sundown, which left Wakka an hour and a half to check up on Besaid.

"Piece of cake!" he murmured, as he made his way back to the village.

Once he reached there, Wakka checked around the village to see if anything was wrong with it, before deciding to go to Lulu's hut. I wonder why someone would want one of Lulu's dolls… Wakka thought as he looked around, trying to locate Lulu's weapon, not noticing the camera catching everything from the corner of the room.

Sighing heavily, Wakka put down his World Champion and took out an exact replica of Lulu's weapon- a moogle- however, this one had been given to him by Zidane, who he had run into at the Item Hut. Wakka decided to use it as a 'decoy' for whoever would come to steal the real thing.

But as he approached Lulu's doll, the moogle in his hands suddenly jumped from his hands, stood up, and stared at Wakka.

Wakka took a step back, then proceeded onwards. The moogle's head suddenly turned around 360°, it's eyes glowing eerily.

"Oh-!"

It jumped up and began to pummel Wakka. Wakka tripped as he tried to escape and the thing drop-kicked him.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Wakka screamed and ran out, dropping to his knees in front of none other than Lulu and the crew.

"Wakka! What happened to you?" Lulu asked.

"T-t-the m-moogle!" he stammered. "It t-tried to-to k-kill m-me!"

Tidus and Rikku started to laugh hysterically.

Zidane escaped from the hut, unseen, with the robotic moogle he had crafted himself and Reno's camera.

"I-I'm s-s-serious!" Wakka continued. "It's EVIL! I-it did that t-thing f-from t-t-the Exorcist, ya know t-the h-h-head turning thing."

"Oh, my!" Yuna said, paling significantly.

"Y-you have to-to s-s-stop it!"

Lulu went into her hut, brought out her moogle and dropped it in front of Wakka. At the sight of the thing, Wakka screamed and passed out.

Disgusted, Auron walked off.

Victim Two: Cloud Strife, Final Fantasy VII Saga

The Three Z's laughed hysterically over at the beach as they replayed the scene of horror. "Awesome job, Zidane!" Zell praised, clapping the Genome on his back as he smiled widely, tail lashing back and forth in excitement.

"How will I top that?" Zack wondered, tapping his chin thoughtfully, before snapping his fingers. "AHA! Cloud and Seph should be sparring soon…" He snatched the camera from Zidane. "Meet me at Shinra Training Grounds!" he called, waving over his shoulder, leaving the other two to catch their breath in their own time before following.

**Cloud POV**

Cloud looked down curiously at the scratched and heavily cracked Buster Sword Zack had given him to spar against Sephiroth with. Why couldn't he use First Tsurugi? With the force of the blows the two exchanged, Buster was sure to shatter into teeny-weeny pieces.

"Aww, no it won't!" Zack had assured him, a lot more giddy and bouncy than usual. He ruffled Cloud's hair affectionately, before turning and walking off. But at the last second, he had turned around, a serious look on his face. "However…if I DON'T get it back in one piece…well, let's just say you don't want to." Then he smiled again, waved, and turned the corner, leaving a stunned and actually fearful Cloud behind.

"Cloud, snap out of it," Sephiroth told him harshly, swinging Masamune in a large arc, leaving Cloud with no chance but to duck, the thin blade chopping off a few strands of hair. Sephiroth swung in and kicked Cloud harshly in his gut, causing the blond to stumble back in surprise.

The entire battle, Cloud had been petrified to use Buster against Masamune, but when Sephiroth sparred, he went in for the kill. So, as he raised Masamune up to the still recovering blond, Cloud acted on instinct.

He raised Buster up to block…

…only to have the blades clash and Buster shatter into millions of pieces.

Pure silence reigned on the Training Grounds, not even a bird twittered.

Reality sunk in.

"HOLY SHIT!" Cloud shrieked, his hands flying to his wild hair as he stared at the sparkly miniscule Buster pieces littered all over the area. Even Sephiroth seemed a bit surprised. "ZACK'S GONNA KILL ME!"

He dove to the ground, trying to pick up the small pieces of Buster, but right then, it was as if someone had cast Aeroga and blew all of them away. Cloud screamed and followed the wind as Sephiroth merely watched him, before turning his eyes up to the roof of the Shinra Building, where sure enough, Zack and his friends Zidane and Zell were, doubled over laughing.

Beside Zack was the real Buster Sword.

Victim Three: Squall Leonhart, Final Fantasy VIII

"Oh, oh, my side, it hurts!" Zidane crowed as he fell onto his back, holding his side.

Zack wiped tears from his eyes, breathing heavily. "Ah, that was great. Cloud's so fun to mess with…" He whistled softly, then nudged Zell. "Your turn, my friend. Show us what you can do!"

Zell picked up the camera and bowed. "Gladly!" he told them, before cackling and running off.

**In Treno…**

Zell had the camera perched in the high floors of the Auction House, wondering exactly why Squall would stay in this dark, damp place.

But the more he thought about it, the more fitting it seemed.

Anyway, he knew just how much Squall HATED Christmas, at ANY time of the year. Hence the reason why the entire entrance to the Auction House, where Squall was moping at the time, was surrounded by light up Santas. And in Zell's hand…was a remote.

Just as the Auction was closed, Squall stood straight and stretched to unkink his muscles, before heading to the door, ahead of everyone. Zell eagerly flicked on the camera, just as Zidane and Zack walked up.

"What are you-" Zack began to say to Zell, but quickly shut up when he saw the frantic hand movements Zell was were making.

Zidane and Zack walked up, glancing at the huge multitude of Santas in the front of the Auction House every once in a while. "This's your prank?" Zidane asked when he and Zack was close enough.

"You'll see," Zell hissed, never taking his eyes off the front of the Auction House.

"He's leaving!" Zack almost shouted, excitement evident in his voice, having figured it out.

Zell quickly pushed the button down on his remote just as Squall pushed open the doors. The entire front lawn of the Auction House was suddenly showered in a bright white light, and small buzzing sounds could be heard.

Every single creepy Santa was placed so they were staring right at Squall as he left the House. Some waved back and forth, others did what was once a dance and had turned into a jerk of plastic and wires, while other's warbled out 'Ho Ho Ho's' and 'Merry Christmas'.

Zidane only saw the backs of all the Santas and it creeped him out; he couldn't imagine what it would be like to be facing all of them.

Squall seemed unable to move for a moment, his eyes wide as his one hand seemed to move like he was reaching for an invisible Lionheart on his side.

The Three Z's turned to the camera and grinned widely. "He just got PRANK'D!" they shouted, before bursting into loud, obnoxious laughter.

Victims Four, Five, Six: Marcus, Cinna, Blank, Final Fantasy IX

"Awesome, it's my turn again!" Zidane cheered, taking ahold of the camera "I've had this idea forever since Blank pranked me back on April Fools!"

Zack and Zell smiled broadly at him. "The floor's yours, Zidane," Zack said. "We'll wait here."

Zidane nodded and took off.

**In Tantalus Hideout…**

"Thank Shiva Baku actually dropped that stupid 'no outside food' rule," Marcus praised, setting his McDonald's bag next to Blank's Alexandrian Fried Chicken. "We can actually eat real food again!"

"Maybe it was because he found out exactly what was in the Gysahl Pickles," the red-haired thief muttered around a piece of biscuit.

"Ugh. Don't even mention that incident," Cinna grumbled, removing a red-and-white container from his Lindblum Castle bag. "I would like to eat my stolen lo mein in peace, if you don't mind."

"Sure thing, Cin." The red bandannaed thief unwrapped a double half-pounder and tore into it, cramming fries into his mouth at random intervals. Blank snorted, amused, and scooted a little further down the table, where his mashed potatoes and gravy wouldn't get flying pieces of bun in them. Cinna looked disgusted, and opened his container of fried octopus, expertly manipulating the chopsticks to get the much-favored seafood into his mouth.

The main room had been suddenly converted into a mess hall. All around them, various other FF characters were feasting on food they had had delivered from outside. There was Baku in one corner, munching on barbecued ribs with Barret from 7. Garnet, Aerith, and Rinoa were seated at the head of one long table, devouring a selection of soups and breads from Junon Bread Factory, and Steiner had one table all to himself across the room; a good thing it was, because the entire length of the table was covered with spicy tacos, nachos, churros, and other foods from that new restaurant, Burrito Gong.

The place was really crowded today, as it had never been prior to the closing of the kitchen. Full of the sounds of people laughing, talking, arguing, and eating.

And then...

The noise died abruptly, as every single occupant of the cafeteria stared at Blank, Cinna, and Marcus through the thick layer of edibles that coated the thieves' faces, along with their upper bodies. The room was filled with a single, unanimous thought:

_What…the HELL…just happened?!_

Their reply came from the entrance to the hideout in the form of snickering. Cinna lowered his chopsticks, Marcus unsheathed his Mythril Sword, and calmly walked over to the partially-closed double doors, Blank and Cinna following, their weapons out as well. Allw as quite as the other occupants watched with slightly wide eyes. Blank pulled open the door, revealing nothing but a note and a handheld detonator on the ground.

Curiously the redhaired thief picked up the note and read:

_You just got PRANK'D!_

_-The Three Z's_

Blank ground his teeth and crunched the note up in his hand.

Victim Seven, Eight, and Nine: Sora, Donald, and Goofy, Kingdom Hearts

"Dude…" Zidane muttered as he watched Zack talk with Chernabog and hand like twelve packs of hot sauce. "Why is he going to prank his cousin of all people?"

Zell playfully hit him on the back of his head. "Because it's fun to prank the people you love. Duh."

Zidane slowly nodded as Zack flew over to them. "Come on, we'd better find someplace safer than here."

**The Battle!**

As Sora, Donald, and Goofy got ready to fight Chernabog (did I mention only FF had the day off?), he drank down all twelve cases of hot sauce. "OW!" he suddenly screamed. "It burns!"

He burped, and Sora, Donald, and Goofy all got torched.

Zack caught everything on tape, including the floating piles of ash and eyeballs.

"Not… Haha…not e-even…hahahahahahaha!" Zidane doubled over, laughing.

"Wha-What I think he's tryin' to… hahahahahahaha!" Zell toppled over as he laughed.

"Not even Curaga can fix that!" Zack chuckled as he let the note fly in front of Sora's eyes.

_You just got PRANK'D!_

_-The Three Z's_

Sora's eyes narrowed.

Victims Ten, Eleven, and Twelve: The 'Three Z's'

BlueFox gave the prank'd ones a critical eye. "Exactly what are you trying to say?" she asked, her foot tapping.

Sora pointed an accusing finger at her. "You made the 'Three Z's' prank us!" he yelled. BlueFox turned her cool blue-green gaze to Sora.

"What makes you think I did?" she asked him.

"Because you're the AUTHORESS!" everyone yelled, and she took a step back from the sheer wind from their voices.

"That's doesn't mean didly squat, MO-rons!" she screamed. "I was prank'd by the 'Three Z's' during a thunderstorm three days ago!"

Squall rubbed the bridge of his nose. "She's got a point…"

Sora crossed his arms and stomped his foot in a very childish way. "What're we going to do?!" he demanded. "That really hurt my reputation, you know!"

BlueFox sighed, waving her hand at him. "I don't…" And then she broke out into a very evil smile. "I know EXACTLY what we're gonna do."

**Later that Night…**

As Zidane, Zack, and Zell all told awesome stories of their great feat at the local pub, the door suddenly jangled. The half drunk friends looked over, to see Kuja staggering in with a horrendously wounded Fang at his side. Blood was splattered all over Kuja's pure white and purplish outfit, while half of Fang's face was covered in it.

Zidane dropped his glass, which shattered upon impact with the floor, and ran to his brother, holding him up. "Kuja! What happened?"

Kuja attempted to speak, but he opened his mouth, his fingers twitched, a whole bunch of blood streamed from his lips as he went limp, unmoving, unbreathing, dead in Zidane's arms.

Fang slowly dropped to his knees. "Sephiroth…went maniac…in HQ…" he managed to get out, before falling over as well.

Blood pooled around the two bodies and all over Zidane. He looked at his friends, who stared in shock. "Come on, we've gotta help the others!" They ran out. When they were sure the three of them were gone, Kuja and Fang's eyes opened and they sat up, grinning.

**Back at HQ…**

The sight that greeted the Three Z's was horrible, to say the least. Almost immediately, you could see blood everywhere, the windows were all tinted red from it. Cautiously, Zack pushed open the main doors, and almost immediately shrieked, running to the front desk, where a torn up Genesis and Angeal were slumped over.

"Hey, hey you two! Wake up! Come on, this isn't funny! Angeal! Genesis!" Zack was on the verge of hyperventilating, and when he flipped the bodies over, Zack lunged back about twenty feet.

The sight before him, looked like Genesis and Angeal's hearts had been violently torn out. Zidane, not accustomed to so much blood and gore, immediately started to shake and he violently retched on the floor, putting his hands on his head when he was done.

"Z-Zell?" came a timid sort of voice. The Three Z's looked up to see Rinoa stagger down the steps, looking mostly unharmed, were it not for the bloody stub of an arm and the huge gash that ran along her side.

"Sq-Squall's dead…" she mumbled, before tripping and falling down the rest of the stairs. There, she lay, unmoving, as her blood pooled around her.

Zell turned with wide eyes to Zack and Zidane. "C-Come on…we'd better f-find B-BlueFox o-o-or something…"

Zack helped Zidane up and supported the trembling Genome as they began their trek, unable to avert their eyes from the scenes around them.

Garnet and Tifa slumped over, back to back, their weapons coated in blood, life long since gone…

Cloud's neck sliced through with a large gash from his ear down to the other…

Squall's form sprawled out on the stairs, having suffered the same death as Genesis and Angeal…

Yuna and Tidus, desperately clutching each other at their time of death, a double impalement…

Aerith slumped over the banister of the stairs, bullets riddled through her body…

Sora and Riku at Aerith's feet, dead like Cloud…

But what shocked them all…was that SEPHIROTH as well, had been killed, having suffered all the deaths they had seen, and then some…

And standing over Sephiroth's body…

…was BlueFox.

Zidane fell heavily to his knees, vomiting again, as Zell staggered back, hitting the wall hard. Only Zack stood, somewhat brave enough to stare at the authoress who had finally snapped. Slowly, her head rose, and she turned, her blue green eyes empty with nothing but bloodlust lurking in their depths.

She raised Sephiroth's Masamune blade easily, and pointed its bloodstained, dripping blade at Zack.

"Revenge…"

"WE'RE SORRY!" Zack yelled, holding his arms up. "BlueFox, stop, please! We're really sorry that we prank'd everyone."

Zidane weakly looked up, putting his arms around himself. "W-We didn't think you'd snap and kill everyone!" he yelled.

"Y-Yeah! We just needed something to do!" Zell cried.

"FOOLS!" BlueFox screeched. "It was unwise for you to not see it before…I'm the strongest out of you all! And for your disrespect to me, you shall pay with your lives!" She raised the Masamune to the heavens, and suddenly the building shook, a clap of thunder, and a Thundaga slammed into her as she unleashed an evil laugh that could only come from one who was insane beyond insane.

The Three Z's all wet their pants.

"Okay, okay. BlueFox, that's enough," came a voice from around the bend. The Thundaga disappeared, and BlueFox put down the bloody Masamune. As the 'dead' people began to come to the upper floors, the Three Z's all shrieked and hugged each other, dipping their heads, chanting some odd chant they thought would protect them from the undead.

A smile poked at BlueFox's lip, and then suddenly, she and everyone else burst out laughing, as a smiling Reno walked around the bend, Angeal's camcorder up, having caught everything on tape, from the bar to now.

"You just got PRANK'D!" everyone yelled at the Three Z's.

The Three Z's looked at each other…

…and passed out.

-Answers to Final Montage-

Scene 1: The Battle Never Seen (from YouTube)  
Scene 2: Zack's Death…Again  
Scene 3: Yuffie and Cloud Date  
Scene 4: End of AC  
Scene 5: Zack and Aerith's First Meeting  
Scene 6: Scene in Last Order (read Stupid in School to understand the joke)

* * *

End: I am sorry to say this, but…ONLY ONE CHAPTER LEFT!! The final chapter, the Blooper Party…augh! (falls to the floor, weeping)

But this was fun, very, very fun. I enjoyed it, so very much. Anyway, about the whole prank me and everyone else did against the 'Three Z's' we did in my Drama Club back when I was a freshman. I was the one who ended up sprawled out on the stairs like Squall, covered in fake blood. It was so fun! As for the Genesis and Angeal and…who else was it? Uh, I think it was Squall. Yeah, for the whole heart-torn-out thingie, as well as Rinoa having lost an arm, well, Rinoa's arm had Vanish cast on it while Angeal and Genesis were actually clones, and Squall…SFX is great, no?

As for the whole MONKEY BALLS! thing from the Final Montage, I did NOT mean monkey balls as in Zidane's balls—Please excuse BlueFox, for she has had a temporary lapse in breathing to do loss of air via laughing too hard—Anyhoo, that's NOT what I meant, I meant monkey balls as in the game Monkey Ball or something. The review X-Play had for it made me a bit disturbed, to say the least.

Anyway, this has been a really fun time, and I'm so happy you were all reading! See you next time, for the FINAL CHAPTER!!


	20. CEL E BRATE GOOD TIMES, COME ON!

Final Fantasy VII: Bloopers

Intro: I'm not mean enough to hold out on you guys! XD IT IS THE FINAL CHAPTER! THE PARTY THAT WILL OUST ALL PARTIES! AN EXTREMELY LONG CHAPTER! I'm not kidding. Makru's chapter was like…42 pages. This is like…60 pages. Seriously, be ready for some intense reading.

You guys all remember the Caught! moments, like the Genesis vs. the dryer and the whole 'Cake/Pie' thing between Tseng and Zack…and probably some other things as well, right? Guess what? Theyyyyyyy'rrrrrrrre baaaaaaaaaack!

Thanks to those of you who wanted to come to the party, though a few of you sent your forms in late, and only one of you actually got in, and only really briefly, because I had this written out when you weren't there, so... Anyway, according to how you sent in your forms, you've all been split up into groups, as well as some of the characters modified to better suit this chapter's needs. And a final warning before you start reading: Reno is a perv. He doesn't know how to keep his distance. Whomever is in his group (you know who you are), this is not an act of revenge or anything. You gave me a lot of ideas, so trust me. I would just think it would be funny.

I have one final form for you to fill out. Send them in, so we can have like a reward show thing next time or something! That'll be the last chapter for sure! This is the closing chapter, so the next will be an Epilogue or something. Remember to erase the little notes I put in. Yeah!

**Name:** (just cause)

**Favorite Character:** (choose from FF7, or 6, or 9, or even 8 or KH! But only those who have appeared)

**Favorite Quirk:** (can include quirks from this chapter)

**Favorite Disc 1 Blooper:**

**Favorite Disc 2 Blooper:**

**Favorite Disc 3 Blooper:**

**Favorite Disc 4 Blooper:**

**Favorite Disc Opening:**

**Favorite OC:** (fill this one in AFTER you read this chapter, and it CANNOT be your own!)

**Favorite Non-Blooper Chapter:** (i.e. Gold Saucer chapter, AC Birthday Bash)

**Favorite Audience:**

**Favorite Top 10 Countdown:**

**Best Caught! Moment:**

**Best Interview:**

**Best Montage:**

**Best Prank:**

**What do you want to see next? **(see end of chapter for more information)

**Final Questions and Comments: **(absolutely anything goes here: shout-outs to the characters, a review if you so which, even a flame, if you have to)

In this chapter, to make things fair, there is no censoring. So if your characters aren't supposed to swear…and you didn't tell me…oh well. You're swearing!

On with the final chapter!

Disclaimer: (silence) Happy reading!

Warnings: As you all know, this fic is/was a work of fiction, and is/was made up of pure insanity. The following acts of insanity in this, THE FINAL CHAPTER, are included, but not limited to:

Perverts (mostly Reno)

OOC-ness (there's a lot)

OCs (not mine, but in the form of the readers')

Really bad language (uncensored, uncut!)

Excessive and over-use of the CAPS LOCK button (ah, but you should know that. There's been A LOT of that since the beginning of the fic)

Evil lawn gnomes

Evil dryers (it'ssssssss baaaaaaaaaaaaack!)

HORNY CHOCOBOS

Some-what graphic details of the female menstruation cycle (but Aerith's not the one saying it this time!)

Disturbing misuses of the main course AKA a turkey

Emo!Yuffie

PERVS! (O wait…I already warned you about that…)

Nuclear-powered leaf-blower rampages (bad Genesis! That's a no-no!)

Christmas Carols (mainly because that's all I hear at school, so I'm making you guys suffer, too!)

Nudity (but I'm not saying who…)

…and a bunch of other stuff. If you have problems with any of the aforementioned acts of insanity, then I suggest that you hit the back button right now. Remember, nobody is forcing you to read this! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

PAIRINGS: Just to be fair, here they are:

Slight Zerith  
OC/Reno/OC  
Squinoa  
Zemyx (gasp! It's yaoi! But not much, don't freak out, Makru)  
one-sided CloTif  
one-sided Seifer/OC (actually, it's just temporary)  
OC/Cloud  
implied Yuffientine  
hints of past (one-sided) Yuna/Genesis  
Marlene/Denzel (thought they should get some screen time)

That's about it, really.

Another Warning: As previously stated, there is a lot of insanity in this chapter. A lot. So if your IQ drops a couple points… I'm sorry. I wrote this entire fic purely for entertainment, and I'm quite surprised at the feedback. Crisis Core music always seems to add a bit of humor to whatever story I'm working on, and I was listening to it a lot…so yeah.

Apologies to Warrayfinson about the guitar. I just thought it would be funnier if you used Demyx's sitar…I COULDN'T HELP PUTTING THE DORK IN HERE!

Apologies if you can never watch/play Final Fantasy VII in any way, shape, or form ever again. I know I can't watch AC without laughing at the most serious of times…can't wait for Crisis Core. Woo

Apologies to FF6 fans. There are no guest appearances by anyone other than Mog.

For anyone who has an extremely long name (like Warrayfinson or like me, BlueFoxofWater1569) I've shortened it so to not hurt my fingers too much.

IMPORTANT: Once I get Crisis Core and a PSP, I'll be doing a commentary of it through the PSP (cause apparently you can do that) and putting it on YouTube. At some points, I'll voice over the bloopers. But I'll be sure to let you know when I get it and stuff.

And without further ado, enjoy the final chapter! BTW, this is dedicated to my awesome readers (you all know who you are) and of course to Ion, Armageddon Child, my muses, and all my friends back in LA.

Also, this chapter is entirely dedicated to my friend Rachel, whose mother passed on during the production of this chapter. I hope this makes her smile.

I LOVE YOU ALL!

* * *

**The Final Chapter  
CEL-E-BRATE GOOD TIMES, COME ON!**

Squall was in a bad mood. He absolutely HATED parties. To him, parties were nothing but an excuse to get together with friends, dance, and get drunk off their asses. Not only that, but they annoyed the hell out of him. As far as he was concerned, New Year parties were just an excuse to get drunk and have one-night stands with hookers, and Thanksgiving parties were just an excuse to stuff yourself full of food. Halloween parties were a waste of time (candy's bad for you, anyway), St. Patrick's Day parties had no point whatsoever (he despised leprechauns, with their stupid pots of gold and dinky rainbows), and Valentine's Day parties were of no use to him (hard to feel the love when you are so cold).

But there was one kind party that Squall liked: celebrations. As far as he was concerned, it was only about eating outrageous amounts of food, destroying whatever you were happy had ended, drinking soda, exchanging gifts, staying up late at night waiting for someone other than you to pass out, and generally being thankful for everything that you DID have to go through, instead of everything that you didn't have to go through—how could you not love it?

(Ignore the fact that half of the FF8 cast knew nothing about the real meaning of this party—Squall, Zell, Seifer, and Rinoa had watched/been in a blooper and knew about them, were invited, and drinking Mountain Dew, destroying the discs, and making fools out themselves when they were off screen was all that it was about, so they figured that as long as they did that, they were successfully partying.)

And being the main character of Final Fantasy VIII, he made sure that the other members of the main cast came with him to the party—this included forcing them to decorate the rooms of Balamb (where it was being held), help cook the food for the banquet, making them sit at a decorated table and EAT the food, forcing them to say what they were thankful for after they ate said food (mostly not having bloopers of their own), and then forcing them to mock the LARGE cast of FFVII, among other things.

To be perfectly frank, this party made Squall just a little bit crazy.

Unfortunately for him, and the FF8 and 7 casts as well, that celebration would be just a tad bit different than any other celebration. Maybe there was something in the water… or maybe Fate just felt like being an ass that day. But one thing was certain—all hell was going to break loose.

* * *

**5:30 AM—Day of Celebration**

Eleven drowsy members from FF8 and 7 respectively stood on the Bridge of Balamb Garden, blinking sleepily and looking pretty stupid.

Squall, Rinoa, Zack, and Sephiroth stood before the groups in front of the large windows; Squall was the only one who looked wide awake. His eyes were unusually bright and there was a disturbing grin on his face. Most of the people were used to this grin, however, so they didn't think much of it—except for a certain new person, who was currently late at the moment.

Why? Must you ask? Well, she was out sky diving…without a parachute. Me thinks she might've forgotten it after she jumped, but oh well. Anyway, this Catherine Zitta Jones' look alike's black hair—

**Hey! It's supposed to be dark brown!**

BlueFox: Actually, I have a cat like that, and he's black unless he's in the sun.

**Yeah, but…**

BlueFox: You know what? BLACK! DARK BROWN! What's the difference? They're dark colors! DEAL with it, you picky sons of bitches!

Fang: Someone's being nasty today…

ANYWAY! After falling for an extremely long time (don't ask me, my watch doesn't tell time) she managed to land perfectly on this HUGE ARMORED MOTORCYCLE that she probably stole off of Cloud…but maybe not…hey, I'm not her keeper, don't ask me! She then sped off toward the currently not-flying Balamb and smashed through one of the huge windows like Cloud did through the church doors in AC, only different, because someone (I dunno who) started to cry about glass breaking their nail…probably Edea, or whatever her name is…

She blew through the still sleepy people up to the higher level and got off her motorcycle (thoughtfully named Ferdinand) and shouted, "GUITAR!" holding out her hand expectantly.

But nothing happened. There was an awkward silence.

**BlueFox, where is her black guitar?**

BlueFox: Sorry, but someone else wanted a guitar, and so we had to set hers on fire to accommodate.

**What are we going to give her?**

BlueFox: Ummm… OH! I know! (runs off and comes back a moment later with Demyx's sitar) He'll never notice it's gone! (tosses it to person with Ferdinand)

Suddenly the lights dimmed and a huge screen dropped down behind her as she began to clap the opening of the song. Behind her, Zack unsheathed the Buster Sword and was ready to fight. (FYI, she's playing SOLDIER Battle, AKA Zack's theme from Crisis Core).

Her hazel eyes shined as she came to the end of the song, walking down the steps (or was she sliding down the rail? Never played FF8, so I don't know what the interior of Mobile Balamb looks like), her floor length leather coat all floaty-like behind her. She finished with the same clapping thing, then bowed, and everyone clapped as she took her rightful place beside Reno.

"Rock on," Warrayfinson greeted the 'higher-ups' doing that sign with the fingers that Gene Simmons (AKA Kiss' lead singer with the long tongue) made. There was a pause as 'Time is the Only Enemy' by Mr. Lightweight came on. Near its end, it did what all good themes do: REPEAT!

Anyway, from the look on her face a second later, you could tell Warray was getting freaked out; or maybe she looked like that because Reno, though all his drowsiness, had just grabbed her ass. She squeaked and jumped away, scandalized. Reno smirked and winked at the blackette, causing the younger girl to turn a fantastic shade of fuchsia.

"W-what the hell do you think you're doing? I don't even know you!" she hissed, glaring as best she could through her embarrassment at the smirking Turk.

"Name's Reno—R-E-N-O. Got it memorized?" the red-headed Turk replied smoothly. Warray stared up at him in disbelief, as BlueFox walked on and smacked him with a paper fan.

"Reno, we all know you love your younger brother to death, BUT DO NOT COPY HIM! Your line is 'yo' not 'got it memorized?' Understand?"

"Yes, yo." Reno sniffled and rubbed his head.

"As you know," Sephiroth began suddenly, causing everyone else to snap their attention to him, "today is the day of our celebration. We have had wonderful laughs and riots for our humiliation before, so I'd like to make this better, since we won't be seeing them any longer."

He paused; the remaining casts' members looked up at him expectantly, blinking the sleep from their eyes. Zack continued for him, grinning.

"Therefore, we came up with a wonderful idea: we're all going to go door-to-door Christmas Karaoking after dinner!"

"WHAT?" shrieked a new female voice, as a 'Little-Red-Riding Hood Gone Horribly Wrong' came in. And by horribly wrong, I mean a Hojo-failed-experiment wrong. She glared around at everyone, before glaring up at the 'higher-ups' the most. "YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS! DON'T YOU REMEMBER THAT CHAPTER?" (Suddenly, Warray's theme cuts off here, and Redemption came on.)

(It should be noted the a second later, Ferdinand the Motorcycle at the top of the stairs was a pile of saw-maniac goo before she scowled and walked up to the vicinity of Vincent.)

"I'm quite serious," Zack replied coolly, shockingly unfazed by the (slightly) psychotic girl's actions. "We feel that it would help us to get into the spirit—spreading good will and cheer to the public that they never have to pee their pants laughing so hard any longer. And I'm sure that it would also make the children—" he nodded to Warray and BlueFox, "—very happy."

Warray scowled at being called a child.

"But that's just stupid!" ranted Quistis. "It's bad enough we celebrate this stupid thing that half of us FF8 people weren't in—why should we have to go out and sing to a bunch of stupid idiots who are just gonna stand there and stare at people who shouldn't be real? I HATE singing!"

Squall smiled—a small, dangerous, I-will-behead-you-with-a-toothbrush-if-you-annoy-me-further type of smile. Quistis and Lyana Alastar shuddered.

"Like Zack said," the silver-haired General replied, his voice dangerously soft as his fingers itched around Masamune's hilt, "it will help us to spread good will and cheer to the public. Can't you just imagine the smiles on faces of the adults and children when they see you singing songs of their holiday? Wouldn't that be nice? Don't you want to make people happy like us?"

Lyana may have hated everyone but Vincent, but even she knew that it would be dangerous to say no to Sephiroth, especially when he had that edge in his voice. She mumbled an affirmative, lowering her eyes to study her shoes.

Before anything could be said or done, there was a roar as the other window behind the 'higher ups' shattered and half the wall was ripped away as some guy with spikey-yet-bouncy (think Sora) brown hair—

**BlueFox, it was black hair.**

BlueFox: Black, brown, WHAT THE HELL'S THE DIFFERENCE?

**Fix it, unless you want to get flamed.**

BlueFox: (pulls out flamethrower) I'll show you flamed, buddy.

…half the wall was ripped away as some guy with spikey-yet-bouncy (think Sora) BLACK hair riding a chain smoking, laser-equipped dragon. It took a puff of one of its cigarettes before blasting Barret away with a laser, which caused him to swear and shoot the roof off Balamb as he went to get cleaned up, and Cid began to swear like a sailor at the 'goddamn assmunch dragon stealing my fucking cool.' But the cool thing was that this person, who was tall for his age, wearing a white shirt and orange pants, began to play a flaming black guitar with his TEETH. (Insert The Meaning of Truth here)

He proceeded to jump off the dragon and threw the flaming guitar across space and time into the Northern Crater's side, which cause a flurry of…donuts? Okay, random, but he wanted it, so…

Anyway, the donuts all rained on him, and he managed to eat 3/4 without them ever hitting the ground. He glared at the rest as they came down, totally ripping Superman off and using his laser vision to destroy the glazed confections. Everyone ran to the window as he landed outside and blew a crater open the size of Manhattan Island and a mile below sea level, though they were luckily nowhere near any ocean, which was good, right? I think…

As he jumped out of this large crater, he did a bunch of Matrix flips (Matrix because they got all slowed down to look cool) and he whipped out a DS and played/utterly annihilated the competition in the 150cc Lightning Cup in Mario Kart DS just before he landed. Once he landed, he shot a Kamehameha directly behind and above him, utterly roasting Genesis and his wing.

This character, known as Rob, was in the almost completely destroyed Mobile Balamb a second later, as Genesis looked horror stricken.

"MY WING! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Suddenly, Tifa smelled the air. "Does anyone smell KFC?"

"I hate you all…"

**Celebration Chore List**

**Group One—Rob, Genesis, Aerith, Elybeth, Vincent —Kitchen Duty (First Floor)**

**Group Two—Lyana, Reno, Li-Bai, Quistis, Warray—Cleaning Duty**

**Group Three—Cloud, Tifa, Milani, Seifer, Black Samurai—Kitchen Duty (Second Floor)**

**Group Four—Zell, Irvine, Cid, Leena, Barret, Lena —Decoration Duty**

**Overseers—Squall, Rinoa, Sephiroth, Zack, BlueFox, Emma**

Rinoa smiled down at her list—it was a good list, a fair list. She felt that he had separated the people into proper groups (though half had yet to show up), and was quite sure that they would do their duties to the best of their abilities. And, to avoid confusion, she had made copies, which she now motioned for Zack to pass out.

Zack did so. The other overseers studied the reactions of the others closely, and were pleased—most of them seemed quite happy with the arrangements. Tifa seemed quite happy being in the same group as Cloud—never mind that she was sending death glares at Aerith between her leers at the blonde ex-SOLDIER. Seifer only seemed slightly perturbed by Tifa's actions, as he and Cloud got into a discussion about pointless stuff that I'd rather not mention. Milani had yet to show up, but when Barret had returned from cleaning up, he had brought in with him a black skinned-before any of you ask, it's BROWN too…picky asses…-girl with knives at the ends of her flowing black braids. She wore all black clothes. (Insert Tupac's Ghost here.)

Reno was currently sidling up to Warray… the blackette was one of the few who seemed unhappy with her group, judging by the terrified look on her face, but Rinoa was sure that would change. A small silence fell as the violin opening of 'March of the Lions' from 'Carnival of the Animals' by Camille Saint Saens began to play from above. From the destroyed roof jumped down a girl by the name of Li-Bai Opus 3 No. 2 (who is NOT a robot…I think). People clapped as the professional 'March of the Lions' began. Moments later, Quistis was attempting to draw Li-Bai into conversation, but the brunette—

**Erm, BlueFox?**

BlueFox: WHAT?!

**Erm…Li-Bai told you she changed her hair to black.**

BlueFox: (face go really red) ARRGH! Okay, okay, calm breaths. Next time I do something like this, I am so making them ALL have blonde hair.

Moments later, Quistis was attempting to draw Li-Bai into conversation, but the blackette was too busy staring at Reno like he was a huge, juicy steak, and she a hungry lioness. But whenever he sent a look her way from leering at Warray, she would attempt to duck behind either Quistis or Lyana.

The rest of the casts didn't seem to really care, other than Genesis glaring at Rob. Rinoa smiled—yes, she had certainly done a good job of separating them into groups.

"I think that this party will be really successful, don't you, Rinoa?" Squall asked her.

"Of course, Squall," gushed Rinoa, fluttering her eyelashes ridiculously (God, she's as bad as Tifa…). Oh, how sexy Squall was when he ordered people around! How strong! How persuasive! How tactful!

Squall frowned. "What's wrong with your eyes? Did you get sand in them or something?"

Rinoa flushed. "N-no Squall… just… allergies…"

* * *

**6:00 AM—Same Morning**

**Group One—Rob, Genesis, Aerith, Elybeth, Vincent —Kitchen Duty (First Floor)**

Because the banquet Squall wanted prepared was so huge, he had split the kitchen duty into two groups—one group on the first floor kitchen, the other on the second floor kitchen. And because of the five in the first group, he had wisely decided to give them the easier task of preparing the deserts—cakes and cranberry sauce and pies and puddings and all that good stuff.

**Don't forget the donuts!**

BlueFox: Quiet, you!

Unfortunately, it slipped his mind that Rob, Genesis, and Vincent were the absolute worst cooks out of the ENTIRE Final Fantasy series casts. Aerith couldn't concentrate, mainly due to a Mini-Her following her around: Elybeth.

At first, she seemed like a sweet 14 year-old, but upon walking in and seeing Aerith, the little brown-eyed Aerith began to cry and hugged the bigger Aerith tightly. "Thank the heavens you're alive!" she cried. That's when everything went wrong.

You see, little Elybeth was an extreme fangirl of Aerith, so she just so happened to copy everything Aerith did. This will not end well.

"Where's that stupid recipe book?" Elybeth shouted, banging pots and pans onto the counter.

"I have it," Genesis sighed, waving it in the air for her to see.

"Well, hand it over then!" she snapped. Genesis did so.

"Now what the hell are we supposed to cook…?" Elybeth muttered, thumbing through the pages.

"We should make some pie," Rob said, watching Vincent opening up the bag of flour and sniffing it suspiciously. He was unusually paranoid that day—we personally believe it had something to do with Lyana. Go figure.

"What?" Genesis asked, his nose scrunching as if he just smelled something bad. "Hell no! Pie sucks! We'll make cake."

"Cake is crap! We're making pie!" snapped Rob.

"Cake!"

"Pie!"

"Cake!"

"Pie!"

"CAKE!"

"PIE!"

"CAKE, DAMMIT!"

Suddenly, both men turned to Elybeth. They both smiled, their features pleasant; Elybeth gulped.

"Elybeth," Rob said, his voice smooth and velvety, causing the young Aerith to shudder, "you're a smart girl—don't you think we should make some delicious pie instead of nasty, fattening cake? You like pie, don't you?"

"Of course she doesn't," Genesis said quickly before Elybeth could answer. "Pie is filled with nothing but disgusting preservatives and nasty, crusty bread. It cannot possibly compare to the wonderful moistness of a well-prepared cake. Don't you agree, Elybeth?" His voice became dangerously soft at the last bit.

Elybeth broke out into sweat. Oh, such tough, tough choices. Either way, it was a lose-lose situation.

She bit her lip and looked down at her feet; why did Aerith's life have to be such a bitch…?

* * *

**6:10 AM—Same Morning**

**Group Two—Lyana, Reno, Li-Bai, Quistis, Warray—Cleaning Duty**

It was days like this that Li-Bai hated her life more than she usually did. Wasn't playing the violin enough torture?

BlueFox: I have nothing against violin players, seeing as I'm one myself. But practicing it is torture, especially Pomp and Circumstance. That made my arm HURT.

But no, Fate had to go and make her life even more difficult by pairing her up with an obsessed Turk who couldn't seem to keep his hands off inappropriate parts of the sitarist who obviously showed no interest in him-other than fear, a Little Red Riding Hood girl who hated everyone, and Quistis, who was just a bitch 24/7/365. Said sitarist seemed to be doing her damned hardest to beat Reno off of her, but to no success.

"What the heck are you doing, you sicko? Stop that—stop grabbing me!"

"But you've got something on your pants, just let me get it off—"

"STOP GRABBING ME YOU FUCKING PERV!"

Li-Bai sighed, and wisely decided to intervene before the situation got out of hand. "Um, shouldn't we start cleaning now? If one of the overseers find us like this…"

That got their attention. Reno reluctantly let go of Warray, who hastily darted around Lyana, getting a death glare in return.

"Right…" Warray said, still eyeing the leering Turk warily. "Where should we start?"

"Well," Li-Bai began thoughtfully. "I suppose we'd better start in the dining room—the only time we ever use it is for stuff like this, so it must be really filthy."

The others agreed, and the five of them made their way to the dining room. As they passed by the First Floor Kitchen, they heard a very interesting conversation:

"CAKE!"

"PIE!"

"CAKE, YOU PANSY!"

"PIE, YOU EGOTISTICAL HAIRY APE!"

Lyana, Warray, and Li-Bai's steps faltered as they stared at the door in bewilderment.

"Just keep walking, yo," Reno sighed, putting an arm around Li-Bai and Warray, ushering them along. Li-Bai turned a bright scarlet red as Lyana rushed to catch up with Quistis. Unfortunately for Warray, one of his arms strayed a bit too far downward…

"STOP GRABBING MY ASS, DAMMIT!"

"Whoops, would ya look at that? Bad hand! Stop grabbing Warray's incredibly cute ass!"

"THIS IS SEXUAL HARRASSMENT!"

Li-Bai sighed, and quickened her pace towards the pair of girls in front of her.

"Here it is," Lyana said when they reached the door. A cart full of cleaning supplies—the kind you see janitors with—was parked conveniently by it. Reno grabbed it and pushed it towards the door while Quistis opened the door, which proved to be a difficult task, as the hinges were quite rusty and seemed reluctant to move.

When the door finally did open, the group peered into the room. It was pitch black; they couldn't see a thing.

"Geez, where's the light switch?" Reno grumbled, reaching a cautious arm in to feel around for a switch.

"It's on the other side of the room," Quistis reminded him with a sigh.

"Who the hell puts a light switch on the other side of the room?" Reno grumbled, wincing as he peered into the black room. "Damn… well, c'mon then, no use standing around…"

They went in, with Li-Bai keeping close to Reno, and Warray keeping close to Lyana and Quistis all by her lonesome—the darkness was just a bit scary. Then Li-Bai let out a sudden, frantic squeal.

"Eek! Something furry just touched my leg!"

"Probably a rat, yo," Reno replied mindlessly—he had his arms out in front of him to avoid crashing into anything, and wasn't really paying to what was being said.

"Gross…" Warray shuddered as she reached out and touched Li-Bai's shoulder in what she hoped was a comforting way. Li-Bai smiled at her, though that was a pretty useless thing for her to do, since it was too dark to see her face. Then Warray suddenly gave a startled jump.

"RENO! GET YOUR HAND OFF MY BUTT!"

"Oh, was that what it was, yo?" the Turk asked innocently. "I thought it was something else…"

Warray grumbled in frustration, glaring daggers in the direction she imagined Reno to be in. Li-Bai put her hand on her friend's arm this time in an attempt to calm her down, and it sort of worked. Warray didn't think about killing Reno anymore—just maiming him.

Reno was grinning to himself, quite sure that he was going to make it to the light switch without injury. Unfortunately for him, some furniture isn't quite high enough for your arms and hands to hit it.

Smack!

The southern end of Reno—the part that came with what the Turk had affectionately nicknamed Junior—came in contact with the very sharp, very hard, and very pointy end of the dining room table.

"FUCK! GODDAMMIT!" Reno howled in pain, doubling over and clutching himself.

"What? What happened?" Li-Bai asked, now extremely nervous. There was a flash of steel as Lyana brought out her saw and Warray looked around blindly.

"Junior—table—PAIN!" he hissed, unable to form a complete sentence.

"Junior?" Li-Bai repeated, mystified—she had no idea what the Turk was talking about.

Suddenly, the room exploded in light—Quistis had found the light switch.

"Found it," the blonde said with a small smile, obviously quite proud of herself for keeping her cool. Li-Bai and Warray sighed in relief, Lyana put her saw away, and Reno groaned in pain as he stood up. Then the five of them got a good, clear look at the room.

Filthy did not even begin to describe it. Every single piece of furniture in the room was coated with at least three layers of dust. Cobwebs were everywhere. Rats were scurrying back into their holes, squeaking furiously at the sudden light. Carcass remains of dead rodents and bug remains littered the floor. Remains of a banquet from say, when Ellone was a little girl was still on the table. And it seemed that the rats had built a thriving metropolis underneath the dining table. They drew back with a collected gasp, horrified.

"This is the most unsanitary thing I've ever seen," Lyana said in disgust.

"It's terrifying—and yet, I can't seem to look away," Li-Bai murmured, gripping Warray's arm.

"Yo," Reno whispered in awe. "I think the rug just moved." Unbeknownst to the younger teens, Reno had wisely decided to take advantage of their shock.

"RENO!" Warray wailed, completely mortified. She was the past the point of being angry—anger seemed to do nothing but encourage the Turk.

"Sorry, yo," Reno said innocently. "My hand just can't seem to keep to itself!"

Li-Bai sighed for the umpteenth time that day. "Let's just start cleaning, okay guys?" she asked timidly. Warray grumbled an agreement while Reno smirked triumphantly. Quistis and Lyana silently began.

* * *

**7:00 AM—Same Morning**

**Group Three—Cloud, Tifa, Milani, Seifer, Black Samurai—Kitchen Duty (Second Floor)**

Cloud whistled a happy tune as he pulled pots and pans out of the cabinets. The blond ex-SOLDIER loved to cook—it was one of his many favorite activities. That was why he was so happy when he found out that he had Kitchen Duty—being paired with two of his friends was an added bonus. Tifa, Aerith, Zack, Squall, Zidane, Vivi, Eiko, and Seifer were the only few who were friendly to him (well, being friendly was pushing it a bit when it came to Squall—courteous would be a better word).

"Alright!" he said, turning to the others. "You guys ready to start cooking?"

"Mmmmmmm-AHHHHHHHHHH!" Tifa agreed, before screaming, upon opening the fridge. Out tumbled a nineteen year old with red hair and green eyes that opened blearily as she stood.

"I was having a nice nap you know," she grumbled.

Seifer grunted, folding his arms and closing his eyes as he leaned against the wall—he didn't completely close his eyes, however, so he could admire how cute Black Samurai looked in the black 'Kiss the Cook' apron (with a broken heart drawn in on the bottom with red Marks-A-Lot marker). Tifa shot Cloud her trademark smile, having completely forgotten about Milani laying at her feet.

"Ready when you are, Cloudy!" she said, winking.

The blond grinned and opened up the cookbook he'd found, flipping through the pages. "We need to start with the turkey first," he said as he studied the directions. "It takes over a few hours to cook, but we can cook everything else while it's in the oven… Do you think you could wash it, Seifer?"

The other blond man blinked; he'd been so absorbed in admiring Black Samurai's derrière that he had not heard a word of what was said.

"Er—what was that?" he asked, keeping his tone cool.

"Could you wash the turkey?" Cloud repeated.

Seifer blinked. "…Yes, alright then."

"Black Samurai, would you show him for me?"

"Alright. Get the fuck over here," Black Samurai said, leading the scarred blond man over to the sink, unaware that the simple touch of her hand on the other's arm was making the other hornier than he already was. "Here's the damn bird—" she handed over the plucked bird "—now all you gotta do is hold it under the faucet while the water's running. Make sure every bit of the turkey is washed! Who knows what sort of damn germs are lurking on it…" As she continued her vulgar explanation, Cloud turned to Tifa, who quickly averted her eye from the blond's butt.

"Do you know how to make stuffing?" he asked.

Tifa shook her head. "Nope. I've only ever made hard drinks."

"Well, don't worry about it!" Milani jumped up, smiling brightly. As she smiled, both Tifa and Cloud noticed that it seemed her eyes were glowing with insanity. They inwardly shuddered. "All you gotta do is follow directions—"

"Goddamn… Cloud?" Black Samurai said suddenly. "I'm not sure if he's even understanding what I'm telling him. Bastard. Could you come and see?"

"Be right back," the blond said before walking over to the other pair on the team, leaving a scowling Tifa behind as Milani brightly began to show her how to make stuffing. "No, you need to move the turkey around. Here lemme show you—"

The blond then put his arms around the younger blond to help direct the other of how to correctly move the turkey to ensure that it would become clean—his intentions perfectly innocent. He did not realize that Black Samurai was smirking over her shoulder at Tifa, who was looking positively murderous and smashing the bread for the stuffing into goo.

In fact, the blond ex-SOLDIER was not aware at all that he was the object of affection for Tifa and Black Samurai, and that the two were quite close to ripping each other's throats out over him.

Then again, 'Oblivious' should have been Cloud's middle name.

* * *

**7:30 AM—Same Morning**

**Group Four— Zell, Irvine, Cid, Leena, Barret, Lena—Decoration Duty**

Irvine was getting a headache. One of the girls in his group, Lena, had turned on something called 'Play the Game' by Motörhead.

You see, the music went back and forth from that to something called RAW (it should be noted that it was a radio broadcast of the match, but none of them knew what wrestling was, so…) to something called Escapist by Nightwish.

Leena and Lena. Leena was currently swinging from the chandelier above them, lights dancing all across the room, light brown hair flying all around her and aqua eyes bright with mirth while Lena just sat there with a bored look on her face, fiddling with her braids, sometimes watching the light dance off her dark skin.

Meanwhile, Zell was miserable. Though he didn't have a headache like Irvine, he thought he had been given a very embarrassing job.

Zell was a man—he was a very manly man, thank you very much, and he liked to do manly things. He liked to hunt. He loved hot dogs. He liked to watch football… he liked to arm wrestle… and he loved to play card games. Especially Triple Triad—he was the best damn Triple Triad player you'd ever meet! And did I mention he was manly? He was very manly indeed—he was the manliest man ever, he was sure!

Which was why he just couldn't understand how he was given… Decoration Duty.

"I demand a recount," he said aloud, his voice full of his irritation. The other members of his group—Lena, Leena, Irvine, Cid, and Barret—said nothing. Barret was busy polishing his Missing Score, Irvine was too busy rubbing his temples, Leena was too busy swinging on the chandelier, Lena was busy sulking, and Cid was very obviously thinking along the lines of 'when I get my hands around those sick bastards, imma fucking wring their necks and laugh until shit comes outta my ass.' How do I know? He was saying it under his breath.

It didn't help that this entire group knew absolutely NOTHING about making ANY kind of decorations. There they were, sitting at a table, surrounded by cloths and lacy things and super glue and ribbons and feathers and popsickle sticks and pine cones and construction paper and all sorts of other arts-and-crafts supplies all, and they had no clue of what to do.

Finally, Barret picked up a popsickle stick, studied it for a bit, then sighed and said. "Well, we're fucking screwed. What the hell are we supposed to make, anyway?"

"A snowman?" Cid suggested, looking down his nose at some lacy material with a look of pure disgust.

Zell figured that sounded about right. "Okay… that's a start," he said hesitantly. He scooped up a handful of cotton balls, picked up a popsickle stick, and studied the materials. Then he set the popsickle stick on the table, grabbed the glue bottle, and attempted to glue the cotton balls to the popsickle stick.

"What are you doing?" Lena asked curiously.

"I'm making a snowman," Zell muttered, struggling to arrange the cotton balls into what he hoped resembled the body of a snowman.

Irvine studied Zell's creation for a moment, before speaking. "That is not a snowman," he said. "That is what can only be classified as a pure mess."

Zell looked up and scowled. "I'd like to see you do any better," he snapped. Irvine said nothing, but glared at the blond. The two friends fell into a glaring contest. Lena, to keep herself occupied—she despised being idle, you know—began to play with the materials. She picked up a piece of lace, studied it for a bit, then placed it on her head. She turned around to look at her reflection in the mirror behind her. She smiled—she looked kinda pretty.

She turned around, a pleasant feeling humming through her—only to find that the four men were staring at her as if she had just grown a second head.

"…What?" she asked defensively.

They just shook their heads and turned away. With a sigh, she took it off her head and crossed her arms.

The five ones sitting in the chairs were spared further awkwardness amongst themselves when Squall strode in, followed closely by Rinoa, who was seemly fixated with Squall's ass.

"Why are you three not working?" he asked quietly; his voice had an edge. The five people grounded exchanged nervous looks.

"Well, er… we don't know what to do," Lena confessed.

"Oh?" Squall said, raising one brown eyebrow.

"I made this," Zell said brightly, holding up his 'snowman'; most of the cotton balls fell off. The fighter slumped in his seat sadly.

Squall stared at the popsickle for a few moments, then, realizing how desperate the situation was, turned to Rinoa. "Help them," he ordered.

"What?" Rinoa asked, startled.

Squall sighed impatiently. "You watch Martha Stewart all the time right?" Rinoa nodded. "Then you should know how to make decent party decorations. These five—" he gestured to the five at the table "—obviously don't."

"B-b-b-but—" Rinoa stuttered; to help them meant that she wouldn't be able to ogle Squall! Oh, the humanity!

"Go on and help them," Squall ordered. "All you need to do is show them how to make… whatever it is that you know how to make, and then report back. We still need to check on the other groups."

Rinoa sighed in defeat. "Yes, Squall…" she sighed, casting a sad look at his retreating ass as Squall walked away. There was a creak from above and everyone looked up as the chandelier came crashing down, Leena underneath it and the passing by Sephiroth underneath her.

"I AM NOT OKAY!" Leena yelled as the other overseers sans Rinoa came over and began clearing the debris and heal Leena, completely ignoring Sephiroth. A few moments later, Leena had regularly joined the group.

Rinoa sighed, and turned to their group. "Alright, then, get over here…"

Zell was amazed at the number of things you could make with a piece of black pipe cleaner, black construction paper, some cotton balls, a popsickle stick, and a hot glue gun. Within seconds, Rinoa showed the six people how to make a snowman—and it wasn't just a bunch of cotton balls glued to a popsickle stick either, like Zell's snowman, but it actually looked like a snowman. Then she showed them how to make decorations of all kind.

"No, no, no," Rinoa sighed as she surveyed Irvine's attempt to make a little fake shuriken from silver cloth, two popsickle sticks, and a piece of yellow yarn. "You've got the cloth all crooked—it's supposed to be like this…" Irvine scowled as Rinoa hastily corrected the mess while the other people in the group snickered.

Rinoa sighed at Irvine's utter incompetence; it was gonna be a loooong day.

* * *

**9:42 AM—Same Morning**

**Group One**

Let's return to Rob, Genesis, Aerith, Elybeth, and Vincent—

"CAKE!"

"PIE!"

"CAKE!"

"PIE!"

…As you can see, not much has changed.

Over in the corner, Elybeth and Aerith were having a little conversation themselves as Vincent watched the long argument with slight amusement.

"Aerith, I'm going to be just like you!" Elybeth declared, smiling.

Aerith giggled a little. "Well, okay. If you want to be impaled instead of me, go right ahead."

But Elybeth shook her head. "No no no no! I'd rather not take your place! It would be too much for Zack to handle when you didn't go to him!" She had this defiant look in her eyes that told Aerith not to argue or there would be hell to pay.

"Okay…"

"Aerith, I love you! Aerith, you're my big sister now!"

"Um…okay?" Aerith agreed. She wasn't used to this kind of stuff. Man, and I thought it was bad with Yuna…

/

_"Aerith! I love you!" Yuna hugged her big sister. "You're so pretty…why did Sephiroth kill you?"_

/

_"She's my sister!" Aerith cried, pulling Yuna toward her, utterly defensive._

_"I love her!" Genesis yelled, yanking back._

_"That popping sound…yeah, that's my shoulders." Yuna sounded pained._

_"Hand her over!" Aerith gave a hard tug._

_"NO!"_

/

"Aerith, can I have a flower to remember you by?" Elybeth asked.

"Oh…um…maybe later."

"You know Elybeth, you never answered our question."

Elybeth let out a high-pitched squeak at the sound of Rob's voice. She stared at the two boys with wide, frightened eyes as Rob flicked an imaginary speck of dust off his shoulder. "W-what?"

"You didn't answer our question," Genesis hissed scarily; his eyes were narrowed into almost slits. "Which do you think we should make? Wonderful, delicious cake—"

"—or tasty, delectable pie?" Rob finished for the other while they exchanged death glares.

Elybeth seemed ready to cry, before she remembered what she was supposed to do next, seeing as she's trying to be Aerith and all.

"HOW DARE YOU!"

The two males blinked at the mini Aerith, stunned. Elybeth stood before them, legs spread out sturdily, hands balled into fists on either side of her, and a murderous look on her face. Rob and Genesis did the only thing there was left to do—they cowered.

And do you know why? I'll tell you: _**BECAUSE THIS IS THE PART WHERE ELYBETH COMPLETELY SNAPS LIKE AERITH.**_

"HOW DARE YOU PUT ALL THIS PRESSURE ON ME? DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH? THE LINING OF MY UTERUS IS GUSHING OUT OF MY VAGINA! THERE'S BLOOD EVERYWHERE! MY TITS ARE SORE! I'M RIDING ON AN EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER! AND ALL YOU TWO IDIOTS CARE ABOUT IS YOUR **_STUPID PIE AND CAKE_**!"

The two guys whimpered in fear as Aerith bowed her head and Vincent smirked.

"I'M CRAMPING AND I ACHE IN PLACES THAT I DIDN'T KNOW EXISTED! MY SKIN IS BREAKING OUT IN PATCHES! I'M TEN TIMES HORNIER THAN USUAL AND I WANT SOME **_CHOCOLATE RIGHT NOW GODDAMMIT_**!"

The enraged mini-Aerith stood over the two men (who were now lying on the floor, huddling together in terror), breathing heavily, flushed an angry red hue. She was also sniffing heavily while desperately trying to stop the tears that were threatening to fall from her eyes. Aerith didn't cry-she wouldn't either!

"Um, Elybeth?" Aerith spoke somewhat timidly, terrified that if she said the wrong thing, she would set her shadow off again (now she knows how Zack felt with Cloud). "How about… how about we just make both cake and pie? And maybe make you some chocolate brownies…? Would you like that?"

Elybeth sniffled and looked at her idol with watery eyes and the anger slowly drained out of her body. "R-really? You mean it? Brownies?" She looked extremely hopeful.

"Of course," Aerith said quickly, plastering a soothing smile onto her face. "Double fudge brownies with chocolate chips! And chocolate cake too!" Seems she had a really good memory of her Caught! moment.

Elybeth sniffed again and ran to and hugged Aerith. "OKAY!"

* * *

**10:45 AM—Late the Same Morning**

**Group Two**

I wonder how Warray and her group are doing—

"OH MY GOD! IT MOVED! IT'S STILL ALIVE!" (Warray)

"KILL IT! KILL IT!" (Li-Bai)

"EEEEEK! I JUST TOUCHED IT!" (Warray)

**_Thunk_** (Lyana, attacking it)

"ARGH! GET IT OFF! _GETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFF_!" (Warray)

"HOLD STILL DAMMIT! I CAN'T SMACK IT IF YOU DON'T HOLD STILL!" (Quistis)

"_OH DEAR LORD IN HEAVEN IT JUST BIT HER! IT'S—IT'S DRINKING HER BLOOD_!" (Li-Bai)

"_SWEET MOTHER OF JESUS, GET IT OFF! IT'S SUCKING MY WILL TO LIVE_!" (Warray)

"_HANG ON WARRAY! HANG IN THERE LITTLE FRIEND_—" (Reno)

"_DAMMIT, RENO, THIS IS NO TIME TO GRAB MY ASS—GET THIS ABOMINATION OFF OF ME! IT'S SUCKING MY BLOOD! I CAN SEE MY LIFE FLASHING BEFORE MY EYES_!" (Warray)

"OKAY HOLD STILL—" (Quistis)

**_SMACK!_**

"OW GODDAMMIT!" (Warray)

"I TOLD YOU TO HOLD STILL! AT LEAST IT'S OFF NOW—" (Quistis)

"EEEEEEEEEEEWWW! IT'S HEADING STRAIGHT TOWARDS ME!" (Li-Bai)

"I GOT IT—" (Lyana)

"NO YOU DON'T, YOU'LL JUST HIT HER INSTEAD!" (Reno)

"SQUISH IT! _SQUISHITSQUISHITSQUISHITSQUISHIT_—" (Li-Bai)

…Okay then…

* * *

**11:30 AM—Late Same Morning**

**Group Three**

Sephiroth and Emma stared at the kitchen in silence, too shocked to say anything.

The second floor kitchen was… empty. Cloud, Tifa, Milani, Seifer, and Black Samurai were no where in sight. Stranger than that, there were signs that some sort of terrific struggle had taken place—flour was spattered everywhere, pots and pans were strewn all over the floor, and Black Samurai's 'Kiss the Cook' apron lay, torn violently into shreds over in the corner. SOLDIER booted footprints looked aimed for the window and what appeared to be Tifa's footprints following. It was quite a scary sight to behold.

"…Where are they?" Emma finally said when she managed to get her voice back. Sephiroth just shook his head in bewilderment.

**Meanwhile…**

Cloud wanted to cry. He wanted to throw himself to the ground and bawl like a little baby, kicking and screaming. But he couldn't do that, because if he did, he would surely attract the attention of Tifa and Black Samurai, who were currently prowling a mere five and a half feet away from his hiding place. They were hunting—for him.

The blonde ex-SOLDIER suppressed a whimper. He wasn't sure how it had happened. One minute, everything was fine—unless you counted the fact that Black Samurai and Tifa kept throwing knives at each other, but they insisted that they were just practicing! And then the next thing he knew, he was the rope in a literal game of tug-o'-war! Literally! And Tifa was trying to tear his clothes off!

Poor Cloud. He hadn't known what to do. So he did what seemed to be the most logical—he broke free of both of them and high-tailed it out of there, as fast as his legs could take him.

However, he did not plan on the two women giving chase. Nor did he plan on them bringing Milani and Seifer with them. Luckily, Milani and Seifer got bored and went off somewhere else, maybe to help a different group.

So somehow during the chase, he had ended up there in the rosebushes, pleading to some invisible holy spirit to rescue him from this awkward position as he slowly lost the feeling in his legs from the freezing cold. To make matters worse, Black Samurai and Tifa had decided to settle their differences temporarily, and joined forces to help each other find the blond. And then he suddenly remembered one other thing that he had forgotten—Black Samurai was a very good hunter.

"He's here."

Cloud repressed the urge to scream—but just barely.

"Where is he?"

"In the bushes."

_Crap._

Faster than he could blink, he was only too aware that his two stalkers were standing above him, peering down at him through the leaves.

"Hello, Cloud," Black Samurai said pleasantly, a disturbing gleam in her eye. "Lovely weather today, isn't it?" (She did not seem to realize that it was raining heavily… but whatever.)

Cloud burst into tears.

* * *

**12:00 PM—Day of Celebration Midday**

**Group Four**

Zell sighed and stretched.

Well, they were finished. They were finally finished. The entire table was littered with fake materia and weapon symbols and armor and streamers and dolls and all other sorts of FFVII icons, all made from various materials that you can find in your own house. And while the decorations were not quite as neat as the ones Rinoa had created, you could at least tell what they were supposed to be… sorta.

"Well, now what?" Irvine sighed, massaging his temples. You could barely tell what any of his decorations were supposed to be—he was obviously not very artistic in the least.

"The tree," Lena said, peering down at the list Rinoa had left them. The others groaned.

"I'll go get Zack's Buster…" Zell sighed, standing up and trudging out of the room sadly.

"I'll get the first aid kit," Leena grumbled, also leaving, with Lena. Barret and Cid grumbled something in sailor language and left, leaving Irvine alone.

"…I'll just wait here then," he said, fidgeting in his seat.

* * *

**1:42 PM—Afternoon**

**Group One**

BlueFox: Oh God, you're gonna kill me for this one.

Vincent blinked. The second floor kitchen was an absolute mess—Cloud, Tifa, Black Samurai, Milani, and Seifer were nowhere in sight. He had come to borrow a cup of sugar… and instead found a scene of complete chaos. He scratched the back of his head and blinked; he wasn't quite sure what to do.

And then he spotted the turkey lying innocently in the sink. And he suddenly got a very disturbing idea—one that for all its nastiness, he desperately wanted to fulfill. But no! He couldn't! That was just wrong, and so gross!

And yet… the cleaned turkey reminded him of somebody… a certain little, skinny, black haired ninja…

And against his will, he felt his feet taking him towards the turkey.

**Meanwhile…**

Aerith walked up the stairs, albeit a little angrily. Milani had come in on them, requesting help from Elybeth about a 'CloTif' moment and Elybeth was gone in an instant. Not only that, but what the hell was taking Vincent so long? He only needed to borrow a cup of sugar! Honestly, how long did it take for a person to borrow a measly cup of sugar?

As she drew nearer to the second floor's kitchen door, Aerith began to hear strange noises… pained noises… grunting noises… strange pained grunting noises to be exact.

That sounds like Vincent! she thought to herself. It sounds like he's hurt! I bet it was Seifer—that bastard, he knows Yuffie's the only one who can hurt Vincent! That son of a bitch! The flower girl quickened her pace, anger radiating from her body. I can't wait to see how Vincent will repay me for helping him… she thought, a smirk spreading across her face.

But unfortunately for Aerith, she was in for a rather nasty surprise.

She slammed the kitchen door open with an almighty bang, shrieking, "Don't worry Vincent, I'm here…!" And then she saw Vincent, completely uninjured…

And then she saw what he was doing to the turkey.

And she screamed.

**Meanwhile (again)…**

_"OH MY GOD!"_

Rob looked up from the brownie mix he was stirring and frowned. That sounded like Aerith. And she sounded completely freaked out.

And then he heard Vincent's voice.

"A-AERITH! IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK—"

_"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING TO THE TURKEY, YOU DEMENTED FREAK?"_

Rob and Genesis' eyes widened considerably as they glanced at each other. No… Vincent couldn't possibly… He wasn't sick… was he?

"I… I WAS JUST CLEANING IT OUT!"

_"CLEANING IT OUT? HOW THE HELL IS THAT CLEANING IT OUT? LOOKS MORE LIKE YOUR STUFFING IT WITH SOMETHING THAT ISN'T MEANT TO BE STUFFED INTO IT!"_

Holy mother of all that is holy. Vincent DID do that… Rob grimaced as Genesis went to the sink and began to calmly retch.

**Calmly retch? How the hell do you do that?**

Fang: I don't know…

Well, neither of them were certainly going to be having any turkey for dinner that night…

"JUST CALM DOWN AND LET ME EXPLAIN!"

_"GET THAT THING OUT OF THERE! GET IT OUT OF THERE RIGHT NOW! WE WERE SUPPOSED TO EAT THAT TONIGHT!"_

"I CAN'T! IT'S STUCK!"

_"WHAT?"_

Rob's eye twitched unpleasantly as he got a rather disturbing image. He felt his sanity steadily drifting away…

But that wasn't the worst of things. Because standing outside of Balamb was Angeal. Upon hearing that little argument, Angeal's sanity was the one that snapped. And this is when all hell breaks completely loose.

* * *

**2:00 PM—Same Afternoon**

**Group Two**

Let's join back with Warray and co…

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

To say that the five members of the group were exhausted was an understatement. To say that they were struck speechless was an understatement too. Not only had they heard the entire scream-conversation that had took place just minutes before, but during their cleaning spree they had also found a bunch of disturbing content that somebody had obviously tried to hide for safe keeping behind a (dead) potted plant.

There were pictures. Lots of pictures… of an extremely naked Squall, clutching what appeared to be some sort of stuffed moomba. There was also a bag of condoms, with the words 'JUST IN CASE' written across in bold black letters. And a lot of graphic love poems, describing various things the poet wanted to do to Squall, which included the use of silly string, a croquet mallet, a hammer, a carrot, some cool whip, and a porcupine—all to be used in various sexual situations. You do NOT want me to explain. Just use your imagination.

It was quite obvious that the trio had stumbled across Rinoa's special stash of Squall-obsessed memorabilia.

It was Reno who finally broke the silence.

"This never happened, yo," he said, his voice shaky. "We did not find any of these… these things. We did not hear any of that." He gestured in the direction of the kitchen, where the screaming match had come from. "Got it memorized?"

The four younger teens were still unable to speak, so they merely nodded in agreement.

* * *

**2:45 PM—Same Afternoon**

**Group Three**

Cloud had never been so horrified in his entire life. There he was, bound and gagged to a tree, while his two stalkers plotted his fate on either side of him—all the while touching him in ways he never thought he'd be touched. No… not like THAT you sick perverts. I mean like… oh, just read.

"How about this," Tifa began, lightly tracing Cloud's calf with one hand, causing the blond to squirm. "I get a hold of him for one hour, and then when I'm done, you get a hold of him for the next hour. Fair trade."

Black Samurai scowled as she raked her fingers through the blond's spikey locks. "I've got a better idea—how about we split him down the middle? I get the bottom, you get the top. We trade off after every hour. What do you say?" (Cloud squawked in protest at this, but neither woman paid him any attention.)

Tifa frowned. "I like my plan better."

"Well, that's just too bad, because we're using my plan."

"What? No! We're using mine!"

"No, mine!"

"I've got a better idea—how about we just call the whole agreement off, and I take Cloud here away for my own enjoyment?"

"I don't think so, bitch! If anyone's going to fuck him, it's me!"

"No way! I claimed first dibs!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

Cloud whimpered pathetically.

* * *

**3:00 PM—Same Afternoon**

**With Genesis…**

We all remembered what happened when Genesis got ahold of the leaf blower, right? Well, it seems the dryer has come back for a second round. How Genesis got out of the kitchen, nobody knows.

We now find Genesis back in the laundry room, standing in front of the dryer once again. A disturbing grin was stretched across his face as he giggled to himself.

Oh dear lord in heaven…

"We meet again," he whispered to the dryer.

_"So it would seem…"_ said the dryer.

"I've waited my whole life for this day," Genesis continued, tightening his hold on the leaf blower. "I could hardly wait for the day that you and I would meet like this… here! For our final showdown!"

_"I should have gone ahead and killed you the last time,"_ the dryer replied menacingly. _"Prepare to face my wrath, puny mortal!"_

That's right. The dryer was STILL his mortal enemy…to him.

Cackling insanely, Genesis aimed his mighty leaf blower at the dryer and turned it on to full power.

The dryer gave a loud groan as the force of the leaf blower began to crush it against the wall.

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Genesis cackled. He was so busy cackling that he did not hear the door bang open.

"GENESIS! WHY THE HELL ARE YOU ATTACKING THE DRYER AGAIN?"

The magenta-clad awesome dude looked; Emma stood in the doorway, staring at him in the dryer with a look of bewilderment on her face.

Calmly, Genesis (confident that his attack had significantly weakened his foe AGAIN) turned the leaf blower off and turned to the overseer. "Hello Emma. How can I help you?"

"W-what are you doing? Why the hell are you destroying the dryer?" Emma all but wailed. This day was turning out to be extremely stressful.

"Because," Genesis replied, "it's still trying to kill us all."

She blinked at him.

"Haven't you noticed? It hisses softly at me whenever I walk by. It tied to lure Cloud into it by hiding one of his socks before. It immediately stops whispering to the washer whenever one of us comes into the room—the dryer sheets are laced with cyanide instead of fabric softener!"

Emma pinched the bridge of her nose.

"…How do you know the dryer sheets were laced with cyanide?" she asked finally.

"The dryer told me."

"…It told you?"

"Yes."

"You mean it actually spoke to you?"

Genesis sighed impatiently, rolling his eyes. "Yes! In fact, it's speaking right now—it just insulted my mother!"

Emma looked at the dryer; it sat in the corner, partially destroyed, emitting nothing but sparks and smoke, completely mute. "We don't know who or where your mother is right now…or if you even have one, so…"

"SHUT UP!" Genesis shrieked, now glaring daggers at the dryer. "It's brain washing you! Can't you see? It's trying to turn you into his mindless little slave!"

_"Bwahahahahahahaha!"_ cackled the dryer. _"Admit defeat, insignificant mortal—nobody can defeat me! I AM INVINCIBLE!"_

"NEVER!" Genesis shrieked, and proceeded to turn the leaf blower back on to full power. "FACE MY WRATH! SUPER MAGENTA CYCLONE ATTACK 2.0!"

_"NO!"_ shrieked the dryer. _"NOT THAT! NOT THE SUPER MAGENTA CYCLONE ATTACK 2.0!"_

And then quite suddenly, the dryer exploded, sending dryer lint and fluff everywhere.

_"TAKE THIS! SELF-DESTRUCT ATTACK OF DOOM 9000!"_

"ARGH!! NOOOOOO! IT'S SUFFOCATING ME! IT'S SQUEEZING THE LIFE OUT OF ME!" Genesis shrieked, falling to his knees as he was buried under tons o' dryer lint.

Emma made a hasty exit.

* * *

**3:25 PM—Same Afternoon**

**Group Four**

"This one looks good!" Barret shouted to his companions, looking up at the rather nice looking big tree he had found. The group was in Trabia's Chocobo Forest—what better place to look for a proper tree than in a place that grew large ones all the time?

"Yeah," said Irvine, craning his head up to look at it. "The tops a bit too long, but we can just trim it when we get back. Zell…"

Zell tromped over, Buster slung over his shoulder. He didn't look very happy.

"Er, guys, are you sure this is okay? I don't think we're supposed to be here…"

"Don't be a dipshit," Cid scoffed. "It's a free country—we can come and go as we please!"

"Not according to the 'No Trespassing' signs, we can't," Leena shot back, jerking her thumb over to one of the signs that was attached to the chain fence.

Irvine blinked at her. "And we care about what the sign says… why?"

"Because we're in Trabia!" Lena snapped, irritated. "All these trees belong to the Trabians! We should at least ask permission! If we don't and Selphie finds out, she might get angry! I don't want to be at the receiving end of her nunchaku or that 'The End' Limit Break!"

"You know, somehow I don't think she'd let us have a tree if we asked, anyway," Barret pointed out. Irvine nodded in agreement.

Zell, Lena, and Leena were still hesitant. "…But still…"

"No buts," Cid said firmly. "Hurry up and chop the damn tree down—these chocobos are starting to creep me out."

The others blinked and looked around; they had not realized that they were surrounded by a whole flock of chocobos. They stood in a circle surrounding the six people, staring at them unblinkingly. They didn't do anything, didn't make any noise… just stood there… staring…

Zell shuddered. "Yeah, okay…" He slung the Buster from his shoulder and readied it, taking careful aim. "Stand back everyone…"

Lena, Leena, Irvine, Cid, and Barret backed away, trying not to get to close to the chocobos. Then, something written on one of the 'No Trespassing' signs caught Lena's eye. "Hey, Leena, look at this," she said, stepping towards the sign to get a better look. Leena and the others followed, now also curious.

The message below the words 'NO TRESPASSING' said this:

**WARNING!**

**This area is reserved as the mating ground for Trabia chocobos. As you know, it's their mating season.**

**DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES COME TO THIS AREA WITHOUT CHOCOBOY.**

**Remember that it's very dangerous around this time, so do not provoke the chocobos (make mating sounds, pretend to be a chocobo, strike various chocobo-mating positions, etc.) in any way shape or form.**

**Thank You!**

**The Trabia Chocobo Handler Association**

The five members stared at the message, speechless.

"…I thought their mating season was in the spring," Leena finally said, dumbly.

"It's actually from the beginning of November to the end of November, though it varies from place to place," Irvine replied, his eyes narrowing as he thought. "I suppose it probably lasts till the first of January here… We should be careful though—chocobos are extremely territorial during mating season."

Lena raised her eyebrows. "…How do you know that?"

"I saw a documentary on chocobos last week," Irvine replied, still thinking.

Barret shrugged and turned back around, shouting to the fighter. "Hey Zell! Watch out—the chocobos are horny and territorial! Chop the stupid tree down already so we can get out of here!"

"Got it!" Zell shouted back, and swung the Buster. Unfortunately, since Zell swung so far back, the edge of it caught Leena in the stomach, sending her flying into the trees. Zell winced when he realized what had happened, then shrugged; at least he chopped the tree down.

"Shit!" Lena said, staring after Leena in shock. "Are you okay?"

A loud groan was her only response.

The other four turned and glared at Zell.

"…Oops?" Zell laughed, rubbing the back of his head and looking sheepish. Irvine sighed and made his way through the woods to where their companion had flown.

Zell sighed, slung the Buster over his shoulder once more, and picked up the fallen tree. Moments later, the other two reappeared, with Irvine carrying Leena.

"…At least you're not hurt too badly," he was saying, trying to brighten the situation. Leena growled in response.

Cid, upon seeing Leena, burst out laughing.

"What the hell are you laughing at, you stupid pilot?" Leena hissed, glaring daggers at him.

"N-n-nice hair, Leena! Trying to join the chocobos, are you?" Cid chortled, pointing—twigs and branches had made her hair stick out in every which way, kinda like Cloud's, but only a light shade of brown. The others, who hadn't noticed till that moment, also burst out laughing. Leena looked positively murderous.

And then they heard a wark—a long, lustful, aroused wark.

The six group members turned—and found a chocobo a mere ten feet from them, eyeing Leena hungrily.

And then they remembered the warning: it was mating season, and Leena had brown chocobo hair. Which meant that she looked like a chocobo… and that the sign had specifically warned against doing something stupid, like having spikey hair like a chocobo.

**It's a good thing Cloud wasn't there.**

Fang: Yep.

Suddenly, they were aware that all the other chocobos had crowded around them too, and were also emitting lustful grunts.

And they were all looking at Leena.

"Oh hell no," Leena said, looking terrified.

"Uh, we need to get your hair straight—like now!" Lena said as she began to tug at the twigs holding her hair up in the strange position. Unfortunately, they were tangled up in Leena's hair pretty deeply.

"OW OW OW—STOP IT, LENA!" Leena shrieked in pain, shoving the girl with one 'e' less than her away.

"Hey!" Lena glared.

"Guys—I don't think this is the best time to be arguing!" Cid shrieked. The other two looked up and realized that all the chocobos were now charging towards them… or rather, were charging towards Leena.

Leena screamed. "OH FUCK—"

* * *

**3:45—Same Afternoon**

**Group Three**

Let's see how Cloud, Tifa, and Black Samurai are faring—

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Tifa!" Elybeth called, running over, trying not to glare and to appear sweet. "Are those boobs real?"

"What the- Yes, yes they are!"

"No they aren't, cause when Loz picked you up by your vest in AC, you didn't have boobs!"

That is true. Very very true.

"They are too real!" Tifa stomped up to Elybeth.

"Eww! Tifa, get your fake silicon boobs out of my way!" Elybeth squealed.

"They're real!"

"Are not!"

"Are too!"

"Are not!"

"Are too!"

"WHERE THE HELL'S CLOUD?" Black Samurai rudely cut in.

The blond ex-SOLDIER was long gone, thanks to Milani and Seifer.

**Meanwhile…**

Cloud, after Seifer burned the ropes with a Fire Cross and Milani shoved him away, had safely climbed up onto the roof by the chimney. He was in a rather messy state; he was crying, cursing, and stomping around, throwing himself a wonderful little temper tantrum.

"It's not fair!" he wailed. "Why does this stuff always happen to me?" It was true—but I'm not explaining how. Suffice it to say he's too cute for his own good.

The blond sniffed and scuffed the floor moodily, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"I hate my life," he wailed to nobody in particular.

**Uh-oh, he's going emo again!**

Fang: (throws popcorn at the bold-voice person) Quiet! I'm watching the movie!

**This's a movie?**

And then he heard it—the sound of somebody climbing up to the roof. He turned, and saw that somebody was climbing up onto the roof three feet away from him. He wasn't sure who it was—it could have been anyone, not just Tifa or Black Samurai. But Cloud wasn't going to take any chances, so he did the most logical thing—he jumped down the chimney, and disappeared from view.

And it was a good idea, too, if not for just one little thing…

"Dammit… I'm stuck!"

* * *

**4:15 PM—Late Afternoon**

**Group Two**

"Alright," Squall sighed, looking agitated. "Since Group Four decided to go missing and did not tell anyone where they were going—and since you did such a fantastic job of cleaning the dining room—you guys get to finish the decorating!"

Reno, Li-Bai, Lyana, Quistis, and a thoroughly harassed Warray blinked up at him. Rinoa drooled down at Squall's ass.

"What kind of decorating?" Reno asked suspiciously.

"The lights," the brown-haired SeeD replied. "And throwing all the streamers and blowing balloons and getting the DVDs ready for des—"

"BlueFox has the DVDs," Warray pointed out.

"…Well then you don't have to worry about it, do you?" Squall replied with a glare. Warray scowled. Squall continued.

"I'm assuming that the other six—" he was talking about Group Four "—went out to get the tree—from god knows where—so we won't worry about that."

"Excellent thinking, Squall," gushed Rinoa, fluttering her eyelashes once more.

"…Are you sure there's nothing wrong with your eyes?" Squall asked with a raised eyebrow.

Rinoa flushed scarlet. "…Quite positive… it's um, just allergies… uh…"

Reno, Warray, Quistis and Lyana snickered. Rinoa shot them a withering look.

"What are you five still doing here?" Squall said suddenly, his tone scornful. "There's lights to be hung! Streamers to be thrown like toilet paper! Balloons to blow! Candles to light! Hurry up and get to it!"

And the five were off.

**Later…**

"Okay… I think we should split all this stuff up," Reno said once the four were outside. "Warray and I will hang the lights… Li-Bai, Quistis, Lyana, you can go do everything else!"

"What? Hell no!" Warray protested. "That's just an excuse for you to molest me some more!"

"I don't know what you mean, yo," Reno replied innocently.

Warray growled. "You damn well do—Li-Bai get back here! Don't leave me alone with him!" And with that, the blackette took off high-speed after the three other girls, wailing indignant protests the whole way.

Reno sighed. "That's okay… I can always corner her in the hallway after dinner, yo." And with this disturbing thought, the redhead turned back to the pile of lights. He blinked. "Now what the hell am I supposed to do…?"

"Need some help?"

The Turk turned to find Seifer and Vincent, both shivering and glancing up at the non-mobile-with-a-destroyed-bridge Balamb nervously (in Vincent's case).

Reno was unable to keep the smirk from his face. "So you finally managed to get yourself unstuck from the turkey, did ya Vincent?"

Normally, the ex-Turk would've been enraged by the other Turk's cheekiness. But due to the recent (embarrassing) events that had taken place, he instead turned a rather ripe shade of cranberry. "Y-y-you know about that?"

"Everybody knows about that by now. You guys were screaming loud enough for everyone in the real world to hear," Seifer snorted.

"…Then you can understand why I'm reluctant to continue with Kitchen Duty… Could we help you out instead?"

Reno was snickering now. "Aerith's angry, huh?"

Vincent winced. "Extremely. So… can we?"

"Sure," Reno shrugged. "I know what it's like to be on the receiving end of her staff attacks… here, you guys help me untangle these lights…"

**Meanwhile, with Li-Bai, Quistis, Lyana, and Warray…**

"Did you really have to leave me like that?" Warray whined to the other three as she tossed streamers in random directions.

"Well… I wasn't trying to be mean or anything, but I think you should hang out with him," Li-Bai said hesitantly, choosing her words carefully. "I know Reno's a bit… rough around the edges, but he really wouldn't do anything to hurt you. I think that if you worked at it, you two could be really good friends!"

Warray gave a disbelieving squawk at this.

"I'm serious!" Li-Bai insisted as she handed Lyana another roll. "This'll be one of the few times you and I will get to see each other…"

"Cloud doesn't seem too bad," Warray pointed out as she threw a streamer away thoughtlessly, accidentally hitting Quistis in the head.

"He's not," Li-Bai agreed. "But Tifa and Aerith are always clinging to him—they're pretty possessive about him, if you know what I mean…"

Warray winced. "Oh… yeah." She still seemed reluctant at the idea of being friends with the Turk.

"Reno's lonely," Lyana said. "He's really not such a bad guy—if you just sit him down and explain that you don't want him to do that, I'm sure he'll stop."

"I've already told him about a million times today that I didn't want him grabbing my ass! That certainly didn't stop him!"

"He just wants attention—if you become his friend, he'll have all the attention he'll ever need! Then he wouldn't grab you anymore. Wouldn't that be nice?" Quistis was turning all motherly again.

Warray sighed as she continued tossing streamers across the area around the non-mobile-with-a-destroyed-bridge Balamb. "Yeah, it would… you guys sure he would stop?"

"Positive," Li-Bai said firmly as she threw the last streamer over the ship. "He's a bit of a lecher, but he has enough sense to know that when somebody says no, they mean no. You just need to have a good heart-to-heart talk about it with him first before he'll stop."

"…You do realize that we're only here for today, right?" Warray asked.

"Oh shut up and help blow these balloons," Li-Bai snapped uncharacteristically, nodding to the pile of balloons.

"OHHHH!" Lyana cried, tipping her head slightly forward as blood dripped out.

"Oh my God, Lyana, are you okay?" Quistis bent over her.

Lyana brushed her off. "Don't worry. I get a nosebleed whenever I see something cute." The others' brows furrowed, but then from the distance, they heard this shout:

_"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WE HAVE NO EXTENSION CORDS?"_

The girls looked at each other.

"Sounds like Reno's having fun," Li-Bai said, unable to keep the smile from her face.

Warray grinned hesitantly. "Yeah… maybe we should go help him after we finish the balloons…"

Li-Bai beamed at her.

_"NOW WHY THE HELL ARE THEY BLINKING?"_

"…Maybe we should hurry—sounds like he's losing his temper," Quistis murmured, frowning.

_"ONE LIGHT GOES OUT, THEY ALL GO OUT, YO!"_

"…That'd probably be best," Lyana agreed, her nose having stopped.

Li-Bai smiled again, and everyone began to quickly blow up the balloons.

_"GO GRAB A FLASHLIGHT, I JUST BLEW A FUSE, YO!"_

Warray sighed, and blew up a final balloon: an orange one.

With that done, the four girls proceeded to walk back to the non-mobile-with-a-destroyed-bridge Balamb, where Reno, Seifer, and Vincent were attempting to drape the front of it with lights, bickering amongst themselves as they did so.

_"FINE THEN, VINCENT—IF YOU'RE SO SMART, YOU HANG UP THE LIGHTS, YOU TURKEY-OBSESSED PERV!"_

"I AM NOT! I WAS JUST CLEANING IT OUT!"

* * *

**4:55 PM—Same Late Afternoon**

**With Genesis…**

_Evil Lawn Gnome—noun. 1)cruel entity who resides on lawns; 2) the dwarven lawn decor that whisper evil suggestions into your ear; 3) vertically challenged turf reprobate._

After impressively defeating his arch-nemesis (the dryer), Genesis decided to take his rampage outside to the courtyard/garden. After all, there were other dangers outside…

_"Heeheeheeheeheehee!"_

Genesis whirled around and glared.

"You," he hissed. "I knew all of you would be back. I knew Cloud couldn't kill you."

_"Teeheeheeheeheehee!"_ giggled Edea's collection of happy little garden gnomes.

"Prepare to meet your makers!" Genesis shrieked, readying his leaf blower.

…I cannot even begin to describe the horror that followed. Let's just skip to somewhere else…

* * *

**5:45 PM—Same Late Afternoon**

**With Cloud…**

Poor Cloud. He had no idea how long he had been stuck inside the chimney; it seemed like hours. He was cramping up and extremely filthy; this combination resulted in one very unhappy ex-SOLDIER. He dared not call for help, however, lest anyone should hear him. So, he decided that it would be better to wait till tomorrow to start screaming for help—he could wait till then.

Unbeknownst to him, he had fallen farther down the chimney than he had thought. His legs could be seen in the fireplace in the library, hanging from the chimney, from the knees down. Also unbeknownst to him, he was not alone in the room.

BlueFox studied the legs in the fireplace with a raised eyebrow. Well, well, well, she thought to herself. What have we here? I do believe it's a certain runaway SOLDIER… With a smirk on her face, she silently walked to the fireplace, taking great care not to be heard. She crouched down as quietly as she could, and listened; Cloud was keeping himself occupied by humming loudly. He was completely unaware of his surroundings.

BlueFox allowed a very evil, very disturbing grin to spread across her face as she reached out her arms and grasped the blond's ankles. Cloud yelped at the unexpected contact—that yelp quickly turned into a shriek when BlueFox proceeded to yank the blond out of the fireplace.

"OW!" the blond shouted when his head came in contact with the floor, stunned. BlueFox took advantage of this and quickly crawled on top of the older man. Cloud, realizing this, tried to push her off.

"B-B-BlueFox! What the hell are you doing?" Cloud wailed, struggling to get out from the younger girl. His efforts were in vain, however, for BlueFox pinned the blond's arms to the ground, smirking.

"How's your head?" she asked innocently.

Cloud dry-sobbed in reply.

BlueFox's smirk grew. "Let me see…" she said, grasping both the ex-SOLDIER's wrists in one hand and using the other to tilt his head forward. She saw no blood, but she just couldn't keep herself from leaning down and nuzzling her nose into that soft, silky, spikey blond hair. Cloud sighed in dismay; what if somebody walked in on them like this?

"You know, you really shouldn't have run away," BlueFox chided as she lowered her arm to caress his cheek. "Things would have been so much easier if you had just stayed… You realize I have to punish you now, right?"

"H-huh?" was the blond's intelligent reply; he was distracted by the pleasant tingles erupting on his face, where BlueFox was stroking him.

"Mm-hmm," BlueFox murmured, nodding as her head moved to nuzzle the blond's slender neck, her hand moving to his chest. "Fortunately for you, Squall found out about Vincent and the turkey—" Cloud blinked, having no idea what the other was talking about "—so he sent Black Samurai, Tifa, and Elybeth out to go buy some Chinese food. If he'd been the one that found you, he wouldn't be nearly so lenient as I."

"Um… uh… er…" Cloud mumbled, speechless—that hand was very distracting, making his mind feel all fuzzy...

"You know," BlueFox murmured as she kissed the Cloud's jawbone, earning a pleased gasp from the blond, "you're quite filthy. I think it'd be best if you got a bath… I'll help wash your back."

"Guh!" was the intelligent reply she received from the puddle of hormonal goo in her arms.

* * *

**6:21 PM—Evening**

**The Shera**

Yuffie scowled and slid further down into her seat, glaring at everybody.

She was certainly not in the celebrating spirit. Her black and gray outfit consisted of more black than usual and she was wearing a heavy amount of black eyeliner (which she had stolen from Kuja, but don't tell him!). She was moping; her beloved Vincent was not with her, leaving her all alone that day. Oh, the tragedy. The heartbreak!

**Just imagine how she would react upon hearing about the turkey incident.**

Fang: True that.

"Yuffie, stop moping and get over here so we can eat!" Zack ordered irritably from the dining table, where everybody else was already seated (nobody knows how he got there, and nobody wants to know). "There are no more bloopers! It's not a time to mope—it's a time to be happy and cheerful!"

"How can I be cheerful when my true love is missing?" Yuffie wailed back dramatically. "How can I be happy when he's not here beside me? You just don't understand the sorrow of my empty, black heart!"

Demyx sighed and rubbed his temple; why did Yuffie have to go emo today of all days? Why couldn't she have waited till tomorrow… or the day after that, or whatever? And where the hell was his sitar?

The blond suddenly gave a loud squeak when he felt a strong hand clamp down onto his thigh.

_"Zexion!"_ he hissed, his face flushing to a vivid scarlet. "Stop! There are people here!"

Beside him, Zexion smiled at him disturbingly, and proceeded to move his hand a bit upwards to a certain sensitive part of the blond's anatomy.

_"Can't you wait till after dinner?"_ Demyx all but wailed, well aware that Zidane was sending them strange looks.

Zexion leaned over and whispered in Demyx's ear, his warm breath making the blond shiver. "I don't think I can wait that long—I want you now."

Demyx sputtered. "Bu… buh… but…"

They were interrupted by Zack yelling, "YUFFIE! IF YOU DON'T GET OVER HERE IN ABOUT FIVE SECONDS, I'M REALLY GOING TO GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT!"

Yuffie was wise enough to know that when Zack said this, he really meant it. She wisely ran to the dining table as fast as her legs could carry her, and sat down beside Zexion. Zack grinned.

"Goooood," he cooed. "Now let's see... who else is missing…? MARLENE! DENZEL! GET OUT OF THAT CLOSET THIS INSTANT! THIS INSTANT, I SAY!"

Five minutes later, the boy and girl were seated at the table, smiling sheepishly, their clothes thoroughly wrinkled from their activities in the closet.

"…How are you going to explain to Barret about you and Denzel's little relationship when we go to the party?" Yuffie asked Marlene curiously with a raised eyebrow.

Marlene winced. "I don't wanna think about that right now."

"LEON!" Zack shrieked. "GET OVER HERE! STOP PLAYING ON YOUR STUPID COMPUTER!"

"I'm not playing Zack!" Leon shouted back as he stomped over and sat at one end of the table. "I'm working! If it wasn't for that computer, you could kiss your second life goodbye!"

Zack rolled his eyes. "Whatever… Someone, tell the Troublesome Three to get over here! GET AWAY FROM THOSE PRESENTS YOU THREE, OR YOU WON'T BE GETTING ANYTHING FOR THIS!"

The three other KH characters, who were peeking into cupboards and dark corners subtly (and by that I mean as subtly as a chair to the head) and trying to guess what their presents were, raced over to the table and sat down.

"What did I tell you three about messing with the presents?" Zidane asked, glaring at his friends, tail lashing warningly.

"Sorry Zidane," said Sora.

Zidane sighed. "Just don't do it again, Roxas."

"That's Sora, Zidane!" Roxas corrected.

"That's what I said, Roxana."

Axel stared. "His name's not Roxana, it's Roxas!"

"That's what I said, Blank!"

"HE'S AXEL!" Roxas and Sora shouted, frustrated.

"THAT'S WHAT I SAID!"

"SHUT UP ALREADY!" Garnet screeched uncharacteristically. "WOULD EVERYBODY JUST BE QUIET ALREADY SO WE CAN EAT?"

Everyone fell silent. Garnet had the grace to blush deeply and look sheepish. "Um… sorry for yelling, I just… uh…"

"Don't worry about it, Dagger," Rikku, who was sitting at the opposite end of the table from Leon, said comfortingly. "It's been a stressful day. Let's just enjoy the dinner. Hey Squall—" she glared over at Leon, who returned it with full force "—say the blessing. Now."

"Grr…" growled Leon, his fists clenching. "If it wasn't illegal to kill…"

"Hey, I can say it!" Denzel volunteered cheerfully, raising his hand.

"Fine, whatever!" Zack, who was very hungry and impatient, said quickly. "Just say it—YUFFIE PUT THAT KNIFE DOWN RIGHT NOW! THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO CUT YOUR WRISTS! WE'RE ABOUT TO EAT, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!"

Yuffie scowled sulkily and reluctantly dropped her steak knife.

Denzel blinked. "Uh… alright then. Everybody bow your heads." Everyone did so. "Okay, now how did it go again…? Oh yeah! Let us all be thankful for what we got, and let all our problems slide off like snot! Amen!"

And with that, he began to stuff his plate with everything he could reach, sending food flying everywhere. The others, meanwhile, just stared at him in shock.

"…That was just gross," Zexion finally said, wincing. "Denzel, you're not allowed to say the blessing anymore—"

At that moment, out of nowhere, there was a terrific explosion. Bright light exploded from the middle of the room, blinding everyone.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?" yelled Zack, covering his eyes.

"I'M BLIND! I'M BLIND!" Yuffie wailed in pain. "AS IF MY LIFE WASN'T BLEAK ENOUGH! NOW I SHALL NEVER BE ABLE TO GAZE AT VINCENT'S BEAUTIFUL VISAGE EVER AGAIN! OH, THE HUMANITY!"

None of them stayed blind, however. A few short moments later, their vision cleared, and they were greeted with one of the most terrifying sights they had ever seen.

"CEL-E-BRATE GOOD TIMES, COME ON!" Angeal boomed, standing in the middle of the room, holding Demyx's thoroughly trashed sitar, in his hands and surrounded by every single moogle in the whole series, all of whom were drunk as skunks. He was quite a sight to behold, mostly because he had wings out… and nothing else on.

The FF8, 7, 9, 10, and KH characters took one look at the naked man, and burst into terrified screams.

"OH MY GOD!" (Rikku)

"MY EYES! THEY BURN!" (Yuffie)

"IT'S THE ANTI-CHRIST!" (Zack)

"COVER YOUR EYES, CHILDREN!" (Zidane)

"WHAT IS THAT HANGING BETWEEN HIS LEGS, ZIDANE?" (Marlene)

"IT'S MOVING! OH MY GOD, IT JUST WINKED AT ME!" (Axel)

"OH NO! MY PRECIOUS SITAR! WHAT'S HE DONE TO YOU?" (Demyx)

Angeal surveyed the scene of chaos happily, a wide grin on his face. His state of insanity, combined with how everybody was celebrating no more Bloopers, had now led him to believe that he was Tetsuya—or rather, Angeal Nomura. "Now, now, don't worry!" he said cheerfully. "There's enough of me to go around! Everybody's going to get a present." He gestured down southward towards… there. This only caused more fear.

"OH GOD, PLEASE NO!" (Roxas)

"HAVE MERCY!" (Zack)

"SPARE ME! TAKE THE KH ONES! THEY'RE EXPENDABLE!" (Leon, Demyx, Zexion, Sora, Roxas, and Axel glare at Zidane.)

"I WANT MY MOMMY!" (Denzel)

Luckily, there was at least one smart person sitting at the table. Garnet (after getting over her horrified shock) jumped up began ushering everybody to the door, shouting, "RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!"

**It should be noted that like Balamb, the Shera was parked on the ground.**

And they did, leaving Angeal, the sitar, ("MY SITAR!" Demyx wailed dramatically while Zexion dragged him out of the ship), and the drunk moogles alone in the room.

Angeal clucked his tongue disapprovingly. "Now, that's not very nice. Looks like they all go on the naughty list… and naughty children need to be punished, don't they my pretties?"

"Oh ya, ya!" cheered the drunk moogles. "Severely punished, kupo! Ya!"

"They need to be taught a lesson, don't they?" Angeal continued, a disturbing smile on his face.

"Ya, ya! Taught a lesson, kupo!"

"They'll learn to obey the mighty Angeal Nomura, won't they?"

"Ya, ya! Obey!"

"Then let us give chase!"

"Ya, ya! Chase! Kupo!"

Angeal held Demyx's sitar up to his eyes. "What do you think?"

The sitar said nothing.

"FANTASTIC!" Angeal shouted happily, taking the sitar's silence as some sort of confirmation. "LET'S GO!"

And with that, they set off after the fleeing heroes.

* * *

**7:00 PM—The Party**

**Balamb Dining Room**

So then everybody (except for Angeal and Zack, who were both MIA) sat, at the table, surrounded by hundreds of cartons of Chinese food. Everyone had seemingly (if, for some, unintentionally) paired up into groups—Rinoa and Squall were at one end of the table, Li-Bai, Reno, and Warray (who had taken the girls' advice, and was quite surprised to find that Reno WAS an extremely cool guy) at the other end, then Cloud with BlueFox in his lap, then Barret and Cid (who for once wasn't smoking), then Lena and Leena—who wasn't actually sitting down, but was instead standing behind Lena, wincing—then Aerith and Elybeth (who was glaring at Tifa), then Tifa and Black Samurai (who was also glaring at Tifa), then Seifer and Milani, Quistis, Lyana, and Vincent (Vincent looked extremely uncomfortable, and Lyana looked murderous, but to whom we don't know), Rob and Genesis glaring at one another across the table, and Sephiroth standing by Black Samurai.

"Well," Squall finally said, trying to ease away from clinging Rinoa, "I know that this… isn't exactly the dinner I had planned on, but due to certain events—" he sent Vincent a withering look; the ex-Turk had the grace to look embarrassed "—this meal will have to suffice. We DO have wonderful brownies, an apple pie, and a chocolate cake to look forward to after the meal, however, so the meal will not completely consist of take-out…"

Aerith and Elybeth grinned to each other, proud of their mad cooking skillz.

"And despite Angeal and Zack's absence, we are still going Christmas karaoking after dinner—" Squall ignored everyone's unhappy groans "—and also…" He continued to ramble on, quite unaware that everyone was tuning him out.

"BlueFox," Cloud muttered, his face growing redder by the minute as he felt the others stare, "is this really necessary? There's an extra chair over in the corner that you could sit in…"

"But I like sitting on your lap," BlueFox purred, leaning back and nuzzling Cloud's neck. "Don't you like me sitting on your lap? Or do I have to punish you some more…? Have you forgotten Quistis' whip I could so easily steal…?"

Cloud's eyes widened in alarm. He glanced back at the direction of Quistis. "No, not Mr. Punishment…" he whimpered.

BlueFox giggled evilly, her grip around Cloud's hands tightening. "Yes. Mr. Punishment."

"I'll be good… I like you sitting in my lap…" the blond whimpered; his butt was still a bit sore from his previous punishment session. (It should be noted that he hadn't completely despised the session—after the first couple of spankings, he found it all to be quite enjoyable. But I digress…:) )

"That's good. You're a good Cloud," BlueFox purred, giving the blond's thigh an appreciative pat. The blond winced, but squirmed in pleasure all the same.

Tifa scowled and glared at BlueFox, seething. If looks could kill…

"RENO!" Warray wailed, slapping the Turk's offending hand away from a certain area on her chest.

The fiery haired man smiled sheepishly. "Hehe, sorry, yo! You know what they say—old habits are hard to break, yo… Oh look! Mistletoe!" He pointed up to the plant hanging innocently above him and Li-Bai.

Warray's eyes narrowed. "Wait a second, we didn't hang any mistletoe there—" she was silenced when Reno's lips clamped down firmly over Li-Bai's leaving both girls speechless. Li-Bai struggled against the older man for a few moments before finally giving up and allowing herself to give in to the kiss—she was quite surprised when she found that she actually enjoyed it. Reno smirked smugly against her lips.

"Aww, they make a nice couple," Zell remarked to no one in particular from beside Irvine.

And indeed they did. They certainly did.

* * *

**8:32 PM—Evening**

**Celebration/Christmas Karaoking-Edge**

Squall sighed and pulled his coat tighter around himself. "Come on, everybody!" he called over his shoulder. "The longer we stall, the more time we'll spend out here in the cold!"

The remaining people hurried after him. They were all bundled up in their warmest clothes, as well as the dumb accessories that Squall forced them to wear. All of them were shivering.

"I hate this!" Lyana hissed through chattering teeth. "I hate singing! I hate making people happy! Why can't we just go on a bloodthirsty rampage? It's too cold to be doing this!"

"Y-y-you think YOU'RE having a b-bad time?" Reno snapped, his teeth chattering so hard he could barely speak. "How d-d-do y-you think t-that I f-f-f-feel?" Out of everyone else, he was bundled up the most—Squall thought he resembled some sort of clothes monster.

"You weren't cold earlier when you were putting up the lights," Warray pointed out with a raised eyebrow.

"T-t-the temperature's g-gone down s-since then, y-y-y-yo," Reno stammered back, hugging himself for warmth.

"COME ON, PEOPLE!" Squall shouted impatiently. "There's too much to do, we don't have time to stand around like this!"

And so, the large group meandered down the streets of Edge, freezing their asses off, cursing Squall under their breaths—except for Rinoa, who looked at her Knight with complete adoration—and looking completely miserable.

"Ah! Our first audience!" Squall crowed suddenly, pointing. The other members looked in the direction that his finger was pointing in and stared; he was pointing at Zack and co.… all of whom appeared to be crouching behind a large pile of construction equipment.

"NO MORE BLOOPERS!" Squall boomed enthusiastically, striding towards them with his arms spread wide open.

"Ssshh!" Yuffie hissed, putting her finger to her lips. "Be quiet! He might hear you and find us!"

Squall stopped and blinked. "Who?"

"The… The thing! The monster! The it! That psycho guy! We've been hiding from him for hours!"

Squall raised one brown eyebrow (Rinoa swooned behind him, sighing dreamily). "Ah… sounds to me like this big, bad monster just needs some no more bloopers spirit!"

"Believe you me," Yuffie said tiredly, "he's got more than enough." Her friends nodded furiously behind her.

"You can say that again," muttered Zexion, pulling Demyx closer to him and nuzzling against his neck. The blond flushed, all too aware of the stares they were receiving from the really big group from Balamb.

"No way!" Squall laughed. "You can never have enough of that kind of spirit! Everyone—gather 'round!"

Grumbling mutinously, the large group did as commanded.

"No, please—" Zidane squealed, looking around the street frantically, tail twitching.

Squall ignored him. "Alright, everyone," he shouted, smiling at his terrified audience, "let's turn these frowns upside down!"

Yuffie and her friends whimpered pathetically.

Squall cleared his throat. "Okay people—let's start with Reno's song as a warm-up, then we'll work our way up from there…"

"But the song doesn't include the names of everyone," Cloud pointed out. "And it doesn't rhyme that much—"

"So frikkin what?" Squall snapped. "And the lyrics rhyme perfectly well, thank you very much! So, if nobody else has anymore interruptions—" he looked around questioningly; no one else spoke up "—then let's start singing! Alright everybody—here we go!"

And they all began to sing.

"You know Tseng and Elena and Rude and Rufus… Cloud and Tifa and Aerith and Genesis! But do you recall… the most famous one of all?"

Cue dramatic pause. Yuffie and the others looked terrified. The large group from Balamb burst into song.

"Reno the Red-Haired Turk! Had some very shiny hair! And if you ever saw it… you'd be in for a scare—"

"See, I told you that doesn't fit right!" Cloud interrupted with a whine.

"STOP COMPLAINING YOU PIECE OF SHIT AND GET BACK TO SINGING!" Squall shrieked.

So they all continued to sing. And somewhere out in the North Pole, Rudolph keeled over and died.

**It should be noted that the BlueFox currently sitting at her computer has just done a spit take of Mountain Dew Code Red all over her bedroom floor.**

The karaoke songs continued. After "Reno the Red-Haired Turk," they moved on to "Silent Night" (the lyrics were changed a bit to talk about darkness and death and other such things, which Yuffie enjoyed), "God Rest Ye Merry Souls", and then "Away In A Manger." They were in the middle of "The Twelve Bad Days of Bloopers" when IT happened.

"…seven Aeriths a screaming, six Zacks a farting—"

"CEL-E-BRATE GOOD TIMES, COME ON!"

Everyone looked up—and began to scream in utter terror. For there, standing on the roof of the 7th Heaven, stood Angeal—stark naked (save for his wings), surrounded by drunk moogles, with Demyx's sitar in one arm.

"MY SITAR!" Demyx wailed.

"OH. MY. GOD!" Aerith shrieked, looking like she was going to be sick.

"OH. MY. GOD!" Elybeth shrieked as well, looking just as sick.

Squall didn't look any better. "ANGEAL! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? GO PUT SOME CLOTHES ON! YOU'RE FRIGHTENING THE CHILDREN!"

Everyone hastily covered the OCs' eyes, to spare them further torture of having to stare up at the naked guy.

Angeal smiled happily, oblivious to the horror he was causing. "I'm spreading joy, Squall!" he said, answering the FF8 main character's question. "Just like you wanted! And what better way to spread joy than to share this—" he gestured down southward to his… friend… "—with everyone in town?"

"THAT'S NOT SPREADING JOY!" Squall shrieked. "THAT'S SPREADING TERROR!"

"My eyes!" BlueFox wailed, burying her face into Cloud's chest.

Cloud winced and tore his eyes away from the vision of horror before them. "Don't look, BlueFox!" he said, burying his face into BlueFox's hair.

"Nonsense!" Angeal boomed, laughing heartily. "Now then, who wants to go first?"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" shrieked everyone down below.

"Please! Spare us!" Zack sobbed, having a death grip on poor Aerith who had run to him for protection.

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Angeal cackled, looking down at Yuffie and her friends. "Now, now! All of you have been very naughty, running away from Angeal Nomura like that! My helpers and I—" he gestured down to the drunken moogles "—agree that you need to be punished. I do believe a good spanking for each of you is in order…" And with that, he whipped out… well, a whip.

Black Samurai's eyes widened in horror. "Oh fuck no…" she stammered.

Angeal was positively beaming. "So, who would like to go first?" he leered, cracking his whip in the air.

Lena became terrified. With a shriek of "MOMMY!", she jumped up and began to run toward Sephiroth as fast as her legs would carry her. She didn't get very far, unfortunately, as the end of Angeal's whip curled around her ankle. With a harsh tug, the youngest OC at 12 was jerked back. She found herself flying back towards the object of her terror.

"GOD HAVE MERCY!" she screeched as she landed in the crazed man's arms.

"NO! PLEASE! SHE'S JUST A GIRL!" Leena shouted—Lena had become one of her best friends, and she hated to see this happen… Although she was very happy that none of this was happening to her…again…

"PUT MY SITAR DOWN, YOU SICK FREAK!" Demyx shrieked. He didn't care about what was happening to Lena-he didn't even know her. His sitar was much more important!

"MY LIFE CANNOT POSSIBLY GET ANY WORSE!" Yuffie howled miserably. "WHERE'S AN EXTRA SHARP RAZOR BLADE WHEN YOU NEED ONE?"

"DAMMIT, YUFFIE, COULD YOU STOP BEING EMO, EVEN FOR ONE SECOND?" Zidane shrieked irritably. "HONESTLY! I'D BE MORE CONCERNED WITH GETTING THAT GIRL AWAY FROM THAT MONSTER!"

Yuffie burst into tears. "You just don't understand my pain!" She stopped when Lena began screaming in terror, however, when she saw that Angeal was getting ready to start spanking her.

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Angeal cackled. "FEEL MY WRATH!" He whipped his arm back, and—

_"WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA! What the hell is this?"_

Startled, everyone looked up. At first, they didn't see anything. Then they heard the clicking of boots on tile. They turned, and coming straight for them was none other than…

"TETSUYA!" Lena squealed happily, squirming around in her captor's arms gleefully. "YOU'VE COME TO RESCUE ME!"

Tetsuya stopped in front of the huge group.

"You've come to rescue us!" Lena repeated happily, her eyes shining hopefully. Tetsuya blinked at her.

"What the hell gave you that idea?" he snapped irritably (Lena blinked right back at him). "I'm here because yet another deranged FREAK—" he gestured to Angeal with a shudder "—is trying to take my place as Director! Do you know how annoying that is? Now I've gotta kick his psychotic ass so he can stop spreading terror and horror among the innocent girls and boys—not to mention the poor readers' characters. I'm quite certain their IQ levels are now single digits. Also, I'm here to prevent the authoress from abusing the CAPS LOCK button further." He glared at BlueFox's character menacingly.

The sky flashed dangerously. "Oh, don't make such a fuss—you're abusing it, and you know it," Tetsuya snapped up at the sky.

Somewhere up in the real world, the real BlueFox sulked, glaring at the computer screen moodily.

"Um, excuse me?" the ever observant Denzel spoke up suddenly. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but if you're here to kick Angeal's ass, wouldn't you still be rescuing us?"

"Oh shut up, and sink back into obscurity, you child molester," Tetsuya snapped.

"Sheesh, SOMEBODY'S in a bad mood," Zack muttered under his breath to Aerith. Unfortunately, the awesome Director heard him.

"You'd be angry too if somebody was trying to steal your job and twist to suit their own freakish needs every second of the creation of your games and movies!" he snapped peevishly.

Zack held up a hand. "Okay, okay. Geez, sorry I said anything…"

Leena, meanwhile, was having herself a mild nervous breakdown—the chocobos who had come with Tetsuya were leering at her suggestively. They still seemed to remember her quite fondly. Zell and Irvine patted her back sympathetically while Barret and Cid snickered.

"You!" Tetsuya suddenly shrieked, pointing an accusing finger at Angeal. "How dare you try to take my job?! I am the Director around here, young man! I am the ORIGINAL, understand? There's not a soul in existence who can do my job better than me!"

Angeal was not impressed. "Oh really? Don't you think you're getting a little too old for your job, Grandpa? And anyway, I deliver something much better than happy endings…" He leered at Lena lecherously. The youngest OC whimpered in fear.

Tetsuya blinked once more. "…That's just nasty," he said finally. "You really are a sick bastard, and you must be stopped!" And with that, he yanked out the ultimate weapon… a machine gun that when prompted, shot out Digimon shit. (You know, that pink stuff that looks like strawberry ice cream sometimes?)

"I think my IQ just dropped about twenty levels," Zexion remarked to no one in particular.

"Shoot, with all the crap that's been going on in this chapter, my IQ's already in the negatives," Vincent sighed.

"Your IQ was already in the negatives, you sick, twisted, turkey-molester," Aerith snapped back.

"I was just cleaning it out!" the ex-Turk wailed indignantly.

The rest of the group (save for Angeal, who was busy yanking Cloud's many buster swords from AC out of inappropriate places, thus scarring poor Lena's mind even further) shot him disbelieving looks. Vincent sulked unhappily.

"Keep an eye on my new love slave!" Angeal ordered the drunk moogles, tossing the now babbling Lena at them.

"Ya, ya! We watch! Kupo!" cheered the drunk moogles.

The sitar gave a loud TWANG! as three of its strings broke from being tossed aside as well.

"My sitar!" wailed Demyx.

And with that, Tetsuya and Angeal began to attack each other.

**Now, as much as I would like to describe the carnage that ensued, this chapter is meant to be presented in a manner befitting, good, wholesome family entertainment (well… sorta… I guess the turkey thing wasn't really wholesome… or the chocobo incident… or the whole 'Angeal-and-Genesis-going-crazy' bits… or the swearing… well, everything in this chapter in general isn't really wholesome, I guess…).**

**The scenes of battle that happened during the fight depict gut-wrenching, hour-long scenes of horror that would make this last chapter even more obscenely longer than it already is, as Angeal (with Cloud's seven or so swords that were pulled out of unmentionable places) and Tetsuya (with his Digimon shit flinging machine gun and BlueFox's flamethrower) proceed to duke it out in an all out war of pure, unadulterated warfare. With a heavy heart, I must say that I am forbidden to write (er… type) these action-packed scenes down, as they are too graphic and grisly for the more delicate and weak-hearted readers.**

**The screams and blood don't really have anything to do with it—it's more because of the hot flames from the flamethower. Oh, the fire. Rushing around everywhere, along the walls, the ground, the buildings, like blood… burning the skin and rushing into sensitive eyes mercilessly, bringing forth scream after scream… And the shit. Splattering everywhere with every hit, falling wetly to the ground not unlike that of internal organs being discharged from the human body… And the drunk moogles, flying through the air with drunken cries of "KUPO!"… No, readers, you just don't want to read about it. The scenes of horror that followed are simply the kind of things that you just can't un-read.**

**More importantly, the onlookers (that is, the remaining members of the three casts and the OCs) made several highly inappropriate and crude jokes about machine guns and whips and Cloud's swords. They were the kinda jokes that you'd hear on one of those adult-only comedy channels—much too inappropriate for a T-rated fic!**

**I do sincerely apologize for the inconvenience, and we shall now return to this piece of madness that I call a fanfic. Thank you.**

The four groups stood there, staring around at the scene of carnage in shock.

Rob was the first to speak. "Well… that was awesome."

And indeed it was. Buildings had crashed down in the fray, walls had crumbled, and construction equipment was strewn around. Explosions had abounded, and blood had fallen, just like a war story. In the midst of it all lay Tetsuya and Angeal, both of whom lay unconscious, completely tired out.

"…You know, I'm not in the mood for singing anymore," Squall remarked tiredly. "In fact, I'm not in a very celebratory mood anymore, either. Come along everybody… let's grab Angeal and go back to our respective homes… Rin, be sure to call that shrink as soon as we get back, would you?"

And with that, the four groups split, with Angeal being lugged away by his arms with the FFVII group, courtesy of Sephiroth.

Lena whimpered; she had not moved from her position from the ground, not once.

"…Lena?" Elybeth said kindly, bending down beside the younger girl. "Are you okay? Do you need anything?"

"…I want my mommy…" sobbed the broken girl. Elybeth sighed.

Rob shuddered. "I don't know about you guys, but after all the crap that's just happened, I think I need to get drunk… REALLY drunk."

"That sounds good," Warray sighed, walking over and picking up Demyx's sitar. Shockingly the Melodious Nocturne had forgotten it.

Li-Bai agreed, and then so did everyone else. Rob hoisted up Lena, and everyone proceeded to walk back to the portal that would lead them home, fully intent on getting drunk out of their minds at their local bars to forget everything that had happened.

Tetsuya, meanwhile, was left their amongst the wreckage, while his team of chocobos proceeded to have a huge group orgy with the few drunken moogles that had survived the battle… but we won't get into that.

And that would forever be known as the worst celebration of anything, EVER, in the history of all celebrations. Because nobody that witnessed it ever fully recovered from the events, oh no. In fact, Zell is still going through therapy, and turkey has never been served for dinner on 7's Gaia again, because everyone's too scared that Vincent would do something inappropriate to it.

And Yuffie, if possible, became even more emo than before—until she and Vincent were reunited again, on that one episode of Jerry Springer where that Ku Klux Klan guy got the snot beat out of him by that gay Jewish black dude… but that's another story all together.

"You know," Demyx remarked that night in Zexion's bedroom, as he and the Cloaked Schemer lay in bed after a three hour session of humping like rabbits, "after all of this, I'd hate to see what FF8's blooper celebration will be like… and FFX's… and ni—"

"Don't!" Zexion shrieked, clapping a hand on his love bunny's mouth. "Don't even finish that sentence, Demyx! God knows we don't need to be jinxed… we don't want to give the psychotic authoress anymore ideas…"

Hehehe. It's too late for that, Zexy boy. Too late for that…

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

…Damn. Just… Damn. I honestly did not expect this chapter to be this long. Seriously! But… I just couldn't stop typing. And I think the ending kinda sucked, but I was running out of inspiration, and I wanted to get this out. I just barely made my deadline, which isn't half bad! I'm kinda proud of myself, actually….But now's the part you've all been waiting for: the destruction of the blooper discs!

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Destruction of Blooper Disc 1  
Idea from Lady Tatum

1 Year Later on Gaia (FFVII)

"Damn it," Sephiroth began as he was leaving the previously on fire storage room. "That was the twelfth terrorist attack today."

Genesis looked up from his Spawn comic and spoke. "I'll never understand those damned rebel spies… Hey, did you ever find something funny about Spawn being an undead black guy?"

"No, not really, why?"

"Okay, in the book, Spawn, a.k.a. Al Simmons, worked for a big organization and was killed by assassination via a fire right?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Well, he died and went to hell wherein he was resurrected as Spawn."

"Where are you trying to go with this?"

"Well… why did Al Simmons go to hell? He lead a good life, he wasn't gay or anything either, the only problem I see was the fact that he was black. And that, my friend, means that Todd McFarlene (Creator) is a racist pig."

"Huh….. it kind of makes sense… Hey, what do you want?" Sephiroth said as he looked up to a very angry, and very familiar, black man.

"Tch, that's fucked up! I hope you two burn in hell real soon! Damned honkeys!" Barret spat as he stomped out of the store, throwing his copy of FFVII REMAKE in the trash on the way out.

"Wonder what's eating him…" Genesis said as he obliviously turned the page in his comic.

Sephiroth then proceeded to smack his hand down on the comic saying:

"What the fuck Genesis! You just implied that all black people go to hell IN FRONT of a black man! Sometimes I wonder how you've stayed alive all this time."

"Yeah… I wonder that too sometimes…" As Genesis finished the phone began ringing. He instinctively pulled a quarter out and flipped it, landing on heads. "Ha ha, your turn, Seph."

"Damn it." Sephiroth picked up the phone "Hello?"

"Hi, this is the NAACP, we have a complaint abo-" Click.

"Another stupid customer?"

"Something like that."

Another nerdy, undoubtedly virgin customer walked in and he began "Hi, do you guys have the Final Fantasy VII Bloopers Disc One DVD still available?"

"Let me check," Sephiroth said as he walked into the smoking storage room. "Mmm…" he said as he looked around at the ashes and melted plastic "Nope, don't see any."

"Excuse me sir but, why is your store room smoking?"

"Terrorists, now leave!"

As the boy left the store Genesis asked, "Seph, I thought the terrorists only caught the PSP versions on fire, the DVDs should have been perfectly safe."

"Well, they would have been, but last night I kind of soaked them all in… a fire retardant substance."

"You poured pure gasoline all over them didn't you?"

Sephiroth bowed his head in silent guilt.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Destruction of Blooper Disc 2  
Idea from Warrayfinson

One Week Later on Earth

"AHAHAHAHAHA!" a voice carried to Warray's ears as she sat at the computer, scanning for new things to read on fanfiction. Ever since the blooper story had ended… "WARRAY! YOU HAVE TO COME SEE THIS!"

With a sigh, Warray stood and went into the living room, where her friend (we'll call her Kira) was watching what Warray never wanted to see for real. "SUPER MAGENTA CYCLONE ATTACK OF DOOM!" screamed the Genesis on screen.

Eyes wide, Warray suddenly stole the DVD remote from Kira, ejected the disc, ran to the bathroom and proceeded to flush the disc down the toilet. However, all it seemed to do was clog up the toilet, so she ended up having to use the plunger to get it back out.

I'm not going to describe what crap actually came out (hey, I'm not joking) before she managed to get it on the floor. She ran to her room and grabbed Demyx's sitar that she STILL had and opened a secret compartment near the edge of it.

"BURN!" she roared after stamping on it for effect, as a rush of fire roared out of the end of the sitar. When it was nothing but little crisps, she grabbed a small box, brushed them in, and proceeded to send them to Alexandria, or more importantly, to Zidane (who had pretty much gotten over all of the events that had happened).

When the monkey tailed idiot opened the box, the box emitted a cough, and Garnet looked at him, before laughing at his completely black face.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Destruction of Blooper Disc Three  
Idea by S.B. Kathrine

1 Year Later on Gaia 2

A bomb exploded in Balamb and everybody died, including the blooper disc. The end.

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

Did you really believe me? Well if you didn't, guess what? YOU'RE SMART! That was a complete space filler! The blooper disc was destroyed, but everyone else survived! On with the story!

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Destruction of Blooper Disc 4  
My Own Idea

With my Friends at Burger King

"Hey guys, check this out." Sora67 suddenly popped out, fully recovered from the 5 minute stomach flu from eating fries off the ground.

"What have you for us today, old friend?" BlueFox asked, taking the DVD that Sora67 was holding out. "Final Fantasy VII: Bloopers, disc 4?"

"Oh yes! The greatest misfortune to ever hit Final Fantasy! It's like Epic! These people screw up worse than you inadvertently prove you're in love with Cloud! I mean this is the Naruto of bloopers! The Holy Grail of utter gaming catastrophe! The Superman 64 of the Xbox360! The 'Dirge of Cerberus' of Anthromorphic sequels. This DVD makes me want to go out and play Majora's Mask! With out a Game FAQ. Oh no! Even worse…this thing is like the Pokémon of RPGs! Or the Ragnarok of MMORPGS. It's the Advent Children storyline of the once beloved 7. Actually, I would rather use the discs to cut my wrists than watch them! With glitches that make Sonic and the Secret Rings look like a quick, smooth game! I mean we're talking some hard-core shittery right here! I was so impressed I went and watched them. I then proceeded to repeatedly slam my head against the DVD player and then I ran off and watched 300! It was that monumental! I mean, this is more than just a bad movie, this is phenomenal! It was so phenomenal that I even threw up in a paper bag! Now every time I see anything to do with Final Fantasy VII I go into seizures, shit myself, and forget who I am for ten minutes!"

"…Wow…Just …wow." BlueFox stared at Sora67, almost fondly.

"Damn…you earned a small praise for that one." Tyrone gleamed.

"Can I get a smiley face T-shirt?"

"No."

"Damn…how about a sticker?"

"No."

"Can I get a chicken then?"

"A chicken?" Tyrone blinked.

"Yeah, a chicken."

"Fine. Just don't let Colton eat it."

"YEEEEESSSSSSSS!" Sora67 screamed, "Striker! They're letting me have a CHICKEN!"

"Is this DVD really that bad?" Colton asked snatching the case. "I mean I've seen some bad movies before like Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within, March of the Penguins, and the Dragon Ball Z movies. Can this really be THAT bad?"

"No smart person would admit to watching DBZ." Armageddon Child snorted.

"What about the Final Fantasy one?! That's worse!" Tyrone added.

"Actually, that's kinda fun…in a creepy spacey kinda way." Chris nodded obliviously.

"For once I have no comment to the idiocy." Emma shook her head and whistled loudly, "Sheila, let's go. NOW." Cloud lowered his high and sighed sadly. He proceeded to follow, however, carrying the good friend's shoes.

"That was disturbing..." Tyrone finally spoke.

"Like Earthworm Jim disturbing?" BlueFox asked.

"No, like Pocahontas for the Sega disturbing..."

"Dude, that game is awesome!" Colton beamed stupidly, "You get to walk around as a chick with a killer tan playing with animals and shit."

"Let's forget about the 32 bit graphics," Ion commented casually, hopping over the counter and sitting on it.

"Fuck man, where have you been?" Tyrone glared.

"Oh you know the usual, telling sorry Twilight fans they can eat shit and trying to take back Porch Monkey."

"…Dude, we're already trying to avoid the NAACP, don't say shit like porch monkey!"

Ion opened a magazine, "Man, I'm telling you Porch monkey is not racist."

"Nope, nigger is."

"COLTON!"

"What?"

"He has a point you know. I mean, think about it. Porch Monkey could just mean a monkey on a porch! What's so wrong about that?"

"You're a jackass." Tyrone rolled his eyes.

"One of the best, my friend. Besides, deep down inside you know you just want to run around saying porch monkey."

"Stop fucking saying porch monkey!"

"That ain't fucking right!" Barret growled from the back of the fast food joint and stomped out angrily.

"When the hell'd he get here?" Ion asked looking in the direction of the door.

"Dumb ass!" Tyrone threw a blooper disc at Ion.

"Not my fault he's an uptight asshole." He paused, "Hey what the heck is that Sora obsessed guy doing?"

"Sora67?"

"Yeah, him."

"Something about a chicken, I stopped asking questions days ago." Colton snorted and crossed his arms. "Though if this is leading to bestiality, I am SO in."

"That's sick man, I mean what's worse than watching a Sora fan having sex with someone else? It's watching that Sora fan have sex with an animal. I mean, come on, what kinda blasphemous person takes a poor defenseless animal and rubs it in all the wrong ways? Pervs, that's what!"

"I'll pretend I didn't just silently listen to all of that." Tyrone yawned and looked over at BlueFox. "Man, what time is it?"

"I don't know. Maria shot the clock so it eternally stays at eleven fourteen."

"No clocking out then…clever bitch."

"You know, there are like 14 people at the drive thru." BlueFox noted.

"Persistent bastards." Tyrone pulled out a gun and proceeded to have a shooting frenzy into the sky, driving all customers away.

"You know, we should start answering the drive thru like it's a phone sex hotline." Sora67 suggested, popping out of nowhere, with a chicken in hand.

"As amusing as that would be, I don't think half of these bastards are hungry for that." BlueFox replied.

"She makes a valid point." Tyrone shrugged.

"Damn…" Sora67 said and silently lifted the chicken in the air and walked away.

Tyrone, BlueFox, and Ion silently watched Sora67 walk away with the chicken. All three of them looked at each other and blinked.

"That is the worst Link impression ever." BlueFox finally said.

"I know right? I mean he didn't say 'excuuuuse me, princess' nor is he wearing tights…what a sorry cosplayer." Tyrone sighed.

"I'm going over to the IFA." Ion informed and was gone before anyone attempted a protest. (Not that there would be a protest, I mean we don't work for shit.)

The front door dinged and no one looked up. There were only two possibilities of who that could be. Genesis, which was improbable because he was on Gaia 1, and Emma. Naturally it was Emma, bringing Cloud back to an appreciative group.

"Here, girls, you can have your misfit back."

"Hey Emma, why do you take him all the time?" BlueFox questioned leaning against the counter.

"Because he makes a great example of why you shouldn't have unprotected sex, of course. And he's an even better example of why you should succeed the first time you try to kill yourself. Isn't that right Sheila?" Emma fake petted Cloud's head.

Cloud lowered his head, "Yes, Emma."

"Man that bitch is so owned." Sora67 nodded, which caused the chicken perched on his head to squawk.

"I regret giving you permission to have that thing." Tyrone groaned.

"Until next time, girls, keep him." She pushed Cloud toward BlueFox.

"Have a good day Emma." Armageddon added dryly and Emma left.

"This is why we get no customers…"

"Hey guys…Genesis sent us an email!" Colton informed.

"Oh? What's it say?"

"Well it doesn't say much…There's a lot of Japanese characters and…I think that's a nazi symbol?! Anyway, it says 'Returning Soon' at the bottom."

"Holy shit, you mean he's actually coming to our world?!" BlueFox paled.

"That's crazy shit." Sora67 nodded and the chicken squawked again.

"I've had it with that fucking chicken!" Tyrone said and shot the chicken with his gun.

"MY CHICKEN! NOOOOO!"

There was a horrible grating noise coming from the back, and little sparklie stuff coating Cloud's hands as he walked out.

"The bloopers have been putt through the french fry cutter. We won't be seeing them again."

_**THE END!**_

_**FINALLY!!11111111oneone!!shift+11111111**_

So, uh… yeah. Review. Like, right now. Tell me if ya loved, or hated. If I've successfully managed to lower your IQ, if I've scarred you for life, or whatever. But please, don't bother to flame. Fill out those forms! I'd love to know!

And as for the second to last question, here are the choices:

**Ways to Annoy the Casts of 7  
**Basically, the lists of the easiest ways to utterly get yourself on the FF7 casts' bad side…mostly humorous, and it's reviewer generated! You send in your reasons, I'll post them!  
Most Likely Rating: T

**Ask Zack  
**I haven't seen one of these ever, it's always Ask Sephiroth or Cloud or even Vincent, but never Zack! So ask Zack some of your most burning questions, or ask him for advice…though the advice won't be the best thing…  
Most Likely Rating: K+ or T depending on the questions.

**The Grim Reaper(s)  
**This one'll be under Kingdom Hearts. Starting with Marluxia, the non-Disney characters have to try their hand at telling Aerith that she's going to die that day! But her stupid luck keeps getting in the way! Can you think of anyone who can make sure she dies? I can…  
Most Likely Rating: K+

**Final Fantasy VII: Death Note Style  
**MakruTree and I have captured Light and the Death Note! Now, he is only allowed to kill the FF7 characters! There's a catch, however: he can only write down the names of those already dead! How long will it take him to crack?  
Most Likely Rating: T

**Kingdom Hearts: Death Note Style  
**MakruTree and I have captured Light and the Death Note! Now, he can only kill off the KH characters…but only with yours and our blessing! Review and say who you want to die next!  
Most Likely Rating: T

**Randomness Isn't All That Bad  
**A series of random oneshots/drabble things (kind of like Evidence of Sephiroth's Humanity) for not only FF7, but 6, 8, 9, 10, 10-2, and any other game I've played requested! Come join the fun!  
Most Likely Rating: T

Finally, if you want some other humorous stuff to read, there are a bunch in my favorites list! Also feel free to read my other stories!

I LOVE YOU ALL! YOU ROCK! THANX FOR ALL OF YOUR REVIEWS, AND I'LL SEE YOU AGAIN!

And here's my parting theme:

_In this world you tried,  
Not leaving me alone behind.  
There's no other way,  
I pray to the gods let him stay.  
The memories cease the pain inside,  
Now I know why. _

_All of my memories keep you near.  
In silent moments,  
Imagining you here.  
All of my memories keep you near,  
In silent whispers, silent tears _

_Made me promise I'd try,  
To find my way back in this life.  
Hope there is a way,  
To give me a sign you're okay.  
Reminds me again it's worth it all,  
So I can go home. _

_All of my memories keep you near.  
In silent moments,  
Imagining you here.  
All of my memories keep you near.  
In silent whispers, silent tears. _

_Together in all these memories,  
I see your smile.  
All of the memories I hold dear.  
Darling you know I'll love you,  
Til the end of time. _

_All of my memories keep you near  
In silent moments,  
Imagining you here.  
All of my memories keep you near,  
In silent whispers, silent tears. _

_All of my memories..._

Fans of my Zerith songfic will know this song.

Memories by Within Temptation

And oh yeah… HAVE FUN READING OTHER STUFF YOU LITTLE WORM BABIES YOU!!

Boldly going nowhere,  
BlueFox


	21. Results Are In!

Final Fantasy VII: Bloopers

Intro: Half of you are probably scratching your heads, wondering why there's an update when it's supposed to be 'Complete,' right? Well, that's because...THE RESULTS ARE IN! You guys voted (well, some of you) and my friends here voted, and now these are the results! Croos your fingers and hope that whatever you picked won!

Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING! Keep your lawyers leashed.

Epilogue-ish Thing  
Results Are In!

* * *

**Favorite Character: **Zack

-Scene at End of AC-

"Mother?" Cloud asked, his eyes closed as Aerith withdrew her hand.

"Again? Why does everyone keep calling me their mother lately?" Aerith questioned.

"You have…PHENOMINAL COSMIC POWERS! Itty bitty living space!"

Tetsuya: CUT!

Take 2

"Mother?" Cloud asked, his eyes closed as Aerith withdrew her hand.

"Again? Why does everyone keep calling me—"

"A WHOLE NEW WORLD! A DAZZLING PLACE I NEVER KNEW! BUT WHEN I'M WAY UP HERE--Sorry…" Zack bowed his head.

Take 3

"Mother?" Cloud asked, his eyes closed as Aerith withdrew her hand.

"Again? Why does everyone keep calling me—"

"A WHOLE NEW WORLD! A DAZZLING PLACE I NEVER KNEW! BUT WHEN I'M WAY UP HERE—"

"More like, but when I'm way off-key…" Aerith mumbled.

Zack looked at her. "What was that?"

"Nothing…"

Take 4

"Mother?" Cloud asked, his eyes closed as Aerith withdrew her hand.

"Again? Why does everyone keep calling me—"

"A WHOLE NEW WORLD! A DAZZLING PLACE I NEVER KNEW! BUT WHEN I'M WAAAAAAY--OW!" Zack rubbed his head where Aerith smacked him with Princess Guard. "HEY!"

* * *

**Favorite Quirk: **Zack and Reno saying 'Yo'

-From AC Birthday Bash-

"DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION EXTREME TWO! SWEET!"

"Let's try it out!"

"OK!" But as she ripped open the packaging, she discovered something very wrong. "Th-this isn't DDR! It's Karaoke Revolution!"

"What? Stupid store people…" BlueFox grumbled.

"Well, we can try it out anyway…"

AC popped the game in and started singing. Everyone screamed "AHHH!" and clapped they're hands over their ears. All the windows in the house broke.

"What a piece of shit."

"Yo. Yo yo-yo yoooo yoi yaoi yo," Zack said. (Translation: I want to sing. And this game isn't horrible you're just a horrible singer.) Then he started singing. It sounded so good, all the windows repaired themselves!

"Well, that doesn't defy all the laws of physics," Zell said disbelievingly.

"I will survive! I will sur-vive!" Zack sang, for once not in "yo" speech. A giant disco ball appeared, then fell down on top of Leon.

"I AM NOT OKAY!" Leon yelled, slightly muffled. Then AC's shock collar started going wild…Oh well!

* * *

**Favorite Disc 1 Blooper:**

Scene With Aerith and Cloud in the Flower Place in AC

"You came," Aerith spoke, and the camera panned out to show the two back to back. "Even though you're about to break. Hm?" She placed her hand comfortingly on Cloud's covered arm. "That's a good sign." She paused. "So, why did you come?"

Tetsuya: It's going good…

"I think…I want to be forgiven. M-more than anything."

Camera shows front of Aerith…err…her chest. "By who?"

Before Cloud could turn, off-screen, Reno is heard.

"CLEAVAGE!!"

Tetsuya: Dangit! Cut!

* * *

**Favorite Disc 2 Blooper:**

Vincent's Gun

Vincent reached into his holster to pull out his Death Penalty. Except, what he encountered was something squishy and smelled horrible. Tifa and Cloud looked at him as he pulled out his gloved hand and stared at it.

"I HATE BANANAS!" he roared, before spontaneously turning into Hellmasker. Unable to control himself, he locked onto the next yellow thing he saw: Cloud's hair.

"PERISH!" He started up the chainsaw and chased after Cloud.

"MOMMY!!"

* * *

**Favorite Disc 3 Blooper:**

Scene With Him and Jenova

"I am here. I am here now, Mother. OW!" Sephiroth rubbed his throbbing head as the hanging microphone innocently bounced beside him.

Take 2

"Why? Why did you kill all the townspeople?" Zack demanded.

"THE BRITISH ARE COMING! THE BRITISH ARE COMING!"

"What the—?"

Take 3

"I am OW! Here BEEP now OW GODDAMN MICROPHONE!" Sephiroth reached up and ripped it from the ceiling before chucking at Zack, who hit it like a baseball with the Buster Sword.

HOME RUN!!

(This one was unanimous, I believe. )

* * *

**Favorite Disc 4 Blooper:**

Scene in Crisis Core w/ Genesis Unfurling his Wing

Genesis' wing shot out, a few feathers coming loose and floating down, making it look all cool-like. He glanced back at Zack and grinned.

But then Cloud walked on screen. "Zack, Aerith says you forgot your Buster in her…" He trailed off, staring at Genesis. "Holy Mother of God, what kinda guy wears pink? It's so girly!"

"Yeah it is!" Zack agreed. "LOL!"

"LOL!" Cloud answered, and they high-fived like retarded teenagers…which they kinda were at the time.

* * *

**Favorite Disc Opening:** Disc 1

-Cloud's Villa, Costa del Sol-

Cloud, Sephiroth, Tifa, Aerith, and Vincent were all sitting in Cloud's living room, doing nothing at all.

"I'm bored." (C)

"Me two." (S)

"Me three." (A)

"Me three. Four—whatever." (V)

"Hi bored people! My name's Tifa!"

"Shut up, victim." (S)

"Hey, Aerith's a victim, too!"

Aerith sighed and looked at Tifa. "Really? Oh gosh, I never knew that…"

"Really?" Tifa questioned, brown eyes wide in shock.

"That was sarcasm, Tifa…" Cloud said as he tried to balance a water bottle on his forehead.

Tifa shrugged and started to drink her soda again. Vincent got up and went to the kitchen for no particular reason. Sephiroth knocked over the water bottle on Cloud's forehead out of extreme boredom. Cloud didn't care and pretended he was still balancing the bottle. Aerith was reading a book called "Ending Extreme Boredom for Dummies."

"This book sucks. All it says is to do something. What a piece of shi-"

"We can't _do_ anything since there's nothing we _can _do," Vincent informed the Ancient as he came back and sat on the sofa next to Sephiroth.

DING-DONG

"Saved by the bell!" Tifa said as she ran to the door to answer it.

"I'll get it!" Cloud said as he harshly pushed Tifa to the side. He opened the door. "Oh, it's just the mailman… Wait a minute—ZACK? YOU'RE A…A MAILMAN?"

That caused everyone in the living room to laugh.

"That's right. I'm a mercenary, and I do any job, no matter how little or big, for any amount of gil. Remember?" Zack explained while ruffling Cloud's hair like he used to do in the old days.

"How much stuff do you want him to remember?" Sephiroth said as he unsuccessfully caught a piece of popcorn in his mouth from the air.

"Hey, shut u—SEPH!" Zack yelled and grinned before charging to his best friend.

Vincent sighed. "Just give us the mail…"

"Yeah, I'll read anything but this book…" Aerith said.

Zack smiled at his friends, shrugged, and pulled out a letter and handed it to Aerith.

"Hey, it's from Tetsuya!" Aerith smiled her trademark smile as everyone, including Zack and the injured Tifa, looked at the letter.

"I hope this DVD will bring you guys many laughs and many smiles. We had a great time creating this Pandora's Box of gaming and hope that this DVD will keep those memories in your hearts. Love, Tetsuya," Aerith read.

"When did _he _get so soft? Killing everyone off like that…" Zack mumbled as Sephiroth, Cloud, and Vincent shrugged.

"What's the DVD label read?" Tifa asked.

Aerith took out the covered DVD and everyone looked at the label.

"Final Fantasy Seven," read Cloud.

"Advent Children," read Sephiroth.

"Crisis Core," read Zack.

Aerith, Tifa, and Vincent together read the last part.

The forbidden word…

The eight letters that will bring chaos to Gaia…

"Bloopers," Vincent and Aerith correctly said, whereas Tifa pronounced it "Blopers".

Everyone looked at each other and said, "Oh hell no." Even Aerith!!

Everyone in the living room froze, and Aerith dropped the DVD to the floor.

Vincent shrugged. "Let's watch," he said.

Everyone shot a glare at the gunman, but then he asked, "Do you have anything else better to do?" He raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms, waiting for an answer.

Sephiroth sighed. "He's got a point. Unfortunately…"

Tifa then said, "Let's watch it! Tetsuya never said we'd get mad."

Aerith sighed. "Yet another point—"

"Too late! It's starting," Cloud said as he high-fived Zack.

"NOOOOOOOO!" the others yelled.

* * *

**Fav OC: **Elybeth

Let's see how Cloud, Tifa, and Black Samurai are faring—

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Tifa!" Elybeth called, running over, trying not to glare and to appear sweet. "Are those boobs real?"

"What the- Yes, yes they are!"

"No they aren't, cause when Loz picked you up by your vest in AC, you didn't have boobs!"

That is true. Very very true.

"They are too real!" Tifa stomped up to Elybeth.

"Eww! Tifa, get your fake silicon boobs out of my way!" Elybeth squealed.

"They're real!"

"Are not!"

"Are too!"

"Are not!"

"Are too!"

"WHERE THE HELL'S CLOUD?" Black Samurai rudely cut in.

The blond ex-SOLDIER was long gone, thanks to Milani and Seifer.

(This was unanimous, too. )

* * *

**Favorite Non-Blooper Chapter:** AC Birthday Bash

-Near the End-

"Man, I have to go to the bathroom," Genesis said.

"Well then, GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE!" Leon yelled.

"Don't open presents without me!" he called over his shoulder as he ran down the hall.

No one noticed when AC disappeared into the kitchen…

"You know, I can't believe Seph didn't think I'd do this when he gave it to me…" AC muttered to herself. She took her Hello Kitty Waffle iron, inserted the head of her Genesis voodoo doll, pressed down and turned it on. "Hehe…"

Five minutes later:

Genesis (finally) emerged from the bathroom, and said, "I hope Armageddon didn't open any presents without me…" Then he noticed everyone was staring at him. "What?"

"Your…head…HAHAHAHAHA!" For his head was now in a clear 'Hello Kitty' shape.

"ACK! BEEEEEEEEEP!" he screamed, feeling his head.

"Whoa…These things actually work!" AC exclaimed, staring at her voodoo doll.

"YO!" Zack said. (translation: Duh!)

(This was unanimous, too XD)

* * *

**Favorite Audience: **Cloud, Sephiroth, Tifa, Aerith, Vincent and Zack

-IN VILLA-

Zack buries his face as Aerith tries to soothe him. Some scene, eh? "And…and the worst part is—THEY NEVER GAVE ME THE QUARTER!"

Tifa and Sephiroth smile sheepishly as Aerith glares at them.

"I couldn't give it to him," Tifa said. "It was just so… so shiny."

* * *

**Favorite Top Ten Countdown: **Hey, Zacky, He's So Fine…

Number 1 Zack Blooper: Scene With Genesis on Junon Canon

"Your desire, the Goddess's Gift shall foster a life. Your story shall be told, your sacrifice and the world's end. Like the wind that blows over the secret water surface, gently and certainl-AAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Zack had crept up behind him and shoved him down into the water.

drakan101 and BlueFox ran on screen, shoving Zack into the water, both screaming, "NOOOO! GENNY!"

Take 2

"Your desire, the Goddess's Gift shall foster a life. Your story shall be told, your sacrifice and the world's end. Like the wind that blows over the secret water surface, gently and certainly." After a few seconds, he turned to leave, only to come face to face with Zack. "AUGH! Zack, what the hell?"

"Just wondering what you were doing up here, that's all." Then Zack smiled. "What're you afraid of?"

Genesis raised an eyebrow. "Nothing, actually." Zack poked him then pushed down at the water, then at the gagged and tied drakan101 and BlueFox off-screen.

"They can't help you, so you might want to tell me."

So, Genesis did the best thing he could do: he lied. "Uh…your spikey hair?"

Zack's eyes flared. "Well, at least I don't wear pink!"

Genesis gasped. "I'm hurt!"

Tetsuya: CUT!

* * *

**Best Caught! Moment:** Tseng, Aerith, and Zack

Victims Twelve, Thirteen, and Fourteen: Zack, Aerith, and Tseng  
(Idea thought up by Sora67)

Suddenly, Reno dodged around the corner just as Zack made to leave. "Well, guys, I've gotta go and help Aerith and Tseng get the food ready for the 21st Final Fantasy birthday celebration thing."

"You have fun," Red parted.

Reno turned the camera to himself. "Little does Tetsuya know that Zack and Tseng both suck at cooking, and Aerith is PMSing badly. Ooh, let's follow Zack and see what mayhem unfolds!" He snickered and followed Zack, who eventually met up with Tseng and Aerith, and they departed for the second floor kitchen.

"Where's that stupid recipe book?" Aerith shouted, banging pots and pans onto the counter. She had suddenly been struck with a rather painful attack of cramps, which had made her bad mood worsen.

"I have it," Tseng sighed, waving it in the air for her to see.

"Well, hand it over then!" she snapped. Tseng did so.

"Now what the heck are we supposed to cook…?" Aerith muttered, thumbing through the pages.

"We should make some pie," Zack said, opening up the bag of flour and sniffing it suspiciously. He was unusually paranoid that day—we personally believe it had something to do with how evil Aerith was being to him. Go figure.

"What?" Tseng asked, his nose scrunching as if he just smelled something bad. "Hell no! Pie sucks! We'll make cake."

"Cake is crap! We're making pie!" snapped Zack.

"Cake!"

"Pie!"

"Cake!"

"Pie!"

"CAKE!"

"PIE!"

"CAKE, DAMMIT!"

Suddenly, both men turned to Aerith. They both smiled, their features pleasant; Aerith gulped.

"Aerith," Zack said, his voice smooth and velvety, causing the brunette to nearly visibly melt into a puddle of hormonal goo, "you're a smart woman—don't you think we should make some delicious pie instead of nasty, fattening cake? You like pie, don't you?"

"Of course she doesn't," Tseng said quickly before Aerith could answer. "Pie is filled with nothing but disgusting preservatives and nasty, crusty bread. It cannot possibly compare to the wonderful moistness of a well-prepared cake. Don't you agree, Aerith?" His voice became dangerously soft at the last bit.

Aerith broke out into sweat. 'Oh, such tough, tough choices,' Reno mouthed to the camera. 'On one hand, she had Zack, who is the sole reason she decides to come to work everyday. But on the other hand, she had Tseng, who was the most powerful of all the Turks (next to me of course). If she angered him by saying that pie was better, she might as well go out and dig her grave. But if she said that cake was better, she might as well kiss any chance of being with Zack again good-bye. Either way, it was a lose-lose situation.' He smirked and turned the camera to the trio.

Without any answer from the young flower girl, the two men turned to each other and began screaming again:

"CAKE!"

"PIE!"

"CAKE, YOU PANSY!"

"PIE, YOU EGOTISTICAL HAIRY APE!"

"CAKE!"

"PIE!"

"CAKE!"

"PIE!"

Over in the corner, Aerith sighed. When she had been asked her opinion, she did the only thing she thought would be possible—she kept her mouth shut. Fortunately, this worked. The two men had quickly lost patience and went back to their screaming match, which Aerith was extremely grateful of. She just hoped that they wouldn't call on her again—

"You know Aerith, you never answered our question."

Aerith let out a high-pitched squeak at the sound of Zack's voice. She stared at the two nobodies with wide, frightened eyes. "W-what?"

"You didn't answer our question," Tseng hissed scarily; his already narrow eyes were narrowed into almost slits. "Which do you think we should make? Wonderful, delicious cake—"

"—Or tasty, delectable pie?" Zack finished for the other man while they exchanged death glares.

Aerith wanted to cry. For the first time in her life, she wanted to just sit down and cry. And she blamed it all on her damn period. But just as suddenly as the feeling came, it vanished—and was immediately replaced with blind rage. 'That's mood swings for ya, yo,' Reno whispered off-screen.

"HOW DARE YOU!"

The two males blinked at the flower girl, stunned. Aerith stood before them, legs spread out sturdily, hands balled into fists on either side of her, and a murderous look on her face. Zack and Tseng did the only thing there was left to do—they cowered.

'And do you know why?' Reno whispered. 'I'll tell you:

"HOW DARE YOU PUT ALL THIS PRESSURE ON ME? DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH? THE LINING OF MY UTERUS IS GUSHING OUT OF MY VAGINA! THERE'S BLOOD EVERYWHERE! MY TITS ARE SORE! I'M RIDING ON AN EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER! AND ALL YOU TWO IDIOTS CARE ABOUT IS _**YOUR STUPID PIE AND CAKE!"**_

The two men whimpered in fear.

"I'M CRAMPING AND I ACHE IN PLACES THAT I DIDN'T KNOW EXISTED! MY SKIN IS BREAKING OUT IN PATCHES! I'M TEN TIMES HORNIER THAN USUAL AND I** _WANT SOME CHOCOLATE RIGHT NOW GODDAMMIT!"_**

The enraged woman stood over the two men (who were now lying on the floor, huddling together in terror), breathing heavily, flushed an angry red hue. She was also sniffing heavily while desperately trying to stop the tears that were threatening to fall from her eyes. Dammit she didn't cry, not even during her period!

"Um, Aerith?" Zack spoke timidly, terrified that if he said the wrong thing, he would set her off again. "How about… how about we just make both cake _and _pie? And maybe make you some chocolate brownies…? Would you like that?"

Aerith sniffled and looked down at Zack with watery eyes and the anger slowly drained out of her body. "R-really? You mean it? Brownies?" She looked extremely hopeful.

"Of course," Zack said quickly, plastering a soothing smile onto his face. "Double fudge brownies with chocolate chips! And chocolate cake too!" (He didn't notice that Tseng brightened at this—the Wutainese man did have a strong passion for chocolate cake.)

Aerith sniffed again and gave the two men a watery smile. "Okay, then—let's go to the other kitchen and see what we can scrounge up!"

In the other Kitchen…

"OH MY GOD! IT MOVED! IT'S STILL ALIVE!"

"KILL IT! KILL IT!"

"EEEEEK! I JUST TOUCHED IT!"

"ARGH! GET IT OFF!

"HOLD STILL DAMMIT! I CAN'T SMACK IT IF YOU DON'T HOLD STILL!"

"OH DEAR LORD IN HEAVEN IT JUST BIT HER!"

"OKAY HOLD STILL—"

"OW GODDAMMIT!"

"I TOLD YOU TO HOLD STILL! AT LEAST IT'S OFF NOW—"

"AHHHHHHHHH! IT'S HEADING STRAIGHT TOWARDS ME!"

"I GOT IT—"

"NO YOU DON'T, YOU'LL JUST HIT HIM INSTEAD!"

(I'm surprised it wasn't Genesis!)

* * *

**Best Montage: **Simple & Clean

_Simple and Clean  
PlanitB Remix  
By Utada Hikaru_

"I'm not made of Phoenix Downs!" In the background, a certain silver haired General ran off, grinning at his sword covered in blood.

_You're giving me too many things  
Lately you're all I need  
You smiled at me and said,_

"…Sephiroth said to me…………head past the OH! WHO WANTS A BANANA!"

_Don't get me wrong I love you  
But does that mean I have to meet your father?  
When we are older you'll understand  
What I meant when I said "No,  
I don't think life is quite that simple"_

The enemy exploded and he was thrown into the air. Next thing he knew, he hit the floor head first before falling down to the Slums below.

_When you walk away  
You don't hear me say please  
Oh baby, don't go  
Simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight  
It's hard to let it go_

"Augh!" Reno screamed. "It's Sephiroth! Rufus! Skip this part!"

"Can't skip…can…only…cringe at…corny…dialogue…"

_The daily things that keep us all busy  
Are confusing me  
That's when you came to me and said,_

"Ether, NOW!"

"I'm not made of Ethers! … Well, then again, I am, cause of the Lifestream and all… hey, Vincent! Guess what? I AM made out of Ethers!! … Vincent?" Vincent's claw was all you could see out of the huge snake's jaws. "Oh…"

_Wish I could prove I love you  
But does that mean I have to walk on water?  
When we are older you'll understand  
It's enough when I say so  
And maybe some things are that simple_

Bubbles floated up from the serene water outside the city. The party turned, looked, smelled, and splashed into the waters, out dead cold.

_Hold me  
Whatever lies beyond this morning  
Is a little later on  
Regardless of warnings the future doesn't scare me at all  
Nothing's like before_

He was pulled onto his chest as his heart beat its last. And then, he said, "Kiss me, Cloud. Kiss me."

Everyone: O.O

_Hold me  
Whatever lies beyond this morning  
Is a little later on  
Regardless of warnings the future doesn't scare me at all  
Nothing's like before_

"OH MY GAWD THAT THING IS HUGE!!"

Suddenly, an even larger shark came out of nowhere, and killed the hulking monster.

AVALANCHE: O.O

Tetsuya: O.O I'm scared… Uh I-I mean Cut.

* * *

**Best Interview: **Sephiroth

Tetsuya: What is your name?

"Sephiroth."

Tetsuya: Who are you trying out for?

"The General."

Tetsuya: How old are you?

Sephiroth's brow furrowed. "Let's see…if I was 32 in Final Fantasy VII, so you subtract 5 years…27?"

Tetsuya: Do you have a girlfriend?

Sephiroth glanced over quickly at Aerith. "Kinda sorta maybe?" He looked back at Tetsuya, who was giving him the 'arched brow'. "What?"

Tetsuya: Only in a million other fics… Moving on…What is your favorite food?

"Anything but Bleu Cheese filled Spaghetti noodles." He shuddered and turned slightly green.

"WHAT?" Jenova's voice boomed out around them. "YOU SAID YOU LOVED THAT, SON!"

"You aren't my mother, Mother!" Sephiroth argued. Everyone cowered in fear. After the argument, they continued.

Tetsuya: What was your most embarrassing moment?

Sephiroth was quiet for a moment before he spoke. "I don't have embarrassing moment because I'm Sephiroth!" All around them, everyone coughed.

Tetsuya: What is your biggest fear?

Sephiroth's eyes went wide. "FIRE! I-I mean, uh…"

Suddenly, there is a flash of blue and yellow as Cloud tackled him. "You're afraid of fire?" he demanded, blue eyes flashing angrily. "FIRE?! If you're so afraid of it, WHY pray tell, did you BURN DOWN my HOME?!"

"I didn't set fire to it! That was Axel! Then I was forced to walk in it!"

"You lie! And why didn't your hair ever get burnt?"

"I DON'T KNOW!"

Tetsuya: (growling as he turns in his seat) For the last time, Axel, NO YOU CANNOT BE SEPHIROTH!

Axel runs off to the KH set, crying as Sephiroth manages to get Cloud off him.

Tetsuya: Do you have a best friend?

Sephiroth sat back in his chair, dusting himself off. "Yeah. Zack, I guess…"

Tetsuya: What is the funniest thing you've ever seen?

"When Cloud started mumbling like a retard!" Sephiroth starts to crack up. "Hey, it was funny for me!"

Tetsuya: Who is your favorite Final Fantasy VII character other than you and why?

"Huh…I really don't have one…"

Tetsuya: What is your favorite TV station? Like Nick, Cartoon Network, Disney Channel, etc…

"I like the Sephiroth channel! ALL SEPH ALL THE TIME! Disney Channel? Is that how the fan girls track me?"

* * *

**Best Prank:** Cloud Strife, Final Fantasy VII Saga

Victim Two: Cloud Strife, Final Fantasy VII Saga

The Three Z's laughed hysterically over at the beach as they replayed the scene of horror. "Awesome job, Zidane!" Zell praised, clapping the Genome on his back as he smiled widely, tail lashing back and forth in excitement.

"How will I top that?" Zack wondered, tapping his chin thoughtfully, before snapping his fingers. "AHA! Cloud and Seph should be sparring soon…" He snatched the camera from Zidane. "Meet me at Shinra Training Grounds!" he called, waving over his shoulder, leaving the other two to catch their breath in their own time before following.

**Cloud POV**

Cloud looked down curiously at the scratched and heavily cracked Buster Sword Zack had given him to spar against Sephiroth with. Why couldn't he use First Tsurugi? With the force of the blows the two exchanged, Buster was sure to shatter into teeny-weeny pieces.

"Aww, no it won't!" Zack had assured him, a lot more giddy and bouncy than usual. He ruffled Cloud's hair affectionately, before turning and walking off. But at the last second, he had turned around, a serious look on his face. "However…if I DON'T get it back in one piece…well, let's just say you don't want to." Then he smiled again, waved, and turned the corner, leaving a stunned and actually fearful Cloud behind.

"Cloud, snap out of it," Sephiroth told him harshly, swinging Masamune in a large arc, leaving Cloud with no chance but to duck, the thin blade chopping off a few strands of hair. Sephiroth swung in and kicked Cloud harshly in his gut, causing the blond to stumble back in surprise.

The entire battle, Cloud had been petrified to use Buster against Masamune, but when Sephiroth sparred, he went in for the kill. So, as he raised Masamune up to the still recovering blond, Cloud acted on instinct.

He raised Buster up to block…

…only to have the blades clash and Buster shatter into millions of pieces.

Pure silence reigned on the Training Grounds, not even a bird twittered.

Reality sunk in.

"HOLY SHIT!" Cloud shrieked, his hands flying to his wild hair as he stared at the sparkly miniscule Buster pieces littered all over the area. Even Sephiroth seemed a bit surprised. "ZACK'S GONNA KILL ME!"

He dove to the ground, trying to pick up the small pieces of Buster, but right then, it was as if someone had cast Aeroga and blew all of them away. Cloud screamed and followed the wind as Sephiroth merely watched him, before turning his eyes up to the roof of the Shinra Building, where sure enough, Zack and his friends Zidane and Zell were, doubled over laughing.

Beside Zack was the real Buster Sword.

* * *

**What's Next?** Almost unanimously, it was Ways to Annoy the Casts of 7, then FFVII: Death Note Style, then Ask Zack. Ask Zack and Death Note were tied, I'll be working on them separate from WTATC7. Okay, the first person to be annoyed is gonna be Cloud, so send in your ways to annoy Cloud as a review to this chapter, mmkay?

It was great working with you guys, I'm so happy! Now, to thank all of my reviewers!

**Ephemeral Existence:**

Hope you enjoy reading the rest! I'm still happy that I'm the only 'T' rated fic you've favorited!

**TheMagicalTapeworm:**

You disappeared! (looks around) Where'd you go? Oh well, thanks for your reviews!

**obliven1993:**

Thanks! I love making you guys laugh!

**Emilee-san.:**

You disappeared, too! Oh, actually, I think you were one of those 'only review once' reviewers. ...Eh. Every review counts! Thank you!

**Omegalus:**

APOLOGIES! I gave One-Winged-Chaos credit for your four Aerith ideas. My mistake, I should've gone back and looked. Thanks for the ideas, even if I never used them! -.-;;

**SilverKnight:**

Thank you!

**Final Hikari:**

You had an OC, right? Forgot the name, I screwed so many of them up... Or were you in there at all? -.-;; Thank you for your reviews!

**Renolvr:**

I need to go finish Scream, don't I? Heh heh. Thanks!

**Warrayfinson:**

The one and only, as she puts it. Yep, AND she was the 100th reviewer! Give her a round of applause! I'll write a oneshot dedicated to her soon! Or a fanfic for her favorite pairing, no matter how cracky it is!

**ChefSelecta:**

You review most of my stories at least once...I'M SO HAPPY! It's good to know you like my fics, though I'm sorry I never did the Cloud cross-dressing blooper... -.-;; Thanks!

**XxXRibbinzXnXChainzXxX:**

GASPETH! EMO! Nah, just joking. Just whenever I see so many Xx's in a screenname, I think 'emo!' because I took a quiz about being emo and it asked about that. Hee. Thank you for the Winnie the Pooh idea!

**HauntedAngel13:**

It's funny how I don't remember half of these people, and you're one of them. Heh heh... Thank you, anyway!

**labyrinth traveler:**

Hello! Thank you!

**satsuki bun:**

Love the name. Thank you!

**crystalfeathers:**

Dang, can't make the sign... (smile) to you, too!

**Lady Eden Death:**

Thank you!

**Kaarina Helvete:**

Hope you enjoy the rest of them! Welcome!

**Fantasy Seven****: **

I think you forgot 'Final'... XP Thank you!

**the Jokers Queen:**

I'm happy I made you laugh! Rereading these makes me laugh pretty hard! Thank you!

**Hallows07:**

One of the many anonymous...es. Thank you anyway!

**xXxbrokenxXx:**

Okay, your screenname DOES sound emo. I don't mean that in a condescending way, either! Thank you!

**Fork in the Road:**

Hope you liked my portrayal of Emma. Sorry if you don't. I told you I altered some characters, right? Thanks for guessing the Montage and reviewing!

**Mad Jenny Flint:**

Thank you!

**The Silent Hero:**

I love your screenname (that you took from Lexaeus of Organization XIII, I believe) and your fics! I still wish Final Parody X hadn't been taken off, I was laughing so hard... I'm glad you enjoyed this fic...a lot.

**Nierx:**

Odd name, but cool at the same time. Thank you!

**zzzombiefayce:**

I've never thought about spelling 'face' like that. Cool! Thank you!

**LastTrojanNight:**

(smiles) Thank you!

**drakan101:**

The 50th reviewer! I dedicated the first ever Yunesis (Yuna/Genesis) fanfic to her! Go check it out! Sorry the OOCness scared you... Heh. Thank you!

**xXBlack.Friday.Vampire.Xx:**

Your name reminds me of Vincent...that's a goodish thing! Sometimes I don't like him... Thank you!

**SunflowerWielder:**

(joins in throwing books at Zidane) That was fun. Thank you!

**Li-Bai - Opus 3 No. 2:**

At first your name sounded like something someone would name a robot...then I went back to Symphony class and it kind of clicked. Hee hee, music joke-ish thing! Thank you! Hope you enjoyed your kiss (wink)

**One-Winged-Chaos:**

All right, all right, I've decided, I'll do Kingdom hearts Bloopers...but give me a while to get it up. Now stop staring at me with puppy dog eyes. Thank you!

**Mega Mario:**

Hope you liked how I protrayed Rob. Thank you!

**Lepa2793:**

Thanks for some great ideas!

**Twilight's Blade:**

My friend thinks your name is cool. So do I. Thank you!

**DraeTheRaven:**

Thank you!

**ChocoboHead:**

Sorry I had to make it end. I was out of ideas... Sorry, and thank you!

**BlackFlamedKitsune2000:**

Does kitsune mean anything? I've seen it in a lot of places. Thank you!

**PHOENIXFLAMEIFRITffvii:**

It took me forever to get what your screenname was saying, or rather, to pick out 'Ifrit.' Makes sense now. -.-;; Thank you!

**William:**

Sorry you weren't in here. Would've made an interesting character, though.

**dagger94:**

Dagger's one of my favorite characters, even though she looks like Tifa till she cuts her hair. Hee. Thank you! Oh, and can I use the name Elybeth in another fic? I'll give you credit!

**SaiyukiGallie:**

I completely forgot you came up with Lyana. Heh heh. Did you like her portrayal? I tried! Thank you!

**Black Samurai:**

(shuffles feet on ground, head bent) I did not realize until I reread one of your reviews that you were a guy. Holy crap, i so screwed up your character of Black Samurai and made him a girl. O.O Hope you can forgive me... And thanks for reviewing.

**Mon937:**

Thank you!

**Windfred Todd Sledge Jr:**

Are you British or something? Odd name... I can just see teacups and pinky fingers poking out, heh heh. Thank you!

**LegendaryMasamuneBlade:**

I hope you get the chance to read the rest. Thanks!

* * *

Okay, I think that's it. Ahhhhhh, nostalgia... (sighs) Okay...this is it. Thanks to everyone else who did not review, but read and Favorited/Alerted it! Okay, here are the final stats of this fic, not including this chapter:

**Words:** 98,292

**Chapters: **20

**Reviews:** 143

**Hits: **10,292 (98,292 words, eh? How'd that happen?)

**C2s: **None

**Favs: **47

**Alerts: **32

So successful...Wonder how WTATC7 is gonna be. Remember, Cloud's first, so send in your reviews!

Boldy going nowhere,  
BlueFox

Cloud POV

Hold me  
Whatever lies beyond this morning  
Is a little later on  
Regardless of warnings the future doesn't scare me at all  
Nothing's like before

Hold me  
Whatever lies beyond this morning  
Is a little later on  
Regardless of warnings the future doesn't scare me at all  
Nothing's like before

Wish I could prove I love you  
But does that mean I have to walk on water?  
When we are older you'll understand  
It's enough when I say so  
And maybe some things are that simple

The daily things that keep us all busy  
Are confusing me  
That's when you came to me and said,

When you walk away  
You don't hear me say please  
Oh baby, don't go  
Simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight  
It's hard to let it go

You're giving me too many things  
Lately you're all I need  
You smiled at me and said,

Best Montage:

Simple and Clean  
PlanitB Remix  
By Utada Hikaru

**BECAUSE THIS IS THE PART WHERE AERITH COMPLETELY SNAPS.'**

3:45—Same Afternoon

Group Three

Favorite Disc 1 Blooper:

SQUISH IT! SQUISHITSQUISHITSQUISHITSQUISHIT—"

**SMACK!**

"IT'S—IT'S DRINKING HER BLOOD!"

"SWEET MOTHER OF JESUS, GET IT OFF! IT'S SUCKING MY WILL TO LIVE!"

"HANG ON AERITH! HANG IN THERE—"

"DAMMIT, ZACK, THIS IS NO TIME TO GRAB MY ASS—GET THIS ABOMINATION OFF OF ME! IT'S SUCKING MY BLOOD! I CAN SEE MY LIFE FLASHING BEFORE MY EYES!"

"GETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFF!"

Thunk


End file.
